Choose Your Pain

Choose Your Pain

“Growth is painful.
Change is painful.
Yet nothing is as painful as staying stuck Somewhere that you don’t belong.”
–Author Unknown

In this life, there will be pain.  Some of that pain will be unavoidable.  The loss of loved ones, tragic accidents and unforeseeable disasters are just part of living.  Other pain will be optional.  Being honest helps us to prevent the shame of being caught in a lie.  Acting in a timely manner helps to evade the pain of regret. Living a sedentary lifestyle avoids many physical pains, at least in the short term.  However, many life decisions carry pain on both sides.  Avoiding relationships can avert the pain of rejection but it can lead to the ache of loneliness and solitude.

So in reality, life is careful balance between the pursuit of pleasures and the avoidance of pains.  It is in pursuing this balance that we can fall into grave errors.  Too often, many of us avoid short term discomfort and thereby forego long term benefits.  Growth and change are positive actions that grant long term benefits.  However, growth and change usually involve some painful and unpleasant situations.  Looking back on honestly on our failures, mistakes and errors in order to understand them and learn from them is a very humbling and uneasy process.  However, failure to perform such reflection on our actions results in our suffering the repetition of these same behaviours an incurring the same agonizing results.

Likewise, our desire to maintain our comfort keeps us in places that eventually create anguish and distress.  Abuse of credit to keep a certain lifestyle will ultimately lead to a tormenting situation in the future.  Physically being sedentary is enjoyable for many years but eventually that lifestyle will lead to suffering and illness.  Our bodies were designed to be active and proper activity comes with some inconvenience and discomfort.  If we unwisely ignore the future results of our choices then our decisions to avoid pain or to pursue pleasure will end in unexpected sorrow.

So this is our daily challenge:  Choose your pain.  Accept that life will have some pain.  You cannot avoid it all.  Hedonism will ultimately have to pay the piper one day.  We cannot avoid paying the eventual cost for either our negligence or indulgence.  Pick your pain wisely.  Understand both the benefits and the cost – short term and long term.  Ask if what feels good now will hurt in the future.  Question if the pain that you are avoiding presently might have some ultimate benefit that you require.  Learn from the pain of that past and use that learning and experience to shrewdly pick your pains today so that tomorrow you might evade significant agonies and instead harvest the better pleasures that you so greatly desire.

“Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”
― William Goldman (“The Princess Bride”)

©2018 Scott D. Wilson

Psst!

Psst!

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

Psst!  You… yeah you!  I have an amazing secret!  I know the simple trick to be happy and enjoy life on a regular basis!  Wanna know my secret?

Ok, well my secret is pretty simple. There are three essential keys to happiness and enjoyment that you should practice every day. I could summarize them for you but then you might miss the importance and subtleties of each part. So please indulge me as I reveal each element one at a time and explain their application an value. 

Key 1: Be Productive

Productive is a loaded word. What may seem productive to one may seem far less so to another. In this case I would define productivity by giving something back to the world. As an office worker you could be productive through the work that you get paid to do. As a stay at home parent you could view productivity through the activities that you do to make your home and family a blessing to your community. Remember to have a vision of the bigger picture and put yourself in it! If you are a secretary at a doctor’s office you are not writing a reports or filing papers, you are saving lives and healing people. The doctor could not do what he or she does without the efforts of his staff.

Think about the incredible Notre Dame cathedral in France; it took 182 years to build. Those who designed it never saw its completion. If the each person had simply seen themselves as a bricklayer or a carpenter then the work would have seemed dreary indeed, but if each could see how they were contributing to a masterpiece and a timeless work of art then how much better their labour would have seemed! 

Another image that comes to my mind on this matter is camping. When we go camping with our family we try to model and urge our kids to “Leave the campsite better than you found it.” We clean up rubbish and fix whatever things that we can fix. We owe this world so much it does not take much to give a little back. Do not limit productivity to your job or your career. You can be productive merely by smiling at everyone that you meet today. You personally will know that you have been productive if you can look back on what you have been doing during your time on this globe and see that somehow you impacted it and left it better than the way you found it! 

Key 2: Be Creative

Now right here I want to stamp out the notion that creativity and innovation is the property of the crafts and the fine arts. That is ludicrous! Every career and every occupation can employ invention and imagination. Whether you are a garbage man or a CEO you can be creative with your time. Being unique and novel in your approach to a job gives the activity colour and lustre. No matter what it is we can place our own distinctive signature upon it. Lack of creativity in any chore robs it of energy and makes it dull and grey. Any job can become repetitive drudgery no matter how interesting the work may be if we simply “put in time.” 

According to a study cited by Robert McGarvey in his work “Creative Thinking,” 84% of children in Kindergarten rank high in creativity, while 10% rank high in creativity in grade 2.  Unfortunately, our conventional education system has been shown to cause people to lose the ability to think in divergent or non-linear ways. We are literally robbing ourselves of our creativity! The good news is that no matter how young or old you are, you can still rekindle you flame of creativity. To start, be willing to experiment. Ask “What if…” and then try it! Seek to do things differently. Imagine innovative ways to perform daily duties. Whether it is how you brush your teeth to the way you write reports, try something new. An important thing to remember when you embark on your creative journey: Do not be afraid of making mistakes. Fear always withers imagination. Mistakes are opportunities to learn and improve.

Learn to observe yourself as you do things. Look at your habits. Some habits are good but learn to break habits and change routines. Observe your environment and learn from people and things that grow. Inspiration comes from everywhere and anywhere. We have lots of examples how great minds have been stimulated by simply paying attention to and being mindful of the world around them.

Key 3: Grow

Growth means change. Real personal change is generally scary. We are comfortable being just the way we are right now. Change usually involves unknowns and fear of the unknown is a universal human factor. Growing is generally uncomfortable and usually challenging. We need to change our boundaries and question our limitations in order to change constructively. For most of us, the concept of growing seems awkward. After all, aren’t we ‘grown-ups?’ We cringe remembering our teenage years and how awkward we were. Also for many, childhood was not a safe and nurturing period.   Imperfect parents struggling with their own demons can leave scars on us that make us anything but fond at the prospect of revisiting the concept of development.

To illustrate my point, imagine if you were a caterpillar who had been happily munching on leaves and lazily climbing along branches when one day someone comes to you and says that it is time for you to make a change. The individual further explains that you will need to find a safe spot away from any of your predators and you will need to build a cocoon that you will rest inside for a week or two. Finaly, you are told that when you emerge you will be a thin creature with six skinny legs and beautiful wings. You will elegantly fly from flower to flower drinking the nectar of the blooms. I don’t know about you but I’d be pretty freaked out by that story. I’d be telling this person “Thanks but no thanks!” Yet we know this change is natural and normal for a butterfly.

We are not butterflies but we are capable of personal metamorphosis. We see it every day in the heroes around us: the grandmother who got her bachelor’s degree, the teenager who started a charity for homeless kids across the world, or the addict who finally sought help and overcame their demons. Everyone can grow. All it takes is facing our fears and overcoming them little bit each day.

I encourage you to get uncomfortable every day. You can even sit down and write out a list of your fears and then see which ones you can take action to conquer. Your greatest dreams often lie waiting behind your daily fears. How many lost opportunities and regrets will it take for you to finally take a chance on something that you have imagined? I truly believe that so many of us have untapped potential that we fail to explore because we let the views of others and our own excuses get in the way. I, for one, do not wish to reach the end of my days with a heart full of “if only’s” and “I wish I had’s.”

A large part of growing is learning.  Never stop learning.  Whenever possible seek learning opportunities.  Teach yourself something new or make a discovery every day.  Learning helps keep us feeling young and vital!  It is a basic fact that once we stop learning that we stop growing.

Well, that’s it. My three keys for happiness are simple this:

Every day…

• Be Productive!
• Be Creative!
• Grow!

It is that straightforward. Ok, I admit it. I have one more key to happy and joyful living… Have fun! I only add this one here because I do not think that you can do all of the above every day without having fun. Perhaps I should simply state that fun is the catalyst that makes all the elements work! Sure you can do any one component on its own without having fun but I think that it takes fun to put them all together. So there it is: have fun! It may not be the meaning of life the universe and everything but I assure you that if you truly pursue these fundamentals of life daily that you will learn about yourself and your world. You will discover the extraordinary amidst the ordinary, and you will find your own unique path among the stars. I do not guarantee you a life free from trouble or sorrow but I can guarantee that you certainly won’t sleepwalk through your days. And to that end I wish you well in this incredible adventure that we call life!