Embracing Our Darkness

Embracing Our Darkness

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

This article does not directly address the topic of success.  It is worthwhile nonetheless, especially to those who struggle with dark feelings on their quest to overcome and persevere.

I am just mellowing on a cool autumn afternoon on my personal day of rest as it draws to a close. By my spiritual calendar this time of the year is somber time, a time of reflection and introspection.  It is a time when the natural world slows down.  It is a time to consider both life and our eventual death, not morbidly but as a sober acknowledgment of reality.  Fall is about harvest and death.

For me, two important days loom near and they paradoxically portend of both of tribulation and celebration. It is the paradox of joy and sorrow that dominates my mind presently.  My thoughts are drawn to Robin Williams and those like him.  Their actions strike us hard because we look up to them and admire their abilities and talents.  We wonder how such joy and laughter could be mixed with such tremendous sorrow.  We imagine what we would do in their shoes.  Many consider their final acts to be a result of weakness. 

I can attest that depression is not something borne of a weakness of character or mind. Success and intelligence are not barriers against the darkness.  If anything, they can often come at a price of one's sanity and well-being.  It is lonely at the top of any field.  It is ultimately loneliness and disconnection from our fellow creatures that lead to acts of despair.

I understand that path and I offer some advice, for what it is worth. It is alright to be sad or melancholy.  It is fine to experience the darkness and dreariness of fall and winter.  Do not compare your somber mood with those around you.  They have their journey and you have yours.  What you feel can be natural.  It is okay to be alone for a while.   I challenge you to sit quietly with your ‘demon’.  Do not judge yourself or your feelings; sadness is not negative and joy is not positive.  They simply just are.

Here is my advice: Sit down with your inner darkness and ask it “What are you teaching me?” It may merely want to be heard.  Evolutionists and spiritual wisdom agree that pain is exists to help us learn and avoid harm.  Depression does not have to be destructive.  We do not need to fear it.  Be still – listen with all your senses.  The message may come in images, smells, tastes or sounds.  Don’t necessarily expect words or a voice.  

Sometimes our unhappiness is merely there to drive us towards a dream or passion that we left behind or forgot. Let your melancholy awaken your creativity.  Perhaps you need to draw it or write about it.   Your blues may be leading you to face a some fear in your life.  Whatever the answer, be patient and let it come. 

Now here is the second and sometimes most challenging part: Share what you have learned.  Find someone that you can trust and share what your shadows have revealed to you.  Display your drawing, post your writing, explain your idea, or communicate your vision.  You may inspire others or you might simply make a connection to someone.  Your lesson may serve only you but you will be surprised how often it reaches and helps others.  We may all come to experience pain as a patient teacher rather than a cruel tormentor.  

Well that is all, my friends. I hope it helps a little in lessening the struggle of life that sometimes comes to each of us.  I will leave you with the insightful perspective of Charlie Chaplin and two songs that have inspired me in my days of darkness:

“Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.” – Charlie Chaplin

"Why" by Rascal Flatts 

“The Edge” by Michael Card

A Tip on Cycles and Energy

A Tip on Cycles and Energy

©Scott D. Wilson

We live in a world of cycles: breathing, heartbeats, day and night, weekly, lunar, seasons, et cetera. Some of these we are more aware of than others. We definitely notice when our breathing is interrupted. Others are far more subtle and therefore less noticeable. Still others are almost invisible to us as we generally lack the awareness to perceive their ebb and flow but they affect us nonetheless. It is these cycles that I wish to discuss here along with their importance in our various quests for success.

The ancient Chinese philosophy of Taoism has long studied the nature of cycles and change. One of the most notable Taoist texts is the ‘I Ching’ which loosely translate to ‘The Book of Changes’ is dedicated to the study of the characteristics of change. Some dismiss this writing as mere book of divination. This is not the case. The I Ching is an observation of the nature of change. The Chinese saw all changes as resulting from the flow of energy or power between opposites or polarities. Just as electric current flows from negative to positive so to do other forms of power. Water flows from high to low. Heat flows from warm to cold. It is this cyclic change that is captured in the Chinese yin-yang symbol ([) also known as the Tai Chi Tu.

I mention all of this because understanding when one is strongest and when one is weakest is an important awareness when seeking to succeed in any venture. Our various physical and mental periods of strength and weakness follow regular cycles. They are not random. We are usually smart enough to know that if we generally sleep at night that we will not usually be doing our best thinking at three in the morning. The interruption of a normal sleep pattern will affect our cognitive abilities. However, we do not commonly pay attention to our regular cyclic changes in awareness, alertness, physical strength, emotional power and other factors in body and mind. The following chart is a very basic one emphasizing some of the highs and lows of our various organs based on the Chinese understanding of normal daily patterns:

http://corespirit.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/humanbodyenergyclock.jpg

This highly simplified chart helps us to understand why exercising first thing in the morning tends to be more successful than trying to insert a workout into the end of our day. I am not condemning those who choose to put physical activity at the end of the day. In some cases, this is the only opportunity that they can afford. I am merely pointing out that out bodies are more naturally attuned to physical exertion in the morning rather than at night. Success is still possible but more difficult. Whenever possible, we should aim our activities to optimize our chances for success.

This same principle that hold true for physical activity also holds true for other activities in our lives. For example, our minds are usually sharpest and most active from 9AM to 11AM and from 3PM to 5PM. This somewhat explains why many school kids struggle with their earliest classes and those just after lunch. The Chinese are not the only people who have studied the daily waning and waxing of human abilities. The Hindu yogis have similar ‘clocks’. Likewise, scientists study circadian rhythms; here is such a chart for comparison:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circadian_rhythm#/media/File:Biological_clock_human.svg

The similarities between the modern and the ancient viewpoints are quite striking. I think I have made my point here. Depending on what we are doing and what we want to achieve we would be wise to pay attention to the cyclic changes of our bodies and by extension our minds and our hearts. Wherever the possibility exists we should seek to undertake our actions when they are most likely to meet with success and when we will be able to perform them with the greatest ease. In the cases where we cannot time things optimally we can equally take measures to further improve our chances for success. For example, on infrequent occasions where late night thinking is required we can perhaps choose to have an afternoon nap, drink caffeine, employ bright white “full spectrum” lighting or other compensating actions. Whether it be optimal timing of an activity or compensating for weakness, it would be wise for us to pay attention to the rhythms of our lives and understand them better so that we do our best in planning and acting for success!

Going Inside

Going Inside

©2016 Scott D. Wilson

 

"Real change is an inside job." —Scott D. Wilson (based on a S. Boorstein quote)

 

When we first set out towards a goal with the intention to succeed we tend to focus on all the physical actions that are required.  Changes need to be made.  We plot out all the steps and plan for as many variables as we can envision.  We paint a vivid picture in our minds of what the process and the endpoint will look like.  We embark upon our noble journey with energy and motivation.  What we rarely realize is that the greatest threats are not external.  We are often our own worst enemies and we soon realize that the changes that needed to happen were not external but internal.

 

When starting the changes that are required for success we seem to neglect the most important things:  our mind, our emotions and our spirit.  These are where the real and lasting changes need to be made and sustained.  Don't get me wrong.  We cannot just think and hope and dream our way to success.  Actions are needed.  I am merely saying that most of those actions will ultimately fail if we do not do also do the work inside.

 

We can imagine becoming a writer or a successful businessman and we can draw out five year plans and strategies. These will all be fruitless efforts if we do not take an honest inventory of ourselves and candidly assess our strengths and weaknesses.   While we plan to change our daily routines and habits we often fail to understand how these changes will trigger us emotionally or mentally.   Part of putting our plans in motion needs to be a better understand of the changes that we need to make to our thinking and our point of view.

 

I get it.  Changing outside is easy.  It's just like getting a new hairstyle or a new set of clothes.  Inside we are sticky mess of thoughts, experience and emotions.  There is pain mixed with joy, love mixed with fear, and good memories mixed with nightmares.  Here there be dragons.  There is no easy guide to our hearts and minds.  It is not a fun job to muck about in there and sort things out.  Unfortunately, if we are truly serious bout change and ultimately about success then that is exactly where we need to go... right into the heart of the dragon.

 

Real change is not for the faint of heart.  If you want to change your habits and start new behaviours then you are going to have to address the motives and emotions that will drive those changes.  You will need to sit with the saboteur ideas and the back-stabbing emotions that will derail your good intentions.  You will need to accept that you can at times be cowardly, selfish, impatient, vain, vicious, mean, deceitful and much worse.  You are human. We all are.  The trick will be not labelling yourselves with these characteristics that you discover.  Having fear and sometimes acting cowardly does not make you a coward.  What you ultimately choose to do with these emotions, thoughts and habits is what will ultimately define you.

 

Acknowledging and identifying problem is the first step in correcting it. The next step is going inside and determining why.  You may have some painful memories or some ongoing issues with friends and family.  You may have some long-held defensive patterns from childhood that are now self-destructive.  The reasons for your poor choices and unsuccessful behaviours are as vast and unique as your own personalities.  You alone can seek and find the answers, BUT you do not need to be alone in that search.

 

Reach out to others.  There are close friends and family that can help and support you.  Find others who are also similarly trying to overcome their troubles and share your stories and experience.  Be brave and ask for help.  Only the truly strong can admit when are unable to go it alone and require assistance.  We live in societies and communities.  We depend on others one way or another.  There is no shame or weakness in asking for help.  I guarantee you that there are others out there who have overcome similar personal demons.

 

I am here to encourage you to take this time to work on yourselves.  I am telling you that this inward journey is so very important if you are truly serious about changing your lives.  I want you all to succeed and this is a key to success.  I know that what I am asking is not easy to do.  I hope that you all can see the value of this exercise in helping you to reach your goals and achieve your dreams.

 

As scary as it may seem, make an appointment to sit with yourselves and ask the difficult questions.  There is an actual exercise that helps some people whereby they place an empty chair across from themselves and envision themselves sitting in it.  At that time they ask their imaginary selves all the hard questions like “Why did you make us fat?” or “Why didn’t you try harder?”  Then they openly accept the emotional and raw answers that emerge.  They do not judge their own answers.  They just love and accept themselves.  They treat the imaginary version of themselves as a vulnerable child.

 

The reality is that you are your greatest asset.  You will pass through this world with one heart, one mind and one body.  Take care of your assets, all of them!  If you want to succeed don’t just pay attention to the outside.  Face your fears.  Be brave!  Get in there and start healing the thoughts and feelings that need to be changed so that you are successful inside and out!

 

P.S. For more thoughts and tips on self-improvement you can also see something that I wrote here:

 

http://designed2succeed.blogspot.ca/2014/08/how-are-your-investment-paying_12.html

 

Cheers!