Embracing Our Darkness

Embracing Our Darkness

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

This article does not directly address the topic of success.  It is worthwhile nonetheless, especially to those who struggle with dark feelings on their quest to overcome and persevere.

I am just mellowing on a cool autumn afternoon on my personal day of rest as it draws to a close. By my spiritual calendar this time of the year is somber time, a time of reflection and introspection.  It is a time when the natural world slows down.  It is a time to consider both life and our eventual death, not morbidly but as a sober acknowledgment of reality.  Fall is about harvest and death.

For me, two important days loom near and they paradoxically portend of both of tribulation and celebration. It is the paradox of joy and sorrow that dominates my mind presently.  My thoughts are drawn to Robin Williams and those like him.  Their actions strike us hard because we look up to them and admire their abilities and talents.  We wonder how such joy and laughter could be mixed with such tremendous sorrow.  We imagine what we would do in their shoes.  Many consider their final acts to be a result of weakness. 

I can attest that depression is not something borne of a weakness of character or mind. Success and intelligence are not barriers against the darkness.  If anything, they can often come at a price of one's sanity and well-being.  It is lonely at the top of any field.  It is ultimately loneliness and disconnection from our fellow creatures that lead to acts of despair.

I understand that path and I offer some advice, for what it is worth. It is alright to be sad or melancholy.  It is fine to experience the darkness and dreariness of fall and winter.  Do not compare your somber mood with those around you.  They have their journey and you have yours.  What you feel can be natural.  It is okay to be alone for a while.   I challenge you to sit quietly with your ‘demon’.  Do not judge yourself or your feelings; sadness is not negative and joy is not positive.  They simply just are.

Here is my advice: Sit down with your inner darkness and ask it “What are you teaching me?” It may merely want to be heard.  Evolutionists and spiritual wisdom agree that pain is exists to help us learn and avoid harm.  Depression does not have to be destructive.  We do not need to fear it.  Be still – listen with all your senses.  The message may come in images, smells, tastes or sounds.  Don’t necessarily expect words or a voice.  

Sometimes our unhappiness is merely there to drive us towards a dream or passion that we left behind or forgot. Let your melancholy awaken your creativity.  Perhaps you need to draw it or write about it.   Your blues may be leading you to face a some fear in your life.  Whatever the answer, be patient and let it come. 

Now here is the second and sometimes most challenging part: Share what you have learned.  Find someone that you can trust and share what your shadows have revealed to you.  Display your drawing, post your writing, explain your idea, or communicate your vision.  You may inspire others or you might simply make a connection to someone.  Your lesson may serve only you but you will be surprised how often it reaches and helps others.  We may all come to experience pain as a patient teacher rather than a cruel tormentor.  

Well that is all, my friends. I hope it helps a little in lessening the struggle of life that sometimes comes to each of us.  I will leave you with the insightful perspective of Charlie Chaplin and two songs that have inspired me in my days of darkness:

“Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.” – Charlie Chaplin

"Why" by Rascal Flatts 

“The Edge” by Michael Card

Why are you here?

Why are you here?

©2015 Scott D. Wilson,P.Eng.

 

Seriously, why are you here?  What is the point of your travels in this outer spiral arm of a Galaxy we call the Milky Way?  Sure, you were born here but that is mere circumstance.  Why do continue this ongoing adventure?  Are you like singer in the old Peggy Lee song “Is that all there is?” who is just hanging in because they simply don’t want to face the final disappointment of death?  Do you breathe out of habit or do you savour every miraculous heartbeat and every taste of life-sustaining air?

I see so many, day in and day out, struggling with addictions, bad habits, weight, and so much more.  The common factor for so many of them is the need for motivation and the will to follow through.  I may be wrong but I see that a large part of their problem is that they lack meaningful purpose in their life.  They simply do not know why they are here.  It is as if they expect to wake up one day from this tired existence and start living their real lives – the lives they were meant to be living.  This may in fact be partially true.

I can see why the Eastern religions and mysticism seek ‘enlightenment’ and ‘awakening.’  Like Neo in ‘The Matrix’ they want to see reality as it truly is and realize that their true identity is not what they have accepted since birth.  They want to awaken and see their true selves and those of the people and creations around them.  This is a noble quest.  It sets a foundation and provides a perspective for all that we are and all that we do.  For until you begin to truly understand yourself and start to know why you are here then you will continually struggle with motivation and willpower for all other pursuits.

For example, if you do not have a core purpose for living then what does it matter if you are thin or fat, healthy or sick, sane or crazy, wise or foolish?  Finding a purpose for life is not purely a spiritual pursuit.  Atheists are not immune to the need for a purposeful existence.  The only difference is the basis for the rational understanding of their unique purpose.

You are a combination of a rather unique set of 3.2 billion base pairs of DNA.  Scientifically and spiritually, you shall not pass this way again.  Even a clone will technically not be you, as it would be constrained to experience a completely different time and set of circumstances.   You belong here… to this time and place.  Accept that the universe has placed you where and when you are.  Whether it be the forces of evolution and circumstance or by divine intent, you came to be here today.

Accepting your place within time and space will allow you to look clearly at yourself and ask what role are you suited to play in the portion that has been allotted to you.  What are your talents?  What are your passions and interests?  What makes you come alive?  If these things are taking a back seat in your life then I suggest that you look at your priorities.  Because if you are not doing the things that bring enjoyment, meaning and fulfillment to your life then you won’t find much motivation to do all the other things that would otherwise bring health and other benefits to your existence.

Do not look to others to find out why you exist.  Their truths and meanings may have no bearing on you whatsoever.  Look inside and learn.  Look outside and see the possibilities, not the limitations.  Trust that you have been provided with a rational mind that can discover your own unique reasonable purpose.  Do not accept the realities that others have provided for you; they can limit your ability to see and understand.  When you are confused by life allow yourself to be puzzled and to ask “Why?”  Allow for awe and wonder. 

If you are having difficulties finding some kind of motivation I suggest that you put aside that struggle for now and instead ask yourself “Who am I?” Quietly allow the infinite number of answers to come to you.  Some will resonate more than others.  Dwell on those for they will help you to discover who you are and why you are here.  It will be a process.  Just as one does not go one day from a classroom to the pilot seat of an aircraft so too will the learning about yourself take gentle time and patience.  

I encourage you to discover your own reason for your existence.  From that answer will spring the ability and motivation for so much more.  Howard Thurman put it so eloquently:

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” 

I ask again, “Why are you here?”  I have provided some perspective and advice for one to begin to find an answer to this question.  Now I lastly ask, are you brave enough to try? 

Meet the Author

Meet the Author

©2014 Scott Wilson

Today I will stray slightly from my focus on topics that directly speak to success.  For me, success is linked to creativity and inspiration. Without these elements our best efforts will often fail because we need creativity and inspitration to adapt to the inevitable challenges that occur.  It is with that in mind that I present the following:

How many of us would kill for the chance to meet our favourite author and maybe get a signed copy of their work?  Most of us would jump at the chance to speak face to face with J.K. Rowling, Stephenie Meyer, Suzanne Collins, Stephen King, Robert Ludlum or Tom Clancy, to name a few.  Their stories have become our stories.  We have memories of curling up with their well-crafted tales, sometimes even with our friends and family. It would be such a wonderful opportunity to speak with the minds that brought to life our favourite fictional characters.

But what if we could meet the mind who authored the colours of fall or the terrible beauty of fire?  Imagine speaking with the one who conceived and crafted the feeling of joy and invented laughter.  Envision what it would be like to converse with the designer of tears.  How would we feel about a signed copy of today’s blazing sunset?

This may sound trite but these meetings can happen.  We have within us the capacity to connect with the author of all that surrounds us.  The signature of the Maker can be seen everywhere from the tiny mote of quarks up to glorious wonder of galaxies.   This moment that you take to read these words was crafted just for you.  Make no mistake; you are where you need to be right now.  The One who fearfully and wonderfully imagined you is not dead or missing.  You were meant to make this connection.

All that is needed is a bit of your time.  No fancy words or special phrases are required.  You can speak or remain silent.  But you must take the time to slow the incessant chatter between your ears, just like you do before falling asleep.  However, don’t sleep.  Instead, awaken to all that you have been blind to around you.  Find inspiration in your every breath.  Open your heart to miracle that is your very life itself.  Let the One who dreamed this universe speak the words and paint the pictures that are only for you!

The invitation is there, every day.  Come, meet the author…

A Perfect Moment: Moving Towards Self-Actualization

A Perfect Moment: Moving Towards Self-Actualization

 

©2014 Scott Wilson

 

Have you ever had a perfect moment? Some soldiers experience a moment in combat where the battle 'crystalizes', time slows, and they are able to do exactly what needed to be done to stay alive and keep their teammates safe.  I have these moments too but not always in dangerous or stressful situations.  In fact, the one I wish to discuss was quite the opposite.

 

 

It is a day in October 2014. My youngest daughter is twelve years old.  On this day she had a friend over to play. Since the night was drawing late we dragged ourselves off to the truck, and my daughter and I unceremoniously drive her friend back to home.  We drop off her friend so now it is just my youngest and myself wending our way back home through the inky darkness.  The radio is rambling on when it suddenly switches to the song “Crocodile Rock” by Elton John.

 

 

Instantly, the moment crystalizes as my little girl and I begin crooning the lyrics to “Crocodile Rock” together and happily bopping to the beat. It is a moment of sheer joy as we connect together through the notes of a song.  As I look over to her I can see the simple pleasure in her body and her features.  She is simply a young girl just having fun with her dad.  If any cares had existed they have all melted away for both of us in this instant of time.  The world has vanished.  There is just the two of us and the song.

 

 

It is almost like an out-of-body experience as time slowed down and I actually experience myself observing my own moment like I am some disconnected external viewer.  I am suddenly a young teenager back in the 70’s and a present day father all at the same time.  Here is my daughter, the same age as myself when I first sang this song.  This simple music with its catchy tune and peppy lyrics has resonated through the years and generations connecting us in the here and now.  In this moment I feel blessed. Blessed for my own childhood but also blessed for my own child and the joyful time that we can share.

 

 

I do not know if my daughter will ever remember this night but I believe this moment will stay with me forever. It had a brief but powerful impact on me and I am grateful.  Our time on this globe is brief but I swear that we can pack eternity into a single moment if we just let go and allow ourselves to experience it.

 

 

This is not the first time that I have experienced such moments but this is the first time that I have written about one.  In writing about this I came to realize what had occurred.  I had undergone a ‘peak experience.’  The famed psychologist Abraham Maslow was one of the first scientific minds to study this phenomena.  Here is one definition of peak experiences:

 

 

Peak experiences are described by Maslow as especially joyous and exciting moments in life, involving sudden feelings of intense happiness and well-being, wonder and awe, and possibly also involving an awareness of transcendental unity or knowledge of higher truth (as though perceiving the world from an altered, and often vastly profound and awe-inspiring perspective).

 

 

The realization took me by surprise.  I had known about such events, especially those of the successful people that Maslow and others had studied.  Yet I did not immediately recognize these events in my own life as peak experiences.

 

 

Maslow believed that peak experiences were beneficial in our efforts toward self-actualization.  In Maslow’s research of people who were mature and psychologically healthy he found that peak experiences played a strong role in their lives.  To me, that simply meant that this experience was validation that I am on the right path towards becoming who I am meant to be.  In short, it was further evidence of ongoing success.

 

 

Maslow so believed in the importance of peak experience that he began to teach classes that aimed to help people to obtain them.  Maslow felt that our success in life itself could be measured by the frequency of these events. For this reason, I likewise encourage you to develop the conditions that will produce an environment where such events can more readily occur.  Here is a list of actions that Maslow himself proposed to help people on their own path towards peak experiences and self-actualization:

• Experience life like a child, with full absorption and concentration;
• Try new things instead of sticking to safe paths;
• Listen to your own feelings in evaluating experiences instead of the voice of tradition, authority or the majority;
• Avoid pretense ('game playing') and being honest;
• Be prepared to be unpopular if your views do not coincide with those of the majority;
• Take responsibility and work hard;
• Try to identify your defenses and have the courage to give them up.

I personally can say that my peak moments have always occurred when I was truly in the present moment with no cares for the past or anticipation of the future – a child-like state.  My inner voice was utterly silent; the dialogue had stopped. 

I have described to you one of my perfect moments.  It is my hope that you find your own ways that help you to experience such times of clarity and joy.  Maslow himself believed that peak experiences did not require mediation or esoteric practices.  Perfect moments are all around us and available in the here and now.  With that in mind I’d like to close with Abraham Maslow’s very words on the experience of peak moments:

“The sacred is in the ordinary...it is to be found in one's daily life, in one's neighbors, friends, and family, in one's own backyard...travel may be a flight from confronting the sacred — this lesson can be easily lost. To be looking elsewhere for miracles is to me a sure sign of ignorance that everything is miraculous.” — Abraham Maslow