From Action to Self-Esteem

●♥● From Action to Self-Esteem ●♥●

“The only way to get positive feelings about yourself is to take positive actions.
Man does not live as he thinks, he thinks as he lives.”—Vaughan Quinn

We often feel crappy about ourselves. We are our own worst critics. This is an unfortunately natural part of human nature. HOWEVER, we do not need to be a victim in this matter! There is hope and a treatment: action.

Let those last words sink and think in. Man does not live as he thinks, he thinks as he lives. This is a profound truth about ourselves. Our thoughts and out thinking processes are moulded by the way we choose to live our lives. Every action that we take teaches us about ourselves and our reality. We react to our actions and the results. In so doing we generate both thoughts *and* emotions!

You want to hack your emotions? You want to *feel* better? Then take positive actions! Feeling good is not purely a matter of mind over emotions. If it were then there would be a lot mot happy and contented people. Our point of view does play a part; however, emotions respond to action! One of the best ways to feel better about yourself, about who you are, is to go out and do something positive.

Take action to make you own life better! Take action to make someone else’s life better! Take action to make this universe a bit better! You cannot act positively and constructively without it impacting and improving your psyche. There is a time and a place for mantras and positive affirmations, but don’t just let them be words. Today, right now, whether you feel like it or not, make some positive actions. I guarantee that if you make the effort to do something good that it will pay off. Your self-esteem will rise through affirmative behaviour!

ⓒ2018 Scott D. Wilson

The Final Frontier

The Final Frontier

“The human mind is the last great unexplored continent on earth. It contains riches beyond our wildest dreams. It will return anything we want to plant.”
–Earl Nightingale (The Strangest Secret)

The curious apes on this terrestrial ball hurtling through the cosmos press ever onward spending billions of dollars sending probes and robots off into outer space where no man has gone before. Meanwhile, we largely ignore the seemingly infinite frontiers of our hearts and minds. Don’t get me wrong. I fully understand the need to explore the external reality in which we live in order to better understand it and interact with it. However, we do not likewise encourage the human race to explore the mysteries deep within us.

Daily we interact with and manipulate the outside world and our surroundings while we essentially disregard our inner workings. We believe that mastering the external will bring us happiness and contentment. We strive for security, wealth, power, notoriety, health and other boons with the aim of attaining joy and peace. Our continuous creed becomes “If I can just…” Then we can’t understand how our victories do not seem to bring any lasting satisfaction. We puzzle at how our emotions do not line up with goals but instead seem to sabotage our efforts at every turn. We likewise ponder why we fail to impose order on our surroundings when we never bother to bring the emotions and thoughts of our inner worlds into order.

Scientists carefully map and chart the laws and principles that govern material existence yet they desperately avoid setting foot in the vast frontier of the internal being, relegating it to the mystics and the sages. Granted, some brave psychologists have ventured in but most stop at the pragmatic level in regards to illness or aptitude. In the physical world we equip people with the rules and tools for social interaction and physical safety: look both ways before crossing the street, always say please and thank you and follow the golden rule. Yet there is precious little guidance for travelling within the vast and lonely expanses of our own souls. Some of history’s greatest tragedies appear to be those who may have gotten lost within themselves and failed to find a way back home.

Our emotions and thoughts form a treacherous and dangerous landscape full of dark corners and hidden traps. Truth and lies intermix along with the selfish and selfless. Inside we are fallen creatures trapped between the glories of heaven and the torments of hell. It is no wonder that we often portray inner conflict as a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. The common person daily contends alone with their noble and the despicable selves. Society teaches us to keep out inner and outer worlds separate. We are encouraged to keep our hearts and minds private and hidden. Our personal demons are something shameful that we must tackle alone. Meanwhile, every day we must successfully walk both in the outer world and within our inner space. As tricky as it may be, we need to survive perils of both lands.

All the wisdom literature that I have encountered is clear about this: we must successfully manage our interior life if we truly want to attain meaningful success our visible life. We cannot do this if we fail to harmonize and integrate our inner land with our outer one. Few and rare are those who are able to do this task alone. Societies like Alcoholics Anonymous have demonstrated the incredible power of sharing our inner torment with others. In safe situations with others we can bravely begin to explore, map and tame our internal frontiers. The darkness gradually loses its power in the light of love and acceptance.

Here is the truly amazing thing, as we bravely uncover and deal with our own shadows we often discover that they are masking the best and brightest parts of ourselves. When we acknowledge the presence of the devils, a host of angels is often revealed. There will be a mix of sobering revelations and joyful surprises. Many uncover their greatest strengths through struggles with their greatest weakness. This is where Earl Nightingale was going with the statement that I quoted. Our minds and hearts contain hidden riches worth finding amidst the dangers.

I can guarantee that if you dare to brave the journey inward that you will discover one of the greatest of life’s treasures: your authentic self. This won’t be the person that your parents and family told you that you are. It won’t be there person that you think you have to be for your friends and society. It won’t even be the person that you think you are. It will be genuinely you, and you will be remarkable. As you cut away the inner lies and false beliefs you will free a newer and truer self.

As you come to understand and accept who you really are then you will begin to learn your real needs and intrinsic motivations. In meeting those needs you will experience less internal strife and conflict; your inner self will begin to support you and your goals. The most remarkable thing is that you will never uncover the end of yourself. Each and every day can yield new amazing discoveries. You will never declare that you completely know and have conquered yourself. This is the real final frontier and its greatest riches.

So when your world seems in disarray it is wise to take the time to pause and look away from the external problems. Breathe easy and steal your heart and mind to look inward to see the very sources of chaos within yourself. Find those you can trust to help you with what you find there. Let go of shame; we all hold some darkness within. Discover your best amongst your worst. Uncover the real you. As you improve your inner life you will find your outer one is equally improved. When you harmonize your inner and the outer spaces you will begin to reap the great rewards of your final frontier.

“As above, so below, as within, so without …”
― Hermes Trismegistus



©2018 Scott D. Wilson

Overcoming The Enemy in the Mirror

Overcoming The Enemy in the Mirror

“If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self.”
–Napoleon Hill

If I were only able to impart one brief idea to the world then I think the one above might just be it. As I watch people milling about living their lives as best that they can, I see one universal struggle: people fighting with themselves. Whether these people seek to get ahead, escape from life situations, discover meaning and purpose, achieve weight loss or whatever, their greatest struggles are rarely with their circumstances and the world at large but rather with themselves.

Even those who are disciplined and regimented seem to labour with this matter. Many who seem successful in general still seem to find comeuppance in some area of their lives. Meanwhile, the temptation is quite strong for each of us to externalize the various problems that plague our existence…

-If I had his or her connections then I’d have a better job.

-If I liked vegetable more I’d still have a good body.

-If I had their skills then I could be paid to do that.

-If I lived there then I would have it made.

-If I were lucky then I’d take those chances.

The issue is always our body, our workplace, our society, our situation, our family, our kids, our spouse, our friends and so on, ad nauseam. Heaven forbid that heart of the problem may well lie within our very own heart and soul. That would be unthinkable! Our mantra and fantasy is “Once everything and everyone else changes to what I want then I can finally succeed and be happy.” We remain perplexed by those who just seem to navigate this life with ease and accomplishment. Clearly, they must be special.

I know of no easy cure to this point of view and I believe it to be fatal. If it sounds familiar, this is also the addict’s mindset. A full blown addict sees all their problems as external and themselves as a victim. A struggling addict grudgingly admits they might have a problem but they are always waiting for certain circumstances to allow them to change and overcome them. However, unless an addict slams headlong into his or her problems and is forced to see the cause within then they will never have a chance to recover. Even this realization is only the first step in a life-long battle to overcome themselves.

So if we see ourselves as the problem then the question becomes, “How do we prevail in this struggle with ourselves?” Realizing that you have an enemy and that the enemy is within is one thing. Preventing that enemy for overcoming us again and again is quite another matter. Carved on the ancient temple at the Oracle of Delphi are the words “Know thyself.” The wisdom of these words has been recognized for centuries. We are not just a mere intellectual mind and consciousness bobbing along through the universe trapped within a meat cage. That view is simplistic at best.

We are a complex mix of conscious and unconscious reactions, emotions and perceptions. We are creatures of both emotion and thought, mind and body. What we do to our body affects our faculties to think, and what and how we think likewise affects our bodies. To truly know oneself is to understand one’s very heart and soul, the darkness and the light, our nobility and our cowardice… and to truly accept them.

The universe impartially accepts us as we are and has accordingly assigned consequences to teach us about ourselves and our actions. It is the ultimate training program, tailored to respond to our every action. The results we get teach us about ourselves, each other and this incredible time and place in which we live. The problems start for each of us when we want to control the training regime itself and the results that it is giving us.

We literally want to manipulate reality and its principles. We want wealth without work. We want fame without understanding the needs of others. We want fitness without effort. We want love and understanding without offering unconditional acceptance towards others and without confronting our own deeply personal fears. We want our hearts to submit to our minds without acknowledging our soul’s very real and significant needs and desires. Reality keeps responding otherwise and we continue to rage against it.

Like the addicts, we will continue to frustrate ourselves if we see all our problems outside ourselves. The desire to bend existence to meet our expectations will continually generate great grief and exasperation. It is the disharmony between our mind and the enemy in the mirror that sabotages all our efforts inside and outside ourselves.

As Napoleon Hill stated we must conquer our self or we will be conquered by our self. Yet too many would wrongly read this as the mind conquers and controls the body and the emotions by brute force and willpower. That is the rationalistic view. Yet mankind is NOT rational. Mankind is emotional. Before rational thinking, before concepts, before words we each experienced life through perceptions and emotions. That is our base or core operating system.

For our minds to succeed in directing our hearts our minds must begin to learn to think and operate at that primal emotional level. Taoist philosophers and martial artist speak of defeating enemies before they exist. Someone who makes no enemies is indeed a very successful martial artist. This truth exists both within and without. The mind does not overcome our spirit by raw willpower and opposition. Our emotions are patient. They will wait until our rational mind is weakened, tired and inattentive and then they will strike and overcome it.

Instead, we must use our minds to understand that emotions do not grow in vacuums. If we awaken our awareness to our bodies and our heart then they will tell us what frightens them and what they love. The wise mind then uses our loves and passions to fuel constructive behaviours and actions. Only a heart and spirit that is well fed, cared for and secure will gladly and willingly cooperate with logical mind.

It is possible to know ourselves – both our emotions and our thoughts. It is possible to minimize the struggling with ourselves. There are many paths towards that end if we seek them. For some it is meditation. For others it is mindfulness. Some require focused activities like yoga or tai chi. Some read and then quietly contemplate. Still others use prayer. The key is to find out what works for you to get in touch with your inner workings.

Our unconscious or non-verbal selves can communicate with us but we need to create the circumstances that allow them to be heard by our ever-babbling brains. We need to invest time in ourselves to better understand our own personal spiritual, emotional, social, physical and intellectual needs. Fears and worries will dog us and thwart our logical goals if we do not face them, understand them and overcome them.

If you struggle finding a path for yourself then look to those who are graceful and harmonious in their lives. These people have discovered how to peacefully unite their hearts and their minds. They do what they want and they want what they do. Content with themselves they continually strive to improve and grow. They understand their own foolish thoughts and actions and the foolish ideas and actions of others. They express compassion towards themselves and to all those around them. Listening and aware, they properly feed their hearts as well as their minds. They are at peace internally and externally. Seek out such people and their wisdom, as they have subdued their selves and with this new ally they boldly and successfully face their fears and undertake to build their dreams.

When you find your life and your goals and plans are frustrated resist the temptation to blame the world. Gently accept your role in creating your circumstances. Become teachable and let the universe impart to you its often difficult and painful lessons. Find the path to understanding the emotional and non-verbal sides to yourself. Discipline your mind to listen to your body and your spirit. Learn to meet all your personal needs. Discover the ways to harmonize your mind with its internal and external environments. Then will you be able to successfully conquer yourself and overcome your adversary in the mirror by transforming them into a comrade.

©2017 Scott D. Wilson

The *Real* Secret

The *Real* Secret

By Scott D. Wilson

magical thinking:  irrational belief that one can bring about a circumstance or event by thinking about it or wishing for it; normal in preschool children, it also occurs in schizophrenia. (Farlex Partner Medical Dictionary © Farlex 2012)

There is a mindset in circulation these days that preys upon the weak and the vulnerable in our society.  It plays upon the hopes and dreams of those who seek to improve their lives.  It has many names; “The Secret” and “The Law of Attraction” are but a few.  They all make the premise that wishful thinking and a positive attitude are all that it needed to bring about prosperity and success in one’s life.  They all peddle books and videos that are designed to help people develop the right thinking and emotions.  Here are a few quotes from “The Secret” that illustrate the errors I am talking about:

“Ask once, believe you have received, and all you have to do to receive is feel good.” 

“Your wealth is waiting for you in the invisible, and to bring it into the visible, think wealth!” 

“Food cannot cause you to put on weight, unless you think it can.”

Plain and simple, these statements are prime examples of magical thinking that will bring about disappointment and disillusionment.  Reality, such as food, does not truly bend to the power of our minds.  What is genuinely sad is that these mindsets are all filled with half-truths that have been exaggerated into outright lies.  Controlling our thinking is important.  Controlling our thinking does affect what we have and what we become.  However, the process is not magical, nor does it involve any mystical laws or principles.  In 1977 a fellow named Frank Outlaw outlined the process quite well:

“Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

 What we think about affects our attitude, actions and habits that ultimately become out character.  Our actions, attitude and character are viewed by others and thereby significantly affect the outcome of our lives.  This has nothing to do with simply thinking positively and remaining grateful and then expecting the universe to deliver everything on a silver platter.  We must control our thoughts because they generate attitude and actions that affect all that we interact with around us, and there is nothing magical or spiritual about that fact.

Earl Nightingale created an audio recording in 1956 called “The Strangest Secret.”  The recording sold over a million copies, making it the first spoken-word recording to achieve Gold Record status.  It is now public domain so one can find copies of it all over the internet.  Below is a link to a transcript of the recording:

http://www.nightingale.com/articles/the-strangest-secret/

In reading it one can clearly see that its ideas are the basis for the fad video and book “The Secret.”  Unfortunately, the latter has depleted all the value from Nightingale’s work and replaced it with irrational and vacuous claims.  If you want to know the *real* secret, Nightingale states it quite clearly:

“We must control our thinking. The same rule that can lead people to lives of success, wealth, happiness, and all the things they ever dreamed of and that very same law can lead them into the gutter. It’s all in how they use it … for good or for bad. That is The Strangest Secret!”

And he further clearly explains exactly how this principle works, through goals:

“The difference is goals. People with goals succeed because they know where they’re going. It’s that simple. Failures, on the other hand, believe that their lives are shaped by circumstances … by things that happen to them … by exterior forces.”

Nightingale also clearly outlines the mundane yet simple principle by which people become wealthy:

“Your success will always be measured by the quality and quantity of service you render. Most people will tell you that they want to make money, without understanding this law… Success is not the result of making money; earning money is the result of success and success is in direct proportion to our service.”

That is the essence of the ‘secret’. There is nothing magical or wishful here. It is all perfectly good common sense advice. Mister Nightingale gives his listeners a 30 day plan with actions for what a person can do to start becoming successful and ultimately wealthier. The key word here is ‘do.’ Success requires action, substantial and constructive action. Thinking and attitude are very important parts of this equation but they are merely the beginning of the process.

Whether our goal is losing weight or becoming wealthy, the universe does not respond purely to our thoughts and emotions. It responds to what we do with our thinking and attitude.  People like Oprah Winfrey and J.K. Rowling did not become wealthy and successful by simply thinking about wealth and having a great attitude.  They became successful through their wisely chosen personal goals and by increasing their own value to others through their exemplary service.  This is the honest and simple truth of the *real* secret that Nightingale wisely explained some sixty years ago so don’t be duped by the simplistic thinking of today’s prosperity gurus.  As the old advertisement goes “Accept no substitutes!”

©2017 S.D. Wilson

Motivation: Hacking Your Emotions



Motivation: Hacking Your EmotionsBy Scott D. Wilson


In the game of motivation that is played to achieve success there are two players:  our rational mind and our emotional mind.  The rational mind foolishly thinks that it is in charge.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Without the emotional mind there would be no energy or drive to our actions.  We need the power generated by the emotional mind to fuel all our noble endeavours.  Yes, in the very short term we can use pure logic and reason to start an action, but eventually the emotions will demand a tangible pay-off in order to sustain a worthwhile behaviour or to continue towards a meaningful goal.  No matter how logical or how important an idea may be, we won’t make the effort to put it into effect if our emotions do not support it, at least not in the long run.


Often our emotional mind gets tired.  It sulks like a child and it wants what it wants and it does not care what our rational mind knows.  We lose our motivation.  Here is where most rational minds fail.  They attempt to bully and coerce the emotional mind into bending to their sheer willpower.  They use guilt and shame in an attempt to force the emotional mind into co-operating with the logical and reasonable plans.  This generally fails utterly and the person then blames their lack of ‘willpower’. 
The root of the word willpower is willing. If your rational mind forces any issue then there is no willingness.  The source of power in one’s will is based on the willingness behind it.  The emotions must be engaged for willingness to have any power.  Willpower consists of rational thought that provides a vector of constructive direction and emotions that supply the necessary power.  Without emotions in harmony with a logical plan there is only empty intention.  It is, at best, a wish.


You are not a logical creature with emotions.  You are an emotional creature with reasoning.  Deal with the emotions.  If you want motivation you need to use your rational mind to entice your emotions.  Yes, entice, as in ‘to attract or tempt by offering pleasure or advantage’.  Figure out what motivates your emotions.  Do rewards act as your best incentives?  Then set up action charts that provide rewards when certain tasks are achieved.  Doe fun help you during mundane tasks?  Find things that you can use to pep you up and make your work towards your goals more enjoyable and less dreary or tiring.  The answers are very personal.

Each of us has different things that excite and entice us.  Take the valuable time to find yours! Do whatever it takes to provoke your emotions into action.  Find the pleasure or advantage that puts emotions behind your intended actions!!   If you need to restore your motivation then hack your own emotions and take the necessary steps to funnel their energy towards your goals!


©2016 S.D. Wilson

Anticipate Weakness

Anticipate Weakness

©2015 Scott D. Wilson,P.Eng.

 

No matter what noble goal we pursue there will come moments of weakness where will we be tempted to throw in the towel or to simply derail our progress by doing something counter-productive.  For the person trying to lose weight it will be that time late at night, fatigued, lonely and down. That will be when the refrigerator or the cookie jar will sing with its irresistible siren song.  For the new entrepreneur it can be around the time that the novelty wears off, enthusiasm peters out and their confidence begins to wane. Or perhaps the feeling of despair sets in when the first significant challenge rears its head and seems insurmountable.   In short, the urges to give in and give up are pretty well universal to all who set goals and set out to succeed.

 

The lesson is that everyone falls prey to moments of weakness so we should anticipate these moments and do our best to prepare for them.  When we set out we always envision ourselves motivated and energized from that point onward.  This is an unrealistic expectation of ourselves.  We need to be kinder to our future selves and help them prepare for the moments of weakness and temptation.  Under present conditions we need to empathize with those under the strain to conform and to take the path of least resistance.  What tools could we give them to help them succeed?  What information could help them to stay positive and motivated to continue?  It is best to ask these questions now when there is no pressure or urgency.

 

If we each had an enemy that we knew was going to attack us some time in the future where we are at our weakest then we would be crazy not to take precautions against them.  We might hire security, train in self-defence, purchase weapons, travel in groups for safety or some other protective measures.  We would certainly not ignore the future threat.  In this case we are actually being pursued by an extremely dangerous enemy and that enemy is ourselves.  We know that they will hit us when we are most vulnerable so it makes sense to prepare now while we are strong.

 

There is another way to understand this idea in concrete terms.  We do our best to maintain our vehicles.  Nonetheless, many of us keep emergency kits in the car so that the effect of unexpected breakdowns is minimized.  Likewise, it is prudent to have disaster kits in our homes for emergencies and first aid.  It would be unwise to start a long quest in the wilderness without a survival pack.  I am suggesting something similar here.  We need to prepare a kind of emergency kit for motivation and determination.  For example, our midnight snacker might pack a distraction in their kit.  They think of food while bored and lonely so the kit might be a game or book or movie or something that they would enjoy more than a snack.  Reserve this item specifically for emergencies so that it is a truly worthwhile distraction.

 

Whether dieting or starting a new business  or any self-improvement goal, the emergency kit will need to be personal and it will need to help keep us in the right direction.  There is no one pat answer that will help for everyone.  Our entrepreneur might write down a list of reasons why they want to pursue their business and keep it in their kit.  Another might list all their talents and assets that support their goal.  Still another might keep recommendations and commendations from various sources that affirm their objectives.  The point is to get creative.  Use pictures, videos, songs, audio, mementos, cash, a list of friends to call, special objects… anything that will shore you up and help you to stay the course when your moments of weakness hit.  The effectiveness of your emergency kit will be proportional to the effort that you put into it while preparing. It also goes somewhat without saying but remember that this is an emergency kit.  It is to be used as weapon of last resort. The more it is used the less effective it will become.  This device is to help you when you are most in need of it.

 

I should also mention that our emergency kit does not necessarily need to be physical.  Martial artists train in repetitive cycles call katas, taolu or forms.  It is this repetition that prepares them to act appropriately when encountering an enemy.  This training and preparation is done when no threats are present.  It allows the people to be prepared and confident when a real opponent strikes.  Since we are talking about mental and emotional battles with ourselves then the fight will be taking place in our mind so it is there where we can also make preparations.  Mottos, maxims, prayers and quotes that reverberate within us can also serve to bolster us when weakness hits.  Again, these are personal so each one of needs to find something that we can repeatedly bring to mind that will help our thoughts, our spirits and our hearts.

My point in this diatribe is to encourage you to anticipate the worst in yourself.  Do not hold unrealistic expectation of your abilities and motivation.  Humbly admit your weaknesses and failings.  We all suffer from self-doubt and loneliness at different times.  Nobody alive is free from temptation.  However, these darkest hours need not be our downfall if we anticipate and prepare for them.  Take the time today while you are in a good place and your goals are clear and certain.  Work and plan to help yourself to remain on course for your goals when the windy trials and tribulations of life seek to shipwreck you and blow you off course! 

The Language of Your Life

The Language of your Life

©2015 Scott D. Wilson

 

“Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it”  ― Christopher Morley

 

Depending on your view language is either mankind’s greatest invention or its greatest gift.  Language enables us to share and transmit ideas, feelings and experiences in creative ways.  We take it for granted as we use it daily, but language is one of our most powerful tools.  Language has been used to change countless lives and even to forge the events of history itself.  Language is the programming code for our minds.  The way we speak reveals a lot about our upbringing and our background.   Our speech also shows the inner workings of our mind and thoughts.

 

If you close your eyes and imagine then you can likely think of countless examples of speaking patterns that you have encountered throughout your life: 

 

• the clipped speech of a police officer who has pulled you over
• the colourful drawl and homespun words of a rural western American 
• the loud and vibrant language of a passionate evangelical preacher
• the rough profanity-laced dialogue of a hard-living miner
• the carefully measured words of a suit-and-tie executive speaking to the board
• the angry venom of a native New York cabbie who just got cut off by another driver.
• the gentle tones and soft language of a counsellor consoling a grieving spouse
• the serious and grave dialect of criminal judge handing down a severe sentence

 

My point is that words themselves and how they are delivered vary immensely and carry with them more than mere information.  In a sense, we paint a picture with our language.  We study the ancient cave drawings in the hope to understand prehistoric communications.  We know that our development of words literally took the place of those early cave paintings.

 

Yes, we use language to convey ideas, images, feeling and experience.  In essence, we use speech to share a piece of our lives or a moment of our living.  Ah, but allow me to expand the vocabulary of this discussion.  The deaf use words but they convey them through gestures and signs.  The blind read but they must use texture and form.  So communication is not limited to words on page or the oration from our mouths.  Of course we have all heard of body language but that is not really what I am talking about here.

 

I am talking about the very dialogue of our daily living.  Every day we get up and go about living our lives.  How we do this communicates to universe itself and to others.  The vocabulary of our actions speaks volumes to our character and our attitude.  We may quietly whisper our gratitude through the act of prayer and meditation.  We may loudly proclaim our anger and frustration through our surliness or sullen attitude.  We might chat our joy brightly through our beaming smile and happy demeanor.  Perhaps we speak slowly and deliberately with our careful behaviour and cautious nature.  Or perchance we might zip off the quick staccato of our nervousness.

 

What I am saying here is that our behaviour speaks as truly as our words.  Our lives are like that cave wall thousands of years ago.  We paint upon it our communications to others and to the world around us.  I am asking you, reader, to consider what kind of message you are sending with your life.  Is it a deliberate and positive message that others will want to read and understand?  Or possibly are you randomly scrawling on the walls of your lifetime?  Today, you have the chance to become aware of the messages that you have been sending.  Look back and try to read the words that you have been living.  Do they contain hope?  Love? Trust?  Fear?  Bitterness?  Despair?

 

Life is meant to be deliberately lived.  If we intend to succeed we need to look not only at what we are saying to others with our words but also what we are saying with our demeanor, our attitude, our dress, our deportment… our entire lives!  Make sure your whole message is worth hearing!

 

“In the end, we'll all become stories.”  ― Margaret Atwood

Conserve your energy!

Conserve your energy!
©Scott D. Wilson 2014

Daily we are told that we must conserve our limited resources. We are asked to reduce reuse and recycle. This makes sense. Our physical wealth is finite and once we burn or use it up then it is gone.  If we  are not wasteful then we can make the best use of what we have.

As individuals, the principle of conservation holds equally true. We need to use our assets wisely if we intend to succeed. It only makes sense to carefully apply our energies so that we have the power reach our goals. We are human. Each day grants us only so much time and energy. These are non-renewable. You cannot get back one wasted moment of time. So I urge you to act wisely and conserve your energy now. How can we do this?  Of course, I have some suggestions.

Let go of regrets. Regrets tie us to past failures and mistakes.  Regrets steal our power today and prevent us from moving forward. Regrets force us to look backwards yet they cloud honest reflection and impede us from learning anything constructive from the past.  Free yourself from the tyrant of regrets.  See each regret for the anchor that it is and let it go.

Don't let anxiety rob you of this moment. Of course, we must plan and prepare for the future.  However, our fear and worry do not serve to move us towards the goals that we desire. Anxiety takes our energy right now and uses it to dread possibilities and events that may never occur. See fear for the robber that it is and learn to let go of foolish worries.

Do not waste time and effort trying to control or change others.  This is a waste of your precious resources. Instead, use your time and energy to master self-control. We truly cannot change others nor control their actions.  However, if learn to control ourselves then we improve our ability to help and influence those around us.

Do not let the words of others drain you. If we let take it to heart then criticism can sap us of motivation and satisfaction. Instead, criticism can be used for learning. Listen carefully to critics and look for any truth in their statements.  Don't use that truth as a hammer on your ego, but rather use the information to improve yourself and #ç your strengths and weaknesses. As for the rest of their criticism, reject it and let it go.

Similarly, do not use your own thoughts self-destructively. Do not berate yourself hoping to kick yourself to do better. This does not work and it generally erodes our self-esteem and steals our motivation. Focus the energy of your thoughts on self-improvement instead. Take inventory of your strengths and seek to understand your weaknesses. You can build on your strengths and you can find methods to compensate or mitigate your weaknesses. Use your mind's energy to strive towards your goals. Remain creative, not destructive.

Never permit yourself the extravagance of hatred. Hatred wastes time and emotion on others. Your hatred has absolutely no effect on the person or thing that you detest. They move through life blissful unaware and unaltered by your anger.  There is an old proverb that says "Hatred is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person will die."  Save your energy and selfishly forgive.  Forgiveness frees you from the unhealthy obsession with the object of your venom.  Forgiveness does not mean being a doormat to abusive people or circumstances. It simply means letting go of the pain and then standing up for what is right.

Focus on today and its goals. Stay in this moment. Conserve your energies so that you may attain the success for which you strive. Stop wasting your efforts on regret, anxiety, others, criticism, self-loathing and hatred. Use the time, emotions and energy that you have right now to constructively build the tomorrows that you passionately desire!!

Filled with "I Can"

Filled with “I Can”

©2015 Scott D. Wilson, P.Eng.

This world we live in is marvelous and inspiring but it is also draining. Day to day labour is frequently both physically and mentally taxing. This life rarely offers back many ‘atta-boys’ for the efforts that we put into it. This simple reality is seems immutable and eternal. So how then do we continue to press on and remain focused on goals that better us and our surroundings? What keeps us fixed on our target?

Success is about attaining sought after objectives. Success is about achieving. Part of what stops us in our quests it the ‘I can’ts.’ We get stuck focusing on our limitations. We fail to see what we can do because we are looking at what we cannot do. This in itself is a tragedy of our culture and our upbringing.

When we bring children into the world they perceive it as a place filled with infinite possibilities, and rightly so. They are filled with ‘I cans.’ It is one of our jobs as parents and as a society to expose our children to as many experiences as we can that will test their potential and expand their horizons. We are to encourage them in their many pursuits and in interests as much as we are able. In short, we need to let them play with their possible ‘cans’ and allow them to discover their potential. But alas, this is often not the case. All too soon children are faced with an enormous number of ‘can’ts’ – some real but many others virtual or imposed.

Certainly physical age and immaturity place limitations on a child’s abilities. Likewise economic status and geographic considerations also curtail certain possibilities. However, those are not the boundaries that I am speaking about. It is the more subtle ‘can’ts’ that drain us and prevent us from pursuing dreams and exploring possibilities. We have all heard them…

• You can’t make money at that.
• Nobody has done that before.
• I don’t think that can be done.
• I doubt that *you* can change that.
• It has always been that way.
• No one really needs that.
• Only a *lucky* few can do that.
• It’s too hard.
• That’s impossible.
• It’s ok, nobody does that any way.

We whisper these worldly lies primarily with the aim of sparing the child the pain of failure and disappointment. We do not want them to suffer. We are focused on their pragmatic material welfare. We want them to prosper in the material world because the material world is where we exist. We don’t want them to put their economic lives at risk. We want them to take the safe path. And there is nothing wrong with that. The safe paths lead to relatively nice jobs and decent lives. They serve the majority of mankind quite well.

However, are these safe paths the ones that will lead to humanity’s success? Is it fair to teach our offspring to be risk averse? A safety net is a good thing, but it would be a boring circus if we saw all the performers lounging in it. We encourage people to risk love because we intuitively know the stagnant consequence of locking our hearts away and never feeling the pain of a failed love. Yet we fill ourselves and those around us with ‘can’ts’ instead of ‘cans’ because we cannot fathom the consequences. On the whole, we do not encourage people to aim high. Soon the ‘you can’ts’ of others become our own internal ‘I can’ts.’

Today, I want to change that. Look inward. What dreams have you suppressed because of ‘can’ts’ that came from both yourself and others? For a moment suspend your disbelief in yourself. Do not look at what you perceive to be your inabilities. Look towards your ‘I cans.’ Start filling yourself up with them. Here are a few to start:

• You can choose a different way.
• You can risk.
• You can choose to change.
• You can let go of the past.
• You can stop.
• You can begin.
• You can create.
• You can learn.
• You can forgive.
• You can accept yourself.
• You can dream.
• You can dance.
• You can love.

Keep going. If you are honest you will realize that you are full of potential ‘I cans.’ There are far more ‘cans’ than ‘can’ts’ within us but we need to see them and we need to realize them. Today is your day to start. Take the time to start listing your ‘I cans’ and come to see the possible paths before you that you never considered – and start acting on them! As a bonus, begin helping others to find their ‘I cans’ and in the process you will learn some new ones about yourself!

Get a perspective!

Get a perspective!

© 2015 Scott Wilson

 

"Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot." – Charlie Chaplin

 

As we navigate this thing called life we will routinely encounter both joys and sorrows. Goals will be thwarted.  Dreams will meet with difficulties.  Steps in the correct direction towards self-improvement will seem to stall and fail.  How we choose to deal with these events will literally make the difference between genuine success and failure.

 

If these events were simply logical matters we would all naturally resolve them in a dispassionate way.   Unfortunately, despite our beliefs to the contrary, we are not truly driven by rational thinking.  We are emotional creatures and emotions tend to drive thinking and trump our best intentions.  Emotions are the elements that turn easy tasks arduous and dreary work into joy.  When we simply try to mentally suppress our emotions we inevitably cause them to build in intensity until they overcome our control.  So we need to understand what factors affect our emotions.

 

One of the most powerful influences on our emotions is our perspective.  Fortunately, perspective is also a variable that we can greatly influence with our rationale minds.  Our minds can gain a measure of control over our emotions if we are willing to understand how our emotions are affected by our perceptions of the things and events around us.

 

To explain the power of perception and emotions allow me to use the extreme illustration of a phobia.  Arachnophobia is the extreme fear of spiders.  I have seen grown men and women jumping up on chairs and leaping great distances to evade the approach of a harmless house spider.  This tiny delicate creature that could easily be smashed by even the smallest toddler has the power to hurl an over 150 pound human being across a room.  Amazing.

 

Why does this happen?  Because the people affected by the phobia perceive the spider as a far greater threat than it is in reality.  Phobias are usually overcome by gradually changing the person’s perspective towards the object of their fear.  By repeated exposure the individuals come to realize that the objects of their fear are not truly threatening to them.  For the arachnophobic people, they come to see spiders for the delicate and benign creatures that they are.

 

This understanding can help us with our own difficulties.  I often see people developing a great deal of stress about what someone said or did to them or about some personal failure.  We tend to internalize these external stressors and then exaggerate their implications.  A person who is trying to lose weight succumbs to temptation and overeats on a weekend and then beats themselves up for the rest of the week.  Or worse, they contemplate quitting their efforts to improve their health.  We do this because we have lost perspective on parts of our lives and enable our emotions to overcome us.

 

I have a simple solution for such events.  I close my eyes and take a deep breath.  When I let out the breath slowly I try to imagine how I will perceive this difficulty tomorrow.  I then imagine how this problem will look in a week.  From there I move to a month and then a year.  Beyond that I seek to imagine the trouble from 5 and 10 years away.  Lastly, I imagine this matter from the perspective of my deathbed.  When I return from my time-travelling I ask myself “How was it?”  Based on my answers at the various times I respond accordingly.

 

Obviously I want to extend significant effort to those things that will have an impact on me when I am in my final moments.  However, I rarely find that any of my troubles seem to look all that bad beyond a day or a week.  What happened to the emotions and the trauma of the event that I am dealing with?  They are now tempered by the proper perspective of the situation.  If something will be forgettable or insignificant in less than a year then why would we want to give it so much of our hearts and our minds today?

 

This is only one exercise.  My point is that we can use our imagination and our minds to change our perspective on virtually anything from weight loss to a difficult spouse or from a troubled child to a bad job situation.  Perspective will not absolve us of the need to take action but it will help to relieve us of much of the fear and anger that might cloud our best response.

So if something is troubling you today then take a few quiet moments to honestly and creatively look at your problem from some new and different perspectives. You could discover that it is not nearly as bad as you thought or you might even find some solutions that you never considered before!