Finding 'Why'

Finding ʽWhy ʼ

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

"Where there is no vision, the people perish" – Proverbs 29:18

Lately, I encounter a lot of people who tell me, "I need more motivation." This common lament troubles me. An entire industry has built itself out of this apparently common need. Motivational speakers, talk shows, podcasts and blogs abound. Just as people crave teachers and coaches to tell them how life works, so to do they seem to seek people to explain their lives and give them meaning. I am concerned by this.

It is quite one thing for people to seek better understanding of the universe around them. That is natural. When confronted with the infinite frontiers of knowledge it is simple wisdom to acknowledge that mankind remains largely ignorant. As humanity has exponentially increased its knowledge in recent decades it has equally discovered how infinitely vast is the knowledge still left to be discovered. We are definitely in need of wise discoverers, teachers and coaches.

Motivation, however, does not deal with knowledge about the workings of this world. Motivation is defined as the reason for a person’s action. In short, motivation is about the workings of ourselves. It is about our 'why'. There are many things that we can learn from others but purpose is not one of them. Nothing is more personal than the reasons why we do anything and our motives are as valuable as our actions.

As important as our actions are to others and the world around us, our motives are of greatest importance, especially to ourselves. For example, doing good is significant but doing good for the right motives is crucial. In this example if you give to others continually expecting for it to be returned to you then you are not giving unconditionally and you will soon become disenchanted and jaded by life's returns. If your giving is from your own abundance and generosity, seeking no personal gain, only then will the true satisfaction and reward of giving return to you. Thus your motivation is of great significance.

When I have encountered those who are seeking motivation their statements are inevitably paired with some personal failure. It seems evident to me that they lack an understanding of themselves and it is sabotaging their efforts to improve. This is why I chose the opening quote from Proverbs 29:18. Those seeking motivation seem to lack a vision of themselves and are 'perishing' in achieving their goals.

These people who share their motivational problems with me seem unsure of what drives them and unfortunately they look outside to find their own ‘why’. They seek maps to themselves and hope that others can supply them. Unfortunately, many people, both spiritual and secular make the claim that they can deliver this meaning. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Since no one can live your life for you then you should not let anyone tell why to do anything! Quietly listen your own heart and mind. They will tell you why. Each of our lives is amazingly unique. Our genetics, our parents, our society, when and where we are born, our life experiences, our thoughts and emotions all work together create the specific person that we are right now.

No one will ever fully understand what it means to be you. We each need to discover why we are here. We each have unique passions that bring us joy and meaning. Several wise cultures have called this 'a path with heart' and we each are responsible to find our own. The answers that others have found for themselves will not necessarily work for us. There is no ‘one size fits all’ solution.

Look inside and find your own answers as to why you do what you do. Let go of who you think that you are and listen to your thoughts, your emotions and your life; they will honestly teach you about yourself. Bravely face the uncomfortable lessons that they will deliver. You will likely be surprised.

The truth that we learn about ourselves is often mixed. For example, you may learn that you are impatient but you may also discover that you are generous and kind. We may also discover that our desires and passions lie in areas that we have feared to tread. The most important thing is that you listen without judging yourself. Be gentle.

Learn your ‘why’. Find your unique purpose. This is true for every goal that you set in your life. Whether it is fitness and weight loss or a financial goal, you need to know uniquely why you are doing it. And to this end, I also recommend that you regularly remind yourself of your ‘why’. We are forgetful people and we often lose motivation because the emotions and thoughts that first impelled us fade with time.

Throughout time the wise spiritual traditions have used the concept of touchstones to remind us of our purpose. For example, in the Bible, when the God of the Hebrews created the nation of Israel, he instructed them to carry stones from the land of their wandering into the their new land of promise. These stones formed a monument that the people and their offspring used to remind them of their bondage that they fled, their deliverance and why they wandered for so long. It reminded them why they were a nation.

When you find your purpose it is very helpful to create a meaningful touchstone so that when your motivation fails that you literally have something to see and touch that will remind you of your purpose. It should touch your heart and mind, spirit and it should speak uniquely to you.

For example, if you are working towards a financial goal you might write a cheque to yourself with the amount of money that you wish to obtain. Under the 'For' section of the cheque you could write your motivations like 'security for my family' or 'to give to a certain cause.' You could then place the cheque in your wallet and when your resolve weakens you could look at it and remind yourself why you are making this effort. In the end, your specific touchstone will be as unique as your reasons ‘why’.

The important thing is to brave enough to listen to your heart, mind and life to discover who you are and why you do what you do. Stop looking outside for your motivation. When you find your purpose take the same time and bravery to discover something that will help you to remember it. It is that simple but it won’t be easy and it will be worth it!

Principles for Success - by Douglas Gordon Wilson

This is technically not my post. This belongs to my father who died in 2002. We discovered it after his death. He had written it on a piece of engineering quad paper. It is wonderful and concise. It is a shame that he never shared it with us when he was alive. I believe that it was meant to be shared an so I give it to you here:

Principles for Success

  

©Douglas G. Wilson (1934-2002)

 

1. Keep a Journal / Diary – exercise memory – keep good records on people and events

2. Exhibit self-confidence (without being cocky) . Be self-confident. Be out-going / gregarious.

3. Be very people conscious

–                Congratulate whenever possible–                Exhibit genuine interest in superiors and subordinates

–                Use names (Make special effort to remember / memorize names). When meeting a group of people try to get and learn names in advance.

4. Read all available material related to your job. Keep up on all new developments.

5. Before making decisions get all the facts. Take steps to reduce risks of any decisions but be prepared to take the risks knowing and evaluating them. Reach decisions as quickly as possible (Research proportional to importance of decision).

6. Anticipate (Plan ahead).

7. Communicate extensively (Be careful to make certain that your communications are understood as you intended). Listen carefully and understand what’s being said to you.

8. Delegate (both responsibility & authority) but maintain control. Don’t try to shirk your responsibility through delegation.

9. Participate in industry and community associations. Develop a wide range of associates and friends.

10. Don’t take yourself too seriously and be true to yourself and your family. Stand up for your own rights.

11. Don’t compromise your principles.

12. Learn to trust without being gullible.

13. Work hard (and long if necessary). Be sure that the value of your services equals or exceeds the immediate rewards.

14. Study and understand your competition.

15. Review the results of your actions and decisions. Know why you either succeeded or failed (Learn from you mistakes and don’t make the same mistake twice).

16. Develop outside interests.

When Life Says 'No'

When Life Says 'No'

©Scott D. Wilson 2014




Today's theme song is:


"Bless the Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts

Admittedly, this song is primarily about romantic love.  However, one can also look at it from several angles.  For example, from a spiritual perspective, the singer could be speaking about the failed paths that eventually led him to a relationship with his Creator. 


I can personally see various different ways to view this song. The lesson that I choose take from this ballad is that life sometimes says 'no' and that is not always a bad thing. 

Like romantic love, we often pursue noble goals in life with all our heart and soul.  Sometimes they work out, but occasionally they can be savagely ripped away from us:
 
- The wife who works hard to forge a family and home only to be betrayed by a faithless spouse

- The loyal company worker who gives his very life for his company and then is one day unceremoniously forced into early retirement


- The middle-aged couple whose only child is killed by a reckless driver

Pain and loss are naturally felt.  However, it is how we choose to handle these setbacks that makes them either blessings or curses in the long run.

I have seen live shattered by horrific circumstances at many stages of life. Yet I stand amazed when time and time again the human spirit rises above such tragedy like a phoenix from the ashes and brings forth incredible good.

This is the perspective that we must strive for when life seems to slam the door in our face.  Every end can become a new beginning while we still draw breath.  'No' in one area may be 'yes' in another one that we may never have dreamed of before.  We simply need to look on life with new eyes.  We must have the courage to let go and accept an ending.  Then we might learn to embrace new and unexplored possibilities.

Today, look back on life.  How often did 'no' turn into a door to something better?  Remember these times.  Are you facing something now that is painful and seems so unfair?  Take a moment someplace safe and quiet and look away from the problem.  Consider all the things that you sill may possess such as health, family, friends, talents, faith and much more.  Can you see a possible 'yes' somewhere on the distant horizon?  If so, take today to be brave - change course and set sail to a new destination!!

Where’s your teacher?

Where’s your teacher?

©June 2014 Scott Wilson

A few people may know that my wife and I home-schooled all four of our children through the elementary levels of school. One thing I learned is that by teaching others you learn so much. And so a core philosophy in the Wilson household is that learning is not just for our youth, it is a life-long journey. We explained to our kids that it is not truly the responsibility of teachers to teach students but rather it is the students’ responsibility to learn.

Teachers generally have knowledge and experience that will be of use to you on your academic journey and perhaps even your life journey. It is the student's job to wrest this valuable information from the teachers by any means necessary. In school, you will have good and bad instructors. Regardless of the teacher's skill it remains important for the students to learn the material of the class. To this end we tried to create children who took responsibility for their own learning.

We did not always give our children the answers but we always gave them the resources to find the answers and we taught them how to use those resources. I can report that our methods have proved largely successful. Several of our children had entered high school by the time that we discovered through testing that three of them had diagnosable learning disabilities. Their good marks certainly did not reflect this but our difficulties on the way now made sense.

At this stage you the reader might be wondering why I am talking about teaching and learning. This may seem obvious to most but in order for any of us to learn we must have teachers. To that end I can think of the many formal teachers and instructors that I have had through the years. Some were gifted and memorable, many were lackluster, and still others were horrid. I did my best to learn from them all. Of course thinking of teachers also makes me think of coaches.

Coaches are truly a special breed of teacher. Teachers in the strictest sense of the term simply impart knowledge or transfer information to students. That's it. The measure of a good teacher is whether or not the students can prove knowledge and understanding of a subject through written testing. Whether or not these students can practically apply this information to any benefit is quite another matter. A good coach goes beyond this.

Coaches will still impart knowledge as part of the learning process. But good coaching is far more pragmatic. The test of a good coach is whether or not his or her students or players are succeeding in their chosen challenge. The coach of a consistently losing team is fired. Coaches do not merely impart knowledge but they must also provide a vast number of avenues to apply that knowledge in practical ways. In other words, coaches must also provide the life experiences that are needed to truly understand how that knowledge can be applied. Coaches are also there to help the learners to understand the results that occur when their efforts succeed or fail.

What good would a cooking class be if all it involved was teaching culinary theory, such as recipes and cooking techniques, without allowing the students to actually try their hand at creating food? A true cooking teacher is really a coach who guides the class towards success in creating edible and delectable meals. Compared to the number of good teachers that I have had I have experienced even fewer good coaches but I owe them all a debt of gratitude because of what they helped me to learn about myself and this world.

Allow me to switch gears in this monologue. Plato attributed these wise words to Socrates "The life which is unexamined is not worth living." I take these words to mean that we should not just wander through life experiencing this and experiencing that but we should also take time to reflect upon the actions that we have taken and the results that we have reaped. That is long-winded so I’d say that Socrates said it best, we must examine or reflect upon our life.

Yet I am surprised at how few people seem to do this. Many people ponder why this or that happened in their life but relatively few seem to candidly reflect on the role that they played in the outcomes. When I ask someone why they think that this or that had happened to them they often reply simply “I don’t know.” They appear to be clueless of what role they played in their interactions with others. In short, it seems to me that many people experience life but they do not frequently learn from it.

This is where I have had a small revelation. I have come to realize that life itself has been my greatest teacher and coach! That is really what Socrates was talking about. When we are brutally honest with ourselves about our role in our life and if we own our results, the good and the bad without excuses then it all serves to move us towards success. We must be willing to simply learn the lessons.

 

My dad once wrote on a piece of paper 16 principles that he believed were key to success. Number 15 of those principles was "Review the results of your actions and decisions. Know why you either succeeded or failed. (Learn from your mistakes and don't make the same mistake twice.)" These few insightful words demonstrate an understanding that life can be our coach.

So to those that read my words today: Where is your teacher? Where is your coach? Are you still looking for someone to come and teach you the secrets of life? Look no further. No one person has all the answers for you but life itself will provide the answers if you are willing to work with your life and see them. It takes time and effort but the rewards are real. Take some time today and look at your life. Ask yourself "What is my life trying to teach me?" then wait expectantly for the answers to come. Life will answer!

Encouragement for the Journey

Today's theme music is...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvsmRuRp4cM (Life is a Highway - Rascal Flatts [cover])

And though I could come up with something pithy to say, someone already said it better than I probably could:

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!” ― Hunter S. Thompson 

So grab today by the horns, jump on it's back and ride it like your life depeneds on it... because it does! Whether it is weight loss or just a better life, make today count!

Cheers!

Leadership and Service

Leadership and Service

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

---

"To lead the people, walk behind them." — Lao Tzu {Tao Te Ching}

"And he sat down, and called the twelve, and said to them, If any man desire to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all." — Mark 9:35

Leadership has been defined many ways but technically leadership simply occurs once one has followers. By this simple definition virtually everyone is a leader in some fashion. If you are a parent then your children follow your example. At work, no matter how humble the career, we become leaders as we grow in experience and expertise. Even in public, people tend to watch in daily interactions and will often follow the lead of even complete strangers if it seems to their advantage.

So having established that we are all leaders in some way or another then raises the question that begs asking, namely "What constitutes good or great leadership?" It seems evident to me that the best leaders are those who serve the ones that are following them. I believe strongly that this idea is what Lao Tzu and Jesus are expressing in the above quotations.

Too many leaders today seem to be focused on their party's or company’s priorities or in achieving some important goal. These people often think that they are doing good for mankind but they have nonetheless lost sight of those that they serve.

Still other leaders seem to be focused on exploiting their leadership by selling to those who follow them. So few prominent people in positions of leadership seem to remember that it is the ‘little’ people who gave them their popularity and position. How rarely do they seem to ask simply "What can I do to help those who look up to and support me?"

I wonder to myself: How do I handle responsibility? What leaders do I follow? Have I turned around to see those behind me and wondered how can I make their lives just a little better? This should be everyone's duty to their fellow man and foremost in the thoughts of those who would be leaders.

"We must be silent before we can listen. We must listen before we can learn. We must learn before we can prepare. We must prepare before we can serve. We must serve before we can lead." — William Arthur Ward

The Gift of Thanks

The Gift of Thanks

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

---

"Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it." — Ralph Marston

On Christmas of 2012 I did something that guys normally don't do. I was creative, sensitive and unconventional. As usual, I was struggling to figure out what I could give my mother as a gift. She is in her late 70’s and she really has everything that she needs. I could neither find nor think of anything fun or interesting that she might enjoy.

And then an idea hit me: A Gratitude Jar. I figured that every one of us owes so much to this world that there is no real way to pay it forward; we are truly always paying back. So much more is this the case with our parents and family. My mother has given me so much. She is a huge part of who I am. Even if I began now, I could never really thank her for everything that she has given to and done for me.

So I thought I’d at least take a shot at thanking her for some of the best times in my life. First, I went out and found a nice cookie jar. Next, I went on my computer and generated a bunch of small cards printed on 8.5” x 11” sheets that started with “Thank you…” and ended “Love, Scott” printed in elegant fonts.

Finally, I went to work filling in the words in between. I wrote of big events and small. I wrote whatever came to my mind. Here are some examples:

Thank you… for believing in me.
Thank you… for all the times you took care of me while I was sick.
Thank you… for always loving me no matter what.
Thank you… for reading “Are you my mother?” to me over and over and over.
Thank you… for teaching me to dance to my own tune and that it is alright to colour my pumpkins purple.
Thank you… for letting me make my own mistakes.

Once I had generated several pages all I had to do was print them out, cut them out and put them in the jar. I even gave her some blank templates for others to fill in and drop in her jar. I labelled my jar and wrapped it up.

How did it go? Well, long story short, my mom really liked the gift. She spent quite a bit of time reading through them. I felt better just letting her know directly how much she meant and means in so many ways.

Today, I find myself thinking about unsaid ‘thank-you’s’. How many times have I forgotten or neglected to say a proper thank-you? I know what it feels like to be taken for granted and I know how it feels when someone makes a show of gratitude. My unspoken thanks feel like debts that I owe and I know that I can do better. Today, I think I will ponder on some of those debts and repay them, if I can: with a call, an e-mail, a note or any small way that I am able. It is quite truly the least that I can do.

And so...

To all of you who have encouraged me here on-line... thank you! You have made this journey just that much more enriching!

Please, be happy! Be grateful! We live in rich and bountiful countries! We owe so much to so many and returning thanks merely pays a pittance of our debt!