Anticipate Weakness

Anticipate Weakness

©2015 Scott D. Wilson,P.Eng.

 

No matter what noble goal we pursue there will come moments of weakness where will we be tempted to throw in the towel or to simply derail our progress by doing something counter-productive.  For the person trying to lose weight it will be that time late at night, fatigued, lonely and down. That will be when the refrigerator or the cookie jar will sing with its irresistible siren song.  For the new entrepreneur it can be around the time that the novelty wears off, enthusiasm peters out and their confidence begins to wane. Or perhaps the feeling of despair sets in when the first significant challenge rears its head and seems insurmountable.   In short, the urges to give in and give up are pretty well universal to all who set goals and set out to succeed.

 

The lesson is that everyone falls prey to moments of weakness so we should anticipate these moments and do our best to prepare for them.  When we set out we always envision ourselves motivated and energized from that point onward.  This is an unrealistic expectation of ourselves.  We need to be kinder to our future selves and help them prepare for the moments of weakness and temptation.  Under present conditions we need to empathize with those under the strain to conform and to take the path of least resistance.  What tools could we give them to help them succeed?  What information could help them to stay positive and motivated to continue?  It is best to ask these questions now when there is no pressure or urgency.

 

If we each had an enemy that we knew was going to attack us some time in the future where we are at our weakest then we would be crazy not to take precautions against them.  We might hire security, train in self-defence, purchase weapons, travel in groups for safety or some other protective measures.  We would certainly not ignore the future threat.  In this case we are actually being pursued by an extremely dangerous enemy and that enemy is ourselves.  We know that they will hit us when we are most vulnerable so it makes sense to prepare now while we are strong.

 

There is another way to understand this idea in concrete terms.  We do our best to maintain our vehicles.  Nonetheless, many of us keep emergency kits in the car so that the effect of unexpected breakdowns is minimized.  Likewise, it is prudent to have disaster kits in our homes for emergencies and first aid.  It would be unwise to start a long quest in the wilderness without a survival pack.  I am suggesting something similar here.  We need to prepare a kind of emergency kit for motivation and determination.  For example, our midnight snacker might pack a distraction in their kit.  They think of food while bored and lonely so the kit might be a game or book or movie or something that they would enjoy more than a snack.  Reserve this item specifically for emergencies so that it is a truly worthwhile distraction.

 

Whether dieting or starting a new business  or any self-improvement goal, the emergency kit will need to be personal and it will need to help keep us in the right direction.  There is no one pat answer that will help for everyone.  Our entrepreneur might write down a list of reasons why they want to pursue their business and keep it in their kit.  Another might list all their talents and assets that support their goal.  Still another might keep recommendations and commendations from various sources that affirm their objectives.  The point is to get creative.  Use pictures, videos, songs, audio, mementos, cash, a list of friends to call, special objects… anything that will shore you up and help you to stay the course when your moments of weakness hit.  The effectiveness of your emergency kit will be proportional to the effort that you put into it while preparing. It also goes somewhat without saying but remember that this is an emergency kit.  It is to be used as weapon of last resort. The more it is used the less effective it will become.  This device is to help you when you are most in need of it.

 

I should also mention that our emergency kit does not necessarily need to be physical.  Martial artists train in repetitive cycles call katas, taolu or forms.  It is this repetition that prepares them to act appropriately when encountering an enemy.  This training and preparation is done when no threats are present.  It allows the people to be prepared and confident when a real opponent strikes.  Since we are talking about mental and emotional battles with ourselves then the fight will be taking place in our mind so it is there where we can also make preparations.  Mottos, maxims, prayers and quotes that reverberate within us can also serve to bolster us when weakness hits.  Again, these are personal so each one of needs to find something that we can repeatedly bring to mind that will help our thoughts, our spirits and our hearts.

My point in this diatribe is to encourage you to anticipate the worst in yourself.  Do not hold unrealistic expectation of your abilities and motivation.  Humbly admit your weaknesses and failings.  We all suffer from self-doubt and loneliness at different times.  Nobody alive is free from temptation.  However, these darkest hours need not be our downfall if we anticipate and prepare for them.  Take the time today while you are in a good place and your goals are clear and certain.  Work and plan to help yourself to remain on course for your goals when the windy trials and tribulations of life seek to shipwreck you and blow you off course! 

Finding Success

Finding Success 

©2015 Scott D. Wilson

This article is dedicated to the admirable life and great friendship of Dr. Janice McCarthy.
I do not know when exactly but I do know that soon a light will fade from this planet and the universe will be a bit darker. My friend, Doctor Janice McCarthy is in the final stages of her battle with the evil that is cancer. My heart breaks for her husband and children and their unfair loss.


But I am not writing here about loss. I am writing about finding success. I do not know a single person who does not crave success in their life. It is almost a fundamental human drive like hunger, sex, love and acceptance. However, we all seem to achieve varying levels of success in our lives. We all want and dream of success yet few of us are willing to do all that is needed to achieve those goals. I believe that the drive for success is akin to psychologist Abraham Maslow's description of the quest for self-actualization.


I am privileged to have known several successful people in my passage through this weary land of heartaches and broken dreams. Some were wealthy.  Others had meager means. Some were well known and popular. While some live in quiet obscurity. There were those both brilliant and simple. I would imagine that many reading here wonder then how I am defining success.


Earl Nightingale gave the best definition of success that I am aware of to date.  His definition stated that "Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal."  In most people's eyes worthy ideals are mainly fame and fortune. I have a much broader view of success yet I would have to say that still only a few obtain it.


My successful few have one common thread: a fearless passion for life. Their legacies are loving families, heartfelt friends, admiring colleagues, grateful neighbours and a general respect from virtually all who knew them. Whatever their circumstance they grabbed life for all it was worth. None of them were victims in their maturity. Their environments did not subdue or define them. They truly overcame the world and themselves.  Oh, they had fears and nightmares but they all learned to face them to persevere beyond them.

My friend Janice is not dying of cancer. She is truly living deeply and fully with the disease. Despite the ravages of the illness she seems more alive now than when we first met. Yes, I see a certain sadness within her but it is not regret.  It is the natural yearning for more. Her smile, her wit, her impish ways, her unconquered spirit burn brightly. Even in the precious last days she still reaches out and counsels her patients. Her abundant generosity has not been stemmed by this vicious disease.  I see in her the unbowed unbroken warrior.  I cannot help but be inspired.


Why is this success?  She has lived this life on her terms. That is one of the noblest ideals that I can envision. The lives she has touched attest to this. Of this I have no doubt. Her family and friends have been given a shining legacy from her. I will miss my friend but I will forever be enriched by my time spent with her.


And so I encourage you, my reader, to look to your own life. Find your own success and commit your life to it. Use the inspirations of lives well lived to find your own noble ideals. Do not narrow success to money or popularity. Define life on your own terms. Dream big and work hard. Love deeply and boldly!  Do not let world extinguish your light. Burn brightly like a shooting star... like my friend Janice.

"To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—this is to have succeeded."- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The Language of Your Life

The Language of your Life

©2015 Scott D. Wilson

 

“Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it”  ― Christopher Morley

 

Depending on your view language is either mankind’s greatest invention or its greatest gift.  Language enables us to share and transmit ideas, feelings and experiences in creative ways.  We take it for granted as we use it daily, but language is one of our most powerful tools.  Language has been used to change countless lives and even to forge the events of history itself.  Language is the programming code for our minds.  The way we speak reveals a lot about our upbringing and our background.   Our speech also shows the inner workings of our mind and thoughts.

 

If you close your eyes and imagine then you can likely think of countless examples of speaking patterns that you have encountered throughout your life: 

 

• the clipped speech of a police officer who has pulled you over
• the colourful drawl and homespun words of a rural western American 
• the loud and vibrant language of a passionate evangelical preacher
• the rough profanity-laced dialogue of a hard-living miner
• the carefully measured words of a suit-and-tie executive speaking to the board
• the angry venom of a native New York cabbie who just got cut off by another driver.
• the gentle tones and soft language of a counsellor consoling a grieving spouse
• the serious and grave dialect of criminal judge handing down a severe sentence

 

My point is that words themselves and how they are delivered vary immensely and carry with them more than mere information.  In a sense, we paint a picture with our language.  We study the ancient cave drawings in the hope to understand prehistoric communications.  We know that our development of words literally took the place of those early cave paintings.

 

Yes, we use language to convey ideas, images, feeling and experience.  In essence, we use speech to share a piece of our lives or a moment of our living.  Ah, but allow me to expand the vocabulary of this discussion.  The deaf use words but they convey them through gestures and signs.  The blind read but they must use texture and form.  So communication is not limited to words on page or the oration from our mouths.  Of course we have all heard of body language but that is not really what I am talking about here.

 

I am talking about the very dialogue of our daily living.  Every day we get up and go about living our lives.  How we do this communicates to universe itself and to others.  The vocabulary of our actions speaks volumes to our character and our attitude.  We may quietly whisper our gratitude through the act of prayer and meditation.  We may loudly proclaim our anger and frustration through our surliness or sullen attitude.  We might chat our joy brightly through our beaming smile and happy demeanor.  Perhaps we speak slowly and deliberately with our careful behaviour and cautious nature.  Or perchance we might zip off the quick staccato of our nervousness.

 

What I am saying here is that our behaviour speaks as truly as our words.  Our lives are like that cave wall thousands of years ago.  We paint upon it our communications to others and to the world around us.  I am asking you, reader, to consider what kind of message you are sending with your life.  Is it a deliberate and positive message that others will want to read and understand?  Or possibly are you randomly scrawling on the walls of your lifetime?  Today, you have the chance to become aware of the messages that you have been sending.  Look back and try to read the words that you have been living.  Do they contain hope?  Love? Trust?  Fear?  Bitterness?  Despair?

 

Life is meant to be deliberately lived.  If we intend to succeed we need to look not only at what we are saying to others with our words but also what we are saying with our demeanor, our attitude, our dress, our deportment… our entire lives!  Make sure your whole message is worth hearing!

 

“In the end, we'll all become stories.”  ― Margaret Atwood

Denying Leadership - the Perils

Denying Leadership - the Perils

©2015 Scott D. Wilson

 

Do you want to be successful?  Do you want to be a leader?  If you answered ‘yes’ to the first question then you better have answered ‘yes’ to the second one as well.  “But I don’t want to lead anyone!” you may protest.  My response to you is “Too bad, get used to it!”  I used to be exactly like you.  I thought I could be successful all on my own, away from the crowds and the rest of the world.  I did not want to be a leader.  To be a leader means having followers and to me that seemed like an unnecessary responsibility and hassle.

However, if one is serious about success then one needs to look at what exactly it means to succeed.  Put simply, success at its most basic level is merely setting a goal and through effort, measurably achieving it.  For example, in weight loss, one usually gauges success by achieving a given body weight or fat percentage.  Unless one is losing an insignificant amount of weight then achieving this goal will take significant determination and the effects will be noticeable.  If one succeeds there will be people who have known the individual who will ask about their method and the key to their achievement.  Remember, many people try unsuccessfully to lose weight.  Actually losing weight would put this person in the small group of leaders that has attained the desired goal.

In most worthwhile ventures you will likely seek the help and expertise of others with experience or knowledge that will aid you in your quest.  As a seeker you will understand the need for leaders to help those along the path.  As you gain your own knowledge and experience in any field this will eventually make you a leader in that area. If you have received help it will be natural to want to return this help to those who seek to follow towards the same goal.  This is basic leadership.

Whatever the nature of what you strive for, when you attain your goals people will in all likelihood notice.  Success stands out amid the struggling crowds.  Visible change is generally required to reach our various goals.  Change and difference are noticeable amid this largely mundane world.  Succeeding at virtually anything draws the attention of others.

If success were commonplace then there would be little need for leaders, but real achievement is sufficiently rare that it demands leadership from those who attain their goals.  Even those new to success need to acknowledge their leadership.   Leaders are required… even those who might be inexperienced in success and those who are still avidly learning!  Perfection and mastery are not perquisites for leadership.

If you are proving yourself and making developments in some endeavour then people will start to look to you as an expert in the subject.  Success and leadership go hand in hand.  Denying leadership is to deny success.

This does not mean that we seek leadership to in the hopes of creating success.  Being successful generates leadership but leadership does not necessarily breed success. This does however mean that we should not reject or deny leadership as we win ground in our personal efforts.  We need to become comfortable with others looking up to us and seeking advice or guidance.  This is a natural by-product of achievement.

Though our personal goals may pertain only to our own development and improvement we need to be aware that this can and will alter who we are and how we are perceived by others.  And this is ok.  Being followed is not to be dreaded.  Humbly accept that your own success can fuel and inspire the dreams, hopes and efforts of others.  And if by some odd chance someone uses your guidance to motivate their own success then perchance one day you might paradoxically choose to follow their leadership!

Fill a Need

Fill a Need

©2015 Scott D. Wilson
 

I want to tell you two remarkable stories.  The first story is that of a young intern back in 1991.  Like many of her ilk she works hard and long hours striving to learn all that she can to become a superb physician and ultimately a skilled surgeon.  During this time she is assigned to a critical care ward where she encounters and elderly patient whose illness is very likely terminal.  They chat and find a common bond in their passion for fly fishing.  Their relationship is limited to the regular brief encounters during the young physician’s daily rounds. 
 
One day the doctor notes that the patient’s demeanor is more subdued.  Her inquiry yields a heart-felt statement from the patient.  Tomorrow is his wedding anniversary.  For all of the 60+ years that he has been married he has never missed a wedding anniversary.  But now he is stuck in this bed unable to do anything for his beloved.  Saying nothing our diligent doctor politely takes her leave and moves on.
 
The next day, shortly after the elderly patient’s wife arrives for her regular visit a large bouquet of flowers is delivered to her under her husband’s name.  Our physician hears the joyful tale from her patient later that day.  With a tired smile she goes on her way.
 
My next story is that of another new physician.  However this lady is not so young.  For you see, she was first a nurse for several years before she decided to become a doctor.  This tale begins on a night shift.  A rookie nurse is working the palliative care floor.  The ink is barely dry on her certificate.  Our new physician is also on duty performing rounds when the frantic young nurse stops her in the hall.  An elderly patient is in the last stages of dying.  He has no family to comfort him in his last hours.  He is moaning and begging the young nurse for someone to just hold him.  This is our fledgling nurse’s first encounter with a dying patient.  She desperately looks to our physician for direction.
 
Without a word the fresh doctor quickly walks towards the patient’s room.  Then, to the astonishment of the novice nurse, the doctor careful climbs onto the bed and gently wraps her arms around the dying man.  And there in the room our nurse and doctor remain for several small hours till the old man passes from this world.  The impact on the nurse was significant.  She had never before experienced the likes of such a doctor.
 
Why do I spin these tales for you?  Because they a real, and because I see a lesson of success in their actions.  I am privileged to call the first doctor my sister.  The second wonderful healer is the daughter of my mother’s best friend.  In both cases these wonderful women saw a need and compassionately filled it.  They did not seek glory or recognition.  Indeed I would not know of them had they not been relayed to me by third parties.  Despite their authority and positions they did not feel these tasks were beneath them. 
 
In Disney’s film ‘Robots’ the protagonist falls in love with the catchphrase “See a need. Fill a need.”  The idea is that if we identify a problem then we are in probability also the person most able to develop the solution.  In the film the character’s desire to follow this ideal leads him on the path to success. The two ladies above perfectly lived this creed.  Their examples challenge me.  As I consider the most successful people in business and in life I realize that they too exemplified this truth.  Mother Theresa, Bill Gates, Alexander Graham Bell,  Nicolai Tesla, and others… they all saw needs and successfully filled them.  If we are to succeed in this life then we too should follow this pattern.
 
We all have unique talents and abilities.  We all look around and see this world’s many deficiencies.  Today, instead of hoping that someone else will fix them, perhaps we can turn it around and consider how we might be the necessary person to bless this needy world.  Like my two doctors, may we find our own way to quietly “fill a need.”