Invisible Heroes

●♥ Invisible Heroes ♥●

“The battles that count aren't the ones for gold medals. The struggles within yourself – the invisible battles inside all of us – that's where it's at.”

–Jesse Owens

The world best knows Jesse Owens for the gold medals that he won in the 1936 Olympics in Berlin, Germany.  However, his life shows us that he had to overcome many personal trials and troubles well beyond those we saw on the athletic field.  So too it is with each one of us.  Every visible victory that we can actually witness has been preceded by the triumph of countless savage internal battles.

Sure, we see and cheer the winning goals and the home runs but we never see the motivational struggles to practice in the early morning hours.  We keep score of all the touchdowns but we do not count all the decisions to make the effort that keeps improving the best and making it better.  Yet these are the necessary and heroic choices that play out daily and yield the wins that we all applaud.

We do not see the real wars that define our society.  If we could then we would soon realize that we are surrounded by invisible heroes.  We would see the tired and lonely person behind the cheerful smile of our friendly server.  We would know and understand the disappointment and failed dreams of our productive co-worker.  In short, we would see the scars and wounds on people’s hearts and souls and I think we would become far more kind, forgiving and understanding.

I recognize that we all need ideals to encourage and inspire us; the big shiny heroes that media and society regularly hail feed that appetite.  I do not want to take away from those people and their achievements.  What I am hoping to do is twofold.  First, I would like us to open our eyes and our minds to the invisible heroes that circulate around each and every one of us.

We may not see their struggles but we should know that everyone has them and we need to realize that even the most mundane of us can be waging heroic battle and overcoming some very real demons in just to keep going every day.  Earning a living, keeping a loving family together, being a good friend and citizen… these simple things should not be downplayed or undervalued.  We all know and see the terrible costs when individuals lose the invisible wars.

Secondly, I would like us to acknowledge our own invisible struggles and victories.  We need to give ourselves credit for wrestling with our own fears. We may not always outwardly succeed when we choose to oppose our fears, but I assert that we always win somehow when we make that choice.  When we turn away from the darkness and choose life and living, no matter how hard, then that is a victory.  When life slaps us hard and yet we choose to push back our tears and try again tomorrow that is triumphant!  

Yes, we should celebrate when we achieve or make progress towards outward goals.  So too should we rejoice when we overcome the naysayers in our minds and opt to hold true to our hearts dream.  Heroes are made from the inside out and there are far more heroes than we ever acknowledge.  Let’s see ourselves and each other with new eyes today.

Perhaps that person that you smiled at is fellow warrior in heart of a battle and you just provided them some more ammo to continue the good fight.  Acknowledge your own silent conflicts and make note when you make difficult positive choices.  Be compassionate both within and without.  Remember that though not all battles yield gold medals this does not mean that they do not count.  The ground you gain in your heart today make be the seed to the success that shines through tomorrow.  

Cheers!

©2020 Scott D. Wilson

Perfect Imperfection

●●●Perfect Imperfection●●●

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” ―Albert Einstein

The wise person realizes that we can only ever know an infinitesimally small percentage of the vast reality which surrounds us and we can understand even less. In that awareness of the universe the wise one knows how ignorant and foolish he or she truly is.  Meanwhile, the average person generally misguidedly accepts his or her limited understanding for reality itself and finds frustration when that understanding is challenged.

Einstein was correct, human ignorance or stupidity is infinite.  We can never possibly hope to grasp a complete understanding of all that exists everywhere in this unending universe.  Likewise, one man or woman within their limited lifespan can only hope to master and comprehend of a miniscule fraction of all that can be experienced and understood.  Even among our chosen fields of expertise we can never sit down and proclaim our perfection of any ability.

I graduated as an electrical engineer in 1990 and yet I never expect to be the perfect electrical engineer.  I got married in 1991 and still I doubt that I will ever be a perfect husband.  I have been writing for decades and I highly doubt that I will ever perfect my craft.  Yet many keep striving day in and day out to “get it right.”  Whether it is their career, family matters, financial success, weight loss or other worthy pursuits, so many people long for the day when everything just clicks into place.

Our lives simply do not work that way.  It is not about finding the perfect spouse, the perfect job, the perfect parenting method, the perfect diet and exercise or the perfect life.  When we choose this viewpoint then the goalposts will always be moving and we will find ourselves constantly dissatisfied and disappointed.  Our ideals will torture and haunt us instead of spurring us on to improve.  We never learn to celebrate improvements because they fall short of our ultimate expectation.  Goals become drudgery and dreams become nightmares.

This thinking is so commonplace that a great many people feel trapped, desperate and demotivated.  It is no wonder that many quit their goals.  Understandably, a wiser gentler path is not apparent to them.  And so I hope that my words act as a kind of map that helps you to find this different side-street.  There is joy in discovering a way that realizes that perfection is process, not a destination.  One can discover peace of mind on a trail that rejoices in each step forward, no matter how small.  Life can follow a journey where dreams and goals shine brightly before us, leading us on a winding and adventurous pathway.  We can follow road that has abandoned getting it right and embraced getting it better.

If you are one who finds themselves hoping for their life to just start working perfectly one day, please consider that your very desire is causing you grief.  Entertain the idea that personal progress is a better means to keep one motivated and moving forwards.  Use your ideals wisely and you can find perfect contentment amidst imperfection when you come to realize:

“Life is not about getting it right.Life is about getting it better.” –Me

Cheers!
©2017 Scott D. Wilson

Motivation: Hacking Your Emotions



Motivation: Hacking Your EmotionsBy Scott D. Wilson


In the game of motivation that is played to achieve success there are two players:  our rational mind and our emotional mind.  The rational mind foolishly thinks that it is in charge.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Without the emotional mind there would be no energy or drive to our actions.  We need the power generated by the emotional mind to fuel all our noble endeavours.  Yes, in the very short term we can use pure logic and reason to start an action, but eventually the emotions will demand a tangible pay-off in order to sustain a worthwhile behaviour or to continue towards a meaningful goal.  No matter how logical or how important an idea may be, we won’t make the effort to put it into effect if our emotions do not support it, at least not in the long run.


Often our emotional mind gets tired.  It sulks like a child and it wants what it wants and it does not care what our rational mind knows.  We lose our motivation.  Here is where most rational minds fail.  They attempt to bully and coerce the emotional mind into bending to their sheer willpower.  They use guilt and shame in an attempt to force the emotional mind into co-operating with the logical and reasonable plans.  This generally fails utterly and the person then blames their lack of ‘willpower’. 
The root of the word willpower is willing. If your rational mind forces any issue then there is no willingness.  The source of power in one’s will is based on the willingness behind it.  The emotions must be engaged for willingness to have any power.  Willpower consists of rational thought that provides a vector of constructive direction and emotions that supply the necessary power.  Without emotions in harmony with a logical plan there is only empty intention.  It is, at best, a wish.


You are not a logical creature with emotions.  You are an emotional creature with reasoning.  Deal with the emotions.  If you want motivation you need to use your rational mind to entice your emotions.  Yes, entice, as in ‘to attract or tempt by offering pleasure or advantage’.  Figure out what motivates your emotions.  Do rewards act as your best incentives?  Then set up action charts that provide rewards when certain tasks are achieved.  Doe fun help you during mundane tasks?  Find things that you can use to pep you up and make your work towards your goals more enjoyable and less dreary or tiring.  The answers are very personal.

Each of us has different things that excite and entice us.  Take the valuable time to find yours! Do whatever it takes to provoke your emotions into action.  Find the pleasure or advantage that puts emotions behind your intended actions!!   If you need to restore your motivation then hack your own emotions and take the necessary steps to funnel their energy towards your goals!


©2016 S.D. Wilson

To those who wondered..

To those who wondered…

I have been neglectful of this blog and to those who have enjoyed it I apologize.  I have been plagued with too much good.  I am writing two books.  I am successfully moderating a website. I am doing well at my day job.  I have been active a lot with my volunteer work. I am stretched thin.

I am now having to make some tough choices.  I love many things.  I love helping people. I need to focus where I can do my best.  I believe this blog is still important.  I am not sure I can keep it up on a weekly basis but I think a bi-weekly will still be doable.  

And so I hope I can continue to provide you folks with some inspiration and some thoughts to help you in furthering your success.  Let’s continue to walk this path of success together!

Cheers!!!

Finding Success

Finding Success 

©2015 Scott D. Wilson

This article is dedicated to the admirable life and great friendship of Dr. Janice McCarthy.
I do not know when exactly but I do know that soon a light will fade from this planet and the universe will be a bit darker. My friend, Doctor Janice McCarthy is in the final stages of her battle with the evil that is cancer. My heart breaks for her husband and children and their unfair loss.


But I am not writing here about loss. I am writing about finding success. I do not know a single person who does not crave success in their life. It is almost a fundamental human drive like hunger, sex, love and acceptance. However, we all seem to achieve varying levels of success in our lives. We all want and dream of success yet few of us are willing to do all that is needed to achieve those goals. I believe that the drive for success is akin to psychologist Abraham Maslow's description of the quest for self-actualization.


I am privileged to have known several successful people in my passage through this weary land of heartaches and broken dreams. Some were wealthy.  Others had meager means. Some were well known and popular. While some live in quiet obscurity. There were those both brilliant and simple. I would imagine that many reading here wonder then how I am defining success.


Earl Nightingale gave the best definition of success that I am aware of to date.  His definition stated that "Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal."  In most people's eyes worthy ideals are mainly fame and fortune. I have a much broader view of success yet I would have to say that still only a few obtain it.


My successful few have one common thread: a fearless passion for life. Their legacies are loving families, heartfelt friends, admiring colleagues, grateful neighbours and a general respect from virtually all who knew them. Whatever their circumstance they grabbed life for all it was worth. None of them were victims in their maturity. Their environments did not subdue or define them. They truly overcame the world and themselves.  Oh, they had fears and nightmares but they all learned to face them to persevere beyond them.

My friend Janice is not dying of cancer. She is truly living deeply and fully with the disease. Despite the ravages of the illness she seems more alive now than when we first met. Yes, I see a certain sadness within her but it is not regret.  It is the natural yearning for more. Her smile, her wit, her impish ways, her unconquered spirit burn brightly. Even in the precious last days she still reaches out and counsels her patients. Her abundant generosity has not been stemmed by this vicious disease.  I see in her the unbowed unbroken warrior.  I cannot help but be inspired.


Why is this success?  She has lived this life on her terms. That is one of the noblest ideals that I can envision. The lives she has touched attest to this. Of this I have no doubt. Her family and friends have been given a shining legacy from her. I will miss my friend but I will forever be enriched by my time spent with her.


And so I encourage you, my reader, to look to your own life. Find your own success and commit your life to it. Use the inspirations of lives well lived to find your own noble ideals. Do not narrow success to money or popularity. Define life on your own terms. Dream big and work hard. Love deeply and boldly!  Do not let world extinguish your light. Burn brightly like a shooting star... like my friend Janice.

"To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—this is to have succeeded."- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Losing Your (Punitive) Mind

Losing Your (Punitive) Mind
©2015 Scott D. Wilson, P.Eng.

No team ever won the Super Bowl with a coach who only criticized and punished their players. No Olympian ever grabbed the gold because they were driven by the fear of defeat and condemnation. Why then do so many of us think we can succeed by effectively using these same methods with ourselves? Frequently folks act like they can mentally beat themselves into submission. Whether it is our steps towards success in our careers or improving our health, it seems that a lot folks think that using an inner drill sergeant will somehow create the discipline that they seek in their lives.

Perhaps it is the ‘drill sergeant’ mythology from films like “Officer and a Gentleman” that has created this belief within us. Such films paint the picture of an antagonistic and harsh character who teaches the film’s hero the value of discipline, honour and self-sacrifice. While there is a time and place for the harsh treatment of a marine drill sergeant, I believe that most of us take these actions out of context.

Punishment is used to move us away from something; psychologists refer to punishment as negative reinforcement. However, punishment does not serve well to move us towards a goal. The harshness of the classic drill sergeant is used to break down independence because self-reliance in a war will get a person and their team killed. It is a drill sergeant’s job to take undisciplined and self-centered young people and form them into a strong healthy supportive team so they can rely on each other and survive under the harsh circumstances of war. The vicious words and actions of the sergeant have little to do with coaching the success of individuals. These severe actions are aimed to discourage individuality and encourage teamwork and interdependence. As individuals, using this method on ourselves to reach our goals will generally lead to discouragement and desperation.

Scientists in the field of Human Performance have long studied the best means for managing and improving behaviour. The results of their studies are clear: the use of positive reinforcements should far outweigh any negatives ones or punishments. Sports psychologists and researchers have determined that 80-90% of all coaching should involve positive reinforcement. Why then do so many people seem to feel that they can whip themselves into shape? From what I can see, it simply appears to be an erroneous belief that is a common part of our culture. It seems something akin to an ‘old wive’s tale.’

If we seek to succeed then it is clear that we must shed our unhealthy punitive mindset. In the study of performance improvement the best way to develop better actions is to reinforce desirable behaviours by applying positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcements are best termed as ‘rewards.’ Anything can be used for positive reinforcement: praise, incentives, money, gifts, actions, social status, et cetera. Rewards are very personal and need to be tailored to specific individuals. If we are seeking to motivate ourselves then we must find meaningful ways to reward ourselves when we take constructive actions towards our goals. Furthermore behavioural theorists have shown that the sooner a reward can be applied to a desired behavior the higher the chance that the individual will repeat this behaviour.

For example, a person who is seeking to lose weight might want to focus on the goal of logging food. Every time they complete a food log after a meal the person could reward themselves by having a chart that they tick off that will lead to a specific reward. Every time the person logs their food they will be visually rewarded by seeing that they are approaching a tangible goal. This method provides both an immediate and a long term goal.

So in short, we need to silence out inner drill sergeants. When we fail we need to quiet our self-criticism and practice gentle self-acceptance. We are not accepting our errors nor condoning our poor behaviour. We are merely acknowledging that we are human and not yet where we want to be. We are giving ourselves permission to make mistakes and learn from them. Next, we need to find out what acts as a reward for us and use it regularly to reinforce our positive choices and actions. If we follow this plan we can finally lose our minds… our punitive minds!

Becoming "Unplugged"

Becoming "Unplugged"

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

"It is both beneficial, noble and healthy to be an idealist and to pursue improvement. It is however naïve, delusional and unhealthy to expect others to equally adopt and reflect these same ideals"

As of late, the contrast between ideals and expectations seems to be surrounding me.  I see it's effect on so many lives.  Our understanding of our surroundings dictates not only how we see the world but also what we expect from it.  Because our world is all around us all the time we take much of it for granted.  One big mistake that we all make daily is to assume that others experience and understand life in a manner similar to our own.

For example, we might value kindness and seek to be kinder. We then expect all others around us, say family, friends, acquaintances and co-workers, to operate from the same principle.  Is this realistic?  It is even fair?  If someone had been abused throughout much of their life with little exposure to gentleness then their view of kindness might be drastically different than someone who has been raised in a nurturing and caring environment.  It would be unreasonable to hold these two examples to the same standard of kindness.

I would like to use a more concrete example.  What about expecting others to view weight loss and our need to be healthier in the same way that we do?  I am a moderator on a web site that helps people to change their lifestyle, lose weight and become healthier.  Many people who come to the site are puzzled and even upset when their friends, family and colleagues are ambivalent, questioning or even adverse towards their efforts to lose weight and get healthier.  It greatly perplexes them that all their associations are not synchronized with their beliefs  about becoming healthy.  Why wouldn't they want them to become fit?

The answer to this question is not all that surprising but most fail to see it.  The reactions of our associates are not about us as individuals.  Their reactions are a reflection upon themselves.  The average person is unfortunately fairly insecure and unrealistically self-conscious.  They view the world as somewhat hostile and antagonistic, hence the common idiom "It's a jungle out there."  They are keenly aware of all their flaws and failings and the world tends to remind them that they are not smart enough, pretty enough or successful enough.

To protect themselves from depression and despair most people rationalize their current state.  Success is for the few, the fortunate and the favoured.  It is not their fault that they are fat, poor or whatever.  That is just the unlucky hand that life has dealt to them.  Unfortunately, this view is continuously challenged by those who rise above their circumstances.  Remarkable people remind us all that we actually have the ability to take control of our lives.  The common man or woman does not want to acknowledge this because it would mean that they are responsible for their life and where they are presently.  This realization does not empower them to act.  It makes them despair.

Our gut reaction to any death or trauma is denial.  It does not matter if it is the death of someone close or the death of a cherished excuse.  The reaction is the same.  And so it is that when anyone begins to shed their self-loathing and self-imposed limitations that others do not immediate cheer them on but instead seek to remind them of who they are and why they are that way.  Those closest to us may actually react the most harshly because they know our history and therefore it is easier to deny our changes than to accept them.

In the movie "The Matrix" the reality of this situation is driven home in a visible manner.  The heroes are those who have been 'unplugged' from the Matrix and who have come to liberate all the rest of the people whose minds are enslaved.  The 'Agents' represent the system that seeks to deceive and oppress mankind.  What is interesting is that Agents always manifest through the people that are still connected to the Matrix.   Our protagonist, Neo is warned:

"The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you're inside, you look around, what do you see? Business men, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system, and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it."

The same holds true for us.  When we unplug from the belief that success is for the special people we immediately become enemies of system of belief that surrounds us.  When we begin to demonstrate commitment to improve and overcome we become a thorn in the side of those who seek to remain the same.  We are adversaries to the safety of the status quo and those who rely on it will oppose us.

An form of self-actualization makes us a target.  So whether it is losing weight, starting a business, quitting a thankless job or any other noble ideal we should not be surprised by opposition even when it comes from those closest to us.  It simply is not fair to expect them to see things as we do.  They have not come to the same awareness.   Please understand their fears and insecurities and don't be surprised if they react unkindly.  Remember,  they are not 'unplugged' yet.

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” ― Albert Einstein
 

Powerful Choosing

Powerful Choosing

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

I am extremely blessed to have stumbled upon a fellow that I must credit as my mentor. We have long discussions about everything under the sun, but oddly none of it is truly small talk. My friend can turn conversation on a dime and we suddenly connect several concepts that no one in their right mind would normally put together.  He has a powerful mind and an a sharp wit.  Like a Zen master he can ask a question that will immediately enlighten you when you try to answer it.  I have written this introduction because I want to relate to you a powerful idea that he once shared with me.

I believe that we had been discussing some matter of interpersonal conflict in which I was involved.  He paused thoughtfully, looked straight at me and said the following: 

"There are only two paths: We can either seek to control the world (others) or we can seek to control ourselves.  We cannot do both.  In the end, it is not truly a choice.  For if we earnestly seek to become masters of others and this world then we will eventually come full circle and find that we must first master ourselves."

To many this particular concept may not seem that revolutionary but for me that moment crystallized my understanding of so much of my struggles.  We each see the world through our own experience, fraught with pains and toils, love and joy.  From our selfish vantage we seek to forge or discover some peace and happiness.  In the process, we strive to take control of our environment so that we might bend it to our will and our view of what is right and wrong.  We want our surrounding to support us and our views.  We do not want to be hindered.  This is where our troubles so often begin.

In this idealistic quest we often believe "If only the world was this way then..." or "If only he/she was this way then..."  We want what we want and we expect the world around us to conform to our needs and desires.  In our mind we have rationalized all our beliefs.  There are logical reasons for all our decisions.  Surely everyone should see with clarity the correctness of our viewpoint!  If we are correct then by extension all other options must be incorrect.

And so we argue and push and strive to make others and our world conform to what we believe it should be.  We even make our own satisfaction contingent on achieving this feat.  We make statements like "I will be happy when..." or "If only this was the case then everything would be fine."  We put off peace and personal happiness until we have control of all the variables.  In our quest to control everything about us we fail to control ourselves and our own thoughts and emotions. Our own fears and thoughts betray us and unravel our efforts to succeed.

 I saw the futility of all of my struggles in an instant when my friend made his simple statement. My quest to manipulate my world was foolish.  I truly had control over only one thing: myself.  And truth be told, I was not mastering myself very well.  I could be readily hurt or angered by others.  I was defensive.  I was fearful.  Who was I to tell others how they should think or act?

In that moment I realized that I was the one who needed to change, not the world.  The universe was unfolding in the manner to which it was designed.  I did not create this world so why did I believe that I knew how it should be?  I needed to walk my own path and that was hard enough.  It would be arrogant to believe that I knew better than others as to how they should live.  This was a significant step in letting go of my need to be "right."  

It has been several years since that day of revelation.  I still fall into conflict with others now and then.  I am after all an imperfect human being living in a less than perfect world.  I do however see my conflicts with different eyes and now I often ask myself what inside of me needs to change to  resolve my struggles.  I can look on conflict with greater dispassion, asking myself what each situation is trying to teach me.  My antagonists are not enemies that might strike me down; they are teachers with opportunity to enlighten me.  The choice truly is mine.

So does my tale ring true with you my reader?  What are you choosing today?  Do you want to rule the world?  Start with yourself. Choose well.

"I do my thing and you do your thing.

I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,

And you are not in this world to live up to mine.

You are you, and I am I,

and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.

If not, it can't be helped."  —The Gestalt Prayer by Fritz Perls