Powerfully Soft

Powerfully Soft

By Scott D. Wilson, P.Eng.

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard.Do not let the pain make you hate.
Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.
Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree,
you still believe it to be a beautiful place.” – Iain S Thomas

And consider:

“A man is born gentle and weak.

At his death he is hard and stiff.

Green plants are tender and filled with sap.

At their death they are withered and dry.

 

Therefore the stiff and unbending is the disciple of death.

The gentle and yielding is the disciple of life.

Thus an army without flexibility never wins a battle.

A tree that is unbending is easily broken.

The hard and strong will fall.

The soft and weak will overcome.” – Tao Te Ching - Lao Tzu - chapter 76

 

This world largely ignores the power of softness.  Yielding is considered weakness.  Being gentle is equated with being feeble.  Yet the most powerful people of history have demonstrated the power of submission.   Ghandi’s successful peaceful protests, Martin Luther King Jr.’s non-violent marches and the fall of the Berlin Wall are just a few examples of the soft overcoming the hard.


However, the world is increasingly applying harder and harder efforts to counter-act the destructive forces in it.  Force is countered with greater force.  The effectiveness of these strong measures gradually grows less and less by the day.  It is much like trying to dig a deep hole in a large sandy beach, the more one digs, the more sand pours into the hole from the surrounding dunes.  What first took only a small effort to correct now takes tens and hundreds of times greater effort.  Conventional thinking would do well to consider the wisdom cited above and develop some softer methods to defeat the enemies of the peace.


The wise see the folly in meeting might with might within themselves and their own lives.  They learn to yield and redirect the opposing forces that assail them.  In martial arts we generally learn the hard forms first: kicks, blows and blocks.  As one trains for many years it becomes apparent that strength and force have their limits and overcoming force with greater force is not truly effective.  Eventually, adept martial artists will learn the soft styles and discover their immense power.  When sagely applied, the most effective martial arts overcome enemies by preventing them from ever entering into conflict.


Resistance often strengthens our foes.  Better firewalls and virus protection generate more ingenious methods for hacking into our systems.  One of the most powerful tools in preventing cyber-attacks against corporations is the ‘honeypot.’  Cyber-criminals want to break in and steal data.  The honeypot provides them with what they want.  It is an area filled with interesting data and it is somewhat secured so that significant effort must be made to get there. However, honeypots are carefully monitored. All who enter are traced and their actions are tracked meticulously. The data there is safe and expendable or even misleading.  Sometimes, giving people what they want is the best way to defeat them.


How does this apply to you and me?  It means that we pay attention to hardness and unyielding in our own lives.  Society has conditioned us to instinctively hit back when something strikes at us, to overcome force with greater force.   Wisdom understands that taking blows and returning them is not always a beneficial strategy.  Over time, this reaction can ‘harden’ us mentally and emotionally.  Our greater strength turns into weakness as we become emotionally brittle and mentally inflexible. 

We need to ask ourselves: Are we pushing back out of fear?  Can we let the hard words and harsh comments of others pass us by allowing them to dissipate into silence?  Can we agree with the truth in our opponents words and yet overcome their destructive meaning?

“Why yes, I am a bit lazy at tidying the house. Since you are better at this than I am then perhaps you would like to help with this and show me how to do it better.”

Yielding is a very powerful tactic.  It disarms many enemies who are accustomed to resistance or counter-attacks.  In physical combat, a blow that misses its target tends to leave the attacker over-extended and prone to being pulled off balance.  The aggressor needs the resistance to their attack in order to stop from fumbling forward.  In Tai Chi Chuan we call this uprooting an opponent, making them unstable and vulnerable.  In social interactions opponents lose their emotional energy when others ignore their words or essentially agree with them.  Antagonists become somewhat prone under these circumstances and I have seen many back-peddle, literally trying to ‘take back’ their words.

So when we reflect on our daily struggles let us make sure that we are not hardening our thoughts and our emotions.  Do not let pain or bitterness make us fragile.  Consider the wisdom of those who advocate gentleness and the power of letting go.  Just as water softly overcomes stone we too can overcome our hard opposition.   The next time life pushes you, stop before you instinctively shove back.  Consider the possibility of yielding and sending the force tumbling behind you as you choose to keep moving forward. 

 

 

*Post Script*


As a reminder for myself, I have this version of Chapter 22 of the Tao Te Ching on my wall (emphasis on the last sentence):

  

Yield and overcome;

 bend and be straight.

Empty out and be full;

 wear out and be renewed.

Have little and gain;

 have much and be confused.

Therefore, the True Person embraces the One

 and becomes a model for all.

Do not look only at yourself,

 and you will see much.

Do not justify yourself,

 and you will be distinguished.

Do not brag,

 and you will have merit.

Do not be prideful,

 and your work will endure.

It is because you do not strive

 that no one under heaven can strive with you.

The saying of the Old Ones, "Yield and Overcome,"

 is not an empty phrase.

True wholeness is achieved

 by blending with life.

 

 ©2016 S.D. Wilson

Anticipate Weakness

Anticipate Weakness

©2015 Scott D. Wilson,P.Eng.

 

No matter what noble goal we pursue there will come moments of weakness where will we be tempted to throw in the towel or to simply derail our progress by doing something counter-productive.  For the person trying to lose weight it will be that time late at night, fatigued, lonely and down. That will be when the refrigerator or the cookie jar will sing with its irresistible siren song.  For the new entrepreneur it can be around the time that the novelty wears off, enthusiasm peters out and their confidence begins to wane. Or perhaps the feeling of despair sets in when the first significant challenge rears its head and seems insurmountable.   In short, the urges to give in and give up are pretty well universal to all who set goals and set out to succeed.

 

The lesson is that everyone falls prey to moments of weakness so we should anticipate these moments and do our best to prepare for them.  When we set out we always envision ourselves motivated and energized from that point onward.  This is an unrealistic expectation of ourselves.  We need to be kinder to our future selves and help them prepare for the moments of weakness and temptation.  Under present conditions we need to empathize with those under the strain to conform and to take the path of least resistance.  What tools could we give them to help them succeed?  What information could help them to stay positive and motivated to continue?  It is best to ask these questions now when there is no pressure or urgency.

 

If we each had an enemy that we knew was going to attack us some time in the future where we are at our weakest then we would be crazy not to take precautions against them.  We might hire security, train in self-defence, purchase weapons, travel in groups for safety or some other protective measures.  We would certainly not ignore the future threat.  In this case we are actually being pursued by an extremely dangerous enemy and that enemy is ourselves.  We know that they will hit us when we are most vulnerable so it makes sense to prepare now while we are strong.

 

There is another way to understand this idea in concrete terms.  We do our best to maintain our vehicles.  Nonetheless, many of us keep emergency kits in the car so that the effect of unexpected breakdowns is minimized.  Likewise, it is prudent to have disaster kits in our homes for emergencies and first aid.  It would be unwise to start a long quest in the wilderness without a survival pack.  I am suggesting something similar here.  We need to prepare a kind of emergency kit for motivation and determination.  For example, our midnight snacker might pack a distraction in their kit.  They think of food while bored and lonely so the kit might be a game or book or movie or something that they would enjoy more than a snack.  Reserve this item specifically for emergencies so that it is a truly worthwhile distraction.

 

Whether dieting or starting a new business  or any self-improvement goal, the emergency kit will need to be personal and it will need to help keep us in the right direction.  There is no one pat answer that will help for everyone.  Our entrepreneur might write down a list of reasons why they want to pursue their business and keep it in their kit.  Another might list all their talents and assets that support their goal.  Still another might keep recommendations and commendations from various sources that affirm their objectives.  The point is to get creative.  Use pictures, videos, songs, audio, mementos, cash, a list of friends to call, special objects… anything that will shore you up and help you to stay the course when your moments of weakness hit.  The effectiveness of your emergency kit will be proportional to the effort that you put into it while preparing. It also goes somewhat without saying but remember that this is an emergency kit.  It is to be used as weapon of last resort. The more it is used the less effective it will become.  This device is to help you when you are most in need of it.

 

I should also mention that our emergency kit does not necessarily need to be physical.  Martial artists train in repetitive cycles call katas, taolu or forms.  It is this repetition that prepares them to act appropriately when encountering an enemy.  This training and preparation is done when no threats are present.  It allows the people to be prepared and confident when a real opponent strikes.  Since we are talking about mental and emotional battles with ourselves then the fight will be taking place in our mind so it is there where we can also make preparations.  Mottos, maxims, prayers and quotes that reverberate within us can also serve to bolster us when weakness hits.  Again, these are personal so each one of needs to find something that we can repeatedly bring to mind that will help our thoughts, our spirits and our hearts.

My point in this diatribe is to encourage you to anticipate the worst in yourself.  Do not hold unrealistic expectation of your abilities and motivation.  Humbly admit your weaknesses and failings.  We all suffer from self-doubt and loneliness at different times.  Nobody alive is free from temptation.  However, these darkest hours need not be our downfall if we anticipate and prepare for them.  Take the time today while you are in a good place and your goals are clear and certain.  Work and plan to help yourself to remain on course for your goals when the windy trials and tribulations of life seek to shipwreck you and blow you off course!