Valuable Perspective

Valuable Perspective

“The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” –Mark Twain

A colleague of mine used to live in Port Rupert, British Columbia.  He still has many good friends there.  About a year ago he told me of one such friend of his who was living there with her husband and her young daughter.  He explained to me that she had an appointment with a specialist down the coast in Vancouver.  She had been feeling unwell for quite some time and after a battery of tests she was hoping they could finally tell her the cause of her decline in health.  Her husband and daughter had accompanied her on the long trip down the coast.  Unfortunately, she was given some pretty grave news.  She had stage four cancer and there was no chance for a cure.  They gave her less than a year to live.  Stunned by this brutal revelation, the three of them shuffled into their car and set off up the coast for the long ride home.

My colleague further explained to me that his friend was lying down in the back and her husband and daughter were seated in the front of the vehicle.   Unfortunately, the road was treacherous that day and her husband lost control of the car. It careened off the highway and into the ocean.  In a chaotic instant she was struggling to get free of the vehicle before it sank completely beneath the icy waves. Sadly, she found herself alone on the shore.  In less than one day she had lost her entire family and any hope for her future. Personally, I do not know how she could carry on.  This is simply the most tragic tale that I have ever heard in my life.  The other day, my co-worker informed me that his friend finally lost her battle with cancer.  I do not know her name or how she lived her remaining time but her terrible tale haunts me.

I struggle to find anything meaningful or positive from this one person’s tragic nightmare.  It reminds me of Bill Murray’s remarkable but painful insight at the end of the film The Razor’s Edge, “When Piedmont died, I had to pay him back for my life. I found out there's another debt to pay — for the privilege of being alive. I thought Sophie was my reward for trying to live a good life. Uh uh. There is no payoff — not now.”  We all so terribly want our payoffs in this life, but that is a very unfair expectation of this world.  The truth is that we hold this foolish expectation because we live amidst the abundant privileges of the first world.  Those of poorer nations hold no such illusions about how harsh and unfair reality can be.

I am not seeking to be maudlin.  As terrible as the events I described were they did provide that woman with at least one remarkable opportunity.  In one day she was stripped of all the fallacies that we so often cling to throughout our lives.  She could not deny her mortality any longer and she saw the futility of seeking direct rewards through this life itself.  To paraphrase Bill Murray, she completely understood the debt to pay for the privilege of being alive.  That is not a lesson learned by many, yet it can be invaluable to those who get it. It crystalizes our priorities and burns away pettiness.  Here was a woman with absolutely nothing to lose in life… she had already lost it all.

This tale provides me is perspective and priority.  From it I realize that this life owes us nothing, absolutely nothing.  We are privileged to be on this journey no matter how long and pleasant or short and brutal it may be.  It is what we choose to do with the time that we have that gives real meaning to our lives.  As to priorities, it reminds me that we truly have no time for trivial pettiness.  How small do my problems seem in comparison to those that this woman faced in her short remaining days.  How can I waste my time in foolish worry and self-doubt?  I see the vital importance of remaining here and now and addressing the priorities in this very moment.  This woman’s life urges me to be bold because I too can lose everything that I cherish in an instant.  I clearly see the fleeting nature of all physical things and the permanent and transcendent nature love and its actions.

Yes, I told you a tragic tale, full of sorrow and woe.  You can casually dismiss it as just someone else’s random misfortune and go on your merry way.  However, I hope that, like myself, you can use this harsh reality to splash some cold water on your soul and awaken it to that which is truly important here and now.  We can realize that if we should live long enough then we will ultimately face these very same circumstances stretched across a longer period of time.   It simply makes sense to learn from this condensed life lesson and if we can avoid turning away from it then this ugly dark reality can actually provide us a wonderful and valuable perspective.

©2018 Scott D. Wilson

The Cure for Bad Déjà Vu

The Cure for Bad Déjà Vu 

“You can’t undo the past…but you can certainly not repeat it.” –Bruce Willis

A wise man once said to me “History is nothing more than collection of lessons never learned.”  Alas, I sadly believe that he was correct.  Even individually we tend to live each day as if the previous ones had very little to add.  If I were to ask you what yesterday taught you would you have an immediate reply?  How about last week, month or a year ago?  If we are healthy people then we should be growing and growing means continuous learning and change.  We should be using our past properly to improve ourselves so as not to repeat its mistakes.

Unfortunately, it is my observation that we humans have a strong tendency to repeat negative cycles.  In short, we seem to have propensity for reiterating the errors of the past.  Like a patient teacher, life keeps giving us similar situations over and over, day after day, in the hopes that we will eventually learn the lessons and then move on to different challenges where we will then obtain new knowledge and diverse experiences.  If you are honest with yourself you will see that your own behaviours set the stage for a great deal of what you experience during the day.  If negatives are repeating then you are the most significant common factor in the equation.  Personally, time and time again I have experienced some painful situations that I could not seem to avoid until I finally saw and acknowledged my own role in their creation.

Nobody likes déjà vu when it comes to their past mistakes.  While we certainly are not the cause of all our own misery, when it comes to chronic situations we almost always play a very significant role.    Unfortunately, it is quite natural and easy to see and blame external causes for all out mishaps: if this hadn’t happened, if she hadn’t done that or if they wouldn’t say that.  It’s like the Joni Mitchell song Both Sides Now, “So many things I would have done but clouds got in my way.”  We are all talented at making excuses for what we have neglected.  We fail to see that it is this brilliant talent that helps to feed our cycle of repeating our past gaffes. 

It may sound egotistical or even masochistic but there is great value in taking personal responsibility for your outcomes regardless of the situation or the actions of others.  If it is all your fault when something doesn’t go as you planned then you have all the power to fix it because you have significant ability to make changes to yourself and your behaviours.  If it is something or someone else’s fault then you have far less influence over them and therefore you have less chance of improving your outcomes.  Taking back your responsibility is very empowering.  You do not need to own the behaviours and responses of others but you can certainly be frank with yourself about your own actions, reactions and choices.

Break your past situations down into the choices that you made.  Determine if you could creatively make different options for yourself that you did not perceive at the time.  Use your imagination to come up with alternative responses the difficulties that you encountered.  This is almost a form of mental and emotional martial arts.  Life situations present us with decisions in the same way an opponent’s actions require response.  If we practice sparring in a safe place and objectively analyze our performance then we can develop tactics that better ensure our outcome in future conflicts.  We learn when to block, dodge, push, pull or simply move out of the way completely. This is true in both physical and metaphysical situations. When an encounter throws an emotional or mental jab at you then can unlearn your clumsy unhealthy habitual responses and instead apply some skilled countermoves.

There is a cure for bad déjà vu.  By learning from it we can determine how not to repeat our past. If we do this then we obtain something far better than undoing our previous errors.  We will obtain new and better life skills and start to rid ourselves of negative patterns that we may have developed.  By practicing this we can become black-belts in overcoming the past and then we will move on to new and different lessons in the dojo of life.

©2018 Scott D. Wilson

Unhappiness Guaranteed: 17 Tips

Unhappiness Guaranteed:  17 Tips for Misery

These simple guidelines are designed to help you remain dissatisfied and disappointed in your life. If you learn to follow these tips and tricks you are guaranteed to live an unhappy and unremarkable existence.


#1 Constantly Compare yourself to others: By comparing yourself to others you can remind yourself of the unfairness of human existence. It’s easy to find distasteful and immoral people who seem to have life easy. You strive and seek to be good and kind and life just kicks you in the teeth. But making these comparisons you can feel morally superior with minimal effort. Be careful though, don’t look at the vast majority of the planet who have it far worse than you could even imagine. This can ruin your self-satisfaction.

#2 Neglect anything good in your life: Talents and abilities, caring friends and family, career, home, community, these all take time and effort to maintain. It is far easier to keep busy with mundane entertainments and base needs. Besides, many of these thing can get messy and difficult.

#3 Foster bitterness, anger, hated, resentment and unfogiveness in your soul: These are strong emotions and they keep you strong. Forgiveness and understanding are weak and lead to you getting hurt again. Keep remembering all the painful events in your life and the people who hurt you. Never get over anything. Practice reliving your failures and betrayals daily. This keeps you strong.

#4 Worry about the possible problems of tomorrow and compare them to previous failures: This is a dangerous world. You have experienced firsthand the stings of unexpected disasters. Expect more of the same. Don’t enjoy right now or work on a better tomorrow. That will only lead to you lowering your guard and experiencing disappointment.

#5 Care a lot about the opinion of others: It is important to be like and accepted so you better work hard to liked and accepted by everyone. Define yourself by the opinions of others and their expectations. Let them tell you who you are and what you can and cannot do. At all costs, never be yourself because it’s way too easy to get hurt or rejected that way.

#6 Obsess over being right: There is only one right and everything else must be wrong. Being right is more important than anything. Sacrifice friends, family and great relationships in order to be right. Even if you are wrong or there is a miscommunication never say that you are sorry. It makes you look weak. Avoid paradoxes; they muddle up right and wrong with the truth.

#7 Place relationships last: Life is dog eat dog. You are too busy with everything else in your life to make time for you spouse, your kids or your friends. Getting ahead and your selfish needs more st come first.

#8 Take things for granted: Hey, all that good stuff in your life right now, like your health, your relationships and your well-being will still be there tomorrow. I mean, they were there yesterday so it shouldn’t change. You don’t need to appreciate them or pay attention to them. Let other people worry about that.

#9 Give up frequently on things that are important: Occasionally your pesky conscience will bother you about things like your poor fitness or a neglected relationship and you will want to do something about it. That’s ok. Go right ahead and work towards those goals, but the minute things get challenging be prepared to quit. Sure, they are important, but they can wait while you avoid the difficulties and neglect your duties. Your comfort is important after all. Be prepared to give up on yourself too because you know that you really are not worth it either.

#10 Believe that you can never change: You have always been this way. Accept it; it’s easier that way. Even if you could change it would be way too hard and only special people really change, grow and improve. Who are you to try and reach your potential?

#11 Give in to your fears and do not follow any of your passions: Fear is a good thing. It keeps us from doing dangerous things and warns us of potential dangers. Dreams and aspirations are dangerous. They can lead to you becoming a failure, being rejectied or being let down. It is far more important to be safe. Always choose safety over love, goals and aspirations.

#12 Remain a victim: Victims are powerless. Remember that. Victims are innocent of any responsibility because they have no power over their circumstances. When you are a victim then nothing is your fault. All the blame for your unhappiness and your problems belong to other people. Being a victim is the easy path. Dont forget, you must never take any responsibility for your thoughts, actions or your life.

#13 Make immediate pleasures a priority: Delayed gratification is overrated. Get yours while it’s still here. YOLO. So never neglect an opportunity to experience pleasure no matter what the long term consequences might be. Hey, tomorrow might never come so live it up.

#14 Avoid integrity, loyalty and faithfulness: These values are difficult to keep and overrated. People are much more admired for their cunning and slyness. As long as you obtain what you want then it should not matter how you got it. Living by by principles is wearisome and requires sacrifices. Remaining true to your commitments and to yourself seldom pays off short-term so why do it?

#15 Assume that everyone can see the world like you do: Everyone has eyes and ears. They can see things just like you. So of course they should be able to see and understand everything exactly the same way that you do. Their life experiences can’t be that different than yours. Everything must seem the same from every social, economical, ethnic and gender viewpoint.

#16 Never reflect on your life and learn from it: Since you are never at fault then there is no need to look at your life to correct mistakes, to learn anything or to grow. If you keep repeating the same mistakes then it is because of other people messing things up. Avoid looking objectively at your actions and their results.

#17 Always assume there will always be more time: Need to fix something or heal a relationship? Don’t rush, there is always another day. Important things can always be postponed. Take tomorrow for granted.

I hope the above information helps you to remain comfortably mediocre and unfulfilled. Remember, you are okay; it’s everybody else that needs to change.


©2018 Scott D. Wilson, P.Eng.

You Are Success – Part II

You Are Success – Part II

“About 90% of the things in your life are right. Make sure you don’t overlook the 90% that’s right because you’re focusing on the 10% that’s not.” – Dale Carnegie

It is so easy to create a negative mindset.  News headlines loudly exclaim stories of war, famine, death, plagues and all kinds of tragedies.  The fact is that the dismal and disastrous sell.  Shining a spotlight on these events leads many to assume that the world is badly off and getting worse.  This flies in the face of the data indicating that worldwide there is less hunger, disease, conflict and death than ever before.  Life expectancy across the globe has risen to 72 years of age, the highest ever, an increase of 5.5 years in a little over a decade.

Yes, this world will always have calamities and disasters, but despite the fact that there is stuff going wrong there is a heck of a lot going right every minute of every day.  Paying inordinate attention to the negatives tends to blind us to the good and positive that exist.  I am not belittling your woes or your difficulties, nor am I saying that the world could not do with some improvement.  I am merely asking that we remember the things that are going well.  It is important to remember the progress that we have made.  Barely 150 years ago, slavery was widely accepted and rights of women and children were similarly dismal.  The bygone days were not as sunny as many paint them to be today.  By all measures, human rights have been successfully improved up to the present and they continue to break new ground in various regions.

On a more personal level, I’d like to speak to those who think of themselves or their efforts as failure. Your plans may not be going as you expect them.  Your life may seem off track.   Everything may seem to be going wrong.  If that is how you feel then you would be wise to stop and take measure of your assets.  Are you able-bodied?  Do you have friends or family that care for you?  Is your sanity intact?  Can you still see or hear?  Do you have a safe home?  Do you enjoy personal freedoms?  These are not small matters.  Many lack these things and suffer greatly.  Do not take them for granted!

No, you are not a failure.  Failures are events that occur and then pass into history.  They do not define anyone or anything.  Take a candid and impartial look at your life.  No matter who you are you still have a lot going right for you.  Don’t ignore that truth.  The words of Dale Carnegie are correct.  Ninety percent of your life is successful.  You are a success.  Don’t lose that perspective while tackling the small bit that is going wrong.  Start taking inventory of that successful ninety percent and confidently learn to put it to work improving that troublesome ten percent!

©2018 Scott D. Wilson

You Are Success

You are ‘Success’

Simple Definition of ‘success’ (from Merriam-webster.com)

     1 :  the fact of getting or achieving the correct or desired result

     2 :  the correct or desired result of an attempt

    3 :  someone or something that is successful : a person or thing that succeeds

Every day…

You successfully take up to 23,040 breaths.

Your heart effectively beats about 103,000 times.

Your autonomic systems process and balance thousands of chemicals required for life.

You communicate with others speaking almost 5,000 words.

You make about 35,000 decisions… some better than others but you will make them.

And so much more.

You are walking, talking, thinking miracle.

The fact that you are here reading these words is a testament to your human success.

The fact of your success is not debatable but your realization of this fact may be so.

Failure is an event, not a person.

You literally embody success.

Where there is life there is success!

How can you even consider thinking in terms of failure?

Acknowledge and harmonize with your existing success story.

Life will be what it is.

Some days will feel more successful than others.

Time and space will be uncomfortable and difficult at times.

It may even imperil your existence.

But until that last breath leaves…

Until that last heartbeat…

You remain successful.

Know it.

Believe it.

Live it.

©2016 Scott D. Wilson

Stop Waiting for Inspiration or Motivation!

Stop Waiting for Motivation or Inspiration!

"We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing.Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action."-Frank Tibolt

The writer who waits for inspiration will never become an author. The painter who holds out for their muse will never create a masterpiece. The athlete who relies on motivation will never win gold medals. This should be common knowledge, yet many lament their lack of motivation and inspiration and use it as their explanation for their procrastination. We humans are masters of the excuse. We will grab hold of anything that sounds plausible in order to avoid taking responsibility for our own inaction. Meanwhile the cure to our ailment is staring us in the face.

Whether it is inspiration or motivation that you lack then action is the prescription. Action generates motivation and inspires us. A writer, by the practice of writing, becomes inspired as they play with thoughts and ideas on the page. An artist, through experimentation with colours, patterns and perspectives develops inspiration. The martial arts enthusiast gathers motivation as they develop and improve their skills through repetitive practice of the forms. So many of history’s greatest people have endorsed the truth of this concept.

We like to believe that it is the world that thwarts our dreams. It is too difficult. It’s just not fair. It’s not going to work. The reality is that we are grasping for reasons not to even make an attempt. We are seeking justification for not taking action. We stand as the biggest and worst obstacle towards achieving our own goals. Without any true effort we lamely claim that we *tried* to write, *tried* to paint and *tried* to exercise, but we lost our motivation and we had no inspiration. With our consciences soothed we settle back down into our mediocre existence, free from the troublesome call of our greater aspirations, goals and hopes.

No master of any craft ever expected to achieve mastery overnight. They knew from the start that the path would be littered with failures and disappointments. However, they likewise knew that there would be no path at all if they never took any steps. They had to take action. Each stride was a test of their faith in themselves and their commitment to their goal. If they needed inspiration or motivation for every footstep then they would never start or they would turn and retreat whenever the road became difficult. Stop waiting for motivation or inspiration to kick in. Take action and realize that in the action itself you will find your creativity and your motives.

"Do it, and then you will feel motivated to do it." -Zig Ziglar

©2018 Scott D. Wilson

Quiet Courage

●♥● Quiet Courage ●♥●

“Courage does not always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day saying,
‘I will try again tomorrow.’ ”—Mary Anne Radmacher

Defeat and failure are inevitable. No one wins every time. Disappointment visits everyone from time to time. It is easy to become tired and discouraged. Look at the word ‘discouraged.’ It is a combination of ‘dis’ and ‘courage’. ‘Dis’ indicates a failure or lacking, as in disagree, dislike and disinterest. So ‘discourage’ is literally a failure or removal of our courage.

Personally, I always believe this world is full of quiet heroes. Their acts will never make the history books. Their tales will never become the stuff of legends. Yet the importance of their actions is monumental, and their courage is magnificent. They are the brave and weary souls who pick themselves up, wipe the blood from their lips, look life directly in the eyes and silently say “I will try again tomorrow.”

Without their recommitment to keep going much of what we take for granted would not exist. If these heroes succumb to discouragement then the world becomes much darker. When our silent warriors give up on their goals, their families and worst of all, on themselves then we all lose. It is their daily courage that sustains the fabric of our communities and our society.

So if you find yourself among the downtrodden and the downcast today, please take heart. You are not alone. Many silent warriors continue their noiseless battles around us every day. Let your quiet courage defy your circumstances. Heroically say to yourself, “I will try again tomorrow.”

ⓒ2018 Scott D. Wilson

From Action to Self-Esteem

●♥● From Action to Self-Esteem ●♥●

“The only way to get positive feelings about yourself is to take positive actions.
Man does not live as he thinks, he thinks as he lives.”—Vaughan Quinn

We often feel crappy about ourselves. We are our own worst critics. This is an unfortunately natural part of human nature. HOWEVER, we do not need to be a victim in this matter! There is hope and a treatment: action.

Let those last words sink and think in. Man does not live as he thinks, he thinks as he lives. This is a profound truth about ourselves. Our thoughts and out thinking processes are moulded by the way we choose to live our lives. Every action that we take teaches us about ourselves and our reality. We react to our actions and the results. In so doing we generate both thoughts *and* emotions!

You want to hack your emotions? You want to *feel* better? Then take positive actions! Feeling good is not purely a matter of mind over emotions. If it were then there would be a lot mot happy and contented people. Our point of view does play a part; however, emotions respond to action! One of the best ways to feel better about yourself, about who you are, is to go out and do something positive.

Take action to make you own life better! Take action to make someone else’s life better! Take action to make this universe a bit better! You cannot act positively and constructively without it impacting and improving your psyche. There is a time and a place for mantras and positive affirmations, but don’t just let them be words. Today, right now, whether you feel like it or not, make some positive actions. I guarantee that if you make the effort to do something good that it will pay off. Your self-esteem will rise through affirmative behaviour!

ⓒ2018 Scott D. Wilson

To Be Continued

To Be Continued

“Don't think of it as starting over.

Think of it as picking up where you left off.”

–Scott Wilson

Starting over sounds difficult.  Starting over feels like being back at square zero, as if you never began the journey in the first place.  Sometimes that may feel good because one leaves all one’s mistakes behind and starts fresh.  However, it often it comes with the heavy emotions of past failures and tremendous effort to regain momentum.

Let’s be fair.  You are not truly staring over again.  Time has passed.  You are a different person now than you were then.  You have learned and hopefully you are wiser and you have a new and better perspective.  Don’t negatively judge you past self.  They did not have the same life experience that you now have.  They were younger and possibly more naïve and less aware.  Ideally, we are all using our past to better understand and deal with the present.  Unless we choose to be foolish we should be somewhat better at living life today than we were in the past.

A better mental model would be to look at your goal as a project that you put away on a shelf for a while.  It is right there where you left it.  It may have gathered dust.  It may even have suffered some environmental damage from neglect.  That just means that you need clean it off, make a few repairs and pick up where you left off.  That’s a far cry from throwing away your passed efforts and starting from scratch.

Look honestly at your prior efforts.  Who was that person?  What stresses and responsibilities did they bear?  What made him or her neglect their dreams and desires?  How did they approach the goal and what made them stop?  Imagine if they had left you a journal with all their struggles, progress and failures.  What could you learn from it? What can he or she teach you today as you pick up from where they left off?  How can you build upon the foundation of their efforts, both successful and unsuccessful?

You are not starting again.  You have so much more now than you had then.   Yes, the circumstances may have changed but so have you!  You are wiser today.  Choose to see that wisdom and experience and apply it to you old goals.  Don’t throw away anything from your unsuccessful attempts because they can give you keys to being successful hear and now.  When you stopped last time it was NOT a failure; it was a resting pause in your plans.  Today is simply a continuation of your quest.  Just like when sleep tonight, it does not mean that we start everything over again tomorrow.  The same is true here.  Wake up anew.  Brush the sleep from your eyes.  Blow the dust off your goals and pick up from where you left off. 

Cheers!

©2018 Scott D. Wilson

Dieting? You really have nothing to lose!

Dieting? You Really Have Nothing to Lose

Think you need to lose 10, 20, 50, 100 or more pounds?

NOPE, technically you don’t need to lose anything.

 

What you need to do is change the lifestyle that is making you heavier into a lifestyle that is getting you fitter.

 

Once that lifestyle is in place the weight will eventually take care of itself.

 

The weight itself is not the problem.

 

It is simply a symptom of bad living.

 

The problem is the lifestyle of inactivity and overindulgence.

 

If you were a doctor and every day a patient came in with a new laceration that you had to sew up, would you say they had a problem with bleeding or would you be concerned about the behaviour that is getting them stabbed?

 

A good doctor would not just keep putting in stiches.

 

That would be irresponsible.

 

Recognize that everything that you have done up to now has made your body what it is presently.

 

Recognize that much of your past behaviour has been detrimental to your well-being.

 

Recognize that you NEED to change in order to get healthy and stay healthy.

 

Recognize that change is hard and it will feel a bit like dying.

 

Nonetheless, commit to making changes TODAY.

 

Make *small* changes, bit by bit, slowly.

 

Keep making changes and repeating them until they become new and better habits.

 

It may seem tedious.

 

It may seem to take forever.

 

Keep going.

 

You are changing, and that takes time.

 

Focus on the positive changes that you make.

 

Don’t focus on the scale and a meaningless number.

 

Focus on the improvements that you are making.

 

Focus on the health that you are regaining.

 

Focus on feeling, acting and becoming better.

 

Keep that focus and keep going!

 

The day will come when you look back and go “Wow! I made it!”

 

Until then, keep building a better you!!!!!

 

Cheers and all the best!

 

©2018 S.D. Wilson

The Final Frontier

The Final Frontier

“The human mind is the last great unexplored continent on earth. It contains riches beyond our wildest dreams. It will return anything we want to plant.”
–Earl Nightingale (The Strangest Secret)

The curious apes on this terrestrial ball hurtling through the cosmos press ever onward spending billions of dollars sending probes and robots off into outer space where no man has gone before. Meanwhile, we largely ignore the seemingly infinite frontiers of our hearts and minds. Don’t get me wrong. I fully understand the need to explore the external reality in which we live in order to better understand it and interact with it. However, we do not likewise encourage the human race to explore the mysteries deep within us.

Daily we interact with and manipulate the outside world and our surroundings while we essentially disregard our inner workings. We believe that mastering the external will bring us happiness and contentment. We strive for security, wealth, power, notoriety, health and other boons with the aim of attaining joy and peace. Our continuous creed becomes “If I can just…” Then we can’t understand how our victories do not seem to bring any lasting satisfaction. We puzzle at how our emotions do not line up with goals but instead seem to sabotage our efforts at every turn. We likewise ponder why we fail to impose order on our surroundings when we never bother to bring the emotions and thoughts of our inner worlds into order.

Scientists carefully map and chart the laws and principles that govern material existence yet they desperately avoid setting foot in the vast frontier of the internal being, relegating it to the mystics and the sages. Granted, some brave psychologists have ventured in but most stop at the pragmatic level in regards to illness or aptitude. In the physical world we equip people with the rules and tools for social interaction and physical safety: look both ways before crossing the street, always say please and thank you and follow the golden rule. Yet there is precious little guidance for travelling within the vast and lonely expanses of our own souls. Some of history’s greatest tragedies appear to be those who may have gotten lost within themselves and failed to find a way back home.

Our emotions and thoughts form a treacherous and dangerous landscape full of dark corners and hidden traps. Truth and lies intermix along with the selfish and selfless. Inside we are fallen creatures trapped between the glories of heaven and the torments of hell. It is no wonder that we often portray inner conflict as a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. The common person daily contends alone with their noble and the despicable selves. Society teaches us to keep out inner and outer worlds separate. We are encouraged to keep our hearts and minds private and hidden. Our personal demons are something shameful that we must tackle alone. Meanwhile, every day we must successfully walk both in the outer world and within our inner space. As tricky as it may be, we need to survive perils of both lands.

All the wisdom literature that I have encountered is clear about this: we must successfully manage our interior life if we truly want to attain meaningful success our visible life. We cannot do this if we fail to harmonize and integrate our inner land with our outer one. Few and rare are those who are able to do this task alone. Societies like Alcoholics Anonymous have demonstrated the incredible power of sharing our inner torment with others. In safe situations with others we can bravely begin to explore, map and tame our internal frontiers. The darkness gradually loses its power in the light of love and acceptance.

Here is the truly amazing thing, as we bravely uncover and deal with our own shadows we often discover that they are masking the best and brightest parts of ourselves. When we acknowledge the presence of the devils, a host of angels is often revealed. There will be a mix of sobering revelations and joyful surprises. Many uncover their greatest strengths through struggles with their greatest weakness. This is where Earl Nightingale was going with the statement that I quoted. Our minds and hearts contain hidden riches worth finding amidst the dangers.

I can guarantee that if you dare to brave the journey inward that you will discover one of the greatest of life’s treasures: your authentic self. This won’t be the person that your parents and family told you that you are. It won’t be there person that you think you have to be for your friends and society. It won’t even be the person that you think you are. It will be genuinely you, and you will be remarkable. As you cut away the inner lies and false beliefs you will free a newer and truer self.

As you come to understand and accept who you really are then you will begin to learn your real needs and intrinsic motivations. In meeting those needs you will experience less internal strife and conflict; your inner self will begin to support you and your goals. The most remarkable thing is that you will never uncover the end of yourself. Each and every day can yield new amazing discoveries. You will never declare that you completely know and have conquered yourself. This is the real final frontier and its greatest riches.

So when your world seems in disarray it is wise to take the time to pause and look away from the external problems. Breathe easy and steal your heart and mind to look inward to see the very sources of chaos within yourself. Find those you can trust to help you with what you find there. Let go of shame; we all hold some darkness within. Discover your best amongst your worst. Uncover the real you. As you improve your inner life you will find your outer one is equally improved. When you harmonize your inner and the outer spaces you will begin to reap the great rewards of your final frontier.

“As above, so below, as within, so without …”
― Hermes Trismegistus



©2018 Scott D. Wilson

Einstein’s Mirror

●♥● Einstein’s Mirror ●♥●

E=mc², Einstein’s amazing realization was the direct relationship between matter and energy. This revelation gave us nuclear power and atomic weapons. The human race achieved the ability to directly convert physical substance into energy. However, technically mankind has been doing the converse and converting energy into physical materials since the dawn of time.

Go home. Look around you. You will be surrounded by material possessions, friends and family. To obtain these things took your personal time and energy. Living requires energy. Each of us will live an allotted time on this planet. How we live that time is essentially how we will spend our energy. Power is simply energy that has been put to work. We use our power earning a living, preparing and consuming food, self-care, maintaining a home, raising a family, and socially interacting. When it comes to labour time truly is money and money convers to material goods and services. The large screen TV in your home cost you precious hours of your existence at work. Your spouse and children require a good deal of care and attention to obtain and maintain. They too represent a portion of your life energy converted into flesh and blood relationships.

In this sense, every physical thing and person in our lives is actually a reflection of ourselves. We traded a piece of our existence to bring these things into our environment or our possession. E=mc², you converted your life essence into these physical entities. The world that you have built around is mirror of who you are. As you gaze upon your possessions, your friends, acquaintances and immediate family you are actually looking upon various aspects of yourself. For better or worse they are the embodiment of your efforts to spend your life wisely.

It is personally sobering to stare into Einstein’s Mirror of relativity. Certainly, my reflective sphere overlaps that of others, like those of my wife and children. Some of my possession and relations ships are the results of the spending of other people’s lifeblood and thus I may be enriched or impoverished by them. For example, the society and infrastructure of North America has been handed to us through the conversion of other people’s lifeblood.

I may not be able to take responsibility for everything in my life but I can nonetheless truly realize that I hold the majority of the responsibility for the building of my own personal world with my conversion of my own time and energy in to physical reality. The mirror of E=mc² strips us of many of our illusions and excuses. When the living cost of our possessions and our relationships is put in that perspective it definitely makes one pause to ponder the value that we gave or failed to give them. There is value in taking a look at our own personal world today with all its possession and relationships and consider what it can teach us about who we truly are and what we actually value. With eyes aware look upon your friends, your family, your phone, your bed and truly see yourself converted and reflected there.

ⓒ2018 Scott Wilson

Are you alive?

●♥● Are you alive? ●♥●

“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.”     –Marcus Aurelius

The unknown aspect of death will always elicit apprehension.  However, death is a natural event that we all must eventually undergo.  We all travel a journey from the womb to the tomb.  This does not necessarily mean that we are in a perpetual process of dying.  Life is not a video game where we start with a green life bar full of health and end the game when it turns red and reaches zero.  There are some who leave this world more vibrant and alive than the day that they were born.  There is a distinct difference between actively living and passively dying.

I am less concerned with my eventual death than I am with failing to actually live while I travel my days on this celestial ball.  It concerns me when days blend one into another in a forgettable blur.  That is not living, nor does it demonstrate an appreciation for time and life itself.  Life expects us to be fully present in our lives and ready to participate. Unfortunately, we are usually exhausted, stressed and overcome by routine existence.  Boredom, anxiety and monotony are constant companions urging us to stay distracted and disengaged.  We use entertainment, intoxication and other tools to escape what we see as the doldrums of much of our life.

I understand this poor behavior and unwise thinking all too well.  Modern society is toxic to real living in ways that go well beyond the purely physical.  The Dalai Lama captured this so well as he once explained to an interviewer:

“Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.” –Dalai Lama

What a terrible loss it is to live this way and yet so many of us follow this same path.  Perhaps we would all avoid such pathways if we saw life itself from a different perspective.  We have amazing telescopes and devices that peer across this vast expanding universe.  Despite our phenomenal efforts, we have never conclusively discovered any other biological life outside of this amazing sphere hurtling through the cosmos.  There is a distinct possibility that science’s greatest fear, that we might actually be alone in the heavens, is true.  In any event, life is exceedingly rare, far rarer than gold, platinum or diamonds.  That makes it unfathomably valuable and therefore it should never be considered humdrum nor taken for granted.  We need to hold onto this awareness as if our lives depend upon it, because they actually do.

Many folks fail to see the value of life until the ticking down of their last days grows too loud in their ears to ignore.  Then they desperately seek to wind up the clock a little more or to pack those last days with a lifetime that they missed.  This is understandable but tragically unnecessary.  We can appreciate and fill our days with living now.  The best does not have to lie in distant younger days, the best can be now and ahead.  Finding and achieving fulfillment is your responsibility and your birthright.  Learn to live and be genuinely you in the here and now, for there is no better time and no one else to do it for you.   At the end of your days how would you like to encounter death? Would you rather meet him desperately begging for more time or would you instead greet him with a broad grin, hand outstretched saying, “Have I got a story for you!”

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!” ―Hunter S. Thompson

©2018 S.D. Wilson

Simple Patient Compassion

●♥● Simple Patient Compassion ●♥●

“Simplicity, patience, compassion.
These three are your greatest treasures.
Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of being.
Patient with both friends and enemies,
you accord with the way things are.
Compassionate toward yourself,
you reconcile all beings in the world.”
― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

According to legend, when the venerable sage Lao Tsu was leaving China a guard at the Great Wall recognized him demanded that he leave behind a record of all his wisdom before he left.  The learned elder then sat and wrote the Tao Te Ching.  After a lifetime of learning this wise man highly valued three things:  simplicity, patience and compassion; these were his keys for successful living.  Personally, I have seen this same truth resonating across the wisdom of many cultures including the teachings of the Buddhavacana, Tanakh, Bible, Bhagavad Gita and Gitche Manitou.  The Tao Te Ching has stood the test of time and stands today as a globally recognized source for understanding.  It follows that our lives and goals can benefit from consideration of this sensible advice.

Simplicity, we now live in a complicated and intricate world.  Simple letters and writing have been replaced with e-mail, texts, blogs and more.   Simple face to face conversations have been replaced by highly technological phone and video calls.  Simple definitions of relationships, marriage and family have been replaced with increasingly complex and elaborate views.  Simple safe, naïve and innocent childhood is being assaulted by various social and political opinions and fears.  It is safe to say that nothing is simple today.

Yet mankind is born, lives and dies – a cycle unchanged for thousands of years.  This simple fact remains.  What we do between cradle and grave defines our existence.    For all our complicated toys, entertainment and gadgets we still simply need food, shelter, love, acceptance and meaning.  If we can recognize our simple nature and pay attention to our basic needs then perchance we might better handle our more sophisticated matters.  Simplicity understands and feeds our bodies, minds, hearts and souls.  We merely need to take the time to break down the priorities in our lives and see where they fit physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

Simple in actions and thoughts, you return to the source of being.  Simplifying our lives brings us back to the essence of life itself.

We are advised to exercise patience with friend and foe alike.  In so doing we refrain from struggling against what is and instead harmonize with existence.  We accept the things that change which we would otherwise seek to keep static.  We also accept the unchangeable permanence of other realities like the gravity, time, space and aging.

Patience, in a world filled with ticking clocks patience is a precious rarity.  Time is always running out.  We rush through childhood towards adulthood.  We rush through education towards careers.  We rush through careers towards raises and advancement.  We crave a fast pace, seeking to stuff as much into every second as possible.  We have precious little time to waste… and yet we fill our vacant hours with trivial pursuits and entertainment.  If we slow down then we risk the realization that we are going nowhere fast and turning our days into a forgettable blur.  Ironically, the patience we lack would actually serve to slow down the tyrannical passage of time. 

Lastly, the sage mentions compassion, not for others but towards yourself.  Compassion is not pity.  It is the understanding of misfortune and suffering.  If we can master true compassion for ourselves then the text promises that we reconcile all beings.  To reconcile people is to restore harmony between them.  If we learn how to exercise genuine empathy towards ourselves then we will learn to live in peace with our very being.  To be compassionate is to accept ourselves as we are, a mix of both flaws and qualities together.   Real compassion acknowledges and understands our best and our worst and gracefully embraces them together.

It is evident that we humans crave understanding and acceptance.  The psychologist Abraham Maslow used the term ‘love and belonging’ to describe this fundamental need.  We all yearn for acceptance from other people: our parents, our family, our peers and our community.    This need is so strong that some twisted souls have committed hideous acts of violence when they felt utterly rejected by life and those around them.  Oddly, we actually need to start by truly accepting ourselves, for only then will be able to offer that same compassionate understanding to others.  In contrast, today’s world seems quite harsh and judgemental.  We are taught to self-criticize and  to berate ourselves in the belief that we will whip ourselves into shape.  Instead, we merely generate self-loathing and the disbelief in ourselves. 

Simplicity.  Patience.  Compassion.  Declutter you heart, mind and spirit.  Learn and exercise patience with all things.  Understand the heart of compassion towards yourself and others.  These are the three greatest treasures that we can cultivate within ourselves.

©2018 Scott D. Wilson

Deserved or Entitled?

Deserved or Entitled?

“Nobody is entitled be loved.
Yet we all deserve unconditional love.”
–Anonymous 

Deserving and entitled, I see the world struggling with these ideas.  So much turmoil, anger and confusion surround them.  This world deserves many things.  We deserve real peace.  We all deserve life, liberty and happiness.  Yet there is a huge gap between what we deserve and what we have the rights to demand.  Likewise, there is gap between what we deserve and what we generally receive.

Even that for which we have rights is frequently frustrated.  We say globally that everyone has a right to life.  Yet if this were universally true then everyone would correspondingly be entitled to adequate food and water as a prerequisite for life.  Presently 1.1 billion people lack safe drinking water and another 795 million are malnourished.  I won’t even go into the grim numbers surrounding sanitation and healthcare. We don’t truly provide a right to life itself but rather we seek to offer the right to living, should a person be able to find the means to do so.

I made my statement above because entitlement and rights are truly important things.  Rights must be enforced to have any effective meaning.  However, we have no right to demand something simply because we deserve it.  We may feel that every cancer patient deserves access to the latest and best treatments but that does not mean they are entitled to it. Currently, that would be neither realistic nor could it be considered a right. 

There is no way on earth to enforce or mandate love or even acceptance. Love is either given freely or it is no longer love.  Many people seem to think that they can demand be loved.  They feel entitled to be loved and accepted for who they are.  They are confusing what they deserve with what they are entitled to by right.  Much of the societal pain that we see comes from the mindset that feels we should have a right to what is deserved.  Horrible attacks have occurred by sick and confused individuals because they felt deprived of what they viewed as their right to be accepted and loved.

 Sadly, this world is truly lacking in genuine love.  Much of what passes for love is a cheap imitation filled with conditions…

 - I love you when you behave.

- I love you when you love me.

- We love you when you make us happy.

- We love you for what you do.

 We place terms, conditions and provisos on the love that we offer.  This disingenuous love is what has been handed down to us, sometimes mixed with romantic or sexual overtones.  True unconditional love is difficult to practice and rare.  Instead, we hate with ease.  We hate the things that we fear.  We hate our monsters.  We have no clue how to love the most unlovable among us:  the sick and the depraved.  Loving our monsters and our enemies would seem weak and coddling.

We do not understand that love forgives; it does not absolve. Love may be gentle but it is not feeble.  It is possible to offer unconditional love without becoming a doormat and enabling wickedness.  We have been taught this truth by the greatest of history and yet we seem to repeatedly forget it.

 Yes, you and I and everyone deserve love.  It is not our right, but we do deserve it.  Ironically, the best way to address this matter is to face our fears and to become loving with no expectations of anyone else.  We as individuals must become the love that is lacking in this tired and frightened world. We must of our own freewill choose to act in unconditional love simply because we believe it to be the correct and best choice regardless of our personal losses in so doing.  When it’s hard and painful and difficult – that is when it is most important to practice love. Paradoxically, real love is the one thing we can never truly possess until we learn to truly give it away with no strings or conditions attached whatsoever.

©2018 Scott D. Wilson,P.Eng.

The Victim in ‘Me’

The Victim in ‘Me’

How we use words and what they reveal about us is fascinating. The words we use reveal much about the thought processes and emotions within us. Equally interesting is the fact that the words we use can in turn impact our emotions and our thinking. Thoughts and emotions evoke words and words can in turn evoke thoughts and emotions.

Consider the following statements. You make me so mad. She drives me crazy. Nobody likes me. Woe is me! Why me? All these declarations demonstrate the victimization of ‘me.’ Everything is happening to ‘me.’ ‘Me’ has no ownership of anything. ‘Me’ is the simply the submissive receiver of all these actions and emotions. ‘Me’ is powerless in all these interactions. When we use ‘me’ we tend to make passive statements about what is happening to us and unfortunately we all too often turn those declarations into negatives. We create the narrative of the victimization of me.

Now consider these proclamations. I get mad when you do that. I feel crazy when says those things. I feel like I am disliked. I feel desperate. I don’t understand what’s happening. These mean essentially the same as the previous statements but in this case ‘I’ is making declarative statements about themselves and their thoughts and feelings. ‘I’ is not passive. There is ownership in the declarations. For better or worse, when we use ‘I’ we are making pronouncements about ourselves: who we are and what we are doing. Strangely, we seem to protect the pronoun ‘I’ making excuses like “I didn’t know,” and “I thought that was correct.”

So it seems that we frequently paint ‘me’ as a victim and then we protect and exonerate ‘I’. This mixture results in our feeling and thinking like we are unwilling martyrs to life and the universe. Currently, our entire culture supports this perspective. Popular speaker and advertisements soothe your ego by telling you that none of your troubles are your fault. Your circumstances did this to you. Read this and buy that and you will entertained and you will feel better. Yet these hollow offerings leave us feeling out of control and deprived. In this state we can be most easily manipulated into buying products, ideas and beliefs. That is how most businesses and governments want us to be. This state of mind is not accidental.

There is an alternative to this programmed victimized thinking. First and foremost, verbally and in thought, do not use your words against yourself. Unless you can make your declarations positive then avoid ‘me’ in your thinking and your words. When the word ‘me’ does appear in you words pay attention to how you are using it. Do your utmost to avoid martyring ‘me.’ Next, own your life with ‘I’ statements. Do not try, wish or want. State what you *are* actually doing and what you fully intend to *do*. When speaking or thinking of the past make sure that you do not belittle your actions by stating what you did not know, understand or do.

When you make identifying statements ensure that they are affirming. Declare positively who you are. Own your emotions and feelings, even the negative ones. It’s okay to say that you are angry, sad, upset, confused, frightened or anxious *and* it does not need to be someone or something else’s fault. Let go of fault and blame; they hold no value for you and only work to create further victims in others. Let each one own their action, thoughts and feelings. Seek to understand how all those elements worked together to create the outcomes that followed. Exercise grace towards yourself and others, again in thought, word and action. Through practice of such mindful thinking we can turn the victim in ‘me’ into a champion and ‘I’ can learn to grown and overcome all the tragedies that befall us!

©2018 Scott D. Wilson

Killing Doubt

Killing Doubt 

“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.”
–Unknown

We all have dreams.  To a certain extent dreams are what get us out of bed every day.  Having something to achieve and work for is a worthy way to pass our time on this globe.  Without some kind of goal to reach for in our lives we are merely existing… burning oxygen and taking up space and resources.  I do not downplay or belittle the value of existing; existence itself is miraculous and amazing but it rarely satisfies anyone for a prolonged period.  We need purpose in life to bring daily fulfillment.

So logically, we are all out happily working on our various dreams.  Hmm, that does not seem to be the case.  Something is killing the dreams of mankind.  Perhaps it is failure.  People are putting all their efforts into their goals and ambitions but life is just frustrating them and people are failing.  If this is the case then we should see scores of people still striving for their dreams, diligently exhausting all the possibilities before ultimately succumbing to certain failure.  Personally, I do not believe that the evidence within our culture supports this premise.

Sadly, I venture that most dreams never even make it to the runway.  Their pilots look at the skies, point to a cloud and proclaim that the weather is too dangerous and unfavourable for flight today, maybe tomorrow.  They amass many flightless days seeking the perfect weather.  Sure, those pilots visit their dreams in the hangar.  They polish the fuselage and the wings with their plans.  They may even fuel them up with hope and motivate themselves enough to roll them out onto the tarmac, but those clouds, those dark clouds, they always seem to get in the way.

These pilots know.  They have seen other pilots crash and burn.  They have seen other dream battered and broken by storms.  They aren’t about to let that happen to theirs.  Instead, they wistfully remember the flights of their youth when they conquered the skies in early dreams.  They sit recalling victories and promises of childhood, adolescence and youth.  If asked about their hesitation today, they will regale the inquirer with stories of their near misses and malfunctions.  Oh, they have tried to take off many, many times, but it just doesn’t work for them now… too risky.

We have all had goals that succeeded.  We have all experienced the sting of genuine failure.  Though crashing hurt, knowing that we truly did what we intended to do made the effort worthwhile. Circumstance and failures may delay us with maintenance and repairs but they should never truly ground any worthwhile dreams.  Don’t let your dream and ambitions fester in the hangar or moulder on the tarmac.  Fire up the engines and head off down the runway into the headwinds of life.  Our lives are too short to let a little rain and storm keep us from taking to the air.  Face those fears and do not let disbelief shoot down your flightplans.  Know in your heart that it is far better to brave the skies and face real storms of failure again and again than to concede and forever be earthbound by your deadly doubts.

©2018 Scott D. Wilson,P.Eng.

The Blessings of Tribulation

●♥● The Blessings of Tribulation ●♥●

“What seem to us bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.”― Oscar Wilde

We all tend to rejoice over the golden days of our lives.  We remember the times when everything was going well and all our needs were met.  We are thankful for these periods and we mourn when they are lost to us.  We look with scorn and contempt upon the woe and misfortune that befall us.  When we experience them we forever wish that they would end and when they are done with we wish that they had never occurred.  What possible value could there be in our tribulations?  Some answers might surprise you.

In a seven year period how would you like to lose your mother to a long battle with multiple sclerosis, suffer an abusive marriage and divorce, succumb to clinical depression, and end up as an impoverished single mother on welfare?   No, not for you?  What if I told you that it was just such misfortunes that led to the creation of Harry Potter and his incredible wizarding world?  Yep, had J.K. Rowling been able to forego all these tragedies and pains it is quite likely that Harry would have remained little more than a nice idea shared with family and friends. 

The loss of her mother fueled Rowling’s writing about Harry’s loss of his parents.  We see her understanding of abuse in the cruelty of the Dursleys towards Harry.  The Dementors are physical manifestations of Rowling’s own struggles with depression.  Rowling felt like a failure and it is in that place of desperation she wrote her amazing story of a remarkable boy struggling to find his way in a strange unfamiliar world while facing a vicious and powerful enemy.  Even after she had managed to find a publisher who agreed to publish her book, the editor advised Rowling to get a day job since she had little chance of making money in children's books.

Now we look at this all in retrospect.  J.K. Rowling is a household name, a billionaire in the world of authors.  It would be interesting to ask her if she wishes that any of those tragedies had never come to pass.  The reality is that without them there is a good possibility that the circumstances used to create Harry Potter might never have come about.  Continued employment, a stable relationship and relative economic comfort would easily have dissipated any need to write or publish such a story.  Yes, these events remain painful and tragic but their value in developing Ms. Rowling is real and significant. 

I am not saying that misfortunes should be celebrated.  They are and will remain unpleasant and undesirable.  I am however stating that our hardships can and often do have value and it is important to recognize this.  From the adversity, pain and grief of Bill Wilson’s and Bob Smith’s lives came the foundation of Alcoholics Anonymous, an institution that has been responsible for the recovery of millions of lives trapped in addiction. Calamities have many times become the seeds for success.  The legend of the phoenix rising from its own ruin plays out in real life and in many actual lives.  It is an unfortunate truth that change is frequently fueled by pain.  We tend to avoid the discomfort of change until it becomes too painful or dangerous to remain the same.

In the film “It’s a Wonderful Life” George Bailey gets to see the value of his own life by discovering what would happen if he had never existed.  It would be an equally interesting film to see what would have happened if George had been spared many of the disappointments of his life.  For example, had George’s dad stayed healthy a little longer then he would likely have travelled, gone to college and perhaps Mary and their marriage might never have become part of his life.  Our lives can indeed be equally defined by both our triumphs and our tragedies.  

One of my greatest sorrows is the loss of my twin daughters.  Yet without this brutally heart-breaking event I would not have any of the children that I have today.   Death set in motion the possibilities for life that would not have been otherwise possible.  So I must accept that my ultimate grief birthed my greatest joys.  This is a paradoxical truth for me.  Ends create beginnings and creation destroys that from which it is created.  Baking a cake obliterates wheat, eggs, sugar cane and milk.  Personally realizing this truth can grant one significant peace.  As a father, my heart will forever ache for Sarah and Amy but I bless the brevity of their lives for bringing me Jeremiah, Courtney, Allison and Kimberley.

I write these words for two reasons.  First, if you are in turmoil now then understand that you may be at the genesis of something new and beneficial in your life.  Suffering does not guarantee improvements but it can offer the potential for growth and personal change.  You will reap great benefits if you are able find the gains within your losses.  Secondly, when life drags up the pains of your past then do your best to avoid indulging in regret.  Seek instead to remember any lessons that were learned and consider possible benefits that you derived while passing through your trials.  Think on the helpful circumstances, people, places and things that may have entered your life as a result of your difficulties.  Become comfortable with this paradox for we can achieve greater joy when we discover the blessings of tribulation.

©2018 Scott D. Wilson

Choose Your Pain

Choose Your Pain

“Growth is painful.
Change is painful.
Yet nothing is as painful as staying stuck Somewhere that you don’t belong.”
–Author Unknown

In this life, there will be pain.  Some of that pain will be unavoidable.  The loss of loved ones, tragic accidents and unforeseeable disasters are just part of living.  Other pain will be optional.  Being honest helps us to prevent the shame of being caught in a lie.  Acting in a timely manner helps to evade the pain of regret. Living a sedentary lifestyle avoids many physical pains, at least in the short term.  However, many life decisions carry pain on both sides.  Avoiding relationships can avert the pain of rejection but it can lead to the ache of loneliness and solitude.

So in reality, life is careful balance between the pursuit of pleasures and the avoidance of pains.  It is in pursuing this balance that we can fall into grave errors.  Too often, many of us avoid short term discomfort and thereby forego long term benefits.  Growth and change are positive actions that grant long term benefits.  However, growth and change usually involve some painful and unpleasant situations.  Looking back on honestly on our failures, mistakes and errors in order to understand them and learn from them is a very humbling and uneasy process.  However, failure to perform such reflection on our actions results in our suffering the repetition of these same behaviours an incurring the same agonizing results.

Likewise, our desire to maintain our comfort keeps us in places that eventually create anguish and distress.  Abuse of credit to keep a certain lifestyle will ultimately lead to a tormenting situation in the future.  Physically being sedentary is enjoyable for many years but eventually that lifestyle will lead to suffering and illness.  Our bodies were designed to be active and proper activity comes with some inconvenience and discomfort.  If we unwisely ignore the future results of our choices then our decisions to avoid pain or to pursue pleasure will end in unexpected sorrow.

So this is our daily challenge:  Choose your pain.  Accept that life will have some pain.  You cannot avoid it all.  Hedonism will ultimately have to pay the piper one day.  We cannot avoid paying the eventual cost for either our negligence or indulgence.  Pick your pain wisely.  Understand both the benefits and the cost – short term and long term.  Ask if what feels good now will hurt in the future.  Question if the pain that you are avoiding presently might have some ultimate benefit that you require.  Learn from the pain of that past and use that learning and experience to shrewdly pick your pains today so that tomorrow you might evade significant agonies and instead harvest the better pleasures that you so greatly desire.

“Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”
― William Goldman (“The Princess Bride”)

©2018 Scott D. Wilson