Critics for Breakfast

Critics for Breakfast

 “There is only one way to avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.” –Aristotle

Criticism, it comes from many sources:  friends, family, strangers and even ourselves.  Rarely a day goes by where I do not see posts on here where someone has not been stung in some way by a judgmental thought.  Noble Aristotle makes a very wise point here.  We seem to face criticism for what we do, what we say, what think and what we are.   So we can avoid criticism.  We can largely avoid the slings and arrows of our fellow man and woman: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing. They can’t critique a target that isn’t there.

Or we can accept that there is a cost to becoming something more than we are today.  We can acknowledge that there will always be a source of disparaging thoughts and comments that will be sent in our way as long as we strive for to be better.  We can understand that everyone who advanced was met with detractors and naysayers.  We can know in our hearts and our spirits that mere negative words will be part of the price that we gladly pay to become far more than nothing! Then turn the negatives around with your resolve. Let their “No, you can’t.” be the fuel for your “Oh yes, I can!”

Here’s to a day filled with our potential, bring on the critics…I’m hungry!

©2017 S.D. Wilson

What if I?

What if I?

One unremarkable day
In an unremarkable year
In an unremarkable place
In an unremarkable house
That an unremarkable person
Did a remarkable thing
He wondered “What if I?”
And he didn’t stop.
It made all the difference in the world.

What if I can do more?
What if I have something unique to offer the world?
What if I *can* change?
What if I can let go of my past and begin something new and different?
What if I forgive myself and others?
What if I can overcome my circumstances?
What if I believed in myself?
What if I can be better today than I was yesterday?
What if I no longer wait for the right time?
What if I have failed but I am not truly a failure?
What if I stop making excuses?
What if I quit looking at obstacles and start seeking opportunities?
What if I accept myself as I am right now?
What if I face my fears?
What if I follow love?
What if I begin working on my dream?
What if I start NOW?

And then they DID!
They changed their world...
And then they changed ours!!

©2016 SD Wilson

Powerfully Soft

Powerfully Soft

By Scott D. Wilson, P.Eng.

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard.Do not let the pain make you hate.
Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.
Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree,
you still believe it to be a beautiful place.” – Iain S Thomas

And consider:

“A man is born gentle and weak.

At his death he is hard and stiff.

Green plants are tender and filled with sap.

At their death they are withered and dry.

 

Therefore the stiff and unbending is the disciple of death.

The gentle and yielding is the disciple of life.

Thus an army without flexibility never wins a battle.

A tree that is unbending is easily broken.

The hard and strong will fall.

The soft and weak will overcome.” – Tao Te Ching - Lao Tzu - chapter 76

 

This world largely ignores the power of softness.  Yielding is considered weakness.  Being gentle is equated with being feeble.  Yet the most powerful people of history have demonstrated the power of submission.   Ghandi’s successful peaceful protests, Martin Luther King Jr.’s non-violent marches and the fall of the Berlin Wall are just a few examples of the soft overcoming the hard.


However, the world is increasingly applying harder and harder efforts to counter-act the destructive forces in it.  Force is countered with greater force.  The effectiveness of these strong measures gradually grows less and less by the day.  It is much like trying to dig a deep hole in a large sandy beach, the more one digs, the more sand pours into the hole from the surrounding dunes.  What first took only a small effort to correct now takes tens and hundreds of times greater effort.  Conventional thinking would do well to consider the wisdom cited above and develop some softer methods to defeat the enemies of the peace.


The wise see the folly in meeting might with might within themselves and their own lives.  They learn to yield and redirect the opposing forces that assail them.  In martial arts we generally learn the hard forms first: kicks, blows and blocks.  As one trains for many years it becomes apparent that strength and force have their limits and overcoming force with greater force is not truly effective.  Eventually, adept martial artists will learn the soft styles and discover their immense power.  When sagely applied, the most effective martial arts overcome enemies by preventing them from ever entering into conflict.


Resistance often strengthens our foes.  Better firewalls and virus protection generate more ingenious methods for hacking into our systems.  One of the most powerful tools in preventing cyber-attacks against corporations is the ‘honeypot.’  Cyber-criminals want to break in and steal data.  The honeypot provides them with what they want.  It is an area filled with interesting data and it is somewhat secured so that significant effort must be made to get there. However, honeypots are carefully monitored. All who enter are traced and their actions are tracked meticulously. The data there is safe and expendable or even misleading.  Sometimes, giving people what they want is the best way to defeat them.


How does this apply to you and me?  It means that we pay attention to hardness and unyielding in our own lives.  Society has conditioned us to instinctively hit back when something strikes at us, to overcome force with greater force.   Wisdom understands that taking blows and returning them is not always a beneficial strategy.  Over time, this reaction can ‘harden’ us mentally and emotionally.  Our greater strength turns into weakness as we become emotionally brittle and mentally inflexible. 

We need to ask ourselves: Are we pushing back out of fear?  Can we let the hard words and harsh comments of others pass us by allowing them to dissipate into silence?  Can we agree with the truth in our opponents words and yet overcome their destructive meaning?

“Why yes, I am a bit lazy at tidying the house. Since you are better at this than I am then perhaps you would like to help with this and show me how to do it better.”

Yielding is a very powerful tactic.  It disarms many enemies who are accustomed to resistance or counter-attacks.  In physical combat, a blow that misses its target tends to leave the attacker over-extended and prone to being pulled off balance.  The aggressor needs the resistance to their attack in order to stop from fumbling forward.  In Tai Chi Chuan we call this uprooting an opponent, making them unstable and vulnerable.  In social interactions opponents lose their emotional energy when others ignore their words or essentially agree with them.  Antagonists become somewhat prone under these circumstances and I have seen many back-peddle, literally trying to ‘take back’ their words.

So when we reflect on our daily struggles let us make sure that we are not hardening our thoughts and our emotions.  Do not let pain or bitterness make us fragile.  Consider the wisdom of those who advocate gentleness and the power of letting go.  Just as water softly overcomes stone we too can overcome our hard opposition.   The next time life pushes you, stop before you instinctively shove back.  Consider the possibility of yielding and sending the force tumbling behind you as you choose to keep moving forward. 

 

 

*Post Script*


As a reminder for myself, I have this version of Chapter 22 of the Tao Te Ching on my wall (emphasis on the last sentence):

  

Yield and overcome;

 bend and be straight.

Empty out and be full;

 wear out and be renewed.

Have little and gain;

 have much and be confused.

Therefore, the True Person embraces the One

 and becomes a model for all.

Do not look only at yourself,

 and you will see much.

Do not justify yourself,

 and you will be distinguished.

Do not brag,

 and you will have merit.

Do not be prideful,

 and your work will endure.

It is because you do not strive

 that no one under heaven can strive with you.

The saying of the Old Ones, "Yield and Overcome,"

 is not an empty phrase.

True wholeness is achieved

 by blending with life.

 

 ©2016 S.D. Wilson

Becoming "Unplugged"

Becoming "Unplugged"

©Scott D. Wilson 2014

"It is both beneficial, noble and healthy to be an idealist and to pursue improvement. It is however naïve, delusional and unhealthy to expect others to equally adopt and reflect these same ideals"

As of late, the contrast between ideals and expectations seems to be surrounding me.  I see it's effect on so many lives.  Our understanding of our surroundings dictates not only how we see the world but also what we expect from it.  Because our world is all around us all the time we take much of it for granted.  One big mistake that we all make daily is to assume that others experience and understand life in a manner similar to our own.

For example, we might value kindness and seek to be kinder. We then expect all others around us, say family, friends, acquaintances and co-workers, to operate from the same principle.  Is this realistic?  It is even fair?  If someone had been abused throughout much of their life with little exposure to gentleness then their view of kindness might be drastically different than someone who has been raised in a nurturing and caring environment.  It would be unreasonable to hold these two examples to the same standard of kindness.

I would like to use a more concrete example.  What about expecting others to view weight loss and our need to be healthier in the same way that we do?  I am a moderator on a web site that helps people to change their lifestyle, lose weight and become healthier.  Many people who come to the site are puzzled and even upset when their friends, family and colleagues are ambivalent, questioning or even adverse towards their efforts to lose weight and get healthier.  It greatly perplexes them that all their associations are not synchronized with their beliefs  about becoming healthy.  Why wouldn't they want them to become fit?

The answer to this question is not all that surprising but most fail to see it.  The reactions of our associates are not about us as individuals.  Their reactions are a reflection upon themselves.  The average person is unfortunately fairly insecure and unrealistically self-conscious.  They view the world as somewhat hostile and antagonistic, hence the common idiom "It's a jungle out there."  They are keenly aware of all their flaws and failings and the world tends to remind them that they are not smart enough, pretty enough or successful enough.

To protect themselves from depression and despair most people rationalize their current state.  Success is for the few, the fortunate and the favoured.  It is not their fault that they are fat, poor or whatever.  That is just the unlucky hand that life has dealt to them.  Unfortunately, this view is continuously challenged by those who rise above their circumstances.  Remarkable people remind us all that we actually have the ability to take control of our lives.  The common man or woman does not want to acknowledge this because it would mean that they are responsible for their life and where they are presently.  This realization does not empower them to act.  It makes them despair.

Our gut reaction to any death or trauma is denial.  It does not matter if it is the death of someone close or the death of a cherished excuse.  The reaction is the same.  And so it is that when anyone begins to shed their self-loathing and self-imposed limitations that others do not immediate cheer them on but instead seek to remind them of who they are and why they are that way.  Those closest to us may actually react the most harshly because they know our history and therefore it is easier to deny our changes than to accept them.

In the movie "The Matrix" the reality of this situation is driven home in a visible manner.  The heroes are those who have been 'unplugged' from the Matrix and who have come to liberate all the rest of the people whose minds are enslaved.  The 'Agents' represent the system that seeks to deceive and oppress mankind.  What is interesting is that Agents always manifest through the people that are still connected to the Matrix.   Our protagonist, Neo is warned:

"The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you're inside, you look around, what do you see? Business men, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system, and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it."

The same holds true for us.  When we unplug from the belief that success is for the special people we immediately become enemies of system of belief that surrounds us.  When we begin to demonstrate commitment to improve and overcome we become a thorn in the side of those who seek to remain the same.  We are adversaries to the safety of the status quo and those who rely on it will oppose us.

An form of self-actualization makes us a target.  So whether it is losing weight, starting a business, quitting a thankless job or any other noble ideal we should not be surprised by opposition even when it comes from those closest to us.  It simply is not fair to expect them to see things as we do.  They have not come to the same awareness.   Please understand their fears and insecurities and don't be surprised if they react unkindly.  Remember,  they are not 'unplugged' yet.

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” ― Albert Einstein