Unhappiness Guaranteed: 17 Tips

Unhappiness Guaranteed:  17 Tips for Misery

These simple guidelines are designed to help you remain dissatisfied and disappointed in your life. If you learn to follow these tips and tricks you are guaranteed to live an unhappy and unremarkable existence.


#1 Constantly Compare yourself to others: By comparing yourself to others you can remind yourself of the unfairness of human existence. It’s easy to find distasteful and immoral people who seem to have life easy. You strive and seek to be good and kind and life just kicks you in the teeth. But making these comparisons you can feel morally superior with minimal effort. Be careful though, don’t look at the vast majority of the planet who have it far worse than you could even imagine. This can ruin your self-satisfaction.

#2 Neglect anything good in your life: Talents and abilities, caring friends and family, career, home, community, these all take time and effort to maintain. It is far easier to keep busy with mundane entertainments and base needs. Besides, many of these thing can get messy and difficult.

#3 Foster bitterness, anger, hated, resentment and unfogiveness in your soul: These are strong emotions and they keep you strong. Forgiveness and understanding are weak and lead to you getting hurt again. Keep remembering all the painful events in your life and the people who hurt you. Never get over anything. Practice reliving your failures and betrayals daily. This keeps you strong.

#4 Worry about the possible problems of tomorrow and compare them to previous failures: This is a dangerous world. You have experienced firsthand the stings of unexpected disasters. Expect more of the same. Don’t enjoy right now or work on a better tomorrow. That will only lead to you lowering your guard and experiencing disappointment.

#5 Care a lot about the opinion of others: It is important to be like and accepted so you better work hard to liked and accepted by everyone. Define yourself by the opinions of others and their expectations. Let them tell you who you are and what you can and cannot do. At all costs, never be yourself because it’s way too easy to get hurt or rejected that way.

#6 Obsess over being right: There is only one right and everything else must be wrong. Being right is more important than anything. Sacrifice friends, family and great relationships in order to be right. Even if you are wrong or there is a miscommunication never say that you are sorry. It makes you look weak. Avoid paradoxes; they muddle up right and wrong with the truth.

#7 Place relationships last: Life is dog eat dog. You are too busy with everything else in your life to make time for you spouse, your kids or your friends. Getting ahead and your selfish needs more st come first.

#8 Take things for granted: Hey, all that good stuff in your life right now, like your health, your relationships and your well-being will still be there tomorrow. I mean, they were there yesterday so it shouldn’t change. You don’t need to appreciate them or pay attention to them. Let other people worry about that.

#9 Give up frequently on things that are important: Occasionally your pesky conscience will bother you about things like your poor fitness or a neglected relationship and you will want to do something about it. That’s ok. Go right ahead and work towards those goals, but the minute things get challenging be prepared to quit. Sure, they are important, but they can wait while you avoid the difficulties and neglect your duties. Your comfort is important after all. Be prepared to give up on yourself too because you know that you really are not worth it either.

#10 Believe that you can never change: You have always been this way. Accept it; it’s easier that way. Even if you could change it would be way too hard and only special people really change, grow and improve. Who are you to try and reach your potential?

#11 Give in to your fears and do not follow any of your passions: Fear is a good thing. It keeps us from doing dangerous things and warns us of potential dangers. Dreams and aspirations are dangerous. They can lead to you becoming a failure, being rejectied or being let down. It is far more important to be safe. Always choose safety over love, goals and aspirations.

#12 Remain a victim: Victims are powerless. Remember that. Victims are innocent of any responsibility because they have no power over their circumstances. When you are a victim then nothing is your fault. All the blame for your unhappiness and your problems belong to other people. Being a victim is the easy path. Dont forget, you must never take any responsibility for your thoughts, actions or your life.

#13 Make immediate pleasures a priority: Delayed gratification is overrated. Get yours while it’s still here. YOLO. So never neglect an opportunity to experience pleasure no matter what the long term consequences might be. Hey, tomorrow might never come so live it up.

#14 Avoid integrity, loyalty and faithfulness: These values are difficult to keep and overrated. People are much more admired for their cunning and slyness. As long as you obtain what you want then it should not matter how you got it. Living by by principles is wearisome and requires sacrifices. Remaining true to your commitments and to yourself seldom pays off short-term so why do it?

#15 Assume that everyone can see the world like you do: Everyone has eyes and ears. They can see things just like you. So of course they should be able to see and understand everything exactly the same way that you do. Their life experiences can’t be that different than yours. Everything must seem the same from every social, economical, ethnic and gender viewpoint.

#16 Never reflect on your life and learn from it: Since you are never at fault then there is no need to look at your life to correct mistakes, to learn anything or to grow. If you keep repeating the same mistakes then it is because of other people messing things up. Avoid looking objectively at your actions and their results.

#17 Always assume there will always be more time: Need to fix something or heal a relationship? Don’t rush, there is always another day. Important things can always be postponed. Take tomorrow for granted.

I hope the above information helps you to remain comfortably mediocre and unfulfilled. Remember, you are okay; it’s everybody else that needs to change.


©2018 Scott D. Wilson, P.Eng.