Losing Your (Punitive) Mind

Losing Your (Punitive) Mind
©2015 Scott D. Wilson, P.Eng.

No team ever won the Super Bowl with a coach who only criticized and punished their players. No Olympian ever grabbed the gold because they were driven by the fear of defeat and condemnation. Why then do so many of us think we can succeed by effectively using these same methods with ourselves? Frequently folks act like they can mentally beat themselves into submission. Whether it is our steps towards success in our careers or improving our health, it seems that a lot folks think that using an inner drill sergeant will somehow create the discipline that they seek in their lives.

Perhaps it is the ‘drill sergeant’ mythology from films like “Officer and a Gentleman” that has created this belief within us. Such films paint the picture of an antagonistic and harsh character who teaches the film’s hero the value of discipline, honour and self-sacrifice. While there is a time and place for the harsh treatment of a marine drill sergeant, I believe that most of us take these actions out of context.

Punishment is used to move us away from something; psychologists refer to punishment as negative reinforcement. However, punishment does not serve well to move us towards a goal. The harshness of the classic drill sergeant is used to break down independence because self-reliance in a war will get a person and their team killed. It is a drill sergeant’s job to take undisciplined and self-centered young people and form them into a strong healthy supportive team so they can rely on each other and survive under the harsh circumstances of war. The vicious words and actions of the sergeant have little to do with coaching the success of individuals. These severe actions are aimed to discourage individuality and encourage teamwork and interdependence. As individuals, using this method on ourselves to reach our goals will generally lead to discouragement and desperation.

Scientists in the field of Human Performance have long studied the best means for managing and improving behaviour. The results of their studies are clear: the use of positive reinforcements should far outweigh any negatives ones or punishments. Sports psychologists and researchers have determined that 80-90% of all coaching should involve positive reinforcement. Why then do so many people seem to feel that they can whip themselves into shape? From what I can see, it simply appears to be an erroneous belief that is a common part of our culture. It seems something akin to an ‘old wive’s tale.’

If we seek to succeed then it is clear that we must shed our unhealthy punitive mindset. In the study of performance improvement the best way to develop better actions is to reinforce desirable behaviours by applying positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcements are best termed as ‘rewards.’ Anything can be used for positive reinforcement: praise, incentives, money, gifts, actions, social status, et cetera. Rewards are very personal and need to be tailored to specific individuals. If we are seeking to motivate ourselves then we must find meaningful ways to reward ourselves when we take constructive actions towards our goals. Furthermore behavioural theorists have shown that the sooner a reward can be applied to a desired behavior the higher the chance that the individual will repeat this behaviour.

For example, a person who is seeking to lose weight might want to focus on the goal of logging food. Every time they complete a food log after a meal the person could reward themselves by having a chart that they tick off that will lead to a specific reward. Every time the person logs their food they will be visually rewarded by seeing that they are approaching a tangible goal. This method provides both an immediate and a long term goal.

So in short, we need to silence out inner drill sergeants. When we fail we need to quiet our self-criticism and practice gentle self-acceptance. We are not accepting our errors nor condoning our poor behaviour. We are merely acknowledging that we are human and not yet where we want to be. We are giving ourselves permission to make mistakes and learn from them. Next, we need to find out what acts as a reward for us and use it regularly to reinforce our positive choices and actions. If we follow this plan we can finally lose our minds… our punitive minds!