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Thursday 28 July 2016

A Winning (and Thinning) Attitude

A Winning (and Thinning) Attitude

By Scott D. Wilson
 
“Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.” –Zig Ziglar

 
I should preface this post with some background.  I have been a moderator Lose It (www.loseit.com) for close to two years now. I have seen many faces come and go. I have seen success stories and I have seen tales of defeat. Suffice it to say I am becoming more and more experienced in understanding what makes for success and failure in weight loss. This of course ties to my passion about success and all the factors that contribute towards it.  So allow me use my experience at Lose It to share a key observation about success.
There are a lot of factors and criteria surrounding success. There is however one condition that I have seen time and time again that factors highly in both success and failure. That one condition is attitude. I will say up front that good attitude may not guarantee success but a lacklustre attitude is almost assured failure. On websites, like Lose It, words are the thermometer of our attitude.
The deadly words I see people using every day are these “trying”, “hope”, “want”, “wish” and “but”. The first four words all lack real commitment. The minute we say “I am trying, hoping, wanting, wishing…” we leave room for doubt and failure. Mentally we are not committing. We are hedging our bets. We are playing it safe. Commitment risks failure, and we do not want to risk failing. When our attitude is committed the deadly failing words leave our vocabulary and are replaced with the words “am”, “will”, “intend”, “have” and “shall.” These words stem from self-assurance and commitment.
Some will likely object to my last word, “but.” However, I assert that the use of the word “but” is very important. Most of the time when we use “but” we completely invalidate what we said beforehand. We are using “but” as a safe way out. Example: “I am working at losing weight but it just seems too hard.” All that is really heard and meant is the statement after the “but.” I have a suggestion. Try this little experiment: catch yourself saying or writing “but” and replace it with “and” instead. So my example becomes “I am working at losing weight and it just seems too hard.” This sentence owns everything. The two thoughts are joined, no longer dismissing the first with the second. By taking away the “but” we are no longer using it to make excuses.
Another deadly attitude indicator for me is what I refer to as ‘victim talk.’ Victim talk is characterized by a ‘woe is me’ attitude and a failure to take responsibility for one’s actions and their ensuing results. The victim is never at fault. The problem always rests with friends, families, colleagues, the environment, willpower, motivation, genetics, medications, hormones, age, upbringing… you name it. It never has anything to do with the victim’s own actions or inactions. The world is just giving them a bum deal. They ‘try’ but they just never seem to win. On Lose It ‘victim talk’ is full of elaborate explanations and heartfelt justifications for why the person cannot log, exercise or stay on budget. Victim talk always justifies staying the same. Change is always too hard.
Yes, we all have bad days. Yes, our attitude can suck at times. Yes, our motivation can fail us. Yes, we all can feel victimized sometimes. I completely get that fact. However, the longer we linger in these states the lower our chances for success become. The people I see succeeding shed victimhood and weak language quickly, sort of the way a dog shakes itself dry. They have created habits that support positive motivations, and they have motivations that are backed by reasons that they can defend rationally and emotionally.
At this stage, some may be asking how one can change one’s attitude. I know of at least two ways to do this. The first and most significant way involves our use of words, our verbal language. Like the mom with her ‘swearing jar’ we can successfully alter the words that we choose to use. We can recognize the impact of the words that we are using and we can opt to use better words accordingly.
Our thoughts and feelings influence our speech, but most do not realize that our speech can likewise impact our thinking and emotions. Words like Nazi, holocaust, extermination and genocide evoke powerful thoughts and feelings. When we use these words they produce emotions in us and in others. This is neither good nor bad but it is important to understand. The same holds true with the words we use about health and fitness.
When we use positive words about our health and well-being then we evoke positive emotions for ourselves. Words like strength, power, goals, fitness, health, wellness, activity, play and endurance create positive thoughts and feelings. In contrast, words like fat, lazy, exhausting, weight loss, diet, exercise and workout have some negative mental baggage and emotions associated with them. Fat, weight loss and diet all provoke in us negative images of deprivation and hunger. Exercise, exhaustion, lazy and workout arouse thoughts of toil, straining and unrewarding pain. There is a world of difference between the mind that is toiling to lose weight and the mind that is striving for fitness, health and wellness.
My second suggestion to improve attitude is similar to my first one. My second suggestion is to change our body language. Again, our body language can stem from our emotions but we also need to realize that our body language can in turn have a significant effect on our feelings. Here is an example that I have tried. Before you need to speak to others stand for five minutes with your arms akimbo, palms down. This is also referred to as the ‘Wonder Woman” pose. I guarantee that you will begin to feel more confident. Several studies have shown that it works, and here is why.
Our limbic system is an unconscious structure involving the brain that controls how we physically express ourselves. When we are sad our limbic system slumps our shoulders, induces frowning and even alters our breathing and heart rate. Our limbic responses are why lie detectors work to some extent. What is interesting is that we can also use our limbic systems to work in our favour.
When we feel confident we often naturally stand in confident poses, like arms akimbo. The reverse can also be exploited; if we are a bit insecure and we stand for a prolonged time in a confident pose then we begin to feel more confident. We are tricking the limbic system into believing that we are confident and it responds by affecting unconscious reactions like our breathing and muscle relaxation. These in turn affect our emotions and our attitude.
We have all seen this same principle in action with speakers who square their shoulders and straighten their posture as they mount to the podium. They are mentally and physically preparing themselves for confidence. This same principle is used in martial arts through repetitive katas, forms and routines that induce a relaxed state in preparation for a calmer reaction when conflict arises. Even in society we use things like suits and uniforms to instill a natural sense of authority and respect. Donning a uniform often changes our demeanor and attitude.
My overall point is that we can become aware of our body language in the same way that we can become aware of our verbal language. Awareness can be used to make constructive changes to our languages and thereby improve our attitude and our odds for success. We have the ability to affect our attitude by consciously making certain choices. If we change our use of words we can literally change our minds, our way of thinking and our emotional responses. Likewise, if we choose to routinely alter our body language we can affect our feelings and attitude. We can give a boost to our self-confidence.
Confidence is the last area that I want to address in improving our attitude. When we achieve something we grow in confidence. Failure likewise erodes our confidence. Problems arise when failures deplete our confidence to the point where we seek self-assurance before we are willing to even make any attempt. This is like sitting in front of a stove demanding “Give me heat and I will give you fuel!” It doesn’t work that way. We need to start to take some risks in order to make some achievements that will generate further confidence. We need to offer some small belief in ourselves and risk both success and failure. Build upon small successes. Learn from failures and use them to generate new attempts at success.
We can become aware of our words and our language both physical and verbal. We can make choices to change and improve these things and in so doing better our outlook and enhance our confidence. Consequently, we greater our probability for success. Take a look at what you can do today with your attitude in order to better reach your goals. Consider what changes you can make and what actions you can take to help you develop a winning or ‘thinning’ attitude!
 
©2016 S.D.Wilson

Sunday 17 July 2016

Finding You Ikigai

Finding Your Ikigai
By Scott D. Wilson

Have you ever struggled to stay motivated towards a given goal?  Whether it was sticking to a financial budget, striving to keep a fitness goal or some other beneficial discipline, you just couldn’t seem to muster what you needed to keep your focus.  You are far from alone.  What if I were to suggest that you are only seeing a symptom of your trouble?  Perhaps there is another element missing from your life that would help to put your goals on track.  Perhaps you need to find your ikigai.

When it comes to health, well-being and longevity the world seems to worship at the feet of Okinawa, Japan.  Their lifestyles have been exhaustively studied.  Many diets and supplements have been created from their way of eating.  Their martial arts and meditation practices have been taught and spread around the word.  Although these are all noble efforts it is the more recent focus on the people’s philosophy and thinking that has caught my attention.

You see, in Okinawa there is not real concept for retirement.  People are simply expected to remain engaged in life throughout their entire lifespan.  Oh for sure, people slow down and they may even change occupation but their life experience is constantly being applied in gainful ways.  Central to this way of life is the concept of ‘ikigai’ (生き甲斐, pronounced icky-guy).  The term ikigai is composed of two Japanese words: iki (生き?), referring to life, and kai (甲斐?), which roughly means "the realisation of what one expects and hopes for".  In short, it is "a reason to get up in the morning" or a reason to enjoy life.  Everyone, according to the Japanese, has an ikigai.

There is a TED Talk by Dan Buettner who suggested ikigai as one of the primary reasons for the longevity of Okinawans, and he may be onto something.  For finding one’s ikigai requires a long and deep search of oneself.  Finding your ikigai is akin to finding the meaning of your life.  Ikigai brings value to one’s life and it set our purpose.  Times may be gloomy and dreary and fortunes may be failing but a person who understands their ikigai presses on with intention and resolve.

It is generally believed that one’s ikigai can be found at the intersection of four areas of one’s life:

#1 What you love.
#2 What you are good at.
#3 What the world needs.
#4 What you can be paid to do.

Imagine that sweet-spot where you are doing something that you love, you are good at, the world needs and you can be paid to do it!  That is ikigai.  It is that place where your passion, profession, mission and vocation come together.  As I said earlier, it gets you up in the morning.

I want people to succeed.  To this end I study the successful lives of people throughout history.  I seek through the disciplines of philosophy to better see and understand life so that might develop methods to make myself and others more successful and prosperous.  I like the concept of ikigai because it draws together all the elements necessary for our success in any venture.  We like to believe that we are purely rational creatures making decisions based on our noble beliefs and logical understanding.  This is largely bunk.  We are irrational and emotional creatures with a capacity to use reasoning.

We try to remain rational but our emotions make most of the decisions and our reasoning minds tag along for the ride.  If anything, our rational mind and our emotions and spirit are usually at odds with each other.  The rational mind rarely fares well in these conflicts, retreating to a corner and licking its wounds while finding logic to justify our largely illogical choices and decisions.  All too often our minds are slaves to our fears, being made to generate sound reasons for avoiding risk and keeping the status quo intact.  “If it isn’t broken then why fix it?” we intone to justify remaining as we are, regardless of our state of being.

This is not the best way to live life.  This is surviving, not thriving.  Those throughout history who were happiest and healthiest followed their hearts and their dreams.  They used their passions to face their fears.  They were not content to keep what they loved, what they were good at, what they were paid for and what the world needed in separate boxes of their lives.  The successful in life fused these four together to fuel their efforts and generate success in all areas of their lives.  It did not matter if they were striving in school, working through their career, starting a new business, creating art, perfecting their baking, or losing weight; those who succeeded did so with every facet of their being.  They knew largely how to harmonize their emotional and rational minds to resolve the conflict and overcome the inevitable fears that block the path to their success.

We are each a mixture of loves and fears along with experiences and memories. We have been endowed with a marvelous mind that can think, innovate and create.  We can tame our fears and we pursue out loves.  We can give our lives purpose.  This purpose will drive all that we work to achieve.  Yes, ikigai gives us a reason to get up but it also brings meaning to everything that we seek to accomplish.

Without ikigai all our noble efforts will be shaky at best.  Without a core purpose then we will naturally question following any goal.  If we wonder why we are here at this time and place then we will wonder the purpose of doing anything whatsoever.  How can such uncertainty succeed?  In contrast if we have a core purpose fueling our every breath then we will put our entire being into every goal that harmonizes with our ikigai.  If weight loss facilitates our ikigai then we will lose weight.  If prosperity helps us to follow our ikigai then we will strive to prosper. If you have united your passion, your mission, your profession and you vocation then you can use that to succeed in all your dreams and hopes.

And so I commend you to seek your own unique ikigai. Stop fumbling with lesser goals.  There are many who are content with very little.  They shed their quests for fame and fortune and followed a path with heart.  They face their fears daily and overcome them.  Still others prosper that they might fulfill their deeper purpose.  All their goals are full and meaningful because they are tied to their central ikigai.  If you have found your motivations flagging and you are asking a lot of ‘whys’ then that is your opportunity to discover your ikigai.  Follow those ‘whys’ as far as they will take you.  If you can satisfy your own questioning mind and inquisitive heart then an amazing treasure awaits and the Okinawans have named it ‘ikigai.’ 

©2016 S.D. Wilson

To those who wondered..

To those who wondered…


I have been neglectful of this blog and to those who have enjoyed it I apologize.  I have been plagued with too much good.  I am writing two books.  I am successfully moderating a website. I am doing well at my day job.  I have been active a lot with my volunteer work. I am stretched thin.

I am now having to make some tough choices.  I love many things.  I love helping people. I need to focus where I can do my best.  I believe this blog is still important.  I am not sure I can keep it up on a weekly basis but I think a bi-weekly will still be doable.  

And so I hope I can continue to provide you folks with some inspiration and some thoughts to help you in furthering your success.  Let’s continue to walk this path of success together!

Cheers!!!