Choosing Your Loss

●♥● Choosing Your Loss ●♥●

“To dare is to lose one’s footing momentarily.Not to dare is to lose oneself.”

          —Soren Kierkegaard

If you are reading my words here then you likely have dared to attempt to change yourself. You are daring to move towards your goals and seek success. In this place, you likely feel that you are on unsure footing. You do not know if the changes that you are making will succeed or not.  You wonder if your efforts will pay off. You have lost your stability, comfort and familiarity. You are chancing failure, disappointment and pain. Every moment tempts you to give in and go back to your old easy habits and lifestyle. Before you do, consider what you would be losing.

You will lose one more day creating the self that you desire. You will lose the satisfying experience of time spent working toward your goals and sadly you will gain more regret for the possibilities that you neglected. You will lose an opportunity to improve and to grow. You will lose precious time needed to help you become the person that you yearn to be. When you chose not to dare you are actually losing yourself.

Both risk and security both carry loss. One loses stability and the other loses oneself. Knowing this, choose your loss wisely.

Cheers!

©2019 Scott D. Wilson, P.Eng.

Choose Your Pain

Choose Your Pain

“Growth is painful.
Change is painful.
Yet nothing is as painful as staying stuck Somewhere that you don’t belong.”
–Author Unknown

In this life, there will be pain.  Some of that pain will be unavoidable.  The loss of loved ones, tragic accidents and unforeseeable disasters are just part of living.  Other pain will be optional.  Being honest helps us to prevent the shame of being caught in a lie.  Acting in a timely manner helps to evade the pain of regret. Living a sedentary lifestyle avoids many physical pains, at least in the short term.  However, many life decisions carry pain on both sides.  Avoiding relationships can avert the pain of rejection but it can lead to the ache of loneliness and solitude.

So in reality, life is careful balance between the pursuit of pleasures and the avoidance of pains.  It is in pursuing this balance that we can fall into grave errors.  Too often, many of us avoid short term discomfort and thereby forego long term benefits.  Growth and change are positive actions that grant long term benefits.  However, growth and change usually involve some painful and unpleasant situations.  Looking back on honestly on our failures, mistakes and errors in order to understand them and learn from them is a very humbling and uneasy process.  However, failure to perform such reflection on our actions results in our suffering the repetition of these same behaviours an incurring the same agonizing results.

Likewise, our desire to maintain our comfort keeps us in places that eventually create anguish and distress.  Abuse of credit to keep a certain lifestyle will ultimately lead to a tormenting situation in the future.  Physically being sedentary is enjoyable for many years but eventually that lifestyle will lead to suffering and illness.  Our bodies were designed to be active and proper activity comes with some inconvenience and discomfort.  If we unwisely ignore the future results of our choices then our decisions to avoid pain or to pursue pleasure will end in unexpected sorrow.

So this is our daily challenge:  Choose your pain.  Accept that life will have some pain.  You cannot avoid it all.  Hedonism will ultimately have to pay the piper one day.  We cannot avoid paying the eventual cost for either our negligence or indulgence.  Pick your pain wisely.  Understand both the benefits and the cost – short term and long term.  Ask if what feels good now will hurt in the future.  Question if the pain that you are avoiding presently might have some ultimate benefit that you require.  Learn from the pain of that past and use that learning and experience to shrewdly pick your pains today so that tomorrow you might evade significant agonies and instead harvest the better pleasures that you so greatly desire.

“Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”
― William Goldman (“The Princess Bride”)

©2018 Scott D. Wilson

Overcoming The Enemy in the Mirror

Overcoming The Enemy in the Mirror

“If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self.”
–Napoleon Hill

If I were only able to impart one brief idea to the world then I think the one above might just be it. As I watch people milling about living their lives as best that they can, I see one universal struggle: people fighting with themselves. Whether these people seek to get ahead, escape from life situations, discover meaning and purpose, achieve weight loss or whatever, their greatest struggles are rarely with their circumstances and the world at large but rather with themselves.

Even those who are disciplined and regimented seem to labour with this matter. Many who seem successful in general still seem to find comeuppance in some area of their lives. Meanwhile, the temptation is quite strong for each of us to externalize the various problems that plague our existence…

-If I had his or her connections then I’d have a better job.

-If I liked vegetable more I’d still have a good body.

-If I had their skills then I could be paid to do that.

-If I lived there then I would have it made.

-If I were lucky then I’d take those chances.

The issue is always our body, our workplace, our society, our situation, our family, our kids, our spouse, our friends and so on, ad nauseam. Heaven forbid that heart of the problem may well lie within our very own heart and soul. That would be unthinkable! Our mantra and fantasy is “Once everything and everyone else changes to what I want then I can finally succeed and be happy.” We remain perplexed by those who just seem to navigate this life with ease and accomplishment. Clearly, they must be special.

I know of no easy cure to this point of view and I believe it to be fatal. If it sounds familiar, this is also the addict’s mindset. A full blown addict sees all their problems as external and themselves as a victim. A struggling addict grudgingly admits they might have a problem but they are always waiting for certain circumstances to allow them to change and overcome them. However, unless an addict slams headlong into his or her problems and is forced to see the cause within then they will never have a chance to recover. Even this realization is only the first step in a life-long battle to overcome themselves.

So if we see ourselves as the problem then the question becomes, “How do we prevail in this struggle with ourselves?” Realizing that you have an enemy and that the enemy is within is one thing. Preventing that enemy for overcoming us again and again is quite another matter. Carved on the ancient temple at the Oracle of Delphi are the words “Know thyself.” The wisdom of these words has been recognized for centuries. We are not just a mere intellectual mind and consciousness bobbing along through the universe trapped within a meat cage. That view is simplistic at best.

We are a complex mix of conscious and unconscious reactions, emotions and perceptions. We are creatures of both emotion and thought, mind and body. What we do to our body affects our faculties to think, and what and how we think likewise affects our bodies. To truly know oneself is to understand one’s very heart and soul, the darkness and the light, our nobility and our cowardice… and to truly accept them.

The universe impartially accepts us as we are and has accordingly assigned consequences to teach us about ourselves and our actions. It is the ultimate training program, tailored to respond to our every action. The results we get teach us about ourselves, each other and this incredible time and place in which we live. The problems start for each of us when we want to control the training regime itself and the results that it is giving us.

We literally want to manipulate reality and its principles. We want wealth without work. We want fame without understanding the needs of others. We want fitness without effort. We want love and understanding without offering unconditional acceptance towards others and without confronting our own deeply personal fears. We want our hearts to submit to our minds without acknowledging our soul’s very real and significant needs and desires. Reality keeps responding otherwise and we continue to rage against it.

Like the addicts, we will continue to frustrate ourselves if we see all our problems outside ourselves. The desire to bend existence to meet our expectations will continually generate great grief and exasperation. It is the disharmony between our mind and the enemy in the mirror that sabotages all our efforts inside and outside ourselves.

As Napoleon Hill stated we must conquer our self or we will be conquered by our self. Yet too many would wrongly read this as the mind conquers and controls the body and the emotions by brute force and willpower. That is the rationalistic view. Yet mankind is NOT rational. Mankind is emotional. Before rational thinking, before concepts, before words we each experienced life through perceptions and emotions. That is our base or core operating system.

For our minds to succeed in directing our hearts our minds must begin to learn to think and operate at that primal emotional level. Taoist philosophers and martial artist speak of defeating enemies before they exist. Someone who makes no enemies is indeed a very successful martial artist. This truth exists both within and without. The mind does not overcome our spirit by raw willpower and opposition. Our emotions are patient. They will wait until our rational mind is weakened, tired and inattentive and then they will strike and overcome it.

Instead, we must use our minds to understand that emotions do not grow in vacuums. If we awaken our awareness to our bodies and our heart then they will tell us what frightens them and what they love. The wise mind then uses our loves and passions to fuel constructive behaviours and actions. Only a heart and spirit that is well fed, cared for and secure will gladly and willingly cooperate with logical mind.

It is possible to know ourselves – both our emotions and our thoughts. It is possible to minimize the struggling with ourselves. There are many paths towards that end if we seek them. For some it is meditation. For others it is mindfulness. Some require focused activities like yoga or tai chi. Some read and then quietly contemplate. Still others use prayer. The key is to find out what works for you to get in touch with your inner workings.

Our unconscious or non-verbal selves can communicate with us but we need to create the circumstances that allow them to be heard by our ever-babbling brains. We need to invest time in ourselves to better understand our own personal spiritual, emotional, social, physical and intellectual needs. Fears and worries will dog us and thwart our logical goals if we do not face them, understand them and overcome them.

If you struggle finding a path for yourself then look to those who are graceful and harmonious in their lives. These people have discovered how to peacefully unite their hearts and their minds. They do what they want and they want what they do. Content with themselves they continually strive to improve and grow. They understand their own foolish thoughts and actions and the foolish ideas and actions of others. They express compassion towards themselves and to all those around them. Listening and aware, they properly feed their hearts as well as their minds. They are at peace internally and externally. Seek out such people and their wisdom, as they have subdued their selves and with this new ally they boldly and successfully face their fears and undertake to build their dreams.

When you find your life and your goals and plans are frustrated resist the temptation to blame the world. Gently accept your role in creating your circumstances. Become teachable and let the universe impart to you its often difficult and painful lessons. Find the path to understanding the emotional and non-verbal sides to yourself. Discipline your mind to listen to your body and your spirit. Learn to meet all your personal needs. Discover the ways to harmonize your mind with its internal and external environments. Then will you be able to successfully conquer yourself and overcome your adversary in the mirror by transforming them into a comrade.

©2017 Scott D. Wilson

The Greatest Power

The Greatest Power

“How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a weary world.” -William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice

As an engineer and scientist, I have studied power. Gravitational, nuclear, electrical, chemical, thermal and magnetic forces are just a few of the many cosmic elements of power in the material realm. Science defines power as force acting upon objects to do work. And so it is in mankind’s societies and culture. Worldly power is the ability to influence people to do things.

In science, work is force applied over a distance. Another way of looking at that is to say that work is power applied to make changes in the state of physical objects. Thermal power applied to a pot of water makes it boil. Electrical power applied to a motor makes it turn. The power of an idea applied to people’s lives can change their actions and the very nature of their existence.

It has been my experience that the greatest power in the universe is the power to change a single life. Obviously, this power can be both wisely used or foolishly abused. A harsh cruel word can cripple a soul. A kind act or even a simple smile can soothe a wounded spirit. If we use the power of our choices and actions wisely we can alter the course of a life for the better, and like a droplet of water upon a still pool the effects can radiate outwards into the world touching countless other people and their existences.

Truly, the power to change a single life has an unimaginable impact on the universe. We can never know the extent of the effect across time and space. No one is an island. One life touches so many others throughout bot time and space. With our limited viewpoint all we can personally see is the one existence that we may have changed. Yet our simplest actions could yield effects across many lives and generations.

The question arises: Knowing this now, how does one choose to act upon it? You personally have the greatest unimaginable power to change a single life: your own! Many thoughts will enter your mind today. Will you entertain the positive, constructive and loving ones, or will you dwell upon the dark, fearful and destructive ones? Will you treat yourself with kindness, gentleness and respect, or will you allow yourself to act carelessly inflicting harm to your body, mind or spirit? Will your actions today foster feelings of belonging, joy and peace or will they lead to the poisonous emotions of envy, greed, bitterness and anger.

Many seem to crave power in the hopes to use it to work a change of state in their outer lives. Oddly, these same folks usually fail to use their existing power where it will have the greatest impact working change upon the state of their inner existence. If you truly want the power to shine light upon this marvelous yet weary world in which we live then do it wisely starting with a single life: your own. Begin your good deeds within, that they may then shine forth into all the world through every life that you encounter.

©2017 S.D.Wilson

Critics for Breakfast

Critics for Breakfast

 “There is only one way to avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.” –Aristotle

Criticism, it comes from many sources:  friends, family, strangers and even ourselves.  Rarely a day goes by where I do not see posts on here where someone has not been stung in some way by a judgmental thought.  Noble Aristotle makes a very wise point here.  We seem to face criticism for what we do, what we say, what think and what we are.   So we can avoid criticism.  We can largely avoid the slings and arrows of our fellow man and woman: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing. They can’t critique a target that isn’t there.

Or we can accept that there is a cost to becoming something more than we are today.  We can acknowledge that there will always be a source of disparaging thoughts and comments that will be sent in our way as long as we strive for to be better.  We can understand that everyone who advanced was met with detractors and naysayers.  We can know in our hearts and our spirits that mere negative words will be part of the price that we gladly pay to become far more than nothing! Then turn the negatives around with your resolve. Let their “No, you can’t.” be the fuel for your “Oh yes, I can!”

Here’s to a day filled with our potential, bring on the critics…I’m hungry!

©2017 S.D. Wilson

What if I?

What if I?

One unremarkable day
In an unremarkable year
In an unremarkable place
In an unremarkable house
That an unremarkable person
Did a remarkable thing
He wondered “What if I?”
And he didn’t stop.
It made all the difference in the world.

What if I can do more?
What if I have something unique to offer the world?
What if I *can* change?
What if I can let go of my past and begin something new and different?
What if I forgive myself and others?
What if I can overcome my circumstances?
What if I believed in myself?
What if I can be better today than I was yesterday?
What if I no longer wait for the right time?
What if I have failed but I am not truly a failure?
What if I stop making excuses?
What if I quit looking at obstacles and start seeking opportunities?
What if I accept myself as I am right now?
What if I face my fears?
What if I follow love?
What if I begin working on my dream?
What if I start NOW?

And then they DID!
They changed their world...
And then they changed ours!!

©2016 SD Wilson

Decide! The Deadly Culture of Indecision

Decide! The Deadly Culture of Indecision
©2015 Scott D. Wilson, P.Eng.

“Only when a decision is made and a commitment to action occurs does any real change ever happen.” –SDW

The successful lead. That is a given fact. One phrase often associated with leadership is "a man of action." There is good rean for this association. Good leaders do not waffle or wait to seek consensus. When a faced with a choice they decide and then take action to follow through. That is how they get results. Success is about getting results. Indecision is crippling to leadership.

We are living in a culture of indecision.  We think that making no decision is safer than making the wrong one.  That is a deadly mistake.  Making the correct decision yields good results and we move on.  Making an incorrect decision yields poor results and we face the opportunity to change course and improve. Making no decision yields something and if that thing is good we try to take credit and if it is poor we hold on to deniability because we didn’t make the decision.  This is the mindset of a victim, not a victor. It is certainly not leadership nor is it conducive to any form of success.  Making no decision is actually making the decision not to decide and that can be deadly.

Imagine if an emergency room physician used such a mindset.  Patients would quickly start dying.  Fear of the wrong decision is not an option.  The doctor must choose and work with the results.  If we are to grow and improve then we face the same scenario.  Fear of the wrong choice is no excuse for not making a decision when one is required.  Indecision denies our power.  Indecision doubts our talents and abilities. Indecision withdraws. Only a decision and the commitment to act on it advances forward.

There is a Zen proverb that goes “When you sit, sit. When you stand, stand. Above all, don't wobble.” In martial arts we call this wobbling state being ‘double-weighted.’  A fighter who is double-weighted is vulnerable because their indecision in the face of an opponent has placed them in an unbalanced condition.  If their weight was on one leg or the other then they could seek to advance or withdraw, attack or defend.  In the double-weighted state they are prone to attack and vulnerable to being toppled.  Our poor fighter needs to decide and act in order to correct his situation. Decision must be linked with the commitment to act for it to be effective. An empty decision is no better than indecision.

Is life advancing on you like an opponent and demanding a decision?  Are there areas of your journey were you are faced with a choice on the path?  Do not let indecision rob you of your victory or stop you dead.  In life’s voyage, sitting down at the cross-roads is not truly an option.  Recognize the need for a choice. Believe in yourself and your wisdom to choose.  Make the decision.  Commit to action. Move forward and grow from the experience.

Know that you are the only one stopping yourself.

Playing the Game

Playing the Game
®Scott D. Wilson,P.Eng.

"Life is like a game of cards. The hand you are dealt is determinism; the way you play it is free will." -Jawaharlal Nehru

Have you ever had someone say to you "Get your head in the game!"? Well one way to look at life is through the model of a game. You roll the dice. You make your moves. And you have some fun in the playing. Life is full of both joy and tragedy. To focus on either side is folly. Today, I suggest that we get our head in the game.

Genetics, birth circumstances, upbringing, family, geography, and so many more factors, these are the hand that we are dealt. We did not choose the game. The game chose us. Ah, but then we have this thing called 'choice'! We have the power to choose what we will and will not entertain in our lives. We have the power of doing and not doing, being and not being. What we take away can be priceless: experience.

If we pause in our gameplay and reflect on the moves we made, how we played our cards and the outcomes that we achieved then we can begin to see the patterns of cause and effect within ourselves and in others. Results are not random. We are not victims of our circumstances. Our choices have profound effects on ourselves and our world. We can become better gamesmen. Life can be hacked. We can up our game. Wisdom does not come by chance or accident. It is intentional. It is a choice too.

So whether you are on fairway or off in the rough, on the court or on the sidelines planning your next move, remember that you can always choose to look back and learn from how you played so far. There is always chance to learn and improve. Life is always there to teach you the lessons that you need to succeed. Circumstances are not an excuse not to play or improve. Your choices will both empower you and define you. It is the experience that counts so let's make experience that we can count on! Have fun and remember that nobody gets out of this alive so play it all with gusto!

"You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else." -Albert Einstein

Cheers!

P.S. Although life can be considered a game we should be aware that it is not a competitive one against the all the rest of humanity. If played well then everyone should win!!!

Nickelback - When We Stand Together

Ghosts of the Past

Ghosts of the Past©Scott D. Wilson 2015

"The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior." — Dr. Phil

Well, it is 2015, a new year.  January is classically the time to reflect on the past and look towards the future.  I have quoted above the the popular maxim of television personality Doctor Phil McGraw.  From a straightforward context this statement seems completely sound.  Our past is usually a good way to forecast our future.  Generally this is true but specifically it can and will break down.  The burning question that arises from this adage is:  Does our past define us? Have our past choices locked us on a certain and inevitable course?

The answer depends fundamentally on how we view existence. If we are mere biological machines mindlessly reacting to the stimuli of our environment then we are certainly doomed to follow a hapless path of consequence and reaction till we die. Like a mechanical device, our behaviour would be governed by a set of rules, complex or otherwise, and so we would predictably follow a given path from birth to death based on action and reaction. This is the view of many scientists today. If this is so then we are all victims of circumstance and fate.  Our past has locked us on auto-pilot.

Indeed, many people do live predictable lives. They are puzzled by their own reactions and choices. They live many days but experience little difference and rarely learn from their own experiences or those of others.  These unfortunate folks follow life like a dream, letting it take them where it may, hoping that it does not become a nightmare and occasionally hoping they will wake up.  Doctor Phil is correct about such people. They definitely prove the adage about the past and reinforce the scientific view of causality.

Fortunately, there is much evidence to show that we each retain a powerful ability, and that is the option to choose. We always have the opportunity to choose a different path for our life. We can learn from our successes and failures, as well as those of others. With careful consideration we can opt to move away from the choices of the past and put into action different possibilities and open new unconsidered doors of opportunity.

Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith were drunks. Their past decisions had locked them into a wreckless addiction with alcohol. They were both on paths that would have brought sickness and ruin to their lives. Medicine had told them they would either die of alcoholism or become confined to an assylum. One day the two met, fell into conversation and became friends. Together they discovered a different path that changed their lives and ended their slavery to drink. Their choices created a new way for addicts and from their work, today we have Alcoholics Anonymous.

We do not need to be a slave to our past. The past may haunt us but it does not have the power to define us. We all hold the spark of creation within us. Our future is not built for us.  We can build something new today. We can make new pathways. We can say goodbye to our ghosts!

“My past has not defined me, destroyed me, deterred me, or defeated me; it has only strengthened me.”  ― Steve Maraboli

Powerful Choosing

Powerful Choosing

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

I am extremely blessed to have stumbled upon a fellow that I must credit as my mentor. We have long discussions about everything under the sun, but oddly none of it is truly small talk. My friend can turn conversation on a dime and we suddenly connect several concepts that no one in their right mind would normally put together.  He has a powerful mind and an a sharp wit.  Like a Zen master he can ask a question that will immediately enlighten you when you try to answer it.  I have written this introduction because I want to relate to you a powerful idea that he once shared with me.

I believe that we had been discussing some matter of interpersonal conflict in which I was involved.  He paused thoughtfully, looked straight at me and said the following: 

"There are only two paths: We can either seek to control the world (others) or we can seek to control ourselves.  We cannot do both.  In the end, it is not truly a choice.  For if we earnestly seek to become masters of others and this world then we will eventually come full circle and find that we must first master ourselves."

To many this particular concept may not seem that revolutionary but for me that moment crystallized my understanding of so much of my struggles.  We each see the world through our own experience, fraught with pains and toils, love and joy.  From our selfish vantage we seek to forge or discover some peace and happiness.  In the process, we strive to take control of our environment so that we might bend it to our will and our view of what is right and wrong.  We want our surrounding to support us and our views.  We do not want to be hindered.  This is where our troubles so often begin.

In this idealistic quest we often believe "If only the world was this way then..." or "If only he/she was this way then..."  We want what we want and we expect the world around us to conform to our needs and desires.  In our mind we have rationalized all our beliefs.  There are logical reasons for all our decisions.  Surely everyone should see with clarity the correctness of our viewpoint!  If we are correct then by extension all other options must be incorrect.

And so we argue and push and strive to make others and our world conform to what we believe it should be.  We even make our own satisfaction contingent on achieving this feat.  We make statements like "I will be happy when..." or "If only this was the case then everything would be fine."  We put off peace and personal happiness until we have control of all the variables.  In our quest to control everything about us we fail to control ourselves and our own thoughts and emotions. Our own fears and thoughts betray us and unravel our efforts to succeed.

 I saw the futility of all of my struggles in an instant when my friend made his simple statement. My quest to manipulate my world was foolish.  I truly had control over only one thing: myself.  And truth be told, I was not mastering myself very well.  I could be readily hurt or angered by others.  I was defensive.  I was fearful.  Who was I to tell others how they should think or act?

In that moment I realized that I was the one who needed to change, not the world.  The universe was unfolding in the manner to which it was designed.  I did not create this world so why did I believe that I knew how it should be?  I needed to walk my own path and that was hard enough.  It would be arrogant to believe that I knew better than others as to how they should live.  This was a significant step in letting go of my need to be "right."  

It has been several years since that day of revelation.  I still fall into conflict with others now and then.  I am after all an imperfect human being living in a less than perfect world.  I do however see my conflicts with different eyes and now I often ask myself what inside of me needs to change to  resolve my struggles.  I can look on conflict with greater dispassion, asking myself what each situation is trying to teach me.  My antagonists are not enemies that might strike me down; they are teachers with opportunity to enlighten me.  The choice truly is mine.

So does my tale ring true with you my reader?  What are you choosing today?  Do you want to rule the world?  Start with yourself. Choose well.

"I do my thing and you do your thing.

I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,

And you are not in this world to live up to mine.

You are you, and I am I,

and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.

If not, it can't be helped."  —The Gestalt Prayer by Fritz Perls