Embracing Our Darkness

Embracing Our Darkness

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

This article does not directly address the topic of success.  It is worthwhile nonetheless, especially to those who struggle with dark feelings on their quest to overcome and persevere.

I am just mellowing on a cool autumn afternoon on my personal day of rest as it draws to a close. By my spiritual calendar this time of the year is somber time, a time of reflection and introspection.  It is a time when the natural world slows down.  It is a time to consider both life and our eventual death, not morbidly but as a sober acknowledgment of reality.  Fall is about harvest and death.

For me, two important days loom near and they paradoxically portend of both of tribulation and celebration. It is the paradox of joy and sorrow that dominates my mind presently.  My thoughts are drawn to Robin Williams and those like him.  Their actions strike us hard because we look up to them and admire their abilities and talents.  We wonder how such joy and laughter could be mixed with such tremendous sorrow.  We imagine what we would do in their shoes.  Many consider their final acts to be a result of weakness. 

I can attest that depression is not something borne of a weakness of character or mind. Success and intelligence are not barriers against the darkness.  If anything, they can often come at a price of one's sanity and well-being.  It is lonely at the top of any field.  It is ultimately loneliness and disconnection from our fellow creatures that lead to acts of despair.

I understand that path and I offer some advice, for what it is worth. It is alright to be sad or melancholy.  It is fine to experience the darkness and dreariness of fall and winter.  Do not compare your somber mood with those around you.  They have their journey and you have yours.  What you feel can be natural.  It is okay to be alone for a while.   I challenge you to sit quietly with your ‘demon’.  Do not judge yourself or your feelings; sadness is not negative and joy is not positive.  They simply just are.

Here is my advice: Sit down with your inner darkness and ask it “What are you teaching me?” It may merely want to be heard.  Evolutionists and spiritual wisdom agree that pain is exists to help us learn and avoid harm.  Depression does not have to be destructive.  We do not need to fear it.  Be still – listen with all your senses.  The message may come in images, smells, tastes or sounds.  Don’t necessarily expect words or a voice.  

Sometimes our unhappiness is merely there to drive us towards a dream or passion that we left behind or forgot. Let your melancholy awaken your creativity.  Perhaps you need to draw it or write about it.   Your blues may be leading you to face a some fear in your life.  Whatever the answer, be patient and let it come. 

Now here is the second and sometimes most challenging part: Share what you have learned.  Find someone that you can trust and share what your shadows have revealed to you.  Display your drawing, post your writing, explain your idea, or communicate your vision.  You may inspire others or you might simply make a connection to someone.  Your lesson may serve only you but you will be surprised how often it reaches and helps others.  We may all come to experience pain as a patient teacher rather than a cruel tormentor.  

Well that is all, my friends. I hope it helps a little in lessening the struggle of life that sometimes comes to each of us.  I will leave you with the insightful perspective of Charlie Chaplin and two songs that have inspired me in my days of darkness:

“Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.” – Charlie Chaplin

"Why" by Rascal Flatts 

“The Edge” by Michael Card

Finding Success

Finding Success 

©2015 Scott D. Wilson

This article is dedicated to the admirable life and great friendship of Dr. Janice McCarthy.
I do not know when exactly but I do know that soon a light will fade from this planet and the universe will be a bit darker. My friend, Doctor Janice McCarthy is in the final stages of her battle with the evil that is cancer. My heart breaks for her husband and children and their unfair loss.


But I am not writing here about loss. I am writing about finding success. I do not know a single person who does not crave success in their life. It is almost a fundamental human drive like hunger, sex, love and acceptance. However, we all seem to achieve varying levels of success in our lives. We all want and dream of success yet few of us are willing to do all that is needed to achieve those goals. I believe that the drive for success is akin to psychologist Abraham Maslow's description of the quest for self-actualization.


I am privileged to have known several successful people in my passage through this weary land of heartaches and broken dreams. Some were wealthy.  Others had meager means. Some were well known and popular. While some live in quiet obscurity. There were those both brilliant and simple. I would imagine that many reading here wonder then how I am defining success.


Earl Nightingale gave the best definition of success that I am aware of to date.  His definition stated that "Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal."  In most people's eyes worthy ideals are mainly fame and fortune. I have a much broader view of success yet I would have to say that still only a few obtain it.


My successful few have one common thread: a fearless passion for life. Their legacies are loving families, heartfelt friends, admiring colleagues, grateful neighbours and a general respect from virtually all who knew them. Whatever their circumstance they grabbed life for all it was worth. None of them were victims in their maturity. Their environments did not subdue or define them. They truly overcame the world and themselves.  Oh, they had fears and nightmares but they all learned to face them to persevere beyond them.

My friend Janice is not dying of cancer. She is truly living deeply and fully with the disease. Despite the ravages of the illness she seems more alive now than when we first met. Yes, I see a certain sadness within her but it is not regret.  It is the natural yearning for more. Her smile, her wit, her impish ways, her unconquered spirit burn brightly. Even in the precious last days she still reaches out and counsels her patients. Her abundant generosity has not been stemmed by this vicious disease.  I see in her the unbowed unbroken warrior.  I cannot help but be inspired.


Why is this success?  She has lived this life on her terms. That is one of the noblest ideals that I can envision. The lives she has touched attest to this. Of this I have no doubt. Her family and friends have been given a shining legacy from her. I will miss my friend but I will forever be enriched by my time spent with her.


And so I encourage you, my reader, to look to your own life. Find your own success and commit your life to it. Use the inspirations of lives well lived to find your own noble ideals. Do not narrow success to money or popularity. Define life on your own terms. Dream big and work hard. Love deeply and boldly!  Do not let world extinguish your light. Burn brightly like a shooting star... like my friend Janice.

"To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the approbation of honest citizens and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of one’s self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived—this is to have succeeded."- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Stop trying to be happy! Just enjoy life! (From guest blog at www.makeyoursomedaytoday.com)

Stop trying to be happy! Just enjoy life!

©Scott D. Wilson 2014



Everyone wants to be happy, right? I mean as far as goals go this one seems to be right up there on most people’s list. The United States constitution even guarantees the right to pursue happiness. So much of the modern advertising industry is built upon the premise of selling the elements that deliver happiness. It is safe to say that trying to be happy is definitely a common priority within our society.

People do many things in their unending efforts to become and remain happy. They seek friendship, love, romance, marriage, children, fame, fortune, spirituality, god and so much more all hoping that these will lead to lasting happiness. It is my observation that all of these things have at best fleeting success in attaining happiness.


Every single one of the ideals that I have mentioned above is mixed with joy and pain, happiness and sorrow. The best friendships will still occasionally disappoint. Romance waxes and wanes. Marriage and families are filled with great joys and heart-crushing events. Even religion and spirituality do not grant immunity to the trials and pains of life.


And yet mankind spends an amazing amount of time and effort chasing the dream of happiness. In this powerful pursuit we demonize sadness and depression. North America is an abundant and rich country where we enjoy a standard of living that far exceeds that of over 60 percent of the world. Still Americans currently spend an estimated $11.3 billion dollars annually on anti-depressants, consuming more per capita than any other nation. American use of anti-depressants skyrocketed 400% from 1988 to 1994. We go to great pains to avoid being unhappy in any way and in the process we treat almost all sadness as an illness.


So what is wrong? Why can’t we seem to lay hold of this ultimate prize despite our herculean efforts? We have material wealth and security like no other nations but we are failing at the very pursuit that our predecessors nobly guaranteed for us. It actually seems that the harder we try obtain happiness the more difficult it becomes to obtain. I actually believe that this principle holds true, and so I propose that it is truthfully our very quest for happiness that causes the problem.


We live in an impermanent world. All things that live will die and everything that is created eventually decays and fails. Why then do we expect our happiness to be permanent? In Zen Buddhism it is believed that our attachment to objects in this ever-changing world that leads to sadness and frustration. There is much truth to this belief, however even detachment will not guarantee happiness just as an absence of pain does not guarantee pleasure. So the problem of happiness remains.


I propose that we release our iron grip on the pursuit of happiness and instead focus our pursuit on joy. No, I am not just playing with semantics. Joy is defined as the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires (from Merriam-Webster). I believe that it is the last part of this definition that is telling: ‘emotion evoked by… the prospect of possessing.’ There can be joy in the pursuit even if the item pursued is not obtained. I would go so far as to say that we can actually enjoy pursuing happiness even if we fail in that pursuit!


I further submit that joy supersedes happiness. As my father lay in pain dying of bone cancer in I enjoyed our much of our time together and so did he. Despite all that my father was experiencing he still enjoyed the simple pleasure of a cappuccino from a local coffee shop. Were we happy? No, not at all. That did not stop joy. In my life and in others I have seen joy in the midst of sorrow, pain and even death.


We need to allow ourselves the ability to experience joy. This often involves slowing down and actually paying attention to and experiencing our lives. We can have goals and quests for worthy ideals but we need to expect that there will be bumps on those journeys. Let not our pursuits rob us of our joy. I have observed people in pain struggling to be happy at Christmas, the supposedly happiest time of the year. In their struggle, these poor souls not only fail to obtain happiness but they deprive themselves of their joy.


Can we still pursue happiness? Yes, but don’t expect to catch it and keep it. Happiness will come and go, and that is alright. Do not run from sorrow especially when the seasons of life call for it. Hold fast to joys, especially the simple ones. Joys can be our greatest treasures in times of tribulation. At all times take pleasure in kindness, smiles and love. In this challenging life, when happiness seems so far off, remember that there can still be great joy in the journey.