What if I?

What if I?

One unremarkable day
In an unremarkable year
In an unremarkable place
In an unremarkable house
That an unremarkable person
Did a remarkable thing
He wondered “What if I?”
And he didn’t stop.
It made all the difference in the world.

What if I can do more?
What if I have something unique to offer the world?
What if I *can* change?
What if I can let go of my past and begin something new and different?
What if I forgive myself and others?
What if I can overcome my circumstances?
What if I believed in myself?
What if I can be better today than I was yesterday?
What if I no longer wait for the right time?
What if I have failed but I am not truly a failure?
What if I stop making excuses?
What if I quit looking at obstacles and start seeking opportunities?
What if I accept myself as I am right now?
What if I face my fears?
What if I follow love?
What if I begin working on my dream?
What if I start NOW?

And then they DID!
They changed their world...
And then they changed ours!!

©2016 SD Wilson

The *Real* Secret

The *Real* Secret

By Scott D. Wilson

magical thinking:  irrational belief that one can bring about a circumstance or event by thinking about it or wishing for it; normal in preschool children, it also occurs in schizophrenia. (Farlex Partner Medical Dictionary © Farlex 2012)

There is a mindset in circulation these days that preys upon the weak and the vulnerable in our society.  It plays upon the hopes and dreams of those who seek to improve their lives.  It has many names; “The Secret” and “The Law of Attraction” are but a few.  They all make the premise that wishful thinking and a positive attitude are all that it needed to bring about prosperity and success in one’s life.  They all peddle books and videos that are designed to help people develop the right thinking and emotions.  Here are a few quotes from “The Secret” that illustrate the errors I am talking about:

“Ask once, believe you have received, and all you have to do to receive is feel good.” 

“Your wealth is waiting for you in the invisible, and to bring it into the visible, think wealth!” 

“Food cannot cause you to put on weight, unless you think it can.”

Plain and simple, these statements are prime examples of magical thinking that will bring about disappointment and disillusionment.  Reality, such as food, does not truly bend to the power of our minds.  What is genuinely sad is that these mindsets are all filled with half-truths that have been exaggerated into outright lies.  Controlling our thinking is important.  Controlling our thinking does affect what we have and what we become.  However, the process is not magical, nor does it involve any mystical laws or principles.  In 1977 a fellow named Frank Outlaw outlined the process quite well:

“Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

 What we think about affects our attitude, actions and habits that ultimately become out character.  Our actions, attitude and character are viewed by others and thereby significantly affect the outcome of our lives.  This has nothing to do with simply thinking positively and remaining grateful and then expecting the universe to deliver everything on a silver platter.  We must control our thoughts because they generate attitude and actions that affect all that we interact with around us, and there is nothing magical or spiritual about that fact.

Earl Nightingale created an audio recording in 1956 called “The Strangest Secret.”  The recording sold over a million copies, making it the first spoken-word recording to achieve Gold Record status.  It is now public domain so one can find copies of it all over the internet.  Below is a link to a transcript of the recording:

http://www.nightingale.com/articles/the-strangest-secret/

In reading it one can clearly see that its ideas are the basis for the fad video and book “The Secret.”  Unfortunately, the latter has depleted all the value from Nightingale’s work and replaced it with irrational and vacuous claims.  If you want to know the *real* secret, Nightingale states it quite clearly:

“We must control our thinking. The same rule that can lead people to lives of success, wealth, happiness, and all the things they ever dreamed of and that very same law can lead them into the gutter. It’s all in how they use it … for good or for bad. That is The Strangest Secret!”

And he further clearly explains exactly how this principle works, through goals:

“The difference is goals. People with goals succeed because they know where they’re going. It’s that simple. Failures, on the other hand, believe that their lives are shaped by circumstances … by things that happen to them … by exterior forces.”

Nightingale also clearly outlines the mundane yet simple principle by which people become wealthy:

“Your success will always be measured by the quality and quantity of service you render. Most people will tell you that they want to make money, without understanding this law… Success is not the result of making money; earning money is the result of success and success is in direct proportion to our service.”

That is the essence of the ‘secret’. There is nothing magical or wishful here. It is all perfectly good common sense advice. Mister Nightingale gives his listeners a 30 day plan with actions for what a person can do to start becoming successful and ultimately wealthier. The key word here is ‘do.’ Success requires action, substantial and constructive action. Thinking and attitude are very important parts of this equation but they are merely the beginning of the process.

Whether our goal is losing weight or becoming wealthy, the universe does not respond purely to our thoughts and emotions. It responds to what we do with our thinking and attitude.  People like Oprah Winfrey and J.K. Rowling did not become wealthy and successful by simply thinking about wealth and having a great attitude.  They became successful through their wisely chosen personal goals and by increasing their own value to others through their exemplary service.  This is the honest and simple truth of the *real* secret that Nightingale wisely explained some sixty years ago so don’t be duped by the simplistic thinking of today’s prosperity gurus.  As the old advertisement goes “Accept no substitutes!”

©2017 S.D. Wilson

The Language of Your Life

The Language of your Life

©2015 Scott D. Wilson

 

“Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it”  ― Christopher Morley

 

Depending on your view language is either mankind’s greatest invention or its greatest gift.  Language enables us to share and transmit ideas, feelings and experiences in creative ways.  We take it for granted as we use it daily, but language is one of our most powerful tools.  Language has been used to change countless lives and even to forge the events of history itself.  Language is the programming code for our minds.  The way we speak reveals a lot about our upbringing and our background.   Our speech also shows the inner workings of our mind and thoughts.

 

If you close your eyes and imagine then you can likely think of countless examples of speaking patterns that you have encountered throughout your life: 

 

• the clipped speech of a police officer who has pulled you over
• the colourful drawl and homespun words of a rural western American 
• the loud and vibrant language of a passionate evangelical preacher
• the rough profanity-laced dialogue of a hard-living miner
• the carefully measured words of a suit-and-tie executive speaking to the board
• the angry venom of a native New York cabbie who just got cut off by another driver.
• the gentle tones and soft language of a counsellor consoling a grieving spouse
• the serious and grave dialect of criminal judge handing down a severe sentence

 

My point is that words themselves and how they are delivered vary immensely and carry with them more than mere information.  In a sense, we paint a picture with our language.  We study the ancient cave drawings in the hope to understand prehistoric communications.  We know that our development of words literally took the place of those early cave paintings.

 

Yes, we use language to convey ideas, images, feeling and experience.  In essence, we use speech to share a piece of our lives or a moment of our living.  Ah, but allow me to expand the vocabulary of this discussion.  The deaf use words but they convey them through gestures and signs.  The blind read but they must use texture and form.  So communication is not limited to words on page or the oration from our mouths.  Of course we have all heard of body language but that is not really what I am talking about here.

 

I am talking about the very dialogue of our daily living.  Every day we get up and go about living our lives.  How we do this communicates to universe itself and to others.  The vocabulary of our actions speaks volumes to our character and our attitude.  We may quietly whisper our gratitude through the act of prayer and meditation.  We may loudly proclaim our anger and frustration through our surliness or sullen attitude.  We might chat our joy brightly through our beaming smile and happy demeanor.  Perhaps we speak slowly and deliberately with our careful behaviour and cautious nature.  Or perchance we might zip off the quick staccato of our nervousness.

 

What I am saying here is that our behaviour speaks as truly as our words.  Our lives are like that cave wall thousands of years ago.  We paint upon it our communications to others and to the world around us.  I am asking you, reader, to consider what kind of message you are sending with your life.  Is it a deliberate and positive message that others will want to read and understand?  Or possibly are you randomly scrawling on the walls of your lifetime?  Today, you have the chance to become aware of the messages that you have been sending.  Look back and try to read the words that you have been living.  Do they contain hope?  Love? Trust?  Fear?  Bitterness?  Despair?

 

Life is meant to be deliberately lived.  If we intend to succeed we need to look not only at what we are saying to others with our words but also what we are saying with our demeanor, our attitude, our dress, our deportment… our entire lives!  Make sure your whole message is worth hearing!

 

“In the end, we'll all become stories.”  ― Margaret Atwood

Fill a Need

Fill a Need

©2015 Scott D. Wilson
 

I want to tell you two remarkable stories.  The first story is that of a young intern back in 1991.  Like many of her ilk she works hard and long hours striving to learn all that she can to become a superb physician and ultimately a skilled surgeon.  During this time she is assigned to a critical care ward where she encounters and elderly patient whose illness is very likely terminal.  They chat and find a common bond in their passion for fly fishing.  Their relationship is limited to the regular brief encounters during the young physician’s daily rounds. 
 
One day the doctor notes that the patient’s demeanor is more subdued.  Her inquiry yields a heart-felt statement from the patient.  Tomorrow is his wedding anniversary.  For all of the 60+ years that he has been married he has never missed a wedding anniversary.  But now he is stuck in this bed unable to do anything for his beloved.  Saying nothing our diligent doctor politely takes her leave and moves on.
 
The next day, shortly after the elderly patient’s wife arrives for her regular visit a large bouquet of flowers is delivered to her under her husband’s name.  Our physician hears the joyful tale from her patient later that day.  With a tired smile she goes on her way.
 
My next story is that of another new physician.  However this lady is not so young.  For you see, she was first a nurse for several years before she decided to become a doctor.  This tale begins on a night shift.  A rookie nurse is working the palliative care floor.  The ink is barely dry on her certificate.  Our new physician is also on duty performing rounds when the frantic young nurse stops her in the hall.  An elderly patient is in the last stages of dying.  He has no family to comfort him in his last hours.  He is moaning and begging the young nurse for someone to just hold him.  This is our fledgling nurse’s first encounter with a dying patient.  She desperately looks to our physician for direction.
 
Without a word the fresh doctor quickly walks towards the patient’s room.  Then, to the astonishment of the novice nurse, the doctor careful climbs onto the bed and gently wraps her arms around the dying man.  And there in the room our nurse and doctor remain for several small hours till the old man passes from this world.  The impact on the nurse was significant.  She had never before experienced the likes of such a doctor.
 
Why do I spin these tales for you?  Because they a real, and because I see a lesson of success in their actions.  I am privileged to call the first doctor my sister.  The second wonderful healer is the daughter of my mother’s best friend.  In both cases these wonderful women saw a need and compassionately filled it.  They did not seek glory or recognition.  Indeed I would not know of them had they not been relayed to me by third parties.  Despite their authority and positions they did not feel these tasks were beneath them. 
 
In Disney’s film ‘Robots’ the protagonist falls in love with the catchphrase “See a need. Fill a need.”  The idea is that if we identify a problem then we are in probability also the person most able to develop the solution.  In the film the character’s desire to follow this ideal leads him on the path to success. The two ladies above perfectly lived this creed.  Their examples challenge me.  As I consider the most successful people in business and in life I realize that they too exemplified this truth.  Mother Theresa, Bill Gates, Alexander Graham Bell,  Nicolai Tesla, and others… they all saw needs and successfully filled them.  If we are to succeed in this life then we too should follow this pattern.
 
We all have unique talents and abilities.  We all look around and see this world’s many deficiencies.  Today, instead of hoping that someone else will fix them, perhaps we can turn it around and consider how we might be the necessary person to bless this needy world.  Like my two doctors, may we find our own way to quietly “fill a need.” 

Why are you here?

Why are you here?

©2015 Scott D. Wilson,P.Eng.

 

Seriously, why are you here?  What is the point of your travels in this outer spiral arm of a Galaxy we call the Milky Way?  Sure, you were born here but that is mere circumstance.  Why do continue this ongoing adventure?  Are you like singer in the old Peggy Lee song “Is that all there is?” who is just hanging in because they simply don’t want to face the final disappointment of death?  Do you breathe out of habit or do you savour every miraculous heartbeat and every taste of life-sustaining air?

I see so many, day in and day out, struggling with addictions, bad habits, weight, and so much more.  The common factor for so many of them is the need for motivation and the will to follow through.  I may be wrong but I see that a large part of their problem is that they lack meaningful purpose in their life.  They simply do not know why they are here.  It is as if they expect to wake up one day from this tired existence and start living their real lives – the lives they were meant to be living.  This may in fact be partially true.

I can see why the Eastern religions and mysticism seek ‘enlightenment’ and ‘awakening.’  Like Neo in ‘The Matrix’ they want to see reality as it truly is and realize that their true identity is not what they have accepted since birth.  They want to awaken and see their true selves and those of the people and creations around them.  This is a noble quest.  It sets a foundation and provides a perspective for all that we are and all that we do.  For until you begin to truly understand yourself and start to know why you are here then you will continually struggle with motivation and willpower for all other pursuits.

For example, if you do not have a core purpose for living then what does it matter if you are thin or fat, healthy or sick, sane or crazy, wise or foolish?  Finding a purpose for life is not purely a spiritual pursuit.  Atheists are not immune to the need for a purposeful existence.  The only difference is the basis for the rational understanding of their unique purpose.

You are a combination of a rather unique set of 3.2 billion base pairs of DNA.  Scientifically and spiritually, you shall not pass this way again.  Even a clone will technically not be you, as it would be constrained to experience a completely different time and set of circumstances.   You belong here… to this time and place.  Accept that the universe has placed you where and when you are.  Whether it be the forces of evolution and circumstance or by divine intent, you came to be here today.

Accepting your place within time and space will allow you to look clearly at yourself and ask what role are you suited to play in the portion that has been allotted to you.  What are your talents?  What are your passions and interests?  What makes you come alive?  If these things are taking a back seat in your life then I suggest that you look at your priorities.  Because if you are not doing the things that bring enjoyment, meaning and fulfillment to your life then you won’t find much motivation to do all the other things that would otherwise bring health and other benefits to your existence.

Do not look to others to find out why you exist.  Their truths and meanings may have no bearing on you whatsoever.  Look inside and learn.  Look outside and see the possibilities, not the limitations.  Trust that you have been provided with a rational mind that can discover your own unique reasonable purpose.  Do not accept the realities that others have provided for you; they can limit your ability to see and understand.  When you are confused by life allow yourself to be puzzled and to ask “Why?”  Allow for awe and wonder. 

If you are having difficulties finding some kind of motivation I suggest that you put aside that struggle for now and instead ask yourself “Who am I?” Quietly allow the infinite number of answers to come to you.  Some will resonate more than others.  Dwell on those for they will help you to discover who you are and why you are here.  It will be a process.  Just as one does not go one day from a classroom to the pilot seat of an aircraft so too will the learning about yourself take gentle time and patience.  

I encourage you to discover your own reason for your existence.  From that answer will spring the ability and motivation for so much more.  Howard Thurman put it so eloquently:

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” 

I ask again, “Why are you here?”  I have provided some perspective and advice for one to begin to find an answer to this question.  Now I lastly ask, are you brave enough to try? 

A Flash of No-Regret

A Flash of No-Regret
©2015 Scott D. Wilson,P.Eng.

Despite the best of intentions through most of our life, most of us carry some regret. Today, I was given an incredible gift. Before I simply blurt it out I should offer some context.

From Friday evening until Saturday's setting sun is my time of rest. I do my best to spend this time with family and friends in rest, recreation and leisure. Sure, I putter around the house doing chores and repairs but these are labours of love, not my livelihood.

And so today I was chatting with my two adult children and watching old music videos from the 80's. It was during one such video that I was transported back briefly and for one flickering moment I was 17 year-old Scott. I wore his clothes, his shoes, his hair. I saw the choices of his life before him. I saw the beauty by his side who would one day become his bride. And then in a brief moment I rushed forward through my life until I was back sitting in my kitchen with my kids.

In that short ephemeral vision I passed through all my choices in life. I saw my victories, my defeats, my successes and my failures. I experienced all my choices again - both the 'good' and the 'bad'. And I realized that all my actions brought me to this simple time of pleasure with my eldest son and daughter. Right now, everything is pretty well ok. So how could and of those choices been all that bad?

In that instant I had great empathy for all those Scotts of the past. I saw the choices they made with the knowledge, wisdom and experience that life had afforded them. They were good men doing their best with what they had. I do not know if words can convey the love and compassion that I was suddenly able to feel towards my past selves.  I understood how foolish it was to regret past 'mistakes' or 'poor' choices. To change those choices would lead to a now that I might believe would have been better but truth be told, it could easily have been far worse. Perchance the choices that would have made me rich back then would have left me miserable now. Who is to say?

We do not know now how the choices we make today will play out. We seek actions to bring about the best consequences but nothing is guaranteed. Soren Kierkegaard once said "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."  It is with understanding that we must release regret.

Regret only robs our present moments of joy and peace. Regret has no value in helping us to move forward towards our goals. Regret makes us harshly judge our past choices and it paralyzes our present ones. If you are one who struggles with regrets then realize today how futile it is. Your past 'errors' may be responsible for some of the best things in your present. Have compassion for your past selves. Forgive them. And with that in your heart and mind root yourself here and now and bravely face the future that your next choices will create!!

Zen and the Art of Lodging a Successful Complaint: 10 Simple Tips

Zen and the Art of Lodging a Successful Complaint: 10 Simple Tips

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

At first blush one might think this strange topic of discussion. The reality is that in this life everybody needs to lodge a complaint at some point in time. I am not advocating the habit of griping. It is well recognized that habitual complaining is an unhealthy practice that hurts our emotional and mental well-being. But every so often we must stand up and seek correction for problems that others have created for us. It is to this end that I speak and offer...

Ten Tips for a Successful Complaint 

#1 Keep the goal in mind!

First off, keep in mind that the objective of your complaint is to obtain a remedy from your intended audience. Your words and actions must not sabotage or jeopardize this simple goal!  You will need as many allies as you can to gain this objective so do not make unnecessary adversaries.

#2 Keep it civil & remain gracious

Every person that you encounter, whether in writing, in person or on the phone could be the one who solves your problem.  Being gracious keeps others at ease and relaxed. If the individual feels safe then he or she will not become defensive and resistant to your request for assistance. The minute you indulge in angry behaviour you will begin to lose influence in the situation. No matter how you are treated remain above reproach. Nobody likes a bully so don't become one. 

#3 Win their empathy

You don't just want the person helping you to merely understand your situation.  You want them to empathize with your concern.  Explain to them why you chose their product or service.  Make them understand your reasons for choosing their company instead of someone else.  If you are a long time loyal customer then make that clear to them.  You used their service or bought their merchandise for some reason.  Tell them the things that you like or even love about their brand and their products.

They are not dealing with a disgruntled and hostile customer.  They are dealing with loyal but frustrated friend who believes in them and their company.  When you finally need to explain your problem use words that show that you expect them to know how you are feeling:

• You understand how it would be to have this happen...
• You can imagine how I felt when...
• If you had this happen to you I know that you would feel..

If this is not your first encounter to correct the situation explain clearly and calmly the steps that you took to seek help and the response that you have received so far. Remember, you are trying to make them understand and relate to you and the matter that you wish to remedy.

#4 Stay on their side

Whatever happens, do not become hostile.  Service personnel deal every day with angry and hostile customers and it is not pleasant for them.  People avoid that which is unpleasant.  If they believe that you are against them then they have a huge uphill battle to win you back as a satisfied customer. 

If you remain confident that they can satisfy you and express your belief that they can address your problem then they will remain engaged and continue to seek avenues assist you.  They do not want to lose someone who is on their side.  They know that making unsatisfied will cost them now and possibly future business and reputation.  Good businesses seek to protect their reputations.

#5 Help them to help you

Again, explain clearly and with as little blame as possible the situation that you wish to correct.  Remember the objective.  You bought the item or service for some specific purpose; maybe they can offer something else that still meets or even exceeds your needs.  If you are speaking directly with someone then perhaps you can brainstorm options with them.

For example, if you have a broken widget and you want them to correct this then ask them about various replacement options.  Perhaps they could strike a deal where you upgraded to a different or more powerful widget that still meets your needs for very little or no extra expense.

#6 Flattery will get you everywhere

The people that you are dealing with are used to being abused by irate customers.  They develop a kind of hardened shell against criticism and insults.  In contrast, they are are put off balance by people who compliment them and empathize with their situation.  Often these people are given a script that they have to follow and they may feel somewhat impotent in their ability to satisfy your needs.

Bear in mind that these service personnel usually have a limited power to provide solutions so they will appreciate when you empathize with their frustrations.  Many of the people in these positions are trying their best to offer assistance.  Be honest in your appreciation of their efforts to help you.

#7 Find the person with the power & don't be afraid to go to the top

Sometimes the person you are dealing with does not have the power to fix your problem.  If the person is honest with you and admits as much then be understanding but ask if there is a way to get to someone with more authority.  Many companies have Customer Retention groups who have the power to authorize much greater discounts or replacements.  If you have done your utmost and exhausted most of your options then consider moving to the top. 

There are ways to get the e-mail addresses of Vice Presidents, Presidents and CEOs.  Here in Canada the Industry Canada web site sometimes lists the contact information for the principle officers of corporations.  If you are direct and polite you may be pleasantly surprised by the responses that you receive from these powerful executives. 

#8 Be reasonable and flexible - negotiate

Every issue is different. Pay attention to the context of your problem. You may start by expecting the party that you are speaking to provide a complete refund or replacement.  That may not be practical or even possible. Try to see the matter from the perspective of the company with which you are dealing.  Be prepared to think sideways. Instead of providing like for like they might propose something similar or related. 

For example, a cellular company might offer a different brand of phone to replace your device or they may offer a lesser phone but provide instead a lot of normally expensive services for free.   Weigh the offers carefully. Remember, being reasonable and flexible will allow the other parties the leeway to move and come up with creative alternatives. 

#9 Get creative - use leverage as a last resort

If you know that the corporation that you are dealing with has another service or product that you need or use then perhaps try negotiating for an equal value alternative to your original purchase.  You are looking to remedy a problem with something that you purchased. Remedy comes in many forms. 

When negotiating get creative. Does your personal network lend you any leverage?  Are you a member of an organization that could influence the company that you are dealing with?  Do you know media personnel or groups that would be interested in your story?  If the answer to any of these questions is 'yes' then tread lightly. Anything that may be viewed as threatening to their reputation evokes defensive behaviour and makes negotiations adversarial. You would no longer be on their side.  Introduce this kind of leverage only if nothing else has yielded results. In the end be prepared to follow through; don't make empty statements about your influence. 

#10 Be generous with gratitude and praise when you succeed

When you have had bad service I am sure that many of you have written bad online reviews or shared your poor experience on social media. Virtually everyone knows the video and song "United Breaks Guitars."  Well, all too often we forget that the opposite should be equally important. If you have managed to get a good resolution then you should be equally open with praise. Write and tell the people that you have dealt with about your experience. Keep it positive and offer genuine praise.  Remember your parent's admonition to always say thank-you.  Not only is this the right thing to do, it will also pay dividends for all future interactions with this group

I hope these tips have helped you.  If you use them and get results please let me know.  I am eager to get feedback as they have served me very well over the years!

A Perfect Moment: Moving Towards Self-Actualization

A Perfect Moment: Moving Towards Self-Actualization

 

©2014 Scott Wilson

 

Have you ever had a perfect moment? Some soldiers experience a moment in combat where the battle 'crystalizes', time slows, and they are able to do exactly what needed to be done to stay alive and keep their teammates safe.  I have these moments too but not always in dangerous or stressful situations.  In fact, the one I wish to discuss was quite the opposite.

 

 

It is a day in October 2014. My youngest daughter is twelve years old.  On this day she had a friend over to play. Since the night was drawing late we dragged ourselves off to the truck, and my daughter and I unceremoniously drive her friend back to home.  We drop off her friend so now it is just my youngest and myself wending our way back home through the inky darkness.  The radio is rambling on when it suddenly switches to the song “Crocodile Rock” by Elton John.

 

 

Instantly, the moment crystalizes as my little girl and I begin crooning the lyrics to “Crocodile Rock” together and happily bopping to the beat. It is a moment of sheer joy as we connect together through the notes of a song.  As I look over to her I can see the simple pleasure in her body and her features.  She is simply a young girl just having fun with her dad.  If any cares had existed they have all melted away for both of us in this instant of time.  The world has vanished.  There is just the two of us and the song.

 

 

It is almost like an out-of-body experience as time slowed down and I actually experience myself observing my own moment like I am some disconnected external viewer.  I am suddenly a young teenager back in the 70’s and a present day father all at the same time.  Here is my daughter, the same age as myself when I first sang this song.  This simple music with its catchy tune and peppy lyrics has resonated through the years and generations connecting us in the here and now.  In this moment I feel blessed. Blessed for my own childhood but also blessed for my own child and the joyful time that we can share.

 

 

I do not know if my daughter will ever remember this night but I believe this moment will stay with me forever. It had a brief but powerful impact on me and I am grateful.  Our time on this globe is brief but I swear that we can pack eternity into a single moment if we just let go and allow ourselves to experience it.

 

 

This is not the first time that I have experienced such moments but this is the first time that I have written about one.  In writing about this I came to realize what had occurred.  I had undergone a ‘peak experience.’  The famed psychologist Abraham Maslow was one of the first scientific minds to study this phenomena.  Here is one definition of peak experiences:

 

 

Peak experiences are described by Maslow as especially joyous and exciting moments in life, involving sudden feelings of intense happiness and well-being, wonder and awe, and possibly also involving an awareness of transcendental unity or knowledge of higher truth (as though perceiving the world from an altered, and often vastly profound and awe-inspiring perspective).

 

 

The realization took me by surprise.  I had known about such events, especially those of the successful people that Maslow and others had studied.  Yet I did not immediately recognize these events in my own life as peak experiences.

 

 

Maslow believed that peak experiences were beneficial in our efforts toward self-actualization.  In Maslow’s research of people who were mature and psychologically healthy he found that peak experiences played a strong role in their lives.  To me, that simply meant that this experience was validation that I am on the right path towards becoming who I am meant to be.  In short, it was further evidence of ongoing success.

 

 

Maslow so believed in the importance of peak experience that he began to teach classes that aimed to help people to obtain them.  Maslow felt that our success in life itself could be measured by the frequency of these events. For this reason, I likewise encourage you to develop the conditions that will produce an environment where such events can more readily occur.  Here is a list of actions that Maslow himself proposed to help people on their own path towards peak experiences and self-actualization:

• Experience life like a child, with full absorption and concentration;
• Try new things instead of sticking to safe paths;
• Listen to your own feelings in evaluating experiences instead of the voice of tradition, authority or the majority;
• Avoid pretense ('game playing') and being honest;
• Be prepared to be unpopular if your views do not coincide with those of the majority;
• Take responsibility and work hard;
• Try to identify your defenses and have the courage to give them up.

I personally can say that my peak moments have always occurred when I was truly in the present moment with no cares for the past or anticipation of the future – a child-like state.  My inner voice was utterly silent; the dialogue had stopped. 

I have described to you one of my perfect moments.  It is my hope that you find your own ways that help you to experience such times of clarity and joy.  Maslow himself believed that peak experiences did not require mediation or esoteric practices.  Perfect moments are all around us and available in the here and now.  With that in mind I’d like to close with Abraham Maslow’s very words on the experience of peak moments:

“The sacred is in the ordinary...it is to be found in one's daily life, in one's neighbors, friends, and family, in one's own backyard...travel may be a flight from confronting the sacred — this lesson can be easily lost. To be looking elsewhere for miracles is to me a sure sign of ignorance that everything is miraculous.” — Abraham Maslow

Stop trying to be happy! Just enjoy life! (From guest blog at www.makeyoursomedaytoday.com)

Stop trying to be happy! Just enjoy life!

©Scott D. Wilson 2014



Everyone wants to be happy, right? I mean as far as goals go this one seems to be right up there on most people’s list. The United States constitution even guarantees the right to pursue happiness. So much of the modern advertising industry is built upon the premise of selling the elements that deliver happiness. It is safe to say that trying to be happy is definitely a common priority within our society.

People do many things in their unending efforts to become and remain happy. They seek friendship, love, romance, marriage, children, fame, fortune, spirituality, god and so much more all hoping that these will lead to lasting happiness. It is my observation that all of these things have at best fleeting success in attaining happiness.


Every single one of the ideals that I have mentioned above is mixed with joy and pain, happiness and sorrow. The best friendships will still occasionally disappoint. Romance waxes and wanes. Marriage and families are filled with great joys and heart-crushing events. Even religion and spirituality do not grant immunity to the trials and pains of life.


And yet mankind spends an amazing amount of time and effort chasing the dream of happiness. In this powerful pursuit we demonize sadness and depression. North America is an abundant and rich country where we enjoy a standard of living that far exceeds that of over 60 percent of the world. Still Americans currently spend an estimated $11.3 billion dollars annually on anti-depressants, consuming more per capita than any other nation. American use of anti-depressants skyrocketed 400% from 1988 to 1994. We go to great pains to avoid being unhappy in any way and in the process we treat almost all sadness as an illness.


So what is wrong? Why can’t we seem to lay hold of this ultimate prize despite our herculean efforts? We have material wealth and security like no other nations but we are failing at the very pursuit that our predecessors nobly guaranteed for us. It actually seems that the harder we try obtain happiness the more difficult it becomes to obtain. I actually believe that this principle holds true, and so I propose that it is truthfully our very quest for happiness that causes the problem.


We live in an impermanent world. All things that live will die and everything that is created eventually decays and fails. Why then do we expect our happiness to be permanent? In Zen Buddhism it is believed that our attachment to objects in this ever-changing world that leads to sadness and frustration. There is much truth to this belief, however even detachment will not guarantee happiness just as an absence of pain does not guarantee pleasure. So the problem of happiness remains.


I propose that we release our iron grip on the pursuit of happiness and instead focus our pursuit on joy. No, I am not just playing with semantics. Joy is defined as the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires (from Merriam-Webster). I believe that it is the last part of this definition that is telling: ‘emotion evoked by… the prospect of possessing.’ There can be joy in the pursuit even if the item pursued is not obtained. I would go so far as to say that we can actually enjoy pursuing happiness even if we fail in that pursuit!


I further submit that joy supersedes happiness. As my father lay in pain dying of bone cancer in I enjoyed our much of our time together and so did he. Despite all that my father was experiencing he still enjoyed the simple pleasure of a cappuccino from a local coffee shop. Were we happy? No, not at all. That did not stop joy. In my life and in others I have seen joy in the midst of sorrow, pain and even death.


We need to allow ourselves the ability to experience joy. This often involves slowing down and actually paying attention to and experiencing our lives. We can have goals and quests for worthy ideals but we need to expect that there will be bumps on those journeys. Let not our pursuits rob us of our joy. I have observed people in pain struggling to be happy at Christmas, the supposedly happiest time of the year. In their struggle, these poor souls not only fail to obtain happiness but they deprive themselves of their joy.


Can we still pursue happiness? Yes, but don’t expect to catch it and keep it. Happiness will come and go, and that is alright. Do not run from sorrow especially when the seasons of life call for it. Hold fast to joys, especially the simple ones. Joys can be our greatest treasures in times of tribulation. At all times take pleasure in kindness, smiles and love. In this challenging life, when happiness seems so far off, remember that there can still be great joy in the journey.

The Gift of Thanks

The Gift of Thanks

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

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"Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it." — Ralph Marston

On Christmas of 2012 I did something that guys normally don't do. I was creative, sensitive and unconventional. As usual, I was struggling to figure out what I could give my mother as a gift. She is in her late 70’s and she really has everything that she needs. I could neither find nor think of anything fun or interesting that she might enjoy.

And then an idea hit me: A Gratitude Jar. I figured that every one of us owes so much to this world that there is no real way to pay it forward; we are truly always paying back. So much more is this the case with our parents and family. My mother has given me so much. She is a huge part of who I am. Even if I began now, I could never really thank her for everything that she has given to and done for me.

So I thought I’d at least take a shot at thanking her for some of the best times in my life. First, I went out and found a nice cookie jar. Next, I went on my computer and generated a bunch of small cards printed on 8.5” x 11” sheets that started with “Thank you…” and ended “Love, Scott” printed in elegant fonts.

Finally, I went to work filling in the words in between. I wrote of big events and small. I wrote whatever came to my mind. Here are some examples:

Thank you… for believing in me.
Thank you… for all the times you took care of me while I was sick.
Thank you… for always loving me no matter what.
Thank you… for reading “Are you my mother?” to me over and over and over.
Thank you… for teaching me to dance to my own tune and that it is alright to colour my pumpkins purple.
Thank you… for letting me make my own mistakes.

Once I had generated several pages all I had to do was print them out, cut them out and put them in the jar. I even gave her some blank templates for others to fill in and drop in her jar. I labelled my jar and wrapped it up.

How did it go? Well, long story short, my mom really liked the gift. She spent quite a bit of time reading through them. I felt better just letting her know directly how much she meant and means in so many ways.

Today, I find myself thinking about unsaid ‘thank-you’s’. How many times have I forgotten or neglected to say a proper thank-you? I know what it feels like to be taken for granted and I know how it feels when someone makes a show of gratitude. My unspoken thanks feel like debts that I owe and I know that I can do better. Today, I think I will ponder on some of those debts and repay them, if I can: with a call, an e-mail, a note or any small way that I am able. It is quite truly the least that I can do.

And so...

To all of you who have encouraged me here on-line... thank you! You have made this journey just that much more enriching!

Please, be happy! Be grateful! We live in rich and bountiful countries! We owe so much to so many and returning thanks merely pays a pittance of our debt!