Going Inside
©2016 Scott D. Wilson
"Real change is an inside job." —Scott D. Wilson (based on a S. Boorstein quote)
When we first set out towards a goal with the intention to succeed we tend to focus on all the physical actions that are required. Changes need to be made. We plot out all the steps and plan for as many variables as we can envision. We paint a vivid picture in our minds of what the process and the endpoint will look like. We embark upon our noble journey with energy and motivation. What we rarely realize is that the greatest threats are not external. We are often our own worst enemies and we soon realize that the changes that needed to happen were not external but internal.
When starting the changes that are required for success we seem to neglect the most important things: our mind, our emotions and our spirit. These are where the real and lasting changes need to be made and sustained. Don't get me wrong. We cannot just think and hope and dream our way to success. Actions are needed. I am merely saying that most of those actions will ultimately fail if we do not do also do the work inside.
We can imagine becoming a writer or a successful businessman and we can draw out five year plans and strategies. These will all be fruitless efforts if we do not take an honest inventory of ourselves and candidly assess our strengths and weaknesses. While we plan to change our daily routines and habits we often fail to understand how these changes will trigger us emotionally or mentally. Part of putting our plans in motion needs to be a better understand of the changes that we need to make to our thinking and our point of view.
I get it. Changing outside is easy. It's just like getting a new hairstyle or a new set of clothes. Inside we are sticky mess of thoughts, experience and emotions. There is pain mixed with joy, love mixed with fear, and good memories mixed with nightmares. Here there be dragons. There is no easy guide to our hearts and minds. It is not a fun job to muck about in there and sort things out. Unfortunately, if we are truly serious bout change and ultimately about success then that is exactly where we need to go... right into the heart of the dragon.
Real change is not for the faint of heart. If you want to change your habits and start new behaviours then you are going to have to address the motives and emotions that will drive those changes. You will need to sit with the saboteur ideas and the back-stabbing emotions that will derail your good intentions. You will need to accept that you can at times be cowardly, selfish, impatient, vain, vicious, mean, deceitful and much worse. You are human. We all are. The trick will be not labelling yourselves with these characteristics that you discover. Having fear and sometimes acting cowardly does not make you a coward. What you ultimately choose to do with these emotions, thoughts and habits is what will ultimately define you.
Acknowledging and identifying problem is the first step in correcting it. The next step is going inside and determining why. You may have some painful memories or some ongoing issues with friends and family. You may have some long-held defensive patterns from childhood that are now self-destructive. The reasons for your poor choices and unsuccessful behaviours are as vast and unique as your own personalities. You alone can seek and find the answers, BUT you do not need to be alone in that search.
Reach out to others. There are close friends and family that can help and support you. Find others who are also similarly trying to overcome their troubles and share your stories and experience. Be brave and ask for help. Only the truly strong can admit when are unable to go it alone and require assistance. We live in societies and communities. We depend on others one way or another. There is no shame or weakness in asking for help. I guarantee you that there are others out there who have overcome similar personal demons.
I am here to encourage you to take this time to work on yourselves. I am telling you that this inward journey is so very important if you are truly serious about changing your lives. I want you all to succeed and this is a key to success. I know that what I am asking is not easy to do. I hope that you all can see the value of this exercise in helping you to reach your goals and achieve your dreams.
As scary as it may seem, make an appointment to sit with yourselves and ask the difficult questions. There is an actual exercise that helps some people whereby they place an empty chair across from themselves and envision themselves sitting in it. At that time they ask their imaginary selves all the hard questions like “Why did you make us fat?” or “Why didn’t you try harder?” Then they openly accept the emotional and raw answers that emerge. They do not judge their own answers. They just love and accept themselves. They treat the imaginary version of themselves as a vulnerable child.
The reality is that you are your greatest asset. You will pass through this world with one heart, one mind and one body. Take care of your assets, all of them! If you want to succeed don’t just pay attention to the outside. Face your fears. Be brave! Get in there and start healing the thoughts and feelings that need to be changed so that you are successful inside and out!
P.S. For more thoughts and tips on self-improvement you can also see something that I wrote here:
Cheers!
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