Valuable Perspective

Valuable Perspective

“The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” –Mark Twain

A colleague of mine used to live in Port Rupert, British Columbia.  He still has many good friends there.  About a year ago he told me of one such friend of his who was living there with her husband and her young daughter.  He explained to me that she had an appointment with a specialist down the coast in Vancouver.  She had been feeling unwell for quite some time and after a battery of tests she was hoping they could finally tell her the cause of her decline in health.  Her husband and daughter had accompanied her on the long trip down the coast.  Unfortunately, she was given some pretty grave news.  She had stage four cancer and there was no chance for a cure.  They gave her less than a year to live.  Stunned by this brutal revelation, the three of them shuffled into their car and set off up the coast for the long ride home.

My colleague further explained to me that his friend was lying down in the back and her husband and daughter were seated in the front of the vehicle.   Unfortunately, the road was treacherous that day and her husband lost control of the car. It careened off the highway and into the ocean.  In a chaotic instant she was struggling to get free of the vehicle before it sank completely beneath the icy waves. Sadly, she found herself alone on the shore.  In less than one day she had lost her entire family and any hope for her future. Personally, I do not know how she could carry on.  This is simply the most tragic tale that I have ever heard in my life.  The other day, my co-worker informed me that his friend finally lost her battle with cancer.  I do not know her name or how she lived her remaining time but her terrible tale haunts me.

I struggle to find anything meaningful or positive from this one person’s tragic nightmare.  It reminds me of Bill Murray’s remarkable but painful insight at the end of the film The Razor’s Edge, “When Piedmont died, I had to pay him back for my life. I found out there's another debt to pay — for the privilege of being alive. I thought Sophie was my reward for trying to live a good life. Uh uh. There is no payoff — not now.”  We all so terribly want our payoffs in this life, but that is a very unfair expectation of this world.  The truth is that we hold this foolish expectation because we live amidst the abundant privileges of the first world.  Those of poorer nations hold no such illusions about how harsh and unfair reality can be.

I am not seeking to be maudlin.  As terrible as the events I described were they did provide that woman with at least one remarkable opportunity.  In one day she was stripped of all the fallacies that we so often cling to throughout our lives.  She could not deny her mortality any longer and she saw the futility of seeking direct rewards through this life itself.  To paraphrase Bill Murray, she completely understood the debt to pay for the privilege of being alive.  That is not a lesson learned by many, yet it can be invaluable to those who get it. It crystalizes our priorities and burns away pettiness.  Here was a woman with absolutely nothing to lose in life… she had already lost it all.

This tale provides me is perspective and priority.  From it I realize that this life owes us nothing, absolutely nothing.  We are privileged to be on this journey no matter how long and pleasant or short and brutal it may be.  It is what we choose to do with the time that we have that gives real meaning to our lives.  As to priorities, it reminds me that we truly have no time for trivial pettiness.  How small do my problems seem in comparison to those that this woman faced in her short remaining days.  How can I waste my time in foolish worry and self-doubt?  I see the vital importance of remaining here and now and addressing the priorities in this very moment.  This woman’s life urges me to be bold because I too can lose everything that I cherish in an instant.  I clearly see the fleeting nature of all physical things and the permanent and transcendent nature love and its actions.

Yes, I told you a tragic tale, full of sorrow and woe.  You can casually dismiss it as just someone else’s random misfortune and go on your merry way.  However, I hope that, like myself, you can use this harsh reality to splash some cold water on your soul and awaken it to that which is truly important here and now.  We can realize that if we should live long enough then we will ultimately face these very same circumstances stretched across a longer period of time.   It simply makes sense to learn from this condensed life lesson and if we can avoid turning away from it then this ugly dark reality can actually provide us a wonderful and valuable perspective.

©2018 Scott D. Wilson

Choose Your Pain

Choose Your Pain

“Growth is painful.
Change is painful.
Yet nothing is as painful as staying stuck Somewhere that you don’t belong.”
–Author Unknown

In this life, there will be pain.  Some of that pain will be unavoidable.  The loss of loved ones, tragic accidents and unforeseeable disasters are just part of living.  Other pain will be optional.  Being honest helps us to prevent the shame of being caught in a lie.  Acting in a timely manner helps to evade the pain of regret. Living a sedentary lifestyle avoids many physical pains, at least in the short term.  However, many life decisions carry pain on both sides.  Avoiding relationships can avert the pain of rejection but it can lead to the ache of loneliness and solitude.

So in reality, life is careful balance between the pursuit of pleasures and the avoidance of pains.  It is in pursuing this balance that we can fall into grave errors.  Too often, many of us avoid short term discomfort and thereby forego long term benefits.  Growth and change are positive actions that grant long term benefits.  However, growth and change usually involve some painful and unpleasant situations.  Looking back on honestly on our failures, mistakes and errors in order to understand them and learn from them is a very humbling and uneasy process.  However, failure to perform such reflection on our actions results in our suffering the repetition of these same behaviours an incurring the same agonizing results.

Likewise, our desire to maintain our comfort keeps us in places that eventually create anguish and distress.  Abuse of credit to keep a certain lifestyle will ultimately lead to a tormenting situation in the future.  Physically being sedentary is enjoyable for many years but eventually that lifestyle will lead to suffering and illness.  Our bodies were designed to be active and proper activity comes with some inconvenience and discomfort.  If we unwisely ignore the future results of our choices then our decisions to avoid pain or to pursue pleasure will end in unexpected sorrow.

So this is our daily challenge:  Choose your pain.  Accept that life will have some pain.  You cannot avoid it all.  Hedonism will ultimately have to pay the piper one day.  We cannot avoid paying the eventual cost for either our negligence or indulgence.  Pick your pain wisely.  Understand both the benefits and the cost – short term and long term.  Ask if what feels good now will hurt in the future.  Question if the pain that you are avoiding presently might have some ultimate benefit that you require.  Learn from the pain of that past and use that learning and experience to shrewdly pick your pains today so that tomorrow you might evade significant agonies and instead harvest the better pleasures that you so greatly desire.

“Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”
― William Goldman (“The Princess Bride”)

©2018 Scott D. Wilson

The Gain Within Pain

_____The Gain Within Pain____

“Every problem or difficulty you face contains the seed of an equal or greater advantage or benefit.” –Napoleon Hill

Maybe I am odd but I got used to this viewpoint when I was young.  Yes, there may be exceptions.  Yet the vast majority of the time I have found that our troubles hold the beginnings of our greatness, the nuclei of our success.

Think of the caterpillar.  Great energy and effort go into the creation of a cocoon or chrysalis.  The creature goes from daily foraging, eating and avoiding predators to spending weeks cooped up and inactive as the painfully slow processes of metamorphosis take place.  If it has thoughts does it grow impatient day by day?

Ah, but all that work and waiting one day results in a complete transformation.  In one final struggle and momentous effort, our earthbound worm frees itself from its bonds to finally take flight.   We cannot know the thoughts, if any, of a caterpillar.  Nonetheless, it is clear that process that transforms an awkward worm into an elegant butterfly or a moth involves sweat and difficulty.  Yet that labour is the beginning of greatness for the creature as it leaves behind its former limitations.

What are you facing today?  Is a slow tedious process teaching you patience?  Is a difficult and stressful situation instructing you on perseverance?  Is an interaction with a harsh and difficult person coaching you on tolerance and kindness?   Is exhaustion and despair showing you the need to say ‘no’ others and to address your own welfare?  Look at your struggles.  They are not merely curses and deficits.  If you stay open to possibilities then you will see within your trials the buds of possible metamorphosis.  If you let it, your patient overcoming of a situation can literally transform you to soar beyond your current existence and expectations.

©2017 Scott D. Wilson