Valuable Perspective

Valuable Perspective

“The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” –Mark Twain

A colleague of mine used to live in Port Rupert, British Columbia.  He still has many good friends there.  About a year ago he told me of one such friend of his who was living there with her husband and her young daughter.  He explained to me that she had an appointment with a specialist down the coast in Vancouver.  She had been feeling unwell for quite some time and after a battery of tests she was hoping they could finally tell her the cause of her decline in health.  Her husband and daughter had accompanied her on the long trip down the coast.  Unfortunately, she was given some pretty grave news.  She had stage four cancer and there was no chance for a cure.  They gave her less than a year to live.  Stunned by this brutal revelation, the three of them shuffled into their car and set off up the coast for the long ride home.

My colleague further explained to me that his friend was lying down in the back and her husband and daughter were seated in the front of the vehicle.   Unfortunately, the road was treacherous that day and her husband lost control of the car. It careened off the highway and into the ocean.  In a chaotic instant she was struggling to get free of the vehicle before it sank completely beneath the icy waves. Sadly, she found herself alone on the shore.  In less than one day she had lost her entire family and any hope for her future. Personally, I do not know how she could carry on.  This is simply the most tragic tale that I have ever heard in my life.  The other day, my co-worker informed me that his friend finally lost her battle with cancer.  I do not know her name or how she lived her remaining time but her terrible tale haunts me.

I struggle to find anything meaningful or positive from this one person’s tragic nightmare.  It reminds me of Bill Murray’s remarkable but painful insight at the end of the film The Razor’s Edge, “When Piedmont died, I had to pay him back for my life. I found out there's another debt to pay — for the privilege of being alive. I thought Sophie was my reward for trying to live a good life. Uh uh. There is no payoff — not now.”  We all so terribly want our payoffs in this life, but that is a very unfair expectation of this world.  The truth is that we hold this foolish expectation because we live amidst the abundant privileges of the first world.  Those of poorer nations hold no such illusions about how harsh and unfair reality can be.

I am not seeking to be maudlin.  As terrible as the events I described were they did provide that woman with at least one remarkable opportunity.  In one day she was stripped of all the fallacies that we so often cling to throughout our lives.  She could not deny her mortality any longer and she saw the futility of seeking direct rewards through this life itself.  To paraphrase Bill Murray, she completely understood the debt to pay for the privilege of being alive.  That is not a lesson learned by many, yet it can be invaluable to those who get it. It crystalizes our priorities and burns away pettiness.  Here was a woman with absolutely nothing to lose in life… she had already lost it all.

This tale provides me is perspective and priority.  From it I realize that this life owes us nothing, absolutely nothing.  We are privileged to be on this journey no matter how long and pleasant or short and brutal it may be.  It is what we choose to do with the time that we have that gives real meaning to our lives.  As to priorities, it reminds me that we truly have no time for trivial pettiness.  How small do my problems seem in comparison to those that this woman faced in her short remaining days.  How can I waste my time in foolish worry and self-doubt?  I see the vital importance of remaining here and now and addressing the priorities in this very moment.  This woman’s life urges me to be bold because I too can lose everything that I cherish in an instant.  I clearly see the fleeting nature of all physical things and the permanent and transcendent nature love and its actions.

Yes, I told you a tragic tale, full of sorrow and woe.  You can casually dismiss it as just someone else’s random misfortune and go on your merry way.  However, I hope that, like myself, you can use this harsh reality to splash some cold water on your soul and awaken it to that which is truly important here and now.  We can realize that if we should live long enough then we will ultimately face these very same circumstances stretched across a longer period of time.   It simply makes sense to learn from this condensed life lesson and if we can avoid turning away from it then this ugly dark reality can actually provide us a wonderful and valuable perspective.

©2018 Scott D. Wilson

The Cure for Bad Déjà Vu

The Cure for Bad Déjà Vu 

“You can’t undo the past…but you can certainly not repeat it.” –Bruce Willis

A wise man once said to me “History is nothing more than collection of lessons never learned.”  Alas, I sadly believe that he was correct.  Even individually we tend to live each day as if the previous ones had very little to add.  If I were to ask you what yesterday taught you would you have an immediate reply?  How about last week, month or a year ago?  If we are healthy people then we should be growing and growing means continuous learning and change.  We should be using our past properly to improve ourselves so as not to repeat its mistakes.

Unfortunately, it is my observation that we humans have a strong tendency to repeat negative cycles.  In short, we seem to have propensity for reiterating the errors of the past.  Like a patient teacher, life keeps giving us similar situations over and over, day after day, in the hopes that we will eventually learn the lessons and then move on to different challenges where we will then obtain new knowledge and diverse experiences.  If you are honest with yourself you will see that your own behaviours set the stage for a great deal of what you experience during the day.  If negatives are repeating then you are the most significant common factor in the equation.  Personally, time and time again I have experienced some painful situations that I could not seem to avoid until I finally saw and acknowledged my own role in their creation.

Nobody likes déjà vu when it comes to their past mistakes.  While we certainly are not the cause of all our own misery, when it comes to chronic situations we almost always play a very significant role.    Unfortunately, it is quite natural and easy to see and blame external causes for all out mishaps: if this hadn’t happened, if she hadn’t done that or if they wouldn’t say that.  It’s like the Joni Mitchell song Both Sides Now, “So many things I would have done but clouds got in my way.”  We are all talented at making excuses for what we have neglected.  We fail to see that it is this brilliant talent that helps to feed our cycle of repeating our past gaffes. 

It may sound egotistical or even masochistic but there is great value in taking personal responsibility for your outcomes regardless of the situation or the actions of others.  If it is all your fault when something doesn’t go as you planned then you have all the power to fix it because you have significant ability to make changes to yourself and your behaviours.  If it is something or someone else’s fault then you have far less influence over them and therefore you have less chance of improving your outcomes.  Taking back your responsibility is very empowering.  You do not need to own the behaviours and responses of others but you can certainly be frank with yourself about your own actions, reactions and choices.

Break your past situations down into the choices that you made.  Determine if you could creatively make different options for yourself that you did not perceive at the time.  Use your imagination to come up with alternative responses the difficulties that you encountered.  This is almost a form of mental and emotional martial arts.  Life situations present us with decisions in the same way an opponent’s actions require response.  If we practice sparring in a safe place and objectively analyze our performance then we can develop tactics that better ensure our outcome in future conflicts.  We learn when to block, dodge, push, pull or simply move out of the way completely. This is true in both physical and metaphysical situations. When an encounter throws an emotional or mental jab at you then can unlearn your clumsy unhealthy habitual responses and instead apply some skilled countermoves.

There is a cure for bad déjà vu.  By learning from it we can determine how not to repeat our past. If we do this then we obtain something far better than undoing our previous errors.  We will obtain new and better life skills and start to rid ourselves of negative patterns that we may have developed.  By practicing this we can become black-belts in overcoming the past and then we will move on to new and different lessons in the dojo of life.

©2018 Scott D. Wilson

Unhappiness Guaranteed: 17 Tips

Unhappiness Guaranteed:  17 Tips for Misery

These simple guidelines are designed to help you remain dissatisfied and disappointed in your life. If you learn to follow these tips and tricks you are guaranteed to live an unhappy and unremarkable existence.


#1 Constantly Compare yourself to others: By comparing yourself to others you can remind yourself of the unfairness of human existence. It’s easy to find distasteful and immoral people who seem to have life easy. You strive and seek to be good and kind and life just kicks you in the teeth. But making these comparisons you can feel morally superior with minimal effort. Be careful though, don’t look at the vast majority of the planet who have it far worse than you could even imagine. This can ruin your self-satisfaction.

#2 Neglect anything good in your life: Talents and abilities, caring friends and family, career, home, community, these all take time and effort to maintain. It is far easier to keep busy with mundane entertainments and base needs. Besides, many of these thing can get messy and difficult.

#3 Foster bitterness, anger, hated, resentment and unfogiveness in your soul: These are strong emotions and they keep you strong. Forgiveness and understanding are weak and lead to you getting hurt again. Keep remembering all the painful events in your life and the people who hurt you. Never get over anything. Practice reliving your failures and betrayals daily. This keeps you strong.

#4 Worry about the possible problems of tomorrow and compare them to previous failures: This is a dangerous world. You have experienced firsthand the stings of unexpected disasters. Expect more of the same. Don’t enjoy right now or work on a better tomorrow. That will only lead to you lowering your guard and experiencing disappointment.

#5 Care a lot about the opinion of others: It is important to be like and accepted so you better work hard to liked and accepted by everyone. Define yourself by the opinions of others and their expectations. Let them tell you who you are and what you can and cannot do. At all costs, never be yourself because it’s way too easy to get hurt or rejected that way.

#6 Obsess over being right: There is only one right and everything else must be wrong. Being right is more important than anything. Sacrifice friends, family and great relationships in order to be right. Even if you are wrong or there is a miscommunication never say that you are sorry. It makes you look weak. Avoid paradoxes; they muddle up right and wrong with the truth.

#7 Place relationships last: Life is dog eat dog. You are too busy with everything else in your life to make time for you spouse, your kids or your friends. Getting ahead and your selfish needs more st come first.

#8 Take things for granted: Hey, all that good stuff in your life right now, like your health, your relationships and your well-being will still be there tomorrow. I mean, they were there yesterday so it shouldn’t change. You don’t need to appreciate them or pay attention to them. Let other people worry about that.

#9 Give up frequently on things that are important: Occasionally your pesky conscience will bother you about things like your poor fitness or a neglected relationship and you will want to do something about it. That’s ok. Go right ahead and work towards those goals, but the minute things get challenging be prepared to quit. Sure, they are important, but they can wait while you avoid the difficulties and neglect your duties. Your comfort is important after all. Be prepared to give up on yourself too because you know that you really are not worth it either.

#10 Believe that you can never change: You have always been this way. Accept it; it’s easier that way. Even if you could change it would be way too hard and only special people really change, grow and improve. Who are you to try and reach your potential?

#11 Give in to your fears and do not follow any of your passions: Fear is a good thing. It keeps us from doing dangerous things and warns us of potential dangers. Dreams and aspirations are dangerous. They can lead to you becoming a failure, being rejectied or being let down. It is far more important to be safe. Always choose safety over love, goals and aspirations.

#12 Remain a victim: Victims are powerless. Remember that. Victims are innocent of any responsibility because they have no power over their circumstances. When you are a victim then nothing is your fault. All the blame for your unhappiness and your problems belong to other people. Being a victim is the easy path. Dont forget, you must never take any responsibility for your thoughts, actions or your life.

#13 Make immediate pleasures a priority: Delayed gratification is overrated. Get yours while it’s still here. YOLO. So never neglect an opportunity to experience pleasure no matter what the long term consequences might be. Hey, tomorrow might never come so live it up.

#14 Avoid integrity, loyalty and faithfulness: These values are difficult to keep and overrated. People are much more admired for their cunning and slyness. As long as you obtain what you want then it should not matter how you got it. Living by by principles is wearisome and requires sacrifices. Remaining true to your commitments and to yourself seldom pays off short-term so why do it?

#15 Assume that everyone can see the world like you do: Everyone has eyes and ears. They can see things just like you. So of course they should be able to see and understand everything exactly the same way that you do. Their life experiences can’t be that different than yours. Everything must seem the same from every social, economical, ethnic and gender viewpoint.

#16 Never reflect on your life and learn from it: Since you are never at fault then there is no need to look at your life to correct mistakes, to learn anything or to grow. If you keep repeating the same mistakes then it is because of other people messing things up. Avoid looking objectively at your actions and their results.

#17 Always assume there will always be more time: Need to fix something or heal a relationship? Don’t rush, there is always another day. Important things can always be postponed. Take tomorrow for granted.

I hope the above information helps you to remain comfortably mediocre and unfulfilled. Remember, you are okay; it’s everybody else that needs to change.


©2018 Scott D. Wilson, P.Eng.

You Are Success – Part II

You Are Success – Part II

“About 90% of the things in your life are right. Make sure you don’t overlook the 90% that’s right because you’re focusing on the 10% that’s not.” – Dale Carnegie

It is so easy to create a negative mindset.  News headlines loudly exclaim stories of war, famine, death, plagues and all kinds of tragedies.  The fact is that the dismal and disastrous sell.  Shining a spotlight on these events leads many to assume that the world is badly off and getting worse.  This flies in the face of the data indicating that worldwide there is less hunger, disease, conflict and death than ever before.  Life expectancy across the globe has risen to 72 years of age, the highest ever, an increase of 5.5 years in a little over a decade.

Yes, this world will always have calamities and disasters, but despite the fact that there is stuff going wrong there is a heck of a lot going right every minute of every day.  Paying inordinate attention to the negatives tends to blind us to the good and positive that exist.  I am not belittling your woes or your difficulties, nor am I saying that the world could not do with some improvement.  I am merely asking that we remember the things that are going well.  It is important to remember the progress that we have made.  Barely 150 years ago, slavery was widely accepted and rights of women and children were similarly dismal.  The bygone days were not as sunny as many paint them to be today.  By all measures, human rights have been successfully improved up to the present and they continue to break new ground in various regions.

On a more personal level, I’d like to speak to those who think of themselves or their efforts as failure. Your plans may not be going as you expect them.  Your life may seem off track.   Everything may seem to be going wrong.  If that is how you feel then you would be wise to stop and take measure of your assets.  Are you able-bodied?  Do you have friends or family that care for you?  Is your sanity intact?  Can you still see or hear?  Do you have a safe home?  Do you enjoy personal freedoms?  These are not small matters.  Many lack these things and suffer greatly.  Do not take them for granted!

No, you are not a failure.  Failures are events that occur and then pass into history.  They do not define anyone or anything.  Take a candid and impartial look at your life.  No matter who you are you still have a lot going right for you.  Don’t ignore that truth.  The words of Dale Carnegie are correct.  Ninety percent of your life is successful.  You are a success.  Don’t lose that perspective while tackling the small bit that is going wrong.  Start taking inventory of that successful ninety percent and confidently learn to put it to work improving that troublesome ten percent!

©2018 Scott D. Wilson

You Are Success

You are ‘Success’

Simple Definition of ‘success’ (from Merriam-webster.com)

     1 :  the fact of getting or achieving the correct or desired result

     2 :  the correct or desired result of an attempt

    3 :  someone or something that is successful : a person or thing that succeeds

Every day…

You successfully take up to 23,040 breaths.

Your heart effectively beats about 103,000 times.

Your autonomic systems process and balance thousands of chemicals required for life.

You communicate with others speaking almost 5,000 words.

You make about 35,000 decisions… some better than others but you will make them.

And so much more.

You are walking, talking, thinking miracle.

The fact that you are here reading these words is a testament to your human success.

The fact of your success is not debatable but your realization of this fact may be so.

Failure is an event, not a person.

You literally embody success.

Where there is life there is success!

How can you even consider thinking in terms of failure?

Acknowledge and harmonize with your existing success story.

Life will be what it is.

Some days will feel more successful than others.

Time and space will be uncomfortable and difficult at times.

It may even imperil your existence.

But until that last breath leaves…

Until that last heartbeat…

You remain successful.

Know it.

Believe it.

Live it.

©2016 Scott D. Wilson

Stop Waiting for Inspiration or Motivation!

Stop Waiting for Motivation or Inspiration!

"We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing.Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action."-Frank Tibolt

The writer who waits for inspiration will never become an author. The painter who holds out for their muse will never create a masterpiece. The athlete who relies on motivation will never win gold medals. This should be common knowledge, yet many lament their lack of motivation and inspiration and use it as their explanation for their procrastination. We humans are masters of the excuse. We will grab hold of anything that sounds plausible in order to avoid taking responsibility for our own inaction. Meanwhile the cure to our ailment is staring us in the face.

Whether it is inspiration or motivation that you lack then action is the prescription. Action generates motivation and inspires us. A writer, by the practice of writing, becomes inspired as they play with thoughts and ideas on the page. An artist, through experimentation with colours, patterns and perspectives develops inspiration. The martial arts enthusiast gathers motivation as they develop and improve their skills through repetitive practice of the forms. So many of history’s greatest people have endorsed the truth of this concept.

We like to believe that it is the world that thwarts our dreams. It is too difficult. It’s just not fair. It’s not going to work. The reality is that we are grasping for reasons not to even make an attempt. We are seeking justification for not taking action. We stand as the biggest and worst obstacle towards achieving our own goals. Without any true effort we lamely claim that we *tried* to write, *tried* to paint and *tried* to exercise, but we lost our motivation and we had no inspiration. With our consciences soothed we settle back down into our mediocre existence, free from the troublesome call of our greater aspirations, goals and hopes.

No master of any craft ever expected to achieve mastery overnight. They knew from the start that the path would be littered with failures and disappointments. However, they likewise knew that there would be no path at all if they never took any steps. They had to take action. Each stride was a test of their faith in themselves and their commitment to their goal. If they needed inspiration or motivation for every footstep then they would never start or they would turn and retreat whenever the road became difficult. Stop waiting for motivation or inspiration to kick in. Take action and realize that in the action itself you will find your creativity and your motives.

"Do it, and then you will feel motivated to do it." -Zig Ziglar

©2018 Scott D. Wilson

Quiet Courage

●♥● Quiet Courage ●♥●

“Courage does not always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day saying,
‘I will try again tomorrow.’ ”—Mary Anne Radmacher

Defeat and failure are inevitable. No one wins every time. Disappointment visits everyone from time to time. It is easy to become tired and discouraged. Look at the word ‘discouraged.’ It is a combination of ‘dis’ and ‘courage’. ‘Dis’ indicates a failure or lacking, as in disagree, dislike and disinterest. So ‘discourage’ is literally a failure or removal of our courage.

Personally, I always believe this world is full of quiet heroes. Their acts will never make the history books. Their tales will never become the stuff of legends. Yet the importance of their actions is monumental, and their courage is magnificent. They are the brave and weary souls who pick themselves up, wipe the blood from their lips, look life directly in the eyes and silently say “I will try again tomorrow.”

Without their recommitment to keep going much of what we take for granted would not exist. If these heroes succumb to discouragement then the world becomes much darker. When our silent warriors give up on their goals, their families and worst of all, on themselves then we all lose. It is their daily courage that sustains the fabric of our communities and our society.

So if you find yourself among the downtrodden and the downcast today, please take heart. You are not alone. Many silent warriors continue their noiseless battles around us every day. Let your quiet courage defy your circumstances. Heroically say to yourself, “I will try again tomorrow.”

ⓒ2018 Scott D. Wilson