A Winning (and Thinning) Attitude
By Scott D. Wilson
“Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.” –Zig Ziglar
I should preface this post with some background. I have been a moderator Lose It (www.loseit.com) for close to two years now. I have seen many faces come and go. I have seen success stories and I have seen tales of defeat. Suffice it to say I am becoming more and more experienced in understanding what makes for success and failure in weight loss. This of course ties to my passion about success and all the factors that contribute towards it. So allow me use my experience at Lose It to share a key observation about success.
There are a lot of factors and criteria surrounding success. There is however one condition that I have seen time and time again that factors highly in both success and failure. That one condition is attitude. I will say up front that good attitude may not guarantee success but a lacklustre attitude is almost assured failure. On websites, like Lose It, words are the thermometer of our attitude.
The deadly words I see people using every day are these “trying”, “hope”, “want”, “wish” and “but”. The first four words all lack real commitment. The minute we say “I am trying, hoping, wanting, wishing…” we leave room for doubt and failure. Mentally we are not committing. We are hedging our bets. We are playing it safe. Commitment risks failure, and we do not want to risk failing. When our attitude is committed the deadly failing words leave our vocabulary and are replaced with the words “am”, “will”, “intend”, “have” and “shall.” These words stem from self-assurance and commitment.
Some will likely object to my last word, “but.” However, I assert that the use of the word “but” is very important. Most of the time when we use “but” we completely invalidate what we said beforehand. We are using “but” as a safe way out. Example: “I am working at losing weight but it just seems too hard.” All that is really heard and meant is the statement after the “but.” I have a suggestion. Try this little experiment: catch yourself saying or writing “but” and replace it with “and” instead. So my example becomes “I am working at losing weight and it just seems too hard.” This sentence owns everything. The two thoughts are joined, no longer dismissing the first with the second. By taking away the “but” we are no longer using it to make excuses.
Another deadly attitude indicator for me is what I refer to as ‘victim talk.’ Victim talk is characterized by a ‘woe is me’ attitude and a failure to take responsibility for one’s actions and their ensuing results. The victim is never at fault. The problem always rests with friends, families, colleagues, the environment, willpower, motivation, genetics, medications, hormones, age, upbringing… you name it. It never has anything to do with the victim’s own actions or inactions. The world is just giving them a bum deal. They ‘try’ but they just never seem to win. On Lose It ‘victim talk’ is full of elaborate explanations and heartfelt justifications for why the person cannot log, exercise or stay on budget. Victim talk always justifies staying the same. Change is always too hard.
Yes, we all have bad days. Yes, our attitude can suck at times. Yes, our motivation can fail us. Yes, we all can feel victimized sometimes. I completely get that fact. However, the longer we linger in these states the lower our chances for success become. The people I see succeeding shed victimhood and weak language quickly, sort of the way a dog shakes itself dry. They have created habits that support positive motivations, and they have motivations that are backed by reasons that they can defend rationally and emotionally.
At this stage, some may be asking how one can change one’s attitude. I know of at least two ways to do this. The first and most significant way involves our use of words, our verbal language. Like the mom with her ‘swearing jar’ we can successfully alter the words that we choose to use. We can recognize the impact of the words that we are using and we can opt to use better words accordingly.
Our thoughts and feelings influence our speech, but most do not realize that our speech can likewise impact our thinking and emotions. Words like Nazi, holocaust, extermination and genocide evoke powerful thoughts and feelings. When we use these words they produce emotions in us and in others. This is neither good nor bad but it is important to understand. The same holds true with the words we use about health and fitness.
When we use positive words about our health and well-being then we evoke positive emotions for ourselves. Words like strength, power, goals, fitness, health, wellness, activity, play and endurance create positive thoughts and feelings. In contrast, words like fat, lazy, exhausting, weight loss, diet, exercise and workout have some negative mental baggage and emotions associated with them. Fat, weight loss and diet all provoke in us negative images of deprivation and hunger. Exercise, exhaustion, lazy and workout arouse thoughts of toil, straining and unrewarding pain. There is a world of difference between the mind that is toiling to lose weight and the mind that is striving for fitness, health and wellness.
My second suggestion to improve attitude is similar to my first one. My second suggestion is to change our body language. Again, our body language can stem from our emotions but we also need to realize that our body language can in turn have a significant effect on our feelings. Here is an example that I have tried. Before you need to speak to others stand for five minutes with your arms akimbo, palms down. This is also referred to as the ‘Wonder Woman” pose. I guarantee that you will begin to feel more confident. Several studies have shown that it works, and here is why.
Our limbic system is an unconscious structure involving the brain that controls how we physically express ourselves. When we are sad our limbic system slumps our shoulders, induces frowning and even alters our breathing and heart rate. Our limbic responses are why lie detectors work to some extent. What is interesting is that we can also use our limbic systems to work in our favour.
When we feel confident we often naturally stand in confident poses, like arms akimbo. The reverse can also be exploited; if we are a bit insecure and we stand for a prolonged time in a confident pose then we begin to feel more confident. We are tricking the limbic system into believing that we are confident and it responds by affecting unconscious reactions like our breathing and muscle relaxation. These in turn affect our emotions and our attitude.
We have all seen this same principle in action with speakers who square their shoulders and straighten their posture as they mount to the podium. They are mentally and physically preparing themselves for confidence. This same principle is used in martial arts through repetitive katas, forms and routines that induce a relaxed state in preparation for a calmer reaction when conflict arises. Even in society we use things like suits and uniforms to instill a natural sense of authority and respect. Donning a uniform often changes our demeanor and attitude.
My overall point is that we can become aware of our body language in the same way that we can become aware of our verbal language. Awareness can be used to make constructive changes to our languages and thereby improve our attitude and our odds for success. We have the ability to affect our attitude by consciously making certain choices. If we change our use of words we can literally change our minds, our way of thinking and our emotional responses. Likewise, if we choose to routinely alter our body language we can affect our feelings and attitude. We can give a boost to our self-confidence.
Confidence is the last area that I want to address in improving our attitude. When we achieve something we grow in confidence. Failure likewise erodes our confidence. Problems arise when failures deplete our confidence to the point where we seek self-assurance before we are willing to even make any attempt. This is like sitting in front of a stove demanding “Give me heat and I will give you fuel!” It doesn’t work that way. We need to start to take some risks in order to make some achievements that will generate further confidence. We need to offer some small belief in ourselves and risk both success and failure. Build upon small successes. Learn from failures and use them to generate new attempts at success.
We can become aware of our words and our language both physical and verbal. We can make choices to change and improve these things and in so doing better our outlook and enhance our confidence. Consequently, we greater our probability for success. Take a look at what you can do today with your attitude in order to better reach your goals. Consider what changes you can make and what actions you can take to help you develop a winning or ‘thinning’ attitude!
©2016 S.D.Wilson
