Measuring Success
©Scott Wilson 2015
This being Valentine's Day my subject will be somewhat intimate to me. I wish to speak towards success in life as a whole. My subject is one of the most remarkable people that I have ever had the privilege to know.
Growing up, my friend had a difficult time in home that suffered emotional turmoil and neglect mixed with bankruptcy, divorce and instability. She had some struggles in school and several of her teachers as much as told her that she was just not capable in some subjects. Her parents did not support nor did they encourage her academic efforts. At sixteen, she struck out on her own, heading to live at a college more than an hour's travel from home.
Finally, in college she found some friends and an environment that supported her dream to graduate one day from university. Teachers were now more responsive in helping. And with some tutoring in areas where she had struggled she soon began to excel. Home and its chaos still occasionally spilled over into her path but she pressed on with growing confidence. It was there that my friend found love, a young man who lived near the college. He saw in her someone who persevered and overcame so many obstacles. He loved her fierce passion and strong family values despite so much around her that acted to snuff it out. Together they dreamed of forging their own family and future.
After graduating college the pair went off to Ottawa to study at university together. Four years later they both had the honours degrees that they had so dilligently sought. Next marriage and work followed - this took them further from their birthplaces and families as they struck out together into new and foreign territory. His career began as technical professional and she became a support worker. It was then that both happiness and tragedy stuck. They were told they could not conceive normally but were overjoyed when they learned that she was expecting twins - something they both had dreamed about. But their joy was crushed with pain as they suffered a miscarriage and their deeply anticipated twins Sarah Anne and Amy Anne lived but a day.
In there darkness a light arose and she conceived again. This time a healthy boy arrived one year to the day that they lost their beautiful daughters. And then again there came great difficulty and struggle when a horrid woman at a support group falsely accused my dear friend of abuse. Amid the turmoil and betrayal my beautiful comrade wrote a powerful letter of forgiveness to her accuser that touched the hearts of several people.
In time their family grew to six. And my young heroine sought to give her children the best by teaching them from home. And under here loving care their children proved to be bright and full of life. Unfortunately, time and biology took their toll. A new challenge arose in the form of mental health struggles. My brave lady presses on to this day fighting this terrible challenge within herself.
The children are all good and responsible citizens at various stages of life. By all standards the family is a success. Yes, they struggle with bills and daily difficulties but all in all they have no real significant setbacks. But still my good friend feels a failure at her life. Happy healthy kids, a kind considerate husband of nearly 25 years and a decent home all attest to her powerful drive to make her desires into reality and to keep going. Despite poor family role models and a difficult start she managed to successfully navigate the dangerous landmines of life.
I so wish my friend could see herself and her family differently. Both she and our society tend to judge with a harshness thay guarantees failure for almost everyone. By now you may have guessed that my friend is my wonderful and talented wife. I am torn apart when she criticises her achievements and belittles all that she has done. She is still a beautiful soul to me, with so much to be proud of and so much more promise ahead of her. Today, I think of her and I am so grateful for all that she has given me over our lives together and I am proud of all that she has overcome. Her ruler does not measure achievement as mine does but that is okay. Like George Bailey in "It's a Wonderful Life" I suspect that one day she may find a kinder and gentler way of measuring success, one that we all can benefit from discovering!
