Are you offensive? Yes, good!

Are you offensive?  Yes, good!

By Scott Wilson

“Action Offends the Inactive” –Chris Shugart

I have covered an aspect of this subject once before using the analogy from the film ‘the Matrix’ and becoming unplugged.  However, my focus was more about projecting our own expectations upon others than about their reactions towards us.  I would like to cover here something that surprises so many people who seek to make improvements in their lives.

If you have set a goal and you are visibly putting in the effort daily to achieve that goal then I have news for you:  You are offensive to many of those around you.   Yes, you heard me.  You are a thorn in the side of some of your friends, family and acquaintances.  You are going against the flow.  Who do you think you are?  What makes you think that YOU deserve something better than everyone else?  What makes you special?

Sure, the people that you know may not actually make these statements but their words and actions will reflect the sentiment.  A colleague will make sideways comments about your improvement efforts.  A loved one will subtly discourage you from proceeding with your commitment to better yourself.  There will be some strong push from peers to go along and conform to the norm.  It surprises many people that the ones that are closest to them are often the source of their worst discouragement and temptations to quit.

You see, if you are successful in your efforts then others who see you will ask themselves “Why can’t I do what he or she did?” That is a very uncomfortable question.  If you can improve and succeed then that means that they will need to take responsibility for any lack of success and improvement in their own lives.  You are and they aren’t.  In effect, you actions are pointing an accusing finger at their inaction and that is offensive.

Most people want to live relatively comfortable lives free from blame and responsibility.  They are where they because that is where everyone is and that is okay.  Their environment is responsible for all that they have or do not have.  They merely react in response to what is around them.  They did not ask to be born into the life that they are living.  They are simply doing the best with what they have.  Only the special, the lucky, the fortunate and the blessed get anything different.  Good and bad happen by chance and so they are content to be in the middle above the poor and suffering but also below the few prosperous and successful.  Average is just fine for them.

There is nothing wrong with this.  Living a passive life is quite acceptable and billions do it successfully every single day.  Most of the services and systems of our society are geared towards the average person and so this quiet acceptance is encouraged.  However, if anyone wants to leave this comfortable middle ground their efforts are questioned by those around them.  Why unnecessarily risk failure?

Another reason for people’s negative reactions towards you will be fear and resistance to change.  People like to label things.  It makes life easier.  Much of our identities are tied to the labels that have defined us.  Change upsets that.  For example, if you have always been conservative and down to earth and suddenly you start behaving in an excessive and risky manner this will confuse people.  So it is also when we seek to improve.  It will evoke fear to those closest to you.  They will wonder if they truly know you.  They may be concerned that this new and improved version of you may not want to be with them anymore.  They will then act and speak out of this anxiety either consciously or unconsciously.

Whether it is a poor reflection upon themselves or a fear of your changes, those who know you best can be expected to be a source of difficulty for you when you start following a dream or pursuing a goal. This is normal. Accept that you have become offensive to them through no fault of your own.  Don’t be hurt by their comments or actions.  It is a reflection of their own insecurities.  In truth, their responses have very little to do with you.  Instead, take such poor behaviour as proof that you are going in the right direction.  Use such potentially discouraging incidents as fuel to keep you moving on the better path.

Cheers!

©2017 Scott D. Wilson