Denying Leadership - the Perils

Denying Leadership - the Perils

©2015 Scott D. Wilson

 

Do you want to be successful?  Do you want to be a leader?  If you answered ‘yes’ to the first question then you better have answered ‘yes’ to the second one as well.  “But I don’t want to lead anyone!” you may protest.  My response to you is “Too bad, get used to it!”  I used to be exactly like you.  I thought I could be successful all on my own, away from the crowds and the rest of the world.  I did not want to be a leader.  To be a leader means having followers and to me that seemed like an unnecessary responsibility and hassle.

However, if one is serious about success then one needs to look at what exactly it means to succeed.  Put simply, success at its most basic level is merely setting a goal and through effort, measurably achieving it.  For example, in weight loss, one usually gauges success by achieving a given body weight or fat percentage.  Unless one is losing an insignificant amount of weight then achieving this goal will take significant determination and the effects will be noticeable.  If one succeeds there will be people who have known the individual who will ask about their method and the key to their achievement.  Remember, many people try unsuccessfully to lose weight.  Actually losing weight would put this person in the small group of leaders that has attained the desired goal.

In most worthwhile ventures you will likely seek the help and expertise of others with experience or knowledge that will aid you in your quest.  As a seeker you will understand the need for leaders to help those along the path.  As you gain your own knowledge and experience in any field this will eventually make you a leader in that area. If you have received help it will be natural to want to return this help to those who seek to follow towards the same goal.  This is basic leadership.

Whatever the nature of what you strive for, when you attain your goals people will in all likelihood notice.  Success stands out amid the struggling crowds.  Visible change is generally required to reach our various goals.  Change and difference are noticeable amid this largely mundane world.  Succeeding at virtually anything draws the attention of others.

If success were commonplace then there would be little need for leaders, but real achievement is sufficiently rare that it demands leadership from those who attain their goals.  Even those new to success need to acknowledge their leadership.   Leaders are required… even those who might be inexperienced in success and those who are still avidly learning!  Perfection and mastery are not perquisites for leadership.

If you are proving yourself and making developments in some endeavour then people will start to look to you as an expert in the subject.  Success and leadership go hand in hand.  Denying leadership is to deny success.

This does not mean that we seek leadership to in the hopes of creating success.  Being successful generates leadership but leadership does not necessarily breed success. This does however mean that we should not reject or deny leadership as we win ground in our personal efforts.  We need to become comfortable with others looking up to us and seeking advice or guidance.  This is a natural by-product of achievement.

Though our personal goals may pertain only to our own development and improvement we need to be aware that this can and will alter who we are and how we are perceived by others.  And this is ok.  Being followed is not to be dreaded.  Humbly accept that your own success can fuel and inspire the dreams, hopes and efforts of others.  And if by some odd chance someone uses your guidance to motivate their own success then perchance one day you might paradoxically choose to follow their leadership!

Powerful Choosing

Powerful Choosing

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

I am extremely blessed to have stumbled upon a fellow that I must credit as my mentor. We have long discussions about everything under the sun, but oddly none of it is truly small talk. My friend can turn conversation on a dime and we suddenly connect several concepts that no one in their right mind would normally put together.  He has a powerful mind and an a sharp wit.  Like a Zen master he can ask a question that will immediately enlighten you when you try to answer it.  I have written this introduction because I want to relate to you a powerful idea that he once shared with me.

I believe that we had been discussing some matter of interpersonal conflict in which I was involved.  He paused thoughtfully, looked straight at me and said the following: 

"There are only two paths: We can either seek to control the world (others) or we can seek to control ourselves.  We cannot do both.  In the end, it is not truly a choice.  For if we earnestly seek to become masters of others and this world then we will eventually come full circle and find that we must first master ourselves."

To many this particular concept may not seem that revolutionary but for me that moment crystallized my understanding of so much of my struggles.  We each see the world through our own experience, fraught with pains and toils, love and joy.  From our selfish vantage we seek to forge or discover some peace and happiness.  In the process, we strive to take control of our environment so that we might bend it to our will and our view of what is right and wrong.  We want our surrounding to support us and our views.  We do not want to be hindered.  This is where our troubles so often begin.

In this idealistic quest we often believe "If only the world was this way then..." or "If only he/she was this way then..."  We want what we want and we expect the world around us to conform to our needs and desires.  In our mind we have rationalized all our beliefs.  There are logical reasons for all our decisions.  Surely everyone should see with clarity the correctness of our viewpoint!  If we are correct then by extension all other options must be incorrect.

And so we argue and push and strive to make others and our world conform to what we believe it should be.  We even make our own satisfaction contingent on achieving this feat.  We make statements like "I will be happy when..." or "If only this was the case then everything would be fine."  We put off peace and personal happiness until we have control of all the variables.  In our quest to control everything about us we fail to control ourselves and our own thoughts and emotions. Our own fears and thoughts betray us and unravel our efforts to succeed.

 I saw the futility of all of my struggles in an instant when my friend made his simple statement. My quest to manipulate my world was foolish.  I truly had control over only one thing: myself.  And truth be told, I was not mastering myself very well.  I could be readily hurt or angered by others.  I was defensive.  I was fearful.  Who was I to tell others how they should think or act?

In that moment I realized that I was the one who needed to change, not the world.  The universe was unfolding in the manner to which it was designed.  I did not create this world so why did I believe that I knew how it should be?  I needed to walk my own path and that was hard enough.  It would be arrogant to believe that I knew better than others as to how they should live.  This was a significant step in letting go of my need to be "right."  

It has been several years since that day of revelation.  I still fall into conflict with others now and then.  I am after all an imperfect human being living in a less than perfect world.  I do however see my conflicts with different eyes and now I often ask myself what inside of me needs to change to  resolve my struggles.  I can look on conflict with greater dispassion, asking myself what each situation is trying to teach me.  My antagonists are not enemies that might strike me down; they are teachers with opportunity to enlighten me.  The choice truly is mine.

So does my tale ring true with you my reader?  What are you choosing today?  Do you want to rule the world?  Start with yourself. Choose well.

"I do my thing and you do your thing.

I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,

And you are not in this world to live up to mine.

You are you, and I am I,

and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.

If not, it can't be helped."  —The Gestalt Prayer by Fritz Perls