Becoming "Unplugged"

Becoming "Unplugged"

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

"It is both beneficial, noble and healthy to be an idealist and to pursue improvement. It is however naïve, delusional and unhealthy to expect others to equally adopt and reflect these same ideals"

As of late, the contrast between ideals and expectations seems to be surrounding me.  I see it's effect on so many lives.  Our understanding of our surroundings dictates not only how we see the world but also what we expect from it.  Because our world is all around us all the time we take much of it for granted.  One big mistake that we all make daily is to assume that others experience and understand life in a manner similar to our own.

For example, we might value kindness and seek to be kinder. We then expect all others around us, say family, friends, acquaintances and co-workers, to operate from the same principle.  Is this realistic?  It is even fair?  If someone had been abused throughout much of their life with little exposure to gentleness then their view of kindness might be drastically different than someone who has been raised in a nurturing and caring environment.  It would be unreasonable to hold these two examples to the same standard of kindness.

I would like to use a more concrete example.  What about expecting others to view weight loss and our need to be healthier in the same way that we do?  I am a moderator on a web site that helps people to change their lifestyle, lose weight and become healthier.  Many people who come to the site are puzzled and even upset when their friends, family and colleagues are ambivalent, questioning or even adverse towards their efforts to lose weight and get healthier.  It greatly perplexes them that all their associations are not synchronized with their beliefs  about becoming healthy.  Why wouldn't they want them to become fit?

The answer to this question is not all that surprising but most fail to see it.  The reactions of our associates are not about us as individuals.  Their reactions are a reflection upon themselves.  The average person is unfortunately fairly insecure and unrealistically self-conscious.  They view the world as somewhat hostile and antagonistic, hence the common idiom "It's a jungle out there."  They are keenly aware of all their flaws and failings and the world tends to remind them that they are not smart enough, pretty enough or successful enough.

To protect themselves from depression and despair most people rationalize their current state.  Success is for the few, the fortunate and the favoured.  It is not their fault that they are fat, poor or whatever.  That is just the unlucky hand that life has dealt to them.  Unfortunately, this view is continuously challenged by those who rise above their circumstances.  Remarkable people remind us all that we actually have the ability to take control of our lives.  The common man or woman does not want to acknowledge this because it would mean that they are responsible for their life and where they are presently.  This realization does not empower them to act.  It makes them despair.

Our gut reaction to any death or trauma is denial.  It does not matter if it is the death of someone close or the death of a cherished excuse.  The reaction is the same.  And so it is that when anyone begins to shed their self-loathing and self-imposed limitations that others do not immediate cheer them on but instead seek to remind them of who they are and why they are that way.  Those closest to us may actually react the most harshly because they know our history and therefore it is easier to deny our changes than to accept them.

In the movie "The Matrix" the reality of this situation is driven home in a visible manner.  The heroes are those who have been 'unplugged' from the Matrix and who have come to liberate all the rest of the people whose minds are enslaved.  The 'Agents' represent the system that seeks to deceive and oppress mankind.  What is interesting is that Agents always manifest through the people that are still connected to the Matrix.   Our protagonist, Neo is warned:

"The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you're inside, you look around, what do you see? Business men, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system, and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it."

The same holds true for us.  When we unplug from the belief that success is for the special people we immediately become enemies of system of belief that surrounds us.  When we begin to demonstrate commitment to improve and overcome we become a thorn in the side of those who seek to remain the same.  We are adversaries to the safety of the status quo and those who rely on it will oppose us.

An form of self-actualization makes us a target.  So whether it is losing weight, starting a business, quitting a thankless job or any other noble ideal we should not be surprised by opposition even when it comes from those closest to us.  It simply is not fair to expect them to see things as we do.  They have not come to the same awareness.   Please understand their fears and insecurities and don't be surprised if they react unkindly.  Remember,  they are not 'unplugged' yet.

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” ― Albert Einstein
 

Psst!

Psst!

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

Psst!  You… yeah you!  I have an amazing secret!  I know the simple trick to be happy and enjoy life on a regular basis!  Wanna know my secret?

Ok, well my secret is pretty simple. There are three essential keys to happiness and enjoyment that you should practice every day. I could summarize them for you but then you might miss the importance and subtleties of each part. So please indulge me as I reveal each element one at a time and explain their application an value. 

Key 1: Be Productive

Productive is a loaded word. What may seem productive to one may seem far less so to another. In this case I would define productivity by giving something back to the world. As an office worker you could be productive through the work that you get paid to do. As a stay at home parent you could view productivity through the activities that you do to make your home and family a blessing to your community. Remember to have a vision of the bigger picture and put yourself in it! If you are a secretary at a doctor’s office you are not writing a reports or filing papers, you are saving lives and healing people. The doctor could not do what he or she does without the efforts of his staff.

Think about the incredible Notre Dame cathedral in France; it took 182 years to build. Those who designed it never saw its completion. If the each person had simply seen themselves as a bricklayer or a carpenter then the work would have seemed dreary indeed, but if each could see how they were contributing to a masterpiece and a timeless work of art then how much better their labour would have seemed! 

Another image that comes to my mind on this matter is camping. When we go camping with our family we try to model and urge our kids to “Leave the campsite better than you found it.” We clean up rubbish and fix whatever things that we can fix. We owe this world so much it does not take much to give a little back. Do not limit productivity to your job or your career. You can be productive merely by smiling at everyone that you meet today. You personally will know that you have been productive if you can look back on what you have been doing during your time on this globe and see that somehow you impacted it and left it better than the way you found it! 

Key 2: Be Creative

Now right here I want to stamp out the notion that creativity and innovation is the property of the crafts and the fine arts. That is ludicrous! Every career and every occupation can employ invention and imagination. Whether you are a garbage man or a CEO you can be creative with your time. Being unique and novel in your approach to a job gives the activity colour and lustre. No matter what it is we can place our own distinctive signature upon it. Lack of creativity in any chore robs it of energy and makes it dull and grey. Any job can become repetitive drudgery no matter how interesting the work may be if we simply “put in time.” 

According to a study cited by Robert McGarvey in his work “Creative Thinking,” 84% of children in Kindergarten rank high in creativity, while 10% rank high in creativity in grade 2.  Unfortunately, our conventional education system has been shown to cause people to lose the ability to think in divergent or non-linear ways. We are literally robbing ourselves of our creativity! The good news is that no matter how young or old you are, you can still rekindle you flame of creativity. To start, be willing to experiment. Ask “What if…” and then try it! Seek to do things differently. Imagine innovative ways to perform daily duties. Whether it is how you brush your teeth to the way you write reports, try something new. An important thing to remember when you embark on your creative journey: Do not be afraid of making mistakes. Fear always withers imagination. Mistakes are opportunities to learn and improve.

Learn to observe yourself as you do things. Look at your habits. Some habits are good but learn to break habits and change routines. Observe your environment and learn from people and things that grow. Inspiration comes from everywhere and anywhere. We have lots of examples how great minds have been stimulated by simply paying attention to and being mindful of the world around them.

Key 3: Grow

Growth means change. Real personal change is generally scary. We are comfortable being just the way we are right now. Change usually involves unknowns and fear of the unknown is a universal human factor. Growing is generally uncomfortable and usually challenging. We need to change our boundaries and question our limitations in order to change constructively. For most of us, the concept of growing seems awkward. After all, aren’t we ‘grown-ups?’ We cringe remembering our teenage years and how awkward we were. Also for many, childhood was not a safe and nurturing period.   Imperfect parents struggling with their own demons can leave scars on us that make us anything but fond at the prospect of revisiting the concept of development.

To illustrate my point, imagine if you were a caterpillar who had been happily munching on leaves and lazily climbing along branches when one day someone comes to you and says that it is time for you to make a change. The individual further explains that you will need to find a safe spot away from any of your predators and you will need to build a cocoon that you will rest inside for a week or two. Finaly, you are told that when you emerge you will be a thin creature with six skinny legs and beautiful wings. You will elegantly fly from flower to flower drinking the nectar of the blooms. I don’t know about you but I’d be pretty freaked out by that story. I’d be telling this person “Thanks but no thanks!” Yet we know this change is natural and normal for a butterfly.

We are not butterflies but we are capable of personal metamorphosis. We see it every day in the heroes around us: the grandmother who got her bachelor’s degree, the teenager who started a charity for homeless kids across the world, or the addict who finally sought help and overcame their demons. Everyone can grow. All it takes is facing our fears and overcoming them little bit each day.

I encourage you to get uncomfortable every day. You can even sit down and write out a list of your fears and then see which ones you can take action to conquer. Your greatest dreams often lie waiting behind your daily fears. How many lost opportunities and regrets will it take for you to finally take a chance on something that you have imagined? I truly believe that so many of us have untapped potential that we fail to explore because we let the views of others and our own excuses get in the way. I, for one, do not wish to reach the end of my days with a heart full of “if only’s” and “I wish I had’s.”

A large part of growing is learning.  Never stop learning.  Whenever possible seek learning opportunities.  Teach yourself something new or make a discovery every day.  Learning helps keep us feeling young and vital!  It is a basic fact that once we stop learning that we stop growing.

Well, that’s it. My three keys for happiness are simple this:

Every day…

• Be Productive!
• Be Creative!
• Grow!

It is that straightforward. Ok, I admit it. I have one more key to happy and joyful living… Have fun! I only add this one here because I do not think that you can do all of the above every day without having fun. Perhaps I should simply state that fun is the catalyst that makes all the elements work! Sure you can do any one component on its own without having fun but I think that it takes fun to put them all together. So there it is: have fun! It may not be the meaning of life the universe and everything but I assure you that if you truly pursue these fundamentals of life daily that you will learn about yourself and your world. You will discover the extraordinary amidst the ordinary, and you will find your own unique path among the stars. I do not guarantee you a life free from trouble or sorrow but I can guarantee that you certainly won’t sleepwalk through your days. And to that end I wish you well in this incredible adventure that we call life!

Powerful Choosing

Powerful Choosing

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

I am extremely blessed to have stumbled upon a fellow that I must credit as my mentor. We have long discussions about everything under the sun, but oddly none of it is truly small talk. My friend can turn conversation on a dime and we suddenly connect several concepts that no one in their right mind would normally put together.  He has a powerful mind and an a sharp wit.  Like a Zen master he can ask a question that will immediately enlighten you when you try to answer it.  I have written this introduction because I want to relate to you a powerful idea that he once shared with me.

I believe that we had been discussing some matter of interpersonal conflict in which I was involved.  He paused thoughtfully, looked straight at me and said the following: 

"There are only two paths: We can either seek to control the world (others) or we can seek to control ourselves.  We cannot do both.  In the end, it is not truly a choice.  For if we earnestly seek to become masters of others and this world then we will eventually come full circle and find that we must first master ourselves."

To many this particular concept may not seem that revolutionary but for me that moment crystallized my understanding of so much of my struggles.  We each see the world through our own experience, fraught with pains and toils, love and joy.  From our selfish vantage we seek to forge or discover some peace and happiness.  In the process, we strive to take control of our environment so that we might bend it to our will and our view of what is right and wrong.  We want our surrounding to support us and our views.  We do not want to be hindered.  This is where our troubles so often begin.

In this idealistic quest we often believe "If only the world was this way then..." or "If only he/she was this way then..."  We want what we want and we expect the world around us to conform to our needs and desires.  In our mind we have rationalized all our beliefs.  There are logical reasons for all our decisions.  Surely everyone should see with clarity the correctness of our viewpoint!  If we are correct then by extension all other options must be incorrect.

And so we argue and push and strive to make others and our world conform to what we believe it should be.  We even make our own satisfaction contingent on achieving this feat.  We make statements like "I will be happy when..." or "If only this was the case then everything would be fine."  We put off peace and personal happiness until we have control of all the variables.  In our quest to control everything about us we fail to control ourselves and our own thoughts and emotions. Our own fears and thoughts betray us and unravel our efforts to succeed.

 I saw the futility of all of my struggles in an instant when my friend made his simple statement. My quest to manipulate my world was foolish.  I truly had control over only one thing: myself.  And truth be told, I was not mastering myself very well.  I could be readily hurt or angered by others.  I was defensive.  I was fearful.  Who was I to tell others how they should think or act?

In that moment I realized that I was the one who needed to change, not the world.  The universe was unfolding in the manner to which it was designed.  I did not create this world so why did I believe that I knew how it should be?  I needed to walk my own path and that was hard enough.  It would be arrogant to believe that I knew better than others as to how they should live.  This was a significant step in letting go of my need to be "right."  

It has been several years since that day of revelation.  I still fall into conflict with others now and then.  I am after all an imperfect human being living in a less than perfect world.  I do however see my conflicts with different eyes and now I often ask myself what inside of me needs to change to  resolve my struggles.  I can look on conflict with greater dispassion, asking myself what each situation is trying to teach me.  My antagonists are not enemies that might strike me down; they are teachers with opportunity to enlighten me.  The choice truly is mine.

So does my tale ring true with you my reader?  What are you choosing today?  Do you want to rule the world?  Start with yourself. Choose well.

"I do my thing and you do your thing.

I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,

And you are not in this world to live up to mine.

You are you, and I am I,

and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.

If not, it can't be helped."  —The Gestalt Prayer by Fritz Perls

Meet the Author

Meet the Author

©2014 Scott Wilson

Today I will stray slightly from my focus on topics that directly speak to success.  For me, success is linked to creativity and inspiration. Without these elements our best efforts will often fail because we need creativity and inspitration to adapt to the inevitable challenges that occur.  It is with that in mind that I present the following:

How many of us would kill for the chance to meet our favourite author and maybe get a signed copy of their work?  Most of us would jump at the chance to speak face to face with J.K. Rowling, Stephenie Meyer, Suzanne Collins, Stephen King, Robert Ludlum or Tom Clancy, to name a few.  Their stories have become our stories.  We have memories of curling up with their well-crafted tales, sometimes even with our friends and family. It would be such a wonderful opportunity to speak with the minds that brought to life our favourite fictional characters.

But what if we could meet the mind who authored the colours of fall or the terrible beauty of fire?  Imagine speaking with the one who conceived and crafted the feeling of joy and invented laughter.  Envision what it would be like to converse with the designer of tears.  How would we feel about a signed copy of today’s blazing sunset?

This may sound trite but these meetings can happen.  We have within us the capacity to connect with the author of all that surrounds us.  The signature of the Maker can be seen everywhere from the tiny mote of quarks up to glorious wonder of galaxies.   This moment that you take to read these words was crafted just for you.  Make no mistake; you are where you need to be right now.  The One who fearfully and wonderfully imagined you is not dead or missing.  You were meant to make this connection.

All that is needed is a bit of your time.  No fancy words or special phrases are required.  You can speak or remain silent.  But you must take the time to slow the incessant chatter between your ears, just like you do before falling asleep.  However, don’t sleep.  Instead, awaken to all that you have been blind to around you.  Find inspiration in your every breath.  Open your heart to miracle that is your very life itself.  Let the One who dreamed this universe speak the words and paint the pictures that are only for you!

The invitation is there, every day.  Come, meet the author…

Zen and the Art of Lodging a Successful Complaint: 10 Simple Tips

Zen and the Art of Lodging a Successful Complaint: 10 Simple Tips

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

At first blush one might think this strange topic of discussion. The reality is that in this life everybody needs to lodge a complaint at some point in time. I am not advocating the habit of griping. It is well recognized that habitual complaining is an unhealthy practice that hurts our emotional and mental well-being. But every so often we must stand up and seek correction for problems that others have created for us. It is to this end that I speak and offer...

Ten Tips for a Successful Complaint 

#1 Keep the goal in mind!

First off, keep in mind that the objective of your complaint is to obtain a remedy from your intended audience. Your words and actions must not sabotage or jeopardize this simple goal!  You will need as many allies as you can to gain this objective so do not make unnecessary adversaries.

#2 Keep it civil & remain gracious

Every person that you encounter, whether in writing, in person or on the phone could be the one who solves your problem.  Being gracious keeps others at ease and relaxed. If the individual feels safe then he or she will not become defensive and resistant to your request for assistance. The minute you indulge in angry behaviour you will begin to lose influence in the situation. No matter how you are treated remain above reproach. Nobody likes a bully so don't become one. 

#3 Win their empathy

You don't just want the person helping you to merely understand your situation.  You want them to empathize with your concern.  Explain to them why you chose their product or service.  Make them understand your reasons for choosing their company instead of someone else.  If you are a long time loyal customer then make that clear to them.  You used their service or bought their merchandise for some reason.  Tell them the things that you like or even love about their brand and their products.

They are not dealing with a disgruntled and hostile customer.  They are dealing with loyal but frustrated friend who believes in them and their company.  When you finally need to explain your problem use words that show that you expect them to know how you are feeling:

• You understand how it would be to have this happen...
• You can imagine how I felt when...
• If you had this happen to you I know that you would feel..

If this is not your first encounter to correct the situation explain clearly and calmly the steps that you took to seek help and the response that you have received so far. Remember, you are trying to make them understand and relate to you and the matter that you wish to remedy.

#4 Stay on their side

Whatever happens, do not become hostile.  Service personnel deal every day with angry and hostile customers and it is not pleasant for them.  People avoid that which is unpleasant.  If they believe that you are against them then they have a huge uphill battle to win you back as a satisfied customer. 

If you remain confident that they can satisfy you and express your belief that they can address your problem then they will remain engaged and continue to seek avenues assist you.  They do not want to lose someone who is on their side.  They know that making unsatisfied will cost them now and possibly future business and reputation.  Good businesses seek to protect their reputations.

#5 Help them to help you

Again, explain clearly and with as little blame as possible the situation that you wish to correct.  Remember the objective.  You bought the item or service for some specific purpose; maybe they can offer something else that still meets or even exceeds your needs.  If you are speaking directly with someone then perhaps you can brainstorm options with them.

For example, if you have a broken widget and you want them to correct this then ask them about various replacement options.  Perhaps they could strike a deal where you upgraded to a different or more powerful widget that still meets your needs for very little or no extra expense.

#6 Flattery will get you everywhere

The people that you are dealing with are used to being abused by irate customers.  They develop a kind of hardened shell against criticism and insults.  In contrast, they are are put off balance by people who compliment them and empathize with their situation.  Often these people are given a script that they have to follow and they may feel somewhat impotent in their ability to satisfy your needs.

Bear in mind that these service personnel usually have a limited power to provide solutions so they will appreciate when you empathize with their frustrations.  Many of the people in these positions are trying their best to offer assistance.  Be honest in your appreciation of their efforts to help you.

#7 Find the person with the power & don't be afraid to go to the top

Sometimes the person you are dealing with does not have the power to fix your problem.  If the person is honest with you and admits as much then be understanding but ask if there is a way to get to someone with more authority.  Many companies have Customer Retention groups who have the power to authorize much greater discounts or replacements.  If you have done your utmost and exhausted most of your options then consider moving to the top. 

There are ways to get the e-mail addresses of Vice Presidents, Presidents and CEOs.  Here in Canada the Industry Canada web site sometimes lists the contact information for the principle officers of corporations.  If you are direct and polite you may be pleasantly surprised by the responses that you receive from these powerful executives. 

#8 Be reasonable and flexible - negotiate

Every issue is different. Pay attention to the context of your problem. You may start by expecting the party that you are speaking to provide a complete refund or replacement.  That may not be practical or even possible. Try to see the matter from the perspective of the company with which you are dealing.  Be prepared to think sideways. Instead of providing like for like they might propose something similar or related. 

For example, a cellular company might offer a different brand of phone to replace your device or they may offer a lesser phone but provide instead a lot of normally expensive services for free.   Weigh the offers carefully. Remember, being reasonable and flexible will allow the other parties the leeway to move and come up with creative alternatives. 

#9 Get creative - use leverage as a last resort

If you know that the corporation that you are dealing with has another service or product that you need or use then perhaps try negotiating for an equal value alternative to your original purchase.  You are looking to remedy a problem with something that you purchased. Remedy comes in many forms. 

When negotiating get creative. Does your personal network lend you any leverage?  Are you a member of an organization that could influence the company that you are dealing with?  Do you know media personnel or groups that would be interested in your story?  If the answer to any of these questions is 'yes' then tread lightly. Anything that may be viewed as threatening to their reputation evokes defensive behaviour and makes negotiations adversarial. You would no longer be on their side.  Introduce this kind of leverage only if nothing else has yielded results. In the end be prepared to follow through; don't make empty statements about your influence. 

#10 Be generous with gratitude and praise when you succeed

When you have had bad service I am sure that many of you have written bad online reviews or shared your poor experience on social media. Virtually everyone knows the video and song "United Breaks Guitars."  Well, all too often we forget that the opposite should be equally important. If you have managed to get a good resolution then you should be equally open with praise. Write and tell the people that you have dealt with about your experience. Keep it positive and offer genuine praise.  Remember your parent's admonition to always say thank-you.  Not only is this the right thing to do, it will also pay dividends for all future interactions with this group

I hope these tips have helped you.  If you use them and get results please let me know.  I am eager to get feedback as they have served me very well over the years!

Letting go of Right

Letting go of Right

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

We all want to be right.  It is natural.  Our primary reason for wanting to be right is because we logically assume that if we are not right then we must be wrong.  We believe that there exists a single unchallengeable objective truth; all other views are therefore wrong and false.  Sadly, this is an error and it is one that causes a lot of grief.  The closest way that I can illustrate this fallacy is with colour.


It is illogical to assume that if something is not white then it must be black.  Just as right and wrong are logical extremes so too are black and white.  White the is actually a mix of all visible light colours while black is the absence of all these same colours.   So it is with right and wrong.  Rarely are we as humans discussing things that are truly cut and dry.  We may think that things are either black or white but that is rarely so.  Just as white light is made up of the various primary colours so too can right have different aspects as well.


By this analogy one could not argue that red is more white than say yellow.  Both colours are equally elements of white light.  The same thing frequently holds true when we argue over what is right and wrong.  More often than not we are usually debating the difference between one element of right and another one.  We are, in effect, discussing red and yellow and arguing that one is more white than the other.  We do this at our own loss; for in so doing we frequently lose the opportunity to learn something about ourselves and our opponent.


Because of the many facets of truth it is impossible for any one person to obtain a monopoly on truth.  As illustrated with the analogy of colour, truth has many facets.  What can make right and wrong, truth and error even more tricky is the fact that many truths exist within paradox.  I am an electrical engineer so I will choose a physical paradox to illustrate this one: light.


Depending on how you choose to observe it light acts either as a particle or a wave.  That fact is paradoxical because particle and wave models cannot be reconciled to each other. The truth is that we truly do not know what this means in regards to light.  The best physics can come up with is that light exists in an undetermined wave/particle state until we try to observe it.  So saying that light is a particle is equally true and false, right and wrong.  It is likewise in regards to light as wave.  Once again, our premise that there must be one correct view and all others views are wrong is proven in error here.


As I stated before, our need to be correct is strong and natural.  No one wants to be in error.  The light paradox should alert us to the fact that often truths are personal based on the observer.  What is right for me may not necessarily be right for you.  Each of us has an obligation to test the validity of things and ideas for ourselves.  We cannot have others do this for us by proxy.  Our experience and view is unique to us and to us alone.


For example, I have a relationship and view of my eldest sister that will in some ways be in complete contradiction to that of her husband, her children or my mother.  My truths about her will only work in the context of our unique relationship as brother and sister.  Those views will no longer be entirely right from someone else’s standpoint.  My sister and I will be confident in those truths between us; we do not need to be right in the eyes of other people.  It therefore becomes important to understand that what is true for us may not be true for others.  Likewise, what may be true in some context is not true in all circumstances.


Confidence in our own truths is another thing which aids us in letting go of right.  If you are truly confident that you are right then you should not feel an obligation to prove it to everyone else.  The need to convince others of our correctness often springs from a lack of conviction on our part.  If what you believe is true then you should be confident that eventually that truth will be revealed to others without the need for your to convince them.  This shows confidence in the nature of our truth.  We need to allow others to find the truth for themselves because in the end it is not right to seek to control them nor to rob them of responsibility for their own lives.


Fear of being wrong is unhealthy and can actually blind us to the truth.  We often invest much time and effort based on what we deem to be right.  This investment can make us biased.  The scholars who worked hard making mathematical models of the solar system with earth at the centre were  hardly open to ideas that Galileo presented.  A sun-centred model meant they had wasted much of their careers.  We all naturally react this way.  In this case, the scholars’ models were wrong and Galileo was right.  Had the scholars been brave enough to consider themselves capable of error then they might have seen the truth in Galileo’s observations.  Do not let fear of error blind you.


My last point in favour of abandoning the need to be right comes from Dale Carnegie in his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”  In it he writes:

“You can't win an argument. You can't because if you lose it, you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it.”

The statement may seem to contradict itself but it does not.  We cannot win an argument with someone without making them feel diminished and inferior.  The person’s ego will rebel and it is unlikely the person will be truly convinced of your truth.


There is a psychology experiment where an unfocused image is projected on a wall and the participants in the experiment are asked to guess what the image may be.  In one scenario the participants’ beliefs are challenged and in the control group no comment is given on the person’s guess.  The image is slowly brought into focus and the participants are either challenged or merely questioned on their guess.  The results of the test are remarkable.


Those who were only continually asked what they saw were eventually able to see the actual image when it was brought into focus regardless of what they initially guessed about the image.  However, those who had their guesses challenged became more and more entrenched in their view and often continued to argue their guess even after the image was brought into complete focus.  Some participants could not actually admit when their guess had been completely incorrect.  The experiment showed that the act of arguing itself had actually reinforced the initial views of the parties even when the final outcome had concretely disproven their initial beliefs.  

So even when we win at being right, we lose.  In our efforts to be right we can actually make it harder for others to see the truth that may be plainly before them.  Just like our muscles, beliefs tend to grow stronger under resistance.  This is a counter-intuitive truth.   A better approach in such conflicts is not to nay say but rather inject “Yes and…”  Agree with their truth and present your own views.  By agreeing first we prevent the resistance that will sabotage an open discourse.


In conclusion, it would seem that our need to be right in the eyes of others usually has destructive consequences for ourselves and others.  Truth needs to be seen in context and we need to appreciate that our own truth may not completely translate to the point of view of others.  We need to seek truth and understanding for ourselves and allow others the freedom to do likewise without undue influence.  We should not fear error, but remain open to correction.   Respect the views of others and instead of tearing away at their understanding offer instead your truth to stand beside theirs as an equal.


Letting go of right can go a long way towards peace in ourselves and with others.  We still must find what is right and correct for ourselves.  However, speak your truth quietly and you will find that your influence will extend much further than it ever would by winning some debate.

A Perfect Moment: Moving Towards Self-Actualization

A Perfect Moment: Moving Towards Self-Actualization

 

©2014 Scott Wilson

 

Have you ever had a perfect moment? Some soldiers experience a moment in combat where the battle 'crystalizes', time slows, and they are able to do exactly what needed to be done to stay alive and keep their teammates safe.  I have these moments too but not always in dangerous or stressful situations.  In fact, the one I wish to discuss was quite the opposite.

 

 

It is a day in October 2014. My youngest daughter is twelve years old.  On this day she had a friend over to play. Since the night was drawing late we dragged ourselves off to the truck, and my daughter and I unceremoniously drive her friend back to home.  We drop off her friend so now it is just my youngest and myself wending our way back home through the inky darkness.  The radio is rambling on when it suddenly switches to the song “Crocodile Rock” by Elton John.

 

 

Instantly, the moment crystalizes as my little girl and I begin crooning the lyrics to “Crocodile Rock” together and happily bopping to the beat. It is a moment of sheer joy as we connect together through the notes of a song.  As I look over to her I can see the simple pleasure in her body and her features.  She is simply a young girl just having fun with her dad.  If any cares had existed they have all melted away for both of us in this instant of time.  The world has vanished.  There is just the two of us and the song.

 

 

It is almost like an out-of-body experience as time slowed down and I actually experience myself observing my own moment like I am some disconnected external viewer.  I am suddenly a young teenager back in the 70’s and a present day father all at the same time.  Here is my daughter, the same age as myself when I first sang this song.  This simple music with its catchy tune and peppy lyrics has resonated through the years and generations connecting us in the here and now.  In this moment I feel blessed. Blessed for my own childhood but also blessed for my own child and the joyful time that we can share.

 

 

I do not know if my daughter will ever remember this night but I believe this moment will stay with me forever. It had a brief but powerful impact on me and I am grateful.  Our time on this globe is brief but I swear that we can pack eternity into a single moment if we just let go and allow ourselves to experience it.

 

 

This is not the first time that I have experienced such moments but this is the first time that I have written about one.  In writing about this I came to realize what had occurred.  I had undergone a ‘peak experience.’  The famed psychologist Abraham Maslow was one of the first scientific minds to study this phenomena.  Here is one definition of peak experiences:

 

 

Peak experiences are described by Maslow as especially joyous and exciting moments in life, involving sudden feelings of intense happiness and well-being, wonder and awe, and possibly also involving an awareness of transcendental unity or knowledge of higher truth (as though perceiving the world from an altered, and often vastly profound and awe-inspiring perspective).

 

 

The realization took me by surprise.  I had known about such events, especially those of the successful people that Maslow and others had studied.  Yet I did not immediately recognize these events in my own life as peak experiences.

 

 

Maslow believed that peak experiences were beneficial in our efforts toward self-actualization.  In Maslow’s research of people who were mature and psychologically healthy he found that peak experiences played a strong role in their lives.  To me, that simply meant that this experience was validation that I am on the right path towards becoming who I am meant to be.  In short, it was further evidence of ongoing success.

 

 

Maslow so believed in the importance of peak experience that he began to teach classes that aimed to help people to obtain them.  Maslow felt that our success in life itself could be measured by the frequency of these events. For this reason, I likewise encourage you to develop the conditions that will produce an environment where such events can more readily occur.  Here is a list of actions that Maslow himself proposed to help people on their own path towards peak experiences and self-actualization:

• Experience life like a child, with full absorption and concentration;
• Try new things instead of sticking to safe paths;
• Listen to your own feelings in evaluating experiences instead of the voice of tradition, authority or the majority;
• Avoid pretense ('game playing') and being honest;
• Be prepared to be unpopular if your views do not coincide with those of the majority;
• Take responsibility and work hard;
• Try to identify your defenses and have the courage to give them up.

I personally can say that my peak moments have always occurred when I was truly in the present moment with no cares for the past or anticipation of the future – a child-like state.  My inner voice was utterly silent; the dialogue had stopped. 

I have described to you one of my perfect moments.  It is my hope that you find your own ways that help you to experience such times of clarity and joy.  Maslow himself believed that peak experiences did not require mediation or esoteric practices.  Perfect moments are all around us and available in the here and now.  With that in mind I’d like to close with Abraham Maslow’s very words on the experience of peak moments:

“The sacred is in the ordinary...it is to be found in one's daily life, in one's neighbors, friends, and family, in one's own backyard...travel may be a flight from confronting the sacred — this lesson can be easily lost. To be looking elsewhere for miracles is to me a sure sign of ignorance that everything is miraculous.” — Abraham Maslow

Stop trying to be happy! Just enjoy life! (From guest blog at www.makeyoursomedaytoday.com)

Stop trying to be happy! Just enjoy life!

©Scott D. Wilson 2014



Everyone wants to be happy, right? I mean as far as goals go this one seems to be right up there on most people’s list. The United States constitution even guarantees the right to pursue happiness. So much of the modern advertising industry is built upon the premise of selling the elements that deliver happiness. It is safe to say that trying to be happy is definitely a common priority within our society.

People do many things in their unending efforts to become and remain happy. They seek friendship, love, romance, marriage, children, fame, fortune, spirituality, god and so much more all hoping that these will lead to lasting happiness. It is my observation that all of these things have at best fleeting success in attaining happiness.


Every single one of the ideals that I have mentioned above is mixed with joy and pain, happiness and sorrow. The best friendships will still occasionally disappoint. Romance waxes and wanes. Marriage and families are filled with great joys and heart-crushing events. Even religion and spirituality do not grant immunity to the trials and pains of life.


And yet mankind spends an amazing amount of time and effort chasing the dream of happiness. In this powerful pursuit we demonize sadness and depression. North America is an abundant and rich country where we enjoy a standard of living that far exceeds that of over 60 percent of the world. Still Americans currently spend an estimated $11.3 billion dollars annually on anti-depressants, consuming more per capita than any other nation. American use of anti-depressants skyrocketed 400% from 1988 to 1994. We go to great pains to avoid being unhappy in any way and in the process we treat almost all sadness as an illness.


So what is wrong? Why can’t we seem to lay hold of this ultimate prize despite our herculean efforts? We have material wealth and security like no other nations but we are failing at the very pursuit that our predecessors nobly guaranteed for us. It actually seems that the harder we try obtain happiness the more difficult it becomes to obtain. I actually believe that this principle holds true, and so I propose that it is truthfully our very quest for happiness that causes the problem.


We live in an impermanent world. All things that live will die and everything that is created eventually decays and fails. Why then do we expect our happiness to be permanent? In Zen Buddhism it is believed that our attachment to objects in this ever-changing world that leads to sadness and frustration. There is much truth to this belief, however even detachment will not guarantee happiness just as an absence of pain does not guarantee pleasure. So the problem of happiness remains.


I propose that we release our iron grip on the pursuit of happiness and instead focus our pursuit on joy. No, I am not just playing with semantics. Joy is defined as the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires (from Merriam-Webster). I believe that it is the last part of this definition that is telling: ‘emotion evoked by… the prospect of possessing.’ There can be joy in the pursuit even if the item pursued is not obtained. I would go so far as to say that we can actually enjoy pursuing happiness even if we fail in that pursuit!


I further submit that joy supersedes happiness. As my father lay in pain dying of bone cancer in I enjoyed our much of our time together and so did he. Despite all that my father was experiencing he still enjoyed the simple pleasure of a cappuccino from a local coffee shop. Were we happy? No, not at all. That did not stop joy. In my life and in others I have seen joy in the midst of sorrow, pain and even death.


We need to allow ourselves the ability to experience joy. This often involves slowing down and actually paying attention to and experiencing our lives. We can have goals and quests for worthy ideals but we need to expect that there will be bumps on those journeys. Let not our pursuits rob us of our joy. I have observed people in pain struggling to be happy at Christmas, the supposedly happiest time of the year. In their struggle, these poor souls not only fail to obtain happiness but they deprive themselves of their joy.


Can we still pursue happiness? Yes, but don’t expect to catch it and keep it. Happiness will come and go, and that is alright. Do not run from sorrow especially when the seasons of life call for it. Hold fast to joys, especially the simple ones. Joys can be our greatest treasures in times of tribulation. At all times take pleasure in kindness, smiles and love. In this challenging life, when happiness seems so far off, remember that there can still be great joy in the journey.

Guest blog at "Make Your Someday Today"

I was honoured to be a guest blogger at Trevor LaRene's awesome site: Make Your Someday Today.  My article is entitled "Stop trying to be happy!  Just enjoy life!"

Check it out:

http://makeyoursomedaytoday.blogspot.ca/2014/09/stop-trying-to-be-happy-just-enjoy-life.html

Breaking Bad… Habits

Breaking Bad… Habits

©2014 Scott Wilson

No matter what the goal, we have all experienced setbacks in our life that were entirely due to our own poor actions. When starting out towards a new goal it is quite natural and wise to make some changes and start some new actions that we intend to develop into positive habits.　 Creating new positive habits is just one challenge but in the long run commitment and repetition will eventually yield results in those areas.　 The difficulties of discovering a new and better path and walking it is another discussion in itself.

For those of us who have found a new path it is not so much the creation of new improved and constructive habits and activities that tends to trip us up. It is our well-worn bad habits, poor attitudes and negative thinking that so often sabotages our noble efforts and saps our resolve for success.　 When losing weight, we might be counting calories and getting active but it is that midnight craving that catches us unaware.　　 When we start a new enterprise, it is not acting on the good ideas and constructive plans that sinks our boat; it is the negative thoughts, self-doubts and dwelling on initial mistakes that will torpedo our efforts.

So it is fair to say that breaking bad thought patterns and habits is obviously an important factor in our quest towards success in any endeavour. One thing that should be recognized is that bad habits are natural.　 Bad habits and negative thought patterns develop like any habit, by continual repetition over time. 　Destructive patterns themselves usually arise as a poor response to normal difficult situations. For example, let us look at smoking.

Most people knew that smoking was unhealthy and unwise when they started. Many began smoking to ease a difficult social situation.　 The smoking made the person accepted with a friend or group. The person sanely reasoned that they were in control of the substance and this was true initially.　 As time went on smoking actually fulfilled a need to pacify anxiety and the nicotine soothed emotions.　 Eventually the person lost control over cigarettes, biological cravings ensued and the action of smoking became mindless and habitual.　 However, smoking did fulfill a positive role at first, allowing the person to control their anxiousness and gain positive social acceptance.

It helps to understand that the root of all negative habits, both physical and mental, was once positive or in some way beneficial. The problems spring from the unintended negative consequences of the actions that resulted from the initial choices.　 When breaking a bad habit, it helps to determine what situations trigger the thoughts and actions of the habit.　 Our smoker might keenly crave a cigarette most frequently during social or stressful situations.　 In this case, the person seeking to break the habit would need to prepare for anxious situations that trigger temptation.

Since all habits are both formed and maintained through repetition the key to elimination is by breaking the cycle and maintaining increased periods where the habit is deprived. I doubt there is anything new or revolutionary about what I will have to say on this matter but I hope that I can present it in a unique way that better helps you to understand and apply it. Here are four methods that can be used to deal with negative patterns:

 Replace
 Remove
 Resist
 Reward/Reinforce

Replace: One way to eliminate a poor habit or thinking is to replace it with a beneficial one. If the role of the poor habit is understood then a preferable action or thinking can be implemented in its place. If a habit like smoking or eating is triggered by social situations or anxiety then soothing the anxiety itself should be addressed. Some people have had success with sugarless chewing gum in these situations. They keep an ample supply of gum with them and use it when the craving for food or cigarettes arises in social situations. We humans soothe ourselves in many ways. Sometimes stress can be relieved by squeezing a squishy ball. Other times, some people overcome feelings of anxiety by mentally imagining themselves in control and in a different environment. Each situation is unique. Find the trigger of the craving and creatively address it, meeting your specific needs.

When negative thoughts are part of the negative pattern then sometimes a physical object can be used to help refocus the mind. Place items around your environment that remind you of the thinking and attitude that you want to foster. These can be pictures, quotes, or anything that you can use to keep your mind and heart on track when they get distracted. We can keep an object in our pocket or close at hand that reminds us of a quote or idea that counteracts our negative attitudes when they arise.

For instance, we might feel like a failure in social situations, being constantly reminded of our imperfections and disappointments. A counter-measure against such thinking might be to keep some reminder of a past victory in your pocket. Perhaps you have a medal or small award from a past successful achievement. If not then purchase one and use it to fix such an event in your mind. Seek to remember your victories in this life, no matter how few or small that they may seem.

Remove: Whenever possible we should completely eliminate the elements that support a negative pattern in our lives. With cigarettes and alcohol people generally completely eliminate these materials from their lives. In food addiction, this often means eliminating a particular food type that is problematic or eaten mindlessly. In bad thinking, removal means catching a negative thought pattern when it arises, acknowledging its destructive nature and choosing to completely deny the validity of the thought. Removal can be very effective in severing bad habits if it can be maintained. It is also the most challenging method to employ.

Resist: Resistance is not futile! Sometimes negative habits cannot be entirely eliminated. Problems with food consumption are not solved by simply starving yourself. In these cases we need to regain control over the thought or the action. Many poor habits are mindless. They arise without warning and catch us unaware. At these times it is best if the temptation can be postponed or delayed so that it cannot be immediately satisfied. If you have locked a tempting food in a drawer and you are required to take a few minutes to first retrieve the key then the delay and increased effort may give you time enough to think about the habit and reconsider if it is something that you truly want to indulge.

Resistance can also mix in an element of removal. If there is something that you do not want to eliminate but you do want to control then you might want to ‘fast’ from the habit for a while. You might feel that the TV has become a bad habit for you because you simply spend too much time watching it but you do not want to eliminate it altogether. One way to regain control would be to abstain from television completely for thirty days to break the habitual element. You could then introduce TV back in measured amounts, say one hour a day.

The best way to resist negative thoughts and attitudes it with truth. Let say that when encountering difficulties someone becomes reminded of all the times that they have failed. The fear of failure may loom large in their heart. This challenge can be met if the person mentally prepares so that they can remind themselves that not even trying is merely failure by default. Or they could understand that any failed attempt is still a chance to learn about themselves and improve so that the next attempt will have a better chance of success. The key to resistance here is to prepare our minds in advance for the battle that our hearts will wage against us. In these cases we can even keep cue cards in our pockets with written reminders about ourselves – important positive truths that we have learned or that others have identified about us. Again, get creative. Find ideas that support and remind you about the good and noble truths that you seek to manifest and maintain.

Reward/Reinforce: Rewards and incentives can work powerfully to help us change our minds and habits. The key to rewards is to make them achievable and meaningful to you. If a reward is simply unrealistic then you will become demoralized trying to achieve it. If a reward is not meaningful then you won’t put in the effort to gain it. Incentives can be used to extinguish a poor behaviours or they can be used to reinforce new and better ones. In a given period you could either allot a number of times that you want to achieve a good activity or a maximum number of times that you will allow a negative behaviour to occur. Again, the choice is yours. Whatever it is, make sure whatever you give yourself is worth the effort that you will need to achieve it.

So that is it. Those are my simple tips to help break bad habits that seek to undo our best efforts. As stated earlier, we all encounter road bumps in ourselves along the journey to a better place. Be gentle with yourself. Beating yourself up for a bad habit actually reinforces it. The effort and focus that the activity is given rewards our minds for engaging in the pattern. Instead, look on your bad habit with compassion and remember that it once rewarded you before its consequences caught up with you. Take the necessary steps to think through the negative pattern and address the cause with Replacement, Removal, Resistance and Reward. With perseverance, one day you will look back and wonder what happened to that old bad habit of yours.

Sticky Problems!

Sticky Problems!

©Scott D. Wilson 2014


Whether you are an illustrious business tycoon or a lowly street sweeper life is full of trials and problems.  Married or single, rich or poor, famous or obscure, the process of living presents us daily with challenges that we need to face.  Author and speaker Helen Keller once so eloquently put it:

“The struggle of life is one of our greatest blessings. It makes us patient, sensitive, and Godlike. It teaches us that although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.”

Troubles are a universal part of the human condition and will continue to be so for as long as we exist.  Many make it their goal in life to avoid as many problems as possible but that is futile. It is far wiser to learn how to better handle the challenges that befall us.  I work as an engineer.  Engineers are often viewed as professional problem-solvers because they tend to have a knack for developing solutions to physical problems.  One thing I have learned is that how you look at a difficulty has the greatest effect on your ability to discover a solution to it.


I once took a driving course called "Skid School" where they purposefully put us in vehicles and caused them to skid and spin.  Our job was to skillfully apply what they taught us in the classroom to recover from the skids, regain control of the car and avoid hitting objects on the road.  The most valuable lesson that I learned from this experience was simply this:  We tend to hit the thing that we look at.


In driving, the instructors emphasized that many people unintentionally get stuck staring at an unexpected object that enters their driving path. The people then unfortunately tend to hit these random distractions.  During one lesson we drove a car down a slippery road and an instructor would move an object from either the left or right side and we had to avoid it even when the vehicle started to skid.


It is so instinctive for us to focus on the problem when it appears.  Many in the class saw the object in their path and despite carefully braking they were helpless to avoid colliding with it because they kept their attention on the obstacle.  The instructors explained that to avoid the problem the driver needed to look beyond it towards the destination that the wanted to go.  When we learned to look down the road we could readily avoid the obstacles that suddenly appeared on the path even though our cars were on slippery roads and began to skid.


In the final lesson the instructors sent the cars into a rear wheel skid with the car viciously spinning in circles.  The students had to recover control of the vehicle and keep the cars on the road and going in the original direction.  Again, to do this the drivers had to maintain focus on the destination, far off down the road that they were travelling.  I learned that day that I could recover from a very dangerous skid as long I kept my eyes on where I wanted to keep the car going.


I offer this long-winded story on safe car driving to illustrate a common flaw in how we often approach less tangible problems in our lives.  When we encounter challenges in life so many of us lose sight of our goals and spend our time looking at the barriers.  This is somewhat instinctive and natural.  Fear draws our attention away from the objective that we seek and desire!


This mistake seems to happen in so many areas of our lives.  In engineering we can get lost trying to fix a technical issue when we might do better looking at developing alternative ways to achieve the same objective.  When looking at our health we tend to get stuck looking at our diseases rather than improving well-being.  With fitness we get mired focusing on our weight and our fat when developing our muscles and overall health would serve us better.

We can plainly see this kind of thinking at work throughout our society.  We have anti-bullying campaigns not inclusivity and empathy programs. There are anti-poverty initiatives but very few prosperity movements.  As good intentioned as they may be, it is my experience that anything with an 'anti' focus tends to exacerbate the undesirable element.  Many bad ideas and thinking unfortunately thrive through resistance rather than diminishing. 

I have discovered that when I let go of the problem and start to focus again on where I want to go that the best ideas to address my present situation arise.  Whether it is my weight, my finances, my personal relationships or my job, I have learned that the fears about my goals become distractions.  My success is surer when moving towards the goal remains the objective rather than avoiding the pitfalls.


So I encourage you today to approach your troubles better.  Let go of your sticky problems.  Look again down the path towards the goals that you want to achieve.  Keep your attention on what moves you forward and not on the things that block your path or have you looking backwards.  Only then will you be able to keep control, steer clear and keep on the road to success!

Engineering Your Own Day

Engineering Your Own Day

©Scott D. Wilson 2014


I am an engineer.  I think I was born this way.  The primary work of an engineer is to design practical things using scientific principles.  I like designing stuff.  I enjoy putting mechanisms together to make them work in new and different ways.  I used to think that designing was only about pragmatic devices that enable us to do so much more than we could before.


For example, I work daily as a telecommunications engineer.  I design communication system that enable people to connect and collaborate faster and easier so that they can innovate and solve problems better.  I enjoy learning about new technological advances and products. Many of the technologies that I use have only been developed very recently.  I am pleased when the people that I serve show enthusiasm about the systems that I develop for them to share, cooperate and communicate.


I have realized that engineering high-tech systems is only part of what I enjoy.  I realize that I also relish learning about new ideas and thoughts on many diverse topics.  I am also very good at putting various ideas and principles together in innovative and interesting ways that allow people to see things from a new and helpful perspective.  This is simply the engineering and designing ideas and concepts instead of physical systems.


Another peculiarity of the way I operate is that I often think in pictures, emotions, smells, tastes and sounds rather than simply in words.  Consequently, I tend to connect diverse things like food, joy, music and math.  My difficulty then comes in finding the words to express these feelings and ideas.  As the saying goes, a picture truly does paint a thousand words.  So to do emotions, tastes and other sensory experiences.


I trust that you, my reader, can understand how difficult it may be to adequately explain the richness certain concepts to those who may never have encountered them.  How might one properly explain a freezing snowy winter day to someone who has lived their entire life in tropical desert? And so it has been with some of the ideas that I have encountered.


One such idea that came to me was about the days of our lives and their true value.  If you indulge me I will try to paint a picture of my unorthodox thoughts.  Imagine if you will, the infinity of time and space laid out from the beginning of the universe until today and stretching on until the very end of time.  Within this vast physical plane our small area of existence is almost unthinkably small both physically and in terms of time.  Nonetheless, we each are privileged to both experience and observe life, an exceeding rare commodity in the vast cosmos.


As an engineer I have deep respect for all forms of life because they are all incredibly marvelous fragile designs. Like snowflakes, every genetic sequence of life is unique and  the slightest change in environmental conditions would extinguish them or render their creation impossible.  Both science and spirituality can appreciate the miraculous combinations that exist to generate life here in all its shapes and sizes.


And here are you amid this mathematical improbability that has somehow generated and sustained life.  You are alive and reading these words now.  And here is the amazing thing:  This moment, this hour, this very day is yours.  It may sound unbelievable but the facts attest that this day with all its opportunities and perils was designed specifically for you.  The fact that you are experiencing it right now bear witness to this truth. 


Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have your own personal day just like Christmas, St. Patrick’s or Groundhog day?  The reality is that you already do right now.  This is your day.  The universe or God, whatever you conceive them to be has conspired to have you born and living at this very time and place.  Your options are almost unlimited.  You can squander this time worrying or considering things that may never happen or that have long past into history. Or you can start right now with whatever you have and begin engineering something new and better.


Every person with a sound mind has the capacity to design a new reality for themselves.  This time and place holds opportunities and risks that are unique to you and you alone.  You unique genetic make-up will not pass through this time period again.  Our society’s siren song tells us that it is easier to accept the reality that is presented to us by those around us.  It is possible to coast through life doing what is needed  to remain alive.  Mere existence is commonplace.  Intentionally living and experiencing our unique day is rare.


It is up to you to make the most of what this life has handed to you.  This challenge is yours alone.  I feel called to remind you that life has gifted you with this moment to experience, experiment and learn.  The past can either hold you back or teach you how to move forward.  Yes, failure is a possibility.  Disappointment is a risk.  So too are the probabilities of success, joy and wonder.  All you need to do is grab this moment and begin to engineer you own day! 

How are your investment paying?

How are your investments paying?
©Scott D. Wilson 2014

“We are all self-made, but only the successful will admit it.” – Earl Nightingale

 

All over the internet and on television there are investment companies promising great returns on your investments. Friends in social setting will often ask each other how their investments are doing and trade strategies on this stock or that mutual fund. People certainly spend a good deal of time and effort tending to their money while a much more valuable asset goes unattended: themselves.

 

Do not get me wrong. Wise money management is not wasted and money itself is obviously valuable because it represents our time and effort. What I simply wish to speak to is the matter of time itself. Realistically, we each are allotted a finite amount of time on this wondrous planet. To ignore the reality of our eventual death is foolish. Likewise, we are given one body in which to make this journey and one mind to navigate its course.

 

Like money we can chose to spend or invest our precious time on various pursuits. We carefully chose to invest in property and various assets. Since we deem these items valuable we spend time tending, maintaining and repairing them. Yet our most precious properties are arguably our bodies, minds and spirits. Yet these appear to be our society’s most neglected assets.

 

We can purchase new houses, cars and other valuables, but our bodies and minds are irreplaceable. The sad reality is that they come to us for free and as such we place little value on them. We take them for granted. I cannot say this better than Earl Nightingale did in his wise discourse “The Strangest Secret”:

 

“The problem is that our mind comes as standard equipment at birth. It’s free. And things that are given to us for nothing, we place little value on. Things that we pay money for, we value.

 

The paradox is that exactly the reverse is true. Everything that’s really worthwhile in life came to us free — our minds, our souls, our bodies, our hopes, our dreams, our ambitions, our intelligence, our love of family and children and friends and country. All these priceless possessions are free.”

If you accept this premise then you should seriously consider how you are tending your greatest asset: yourself. You may well wonder how it is that you could invest in yourself.

 

Clearly your body is the most obvious treasure that you can nurture in meaningful ways. It is your responsibility to give your body proper amounts of good food, keep it sufficiently active and provide it with adequate rest. Many of us fail here on various levels. As with any responsibility the key to improvement is to make no excuses and to take action to learn control of our food, activity and rest. Be honest with yourself; set and work on the proper goals for one’s health.

 

It seems to me that mankind’s most neglected assets in our modern age is our minds and our spirits. This time is filled with the most marvelous entertainments and distractions. The problem is that these marvels are literally disconnecting us from our very lives. We often spend an inordinate number of hours watching and reading about what amounts to other people’s lives rather than attending to our own.

 

Our spirits crave real physical connections with our surroundings and our society and we feed them with anemic virtual online relationships. Psychologists have done studies around the healthy need for physical connections. One such study showed that the simple friendly act of hugging has tremendous health effects on people including lowering average heart rate.   Countless different scientific reviews have discovered incredible benefits for families who regularly eat together. There are many simple things that we can do to feed our spirits and enrich our lives if we are willing to routinely break from our virtual enticements.  

 

Not everyone is an intellectual but everyone should be learning and growing from day to day. However, how many of us actually spend the needed time it takes to expand our minds or to learn new skills and to grow as people? It is good to have hobbies that you pursue with a passion. When you can’t take time to read books on self-improvement you could listen to audio books and podcasts that challenge your mind and our spirit to grow.

 

We humans are innately creative in an infinite number of ways. Yet so few of us are willing to sit quietly with ourselves to ponder some of our significant concerns in a creative manner.

 

I challenge you to pick one issue in your life and let your mind simply freely create answers. Write down whatever comes to mind no matter how absurd it may sound. Do this for five to ten minutes or longer. Once finished, let if go until you have another quiet time to look at your answers. In that time pick one answer that you think you can work with and then let your creative mind loose on ways to achieve that solution. Keep going until you find actions that you can start working on and then turn those into goals. It is that simple but many do not find it easy.  

 

I have provided only a few easy examples as to how you could begin investing in yourself. There are many, many different ways to do this. Find some that suit you in particular. To this end I will provide a list of some very good reverences below. Look at how you are literally spending your life. A few minutes invested on yourself daily may be all you need to gain confidence in yourself and realize that some of your dreams are not too late or too far. I guarantee that if you make some regular dates with yourself to care for your body, mind and spirit that the investment will pay you back with amazing dividends!!

So now that I have explained myself, I ask you “How are your investments paying?”!!


 

Body Resources:

Better physical health and improved activity (site and the associated smartphone apps)
Website:  http://www.loseit.com
You will also find some encouragement too!

 

 

To improve your mental and/or physical health

Website: https://www.superbetter.com/

This is a site that turns health into fun gameplay.

 

Mind and Spirit Resources:

Books & Authors:

Journey of learning and self-discovery

“Way of the Peaceful Warrior” by Dan Millman

Consider also Dan’s other books and resources:   http://www.peacefulwarrior.com

 

Motivation and self-improvement

“The Strangest Secret” by Earl Nightingale

Free copy here: http://www.nightingale.com/articles/the-strangest-secret/

Also recommend Earl Nightingales other books such as “Lead The Field”

 

Working with others and self-improvement

“How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie

Like Earl Nightingale, Dale Carnegie has a wealth of knowledge so consider also his other books such as “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”

Website: http://www.dalecarnegie.ca/

 

Understanding communication and being a better communicator

“What Every Body Is Saying” by Joe Navarro

Website: http://www.jnforensics.com/  

Podcasts and Blogs:

Inspiration and Innovations (videos and podcasts)

TED Talks

Website: http://www.TED.com/

Watch and listen to inspiring people and ideas. TED – Ideas worth spreading!

 

Coaching, self-improvement and motivation (website/blog/podcast)

“Make Your Someday Today”” by Trevor LaRene

Website:  http://makeyoursomedaytoday.com/

An excellent resource for the person trying to figure out how to realize their goals!

 

Innovation, entrepreneurship & self-improvement (website/blog/podcast)

“Inspiring Innovation” by Meron Bareket

Website: http://meronbareket.com/

An amazing fellow who continues to help others with his blogs, podcasts and workshops.

 

Entrepreneurship, motivation & self-improvement (website/blog/podcast)

“Entrepreneur on Fire” by John Lee Dumas

Website: http://www.entrepreneuronfire.com/

An awesome place to find ideas about just about every form for business enterprise!

 

Time management and entrepreneurship (website/blog/podcast)

“Time Hackers” by Julie Sheranosher

Website:  http://imjulie.com/

If you need more time then Julie can help you find it… and more!

 

Classic Texts (available free across the Internet)

“The Art of War” by Sun Tzu

Understanding the art of managing conflict.

 

“Tao Te Ching” by Lao Tsu

“The Way of Power” – Learn the principles of the martial art of life!

 

“The Bible” by YHWH

Read it again for the first time!!!