Breaking Free of Your Thoughts

–Breaking Free of Your Thoughts–

“You will never be free until you free yourself from the prison of your own false thoughts.” –Philip Arnold

In the TV series “House M.D.” the main character’s tagline and principle philosophy is “Everyone lies.” It is cynical but unfortunately also largely true. However, like Dr. House, we often focus on the external lies that we tell others. The reality is that before we lie to others we first and foremost lie to ourselves. It is with those false thoughts, one by one, that our personal prison walls are built:

- I’m not pretty enough
- Others can. I can’t.
- I’m not smart enough
- They are special. I’m not.
- I’m not smart enough
- I just have bad luck.

We wall ourselves in making our world smaller and smaller. Our meager expectations become our limits. Creativity is for the artistic and the talented. Invention and innovation are for the gifted and the bright. Our fears solidify into concrete barriers that we never dare to test. Risks become the things that the lucky and the special people take, not us. Safety becomes our prime directive, and there we remain safe and sterile. Change is both dangerous and uncomfortable and to be avoided.

Sure, most of us decorate our cells with all the many comforts of life and we dream that are truly free while all the while our minds yearn to think free and follow the passions of our hearts. Make no mistakes, the prison bars are there in our thinking and our fears guard the doors to freedom. If we truly want real liberty then we must begin to challenge our own beliefs about ourselves. When we reach an apparent limit and we hear our thoughts screaming “I can’t” or “I’m not” that is when we must stop and confront our own words and thinking. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that your freedom may lie just beyond “I cannot” and “I am not.”

Professional athletes know that the barrier between better and best is not physical, but mental. They must humble themselves mentally by admitting that they may not know the true boundary of their bodily abilities. Skill and talent take one so far but to achieve our utmost our minds need to be free enough to believe beyond the limits that we perceive. I know that we are not all called to challenge our physical bodies to the same degree as skilled runner or a prima ballerina. However, we all have the same ability dream and imagine and to drive our own abilities further.

Our minds are powerful devices and truly without limits. We can conceive the most marvelous and amazing things. In my lifetime many miracles have been achieved through science and technology that most thought would be impossible. In days gone by many learned people argued that man would never fly, and now we not only tour the globe but we blast into the depths of outer space. If the brilliant minds of the past were wrong about mankind’s limitations then could you be in error about your own?

If you truly desire real freedom then start with your mind. If you are not following your dreams or achieving your goals then take some time to look at your reasoning and excuses. Pay attention to those “cannots” and “are nots.” When you hit one of your believed limits then stop and take some time to deal with it. Write it down if you need to do so. Now imagine if that limit did not exist. Dream about the ways around your problem. Let your mind wander and wonder.

Earl Nightingale, the great self-improvement pioneer, encouraged people set aside time daily to look at their dreams and their challenges. He reasoned that this discipline would engage our hearts and minds to create the pathways to our solutions and our dreams. The goal would remain fresh in our conscious and unconscious thoughts and innovative possibilities would arise and come to mind. This is true as long as these ideas don't get caught and tangled in our false thinking.

If we truly want the freedom to grow, change and succeed then we need to liberate our minds. We need to address and question our limiting thoughts. Daily, bring your goals to mind and allow yourself the time regularly to dream and create new solutions. Break your heart and mind out of your prison of false thoughts and set them free overcome the fears and illusions that once limited them!

“Your mind can be either your prison or your palace. What you make it is yours to decide” ―Bernard Kelvin Clive

Cheers!
©2017 S.D. Wilson

What Are You Waiting For?

What Are You Waiting For?

“I will act now. I will act now. I will act now.

Henceforth, I will repeat these words

each hour, each day, every day,

until the words become

as much a habit as my breathing,

and the action which follows becomes

as instinctive as the blinking of my eyelids.

With these words I can condition my mind

to perform every action necessary

for my success.I will act now.” – Og Mandino

Tomorrow, it is the curse of mankind. Tomorrow is a thief – a con man! We foolishly give it our dreams, our goals and our hopes, and it gives us nothing in return. We always think the cheque is in the mail. We always naïvely believe that tomorrow will come and bring us our reward. A better day is always on the horizon. Instead, today we receive the bills for the unpaid efforts of yesterday. It is far too easy to live in the mediocre satisfaction of today. We need to become uncomfortable now!

In our discomfort we can see what we are sowing. We can know the results before they come. We can choose a different path before the road that we are on becomes a one-way street. We can beat tomorrow by winning the game today! We can stop putting off what we know is needed. We can stop thinking and start doing. Tomorrow will enlist fear to stand in our way… to block our path with visions of failure and disaster. It will soothe us with the luring promise that circumstances might be more favorable later.

Plug your ears against its numbing siren song! Face fear head on! Arm yourself with your passions and your love. Pick up the sword of self-esteem and cut a path forward through the underbrush of procrastination one small stroke at a time. Health will be yours! Success will be yours! Prosperity will be yours! Life will be yours! Take back the hopes and dreams from tomorrow and start building them today. Act now.

Are you waiting for tomorrow to deliver on its promises?  Don’t be fooled; stop waiting for the scam artist. Instead, spend your precious time wisely.  Heed the victory call, “Act now. Act now. Act NOW!”  Become impatient. Squeeze the best out of today. Drain this moment of all its potential. Act like tomorrow may never come. Chase all regrets from today.

What are you waiting for? The time for in action and waiting has passed.  If you truly want success then the time to act is now.  If you want results then you need to make their cause happen at this time.  Make this day your day.  Let us abandon tomorrow and its empty promises. No more accidents.  Live your life on purpose.  Know that all you crave lies behind your fears – so face them with ferocity! Lay hold of your birthright… your authentic self and a genuine life!

Huzzah!
©2017 Scott D. Wilson

What if I?

What if I?

One unremarkable day
In an unremarkable year
In an unremarkable place
In an unremarkable house
That an unremarkable person
Did a remarkable thing
He wondered “What if I?”
And he didn’t stop.
It made all the difference in the world.

What if I can do more?
What if I have something unique to offer the world?
What if I *can* change?
What if I can let go of my past and begin something new and different?
What if I forgive myself and others?
What if I can overcome my circumstances?
What if I believed in myself?
What if I can be better today than I was yesterday?
What if I no longer wait for the right time?
What if I have failed but I am not truly a failure?
What if I stop making excuses?
What if I quit looking at obstacles and start seeking opportunities?
What if I accept myself as I am right now?
What if I face my fears?
What if I follow love?
What if I begin working on my dream?
What if I start NOW?

And then they DID!
They changed their world...
And then they changed ours!!

©2016 SD Wilson

Conserve your energy!

Conserve your energy!
©Scott D. Wilson 2014

Daily we are told that we must conserve our limited resources. We are asked to reduce reuse and recycle. This makes sense. Our physical wealth is finite and once we burn or use it up then it is gone.  If we  are not wasteful then we can make the best use of what we have.

As individuals, the principle of conservation holds equally true. We need to use our assets wisely if we intend to succeed. It only makes sense to carefully apply our energies so that we have the power reach our goals. We are human. Each day grants us only so much time and energy. These are non-renewable. You cannot get back one wasted moment of time. So I urge you to act wisely and conserve your energy now. How can we do this?  Of course, I have some suggestions.

Let go of regrets. Regrets tie us to past failures and mistakes.  Regrets steal our power today and prevent us from moving forward. Regrets force us to look backwards yet they cloud honest reflection and impede us from learning anything constructive from the past.  Free yourself from the tyrant of regrets.  See each regret for the anchor that it is and let it go.

Don't let anxiety rob you of this moment. Of course, we must plan and prepare for the future.  However, our fear and worry do not serve to move us towards the goals that we desire. Anxiety takes our energy right now and uses it to dread possibilities and events that may never occur. See fear for the robber that it is and learn to let go of foolish worries.

Do not waste time and effort trying to control or change others.  This is a waste of your precious resources. Instead, use your time and energy to master self-control. We truly cannot change others nor control their actions.  However, if learn to control ourselves then we improve our ability to help and influence those around us.

Do not let the words of others drain you. If we let take it to heart then criticism can sap us of motivation and satisfaction. Instead, criticism can be used for learning. Listen carefully to critics and look for any truth in their statements.  Don't use that truth as a hammer on your ego, but rather use the information to improve yourself and #ç your strengths and weaknesses. As for the rest of their criticism, reject it and let it go.

Similarly, do not use your own thoughts self-destructively. Do not berate yourself hoping to kick yourself to do better. This does not work and it generally erodes our self-esteem and steals our motivation. Focus the energy of your thoughts on self-improvement instead. Take inventory of your strengths and seek to understand your weaknesses. You can build on your strengths and you can find methods to compensate or mitigate your weaknesses. Use your mind's energy to strive towards your goals. Remain creative, not destructive.

Never permit yourself the extravagance of hatred. Hatred wastes time and emotion on others. Your hatred has absolutely no effect on the person or thing that you detest. They move through life blissful unaware and unaltered by your anger.  There is an old proverb that says "Hatred is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person will die."  Save your energy and selfishly forgive.  Forgiveness frees you from the unhealthy obsession with the object of your venom.  Forgiveness does not mean being a doormat to abusive people or circumstances. It simply means letting go of the pain and then standing up for what is right.

Focus on today and its goals. Stay in this moment. Conserve your energies so that you may attain the success for which you strive. Stop wasting your efforts on regret, anxiety, others, criticism, self-loathing and hatred. Use the time, emotions and energy that you have right now to constructively build the tomorrows that you passionately desire!!

A Flash of No-Regret

A Flash of No-Regret
©2015 Scott D. Wilson,P.Eng.

Despite the best of intentions through most of our life, most of us carry some regret. Today, I was given an incredible gift. Before I simply blurt it out I should offer some context.

From Friday evening until Saturday's setting sun is my time of rest. I do my best to spend this time with family and friends in rest, recreation and leisure. Sure, I putter around the house doing chores and repairs but these are labours of love, not my livelihood.

And so today I was chatting with my two adult children and watching old music videos from the 80's. It was during one such video that I was transported back briefly and for one flickering moment I was 17 year-old Scott. I wore his clothes, his shoes, his hair. I saw the choices of his life before him. I saw the beauty by his side who would one day become his bride. And then in a brief moment I rushed forward through my life until I was back sitting in my kitchen with my kids.

In that short ephemeral vision I passed through all my choices in life. I saw my victories, my defeats, my successes and my failures. I experienced all my choices again - both the 'good' and the 'bad'. And I realized that all my actions brought me to this simple time of pleasure with my eldest son and daughter. Right now, everything is pretty well ok. So how could and of those choices been all that bad?

In that instant I had great empathy for all those Scotts of the past. I saw the choices they made with the knowledge, wisdom and experience that life had afforded them. They were good men doing their best with what they had. I do not know if words can convey the love and compassion that I was suddenly able to feel towards my past selves.  I understood how foolish it was to regret past 'mistakes' or 'poor' choices. To change those choices would lead to a now that I might believe would have been better but truth be told, it could easily have been far worse. Perchance the choices that would have made me rich back then would have left me miserable now. Who is to say?

We do not know now how the choices we make today will play out. We seek actions to bring about the best consequences but nothing is guaranteed. Soren Kierkegaard once said "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards."  It is with understanding that we must release regret.

Regret only robs our present moments of joy and peace. Regret has no value in helping us to move forward towards our goals. Regret makes us harshly judge our past choices and it paralyzes our present ones. If you are one who struggles with regrets then realize today how futile it is. Your past 'errors' may be responsible for some of the best things in your present. Have compassion for your past selves. Forgive them. And with that in your heart and mind root yourself here and now and bravely face the future that your next choices will create!!

Becoming "Unplugged"

Becoming "Unplugged"

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

"It is both beneficial, noble and healthy to be an idealist and to pursue improvement. It is however naïve, delusional and unhealthy to expect others to equally adopt and reflect these same ideals"

As of late, the contrast between ideals and expectations seems to be surrounding me.  I see it's effect on so many lives.  Our understanding of our surroundings dictates not only how we see the world but also what we expect from it.  Because our world is all around us all the time we take much of it for granted.  One big mistake that we all make daily is to assume that others experience and understand life in a manner similar to our own.

For example, we might value kindness and seek to be kinder. We then expect all others around us, say family, friends, acquaintances and co-workers, to operate from the same principle.  Is this realistic?  It is even fair?  If someone had been abused throughout much of their life with little exposure to gentleness then their view of kindness might be drastically different than someone who has been raised in a nurturing and caring environment.  It would be unreasonable to hold these two examples to the same standard of kindness.

I would like to use a more concrete example.  What about expecting others to view weight loss and our need to be healthier in the same way that we do?  I am a moderator on a web site that helps people to change their lifestyle, lose weight and become healthier.  Many people who come to the site are puzzled and even upset when their friends, family and colleagues are ambivalent, questioning or even adverse towards their efforts to lose weight and get healthier.  It greatly perplexes them that all their associations are not synchronized with their beliefs  about becoming healthy.  Why wouldn't they want them to become fit?

The answer to this question is not all that surprising but most fail to see it.  The reactions of our associates are not about us as individuals.  Their reactions are a reflection upon themselves.  The average person is unfortunately fairly insecure and unrealistically self-conscious.  They view the world as somewhat hostile and antagonistic, hence the common idiom "It's a jungle out there."  They are keenly aware of all their flaws and failings and the world tends to remind them that they are not smart enough, pretty enough or successful enough.

To protect themselves from depression and despair most people rationalize their current state.  Success is for the few, the fortunate and the favoured.  It is not their fault that they are fat, poor or whatever.  That is just the unlucky hand that life has dealt to them.  Unfortunately, this view is continuously challenged by those who rise above their circumstances.  Remarkable people remind us all that we actually have the ability to take control of our lives.  The common man or woman does not want to acknowledge this because it would mean that they are responsible for their life and where they are presently.  This realization does not empower them to act.  It makes them despair.

Our gut reaction to any death or trauma is denial.  It does not matter if it is the death of someone close or the death of a cherished excuse.  The reaction is the same.  And so it is that when anyone begins to shed their self-loathing and self-imposed limitations that others do not immediate cheer them on but instead seek to remind them of who they are and why they are that way.  Those closest to us may actually react the most harshly because they know our history and therefore it is easier to deny our changes than to accept them.

In the movie "The Matrix" the reality of this situation is driven home in a visible manner.  The heroes are those who have been 'unplugged' from the Matrix and who have come to liberate all the rest of the people whose minds are enslaved.  The 'Agents' represent the system that seeks to deceive and oppress mankind.  What is interesting is that Agents always manifest through the people that are still connected to the Matrix.   Our protagonist, Neo is warned:

"The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you're inside, you look around, what do you see? Business men, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system, and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it."

The same holds true for us.  When we unplug from the belief that success is for the special people we immediately become enemies of system of belief that surrounds us.  When we begin to demonstrate commitment to improve and overcome we become a thorn in the side of those who seek to remain the same.  We are adversaries to the safety of the status quo and those who rely on it will oppose us.

An form of self-actualization makes us a target.  So whether it is losing weight, starting a business, quitting a thankless job or any other noble ideal we should not be surprised by opposition even when it comes from those closest to us.  It simply is not fair to expect them to see things as we do.  They have not come to the same awareness.   Please understand their fears and insecurities and don't be surprised if they react unkindly.  Remember,  they are not 'unplugged' yet.

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” ― Albert Einstein
 

Powerful Choosing

Powerful Choosing

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

I am extremely blessed to have stumbled upon a fellow that I must credit as my mentor. We have long discussions about everything under the sun, but oddly none of it is truly small talk. My friend can turn conversation on a dime and we suddenly connect several concepts that no one in their right mind would normally put together.  He has a powerful mind and an a sharp wit.  Like a Zen master he can ask a question that will immediately enlighten you when you try to answer it.  I have written this introduction because I want to relate to you a powerful idea that he once shared with me.

I believe that we had been discussing some matter of interpersonal conflict in which I was involved.  He paused thoughtfully, looked straight at me and said the following: 

"There are only two paths: We can either seek to control the world (others) or we can seek to control ourselves.  We cannot do both.  In the end, it is not truly a choice.  For if we earnestly seek to become masters of others and this world then we will eventually come full circle and find that we must first master ourselves."

To many this particular concept may not seem that revolutionary but for me that moment crystallized my understanding of so much of my struggles.  We each see the world through our own experience, fraught with pains and toils, love and joy.  From our selfish vantage we seek to forge or discover some peace and happiness.  In the process, we strive to take control of our environment so that we might bend it to our will and our view of what is right and wrong.  We want our surrounding to support us and our views.  We do not want to be hindered.  This is where our troubles so often begin.

In this idealistic quest we often believe "If only the world was this way then..." or "If only he/she was this way then..."  We want what we want and we expect the world around us to conform to our needs and desires.  In our mind we have rationalized all our beliefs.  There are logical reasons for all our decisions.  Surely everyone should see with clarity the correctness of our viewpoint!  If we are correct then by extension all other options must be incorrect.

And so we argue and push and strive to make others and our world conform to what we believe it should be.  We even make our own satisfaction contingent on achieving this feat.  We make statements like "I will be happy when..." or "If only this was the case then everything would be fine."  We put off peace and personal happiness until we have control of all the variables.  In our quest to control everything about us we fail to control ourselves and our own thoughts and emotions. Our own fears and thoughts betray us and unravel our efforts to succeed.

 I saw the futility of all of my struggles in an instant when my friend made his simple statement. My quest to manipulate my world was foolish.  I truly had control over only one thing: myself.  And truth be told, I was not mastering myself very well.  I could be readily hurt or angered by others.  I was defensive.  I was fearful.  Who was I to tell others how they should think or act?

In that moment I realized that I was the one who needed to change, not the world.  The universe was unfolding in the manner to which it was designed.  I did not create this world so why did I believe that I knew how it should be?  I needed to walk my own path and that was hard enough.  It would be arrogant to believe that I knew better than others as to how they should live.  This was a significant step in letting go of my need to be "right."  

It has been several years since that day of revelation.  I still fall into conflict with others now and then.  I am after all an imperfect human being living in a less than perfect world.  I do however see my conflicts with different eyes and now I often ask myself what inside of me needs to change to  resolve my struggles.  I can look on conflict with greater dispassion, asking myself what each situation is trying to teach me.  My antagonists are not enemies that might strike me down; they are teachers with opportunity to enlighten me.  The choice truly is mine.

So does my tale ring true with you my reader?  What are you choosing today?  Do you want to rule the world?  Start with yourself. Choose well.

"I do my thing and you do your thing.

I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,

And you are not in this world to live up to mine.

You are you, and I am I,

and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.

If not, it can't be helped."  —The Gestalt Prayer by Fritz Perls

Engineering Your Own Day

Engineering Your Own Day

©Scott D. Wilson 2014


I am an engineer.  I think I was born this way.  The primary work of an engineer is to design practical things using scientific principles.  I like designing stuff.  I enjoy putting mechanisms together to make them work in new and different ways.  I used to think that designing was only about pragmatic devices that enable us to do so much more than we could before.


For example, I work daily as a telecommunications engineer.  I design communication system that enable people to connect and collaborate faster and easier so that they can innovate and solve problems better.  I enjoy learning about new technological advances and products. Many of the technologies that I use have only been developed very recently.  I am pleased when the people that I serve show enthusiasm about the systems that I develop for them to share, cooperate and communicate.


I have realized that engineering high-tech systems is only part of what I enjoy.  I realize that I also relish learning about new ideas and thoughts on many diverse topics.  I am also very good at putting various ideas and principles together in innovative and interesting ways that allow people to see things from a new and helpful perspective.  This is simply the engineering and designing ideas and concepts instead of physical systems.


Another peculiarity of the way I operate is that I often think in pictures, emotions, smells, tastes and sounds rather than simply in words.  Consequently, I tend to connect diverse things like food, joy, music and math.  My difficulty then comes in finding the words to express these feelings and ideas.  As the saying goes, a picture truly does paint a thousand words.  So to do emotions, tastes and other sensory experiences.


I trust that you, my reader, can understand how difficult it may be to adequately explain the richness certain concepts to those who may never have encountered them.  How might one properly explain a freezing snowy winter day to someone who has lived their entire life in tropical desert? And so it has been with some of the ideas that I have encountered.


One such idea that came to me was about the days of our lives and their true value.  If you indulge me I will try to paint a picture of my unorthodox thoughts.  Imagine if you will, the infinity of time and space laid out from the beginning of the universe until today and stretching on until the very end of time.  Within this vast physical plane our small area of existence is almost unthinkably small both physically and in terms of time.  Nonetheless, we each are privileged to both experience and observe life, an exceeding rare commodity in the vast cosmos.


As an engineer I have deep respect for all forms of life because they are all incredibly marvelous fragile designs. Like snowflakes, every genetic sequence of life is unique and  the slightest change in environmental conditions would extinguish them or render their creation impossible.  Both science and spirituality can appreciate the miraculous combinations that exist to generate life here in all its shapes and sizes.


And here are you amid this mathematical improbability that has somehow generated and sustained life.  You are alive and reading these words now.  And here is the amazing thing:  This moment, this hour, this very day is yours.  It may sound unbelievable but the facts attest that this day with all its opportunities and perils was designed specifically for you.  The fact that you are experiencing it right now bear witness to this truth. 


Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have your own personal day just like Christmas, St. Patrick’s or Groundhog day?  The reality is that you already do right now.  This is your day.  The universe or God, whatever you conceive them to be has conspired to have you born and living at this very time and place.  Your options are almost unlimited.  You can squander this time worrying or considering things that may never happen or that have long past into history. Or you can start right now with whatever you have and begin engineering something new and better.


Every person with a sound mind has the capacity to design a new reality for themselves.  This time and place holds opportunities and risks that are unique to you and you alone.  You unique genetic make-up will not pass through this time period again.  Our society’s siren song tells us that it is easier to accept the reality that is presented to us by those around us.  It is possible to coast through life doing what is needed  to remain alive.  Mere existence is commonplace.  Intentionally living and experiencing our unique day is rare.


It is up to you to make the most of what this life has handed to you.  This challenge is yours alone.  I feel called to remind you that life has gifted you with this moment to experience, experiment and learn.  The past can either hold you back or teach you how to move forward.  Yes, failure is a possibility.  Disappointment is a risk.  So too are the probabilities of success, joy and wonder.  All you need to do is grab this moment and begin to engineer you own day! 

Finding 'Why'

Finding ʽWhy ʼ

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

"Where there is no vision, the people perish" – Proverbs 29:18

Lately, I encounter a lot of people who tell me, "I need more motivation." This common lament troubles me. An entire industry has built itself out of this apparently common need. Motivational speakers, talk shows, podcasts and blogs abound. Just as people crave teachers and coaches to tell them how life works, so to do they seem to seek people to explain their lives and give them meaning. I am concerned by this.

It is quite one thing for people to seek better understanding of the universe around them. That is natural. When confronted with the infinite frontiers of knowledge it is simple wisdom to acknowledge that mankind remains largely ignorant. As humanity has exponentially increased its knowledge in recent decades it has equally discovered how infinitely vast is the knowledge still left to be discovered. We are definitely in need of wise discoverers, teachers and coaches.

Motivation, however, does not deal with knowledge about the workings of this world. Motivation is defined as the reason for a person’s action. In short, motivation is about the workings of ourselves. It is about our 'why'. There are many things that we can learn from others but purpose is not one of them. Nothing is more personal than the reasons why we do anything and our motives are as valuable as our actions.

As important as our actions are to others and the world around us, our motives are of greatest importance, especially to ourselves. For example, doing good is significant but doing good for the right motives is crucial. In this example if you give to others continually expecting for it to be returned to you then you are not giving unconditionally and you will soon become disenchanted and jaded by life's returns. If your giving is from your own abundance and generosity, seeking no personal gain, only then will the true satisfaction and reward of giving return to you. Thus your motivation is of great significance.

When I have encountered those who are seeking motivation their statements are inevitably paired with some personal failure. It seems evident to me that they lack an understanding of themselves and it is sabotaging their efforts to improve. This is why I chose the opening quote from Proverbs 29:18. Those seeking motivation seem to lack a vision of themselves and are 'perishing' in achieving their goals.

These people who share their motivational problems with me seem unsure of what drives them and unfortunately they look outside to find their own ‘why’. They seek maps to themselves and hope that others can supply them. Unfortunately, many people, both spiritual and secular make the claim that they can deliver this meaning. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Since no one can live your life for you then you should not let anyone tell why to do anything! Quietly listen your own heart and mind. They will tell you why. Each of our lives is amazingly unique. Our genetics, our parents, our society, when and where we are born, our life experiences, our thoughts and emotions all work together create the specific person that we are right now.

No one will ever fully understand what it means to be you. We each need to discover why we are here. We each have unique passions that bring us joy and meaning. Several wise cultures have called this 'a path with heart' and we each are responsible to find our own. The answers that others have found for themselves will not necessarily work for us. There is no ‘one size fits all’ solution.

Look inside and find your own answers as to why you do what you do. Let go of who you think that you are and listen to your thoughts, your emotions and your life; they will honestly teach you about yourself. Bravely face the uncomfortable lessons that they will deliver. You will likely be surprised.

The truth that we learn about ourselves is often mixed. For example, you may learn that you are impatient but you may also discover that you are generous and kind. We may also discover that our desires and passions lie in areas that we have feared to tread. The most important thing is that you listen without judging yourself. Be gentle.

Learn your ‘why’. Find your unique purpose. This is true for every goal that you set in your life. Whether it is fitness and weight loss or a financial goal, you need to know uniquely why you are doing it. And to this end, I also recommend that you regularly remind yourself of your ‘why’. We are forgetful people and we often lose motivation because the emotions and thoughts that first impelled us fade with time.

Throughout time the wise spiritual traditions have used the concept of touchstones to remind us of our purpose. For example, in the Bible, when the God of the Hebrews created the nation of Israel, he instructed them to carry stones from the land of their wandering into the their new land of promise. These stones formed a monument that the people and their offspring used to remind them of their bondage that they fled, their deliverance and why they wandered for so long. It reminded them why they were a nation.

When you find your purpose it is very helpful to create a meaningful touchstone so that when your motivation fails that you literally have something to see and touch that will remind you of your purpose. It should touch your heart and mind, spirit and it should speak uniquely to you.

For example, if you are working towards a financial goal you might write a cheque to yourself with the amount of money that you wish to obtain. Under the 'For' section of the cheque you could write your motivations like 'security for my family' or 'to give to a certain cause.' You could then place the cheque in your wallet and when your resolve weakens you could look at it and remind yourself why you are making this effort. In the end, your specific touchstone will be as unique as your reasons ‘why’.

The important thing is to brave enough to listen to your heart, mind and life to discover who you are and why you do what you do. Stop looking outside for your motivation. When you find your purpose take the same time and bravery to discover something that will help you to remember it. It is that simple but it won’t be easy and it will be worth it!

Celebrate Your Independence

Celebrate Your Independence

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

July 1 is in essence Canada’s Independence Day. It is the day that Canada celebrates its confederation and declared its ability to stand apart from Mother England. In the United States July the 4 is a similar commemoration. With people, we have similar ceremonies for graduations and weddings. Graduations celebrate individuals’ movement towards independence from their families. Weddings honour the confederation of two people into a newly formed family.

Society, through its ceremonies and customs, certainly demonstrates that it values independence. And this is good. Paradoxically, identity is forged with links to our community but also through our own uniqueness and individuality. Every parent craves independence for their children because we want them to thrive without us. We rejoice with every success they make in forming their own identity.

When we look to the most successful people throughout history we cannot help but notice the fierce independence of so many of them. They stood out. They were not afraid to differ from their peers and fellow men and women. In one sense, the world rewards unique and inspiring people who do not simply dream but fight the battle necessary to achieve those dreams.

One dictionary defines the word ‘independent’ as follows:

• not subject to control by others : self-governing
• not affiliated with a larger controlling unit
• not requiring or relying on something else
• not looking to others for one's opinions or for guidance in conduct

If this definition is factual then despite our cultural drive for independence, very few of us achieve a great measure of it. Most of mankind enjoys affiliation to larger controlling units, be they our companies or our countries or something else. Even billionaires rely on global stability and rules to conduct their daily affairs. It is, however, the last part of the definition that is the most condemning. How many of us look to others daily for validation and guidance?

Independent thinking seems to be valued in leaders but not encouraged among the common man. At first, this may seem counter -intuitive. However, if one thinks about it, independent thinking and action is almost like a test of bravery or a rite of passage. Those willing to stand out and to forego the safety of conformity face a battle against the power of the status quo. Freedom, both of mind and body, are always won through battle.

If one can withstand the daily pressures to fit in then one can finally begin to touch real independence. Independence sprouts when one begins to learn who they truly are without any cues from family or society. It shines forth when an individual begins to trust themselves more than they trust others. Independence rings out when someone can unapologetically say “Here I am world. Are you ready for me?”

The journey to real freedom begins in the heart and mind and plays out in our daily struggles. The constant pressure to follow and accept the ideas and reality of others is strong and even tempting. It is easiest to accept what others see and believe about us. Independence is not the path for every man or woman. Everyone can be free but not everyone will choose to think and act freely. To be free means to take full responsibility for one’s life and its outcome. Independence means that one cannot be a victim. To be free is to take risks and own the consequences, both fair and foul.

So as July begins and independence is celebrated with fanfare and fireworks, I challenge my reader to look at their life, their heart and their thoughts. Are you truly free? Do you want to be free? Are you working your heart and mind towards real independence? If so then those fireworks are for you. Each explosion cheers a victory that you have achieved in becoming more fully and authentically yourself. Every blaze of colour rejoices in your release from the slavery of the views and opinions of others! Those brilliant flashes proclaim to the world the arrival of a new and independent you!