Losing Fear and Finding Passion

Losing Fear and Finding Passion

By S.D. Wilson

“When your passion and purpose is greater than your fears and excuses, you will find a way.” –Unknown

Ever have something that you really wanted to do?  May be it was a martial art and you were willing to be an awkward novice until you could one day become a graceful master.  Perchance it was a musical instrument where you were prepared to play some sour notes on the way to being able produce a tune that moved people’s souls.  Whatever it was is not important.  The point is that you were willing to be imperfect or even poor at doing something knowing that you would someday become better at it.  You followed your passion and did not stop the first time that you stumbled or struggled to make progress.  Your passion and purpose were greater than your fears and excuses.

Why then do we forget this in so many of our important daily endeavours?  For example, we start exercising and eating better to lose weight.  We are gaining control over ourselves and our behaviours with food and activity.  We want fitness and health.  Then something happens and we are not progressing like we expected.  We are angry at our bodies and ourselves.  We start looking for excuses to quit.   How about when start a new business or attempt a new enterprise in our lobs or careers?  We seem to follow this same pattern and recipe for disappointment.

Many of us seem to suffer attention deficit syndrome when it comes to patiently working towards our goals.  I’ve seen it time and time again in myself and in others. We lose our passion, or worse, we start off dispassionately.  We start something because it is logical and because it seems to be the correct thing to do.  We think that this will be reason enough to keep doing it.  We leave our hearts at the door and expect the mind and body to do all the work.  We are then perplexed when our emotions rise up in protest at being forced into a corner.

You may not need passion to succeed at keeping your teeth clean but I doubt that you will encounter many disappointments or setbacks on the way to grabbing your toothbrush.  The bigger goals in life like health, lifestyle, career, family and such are fraught with discouraging situations and obstacles.  We need our passions to work with us when life throws us curve balls.  I encourage the creation of good habits and routines to minimize our efforts and to lessen our reliance on motivation.  However, when our fears come calling there is only one weapon that can help us overcome them and that is our purpose and our zeal.

With any significant goals there come equally significant fears.  There are great fears of failure, loss, the unknown and change. These fears must be balanced and the opposite of fear is not bravery.  It’s love or passion or zeal.  Fear and anxiety always drive us away from something.  Love and passion always draw us towards something.  Passion and purpose move us to find ways to overcome our fears and obstacles.  It is up to each of us to find our own purpose and drive; otherwise our fears will inevitably sabotage our goals.

So you have set some lofty goals and now the rubber has hit the road.  You have taken action to make your desires into reality.  If this is truly your passion then you have counted the cost and you have already anticipated that difficulty and fear will stand in your way.  Your resolve will be unbending.  Though the path may not be as straight and easy going as you’d like nonetheless you will continue until you have mastered yourself and your objective!  If your heart is not attuned to this quest then the eventual troubles will inevitably derail you.  A person divided within themself cannot stand when opposition occurs; this is a basic principle of combat.  Both your mind and heart need to align for success.

Find your passion!  Find a reason to get out of bed every day beyond the mere need for survival.  You were created to thrive, not to simply survive!  Find the one real thing that makes you feel alive.  Dig deep!  Beware, this may take some time and effort, trial and error.  You may think that you have found an objective or drive only to find that it has waned or changed.  That is okay.  Be patient and keep seeking! Do not be discouraged.  This is a prize worth finding! Success can hinge on your efforts. 

After you have discovered your true passion then everything else can be built upon it: health, family, friends, fame and fortune.  Why should I be fit?  Because your purpose requires it!  Why should I be financially prosperous?  Because that serves your passion! You will know that you have found your passion when a day spent serving it will feel successful no matter the cost and effort and any day that passes without furthering your cause will feel empty no matter how you otherwise benefitted. Once you know your passion and purpose then you will find a way past all your fears and excuses and that way will lead to success!

©2017 S.D. Wilson

Seeking Change

Seeking Change
By S.D. Wilson

"What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself."  ― Abraham H. Maslow

So you want to be successful?  You need to change and improve things in your life?  Anyone who has ventured down this path knows that self-improvement is difficult.  Changing habits and behaviours that we have lived with up to now often proves challenging.  Abraham Maslow knew this too, as he had studied many people who were successful in changing themselves.  He realized that when embarking on personal change that one of the first things we must change is our awareness of ourselves. 

Each of us walks around with an image of ourselves in our heads.  This image has formed over time and it is an accumulation of views that were given to us by family, friends and society as we grew up.  In addition to their views we have formed our own ideas about ourselves based on life experience in general.  Unfortunately, all of these views have a measure of error in them.  Unless they are significantly challenged then we treat these images as if they were fact.  It reminds me of the words of American philosopher William James:

"Whenever two people meet, there are really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man as the other person sees him, and each man as he really is." 

James used the image of two people meeting to illustrate the difficulties of interacting with our world based on erroneous perceptions of ourselves and others.  This is the root the trouble when we seek self-improvement.  Who is it that we are changing?  How do they think?  How do they feel?  What makes them tick?  If our answers to these questions contain errors and assumptions then our efforts will meet with frustration and ultimately failure.  

You cannot change what you do not understand.  Most of us do not understand ourselves very well. We are somewhat unconscious or unaware of our own make-up.  We have emotions but we do not understand them.  We have thoughts but we do not know what to do with them.  We perceive things and we do not comprehend them and their context.  It is no wonder that most spiritual practices pursue enlightenment, awakening, wisdom, illumination or transcendence.   So valuable is this understanding of oneself and one's environment that people have used every method imaginable to obtain it:  mediation, contemplation, exercise, physical deprivation, dangerous exertion, long journeys, psychedelic drugs, tests of pain and endurance and much more.

Many would mock these people for their efforts.  They would question the payout of their labours.  Yet the value of any success has spurred many people onward in these pursuits for thousands of years.  To succeed in a better understanding of ourselves makes the task of self-improvement so much simpler.  To know who we are and who we are not is powerful.   To understand our strengths and weaknesses, our virtues and our vices, allows one to see and avoid many pitfalls.  By changing our awareness of ourselves we are able to focus our energies where they are most effective and we are less prone to being blindsided.

When you realize that you are naturally impatient then it does not surprise or upset you when you catch yourself being impatient; you can laugh and say "Hello, old friend." When you recognize that you deeply enjoy helping others then you can craft your life so that it fulfills this pleasure more often.  When you come to understand that you respond to boredom and fatigue by seeking the comfort of foods then you can learn to address these stresses with healthier options.  You can uncover your fears and face them.  You can discover your true joys and pursue them.  In short, if your self-awareness changes then you are able to truly make positive changes in yourself.

So if you are seeking improvement and change in your life don't neglect yourself.  Know that changing your self-awareness will make your path to improvement smoother.  Pay attention to your heart, your emotions, your thoughts and your senses.  They will teach you more about yourself than about the people and things that surround you.  Invest the time to get better acquainted with yourself by whatever means work best for you.  Walk, sit, meditate, dance, pray, laugh, sing. find your personal classroom of self-discovery.  Take heed of the wise observations of a man who studied successful people and change how you look at that person on the mirror before you embark on a project to change them.

"One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again." ― Abraham H. Maslow

©2017 Scott D. Wilson

Critics for Breakfast

Critics for Breakfast

 “There is only one way to avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.” –Aristotle

Criticism, it comes from many sources:  friends, family, strangers and even ourselves.  Rarely a day goes by where I do not see posts on here where someone has not been stung in some way by a judgmental thought.  Noble Aristotle makes a very wise point here.  We seem to face criticism for what we do, what we say, what think and what we are.   So we can avoid criticism.  We can largely avoid the slings and arrows of our fellow man and woman: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing. They can’t critique a target that isn’t there.

Or we can accept that there is a cost to becoming something more than we are today.  We can acknowledge that there will always be a source of disparaging thoughts and comments that will be sent in our way as long as we strive for to be better.  We can understand that everyone who advanced was met with detractors and naysayers.  We can know in our hearts and our spirits that mere negative words will be part of the price that we gladly pay to become far more than nothing! Then turn the negatives around with your resolve. Let their “No, you can’t.” be the fuel for your “Oh yes, I can!”

Here’s to a day filled with our potential, bring on the critics…I’m hungry!

©2017 S.D. Wilson

A Sense of Health

“REMEMBER THIS:  You can TASTE, TOUCH, SMELL, FEEL and SEE what fitness and good health is like.  No number on a scale will ever give you that!” –S.D. Wilson

Losing Your Fat Mind

Losing Your Fat Mind

By Scott D. Wilson

“No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office.”

–Covert Bailey

I work on a web site that helps people to change their lifestyles in order to lose weight and keep it off.  One of the biggest mistakes that I see people making there every day is this:

They believe that losing a pound equals losing a pound of fat AND gaining a pound means gaining a pound of fat.

This is just plain WRONG and it is a self-defeating way to think. We are complex creatures. It would be so nice if our bodies immediately counted every calorie eaten and every calorie burned through living and activities and then either sent out messages to the fat cells to shrink or grow. We want that level of control over ourselves. Unfortunately, it does not simply work that way.

First off, the number that we see on our scales is composed of our bodies' fluids, bones, muscles, tissues, organs and fat. In an ideal world our bones, fluids, muscles and tissues would be in perfect unchanging equilibrium and only our fat would fluctuate based on our eating and activity. Alas, this is not so. All of these things that are NOT fat are subject to change for many many reasons.

Intense workouts can result in heavier muscles, not just from growth, but from fluid build-up as the muscles repair themselves. Likewise, both muscle and bone mass can deteriorate if our food intake is too restricted. These non-fat elements fluctuate naturally throughout the day, month and week. They are affected by our foods, our activities, our environment, our hormonal cycles, our sleep patterns and many other factors. Unlike fat, calories are not generally a factor for these pieces of us and we need to accept that we do not have the power or control to keep their weight stable all the time.

Next, our bodies are not waiting with baited breath to turn food into fat or to in turn take fat and turn it into energy for activities. Many and various processes take place between the consumption of food and its disposal.  Also, food is not purely fuel, it is also the building blocks for replacement cell like skin, hair, muscle, blood, etc.  When starting weight loss it is good to focus purely on learning about calories, however eventually it will be wise to also look at the quality and type of foods that we eat. Salty foods cause retention of water and fluids and this can result in significant spikes on the scale. Different foods are all digested differently and this means that their effects can vary both in the generation of fat but also in their effect on the mass of all our other body parts.

Finally, it should be noted that each of us has both a unique metabolism that is the result of our past lifestyle and our genetics. Consequently, it is possible that merely counting calories can reach stages where weight loss will slow or stall for prolonged periods because we are eating foods that are not working well with our bodies or we are not choosing activities that optimal for our physiques. We may need to tweak and experiment with various elements of our eating to see the effect they have on our weight.

Like food, activity and exercise have different components. Endurance, or aerobic, activities increase your breathing and heart rate; these are the activities most associated with weight loss. Strength and anaerobic exercises make your muscles stronger; stronger muscles also burn more energy and thus improve weight loss. Balance exercises improve your agility and stability, and flexibility exercises stretch your muscles and can help your body stay limber. In truth, our life activities should have a variety of all the exercise components. It is up to each of us to determine what that will look like and what works for us as individuals.

Change your thinking and your focus when you step on the scale. Lose your fat mind. Whether the numbers move up down or stay the same, breathe easy and know that it is composed of many elements, not just fat. Fat is actually in the minority, even in the obese. Remind yourself that all you bones, fluids, tissues, organs, and yes, fat make up that number. You generally cannot take complete control over all these parts. Some of them will fluctuate beyond your control.

If you are confident in your logging of food and exercise then use the number on the scale merely as a variable that helps you to adjust your efforts and your lifestyle. Know and remember that if you are earnestly choosing to take control of your eating and your activeness then you are already winning despite what the scales says.

“It's true, the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don't give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life. You are beautiful!” ―Steve Maraboli

©2017S.D.Wilson

Shedding Disbelief

Shedding Disbelief

By Scott Wilson

 

“Close your eyes and imagine the best version of you possible.That’s who you are, let go of any part of you that doesn’t believe it.” –Chris Assaad

 

Virtually every successful person that I have ever studied operated by the principle in the words above.  They had a vision for themselves and who they intended to become.  Every day they would wake up and bring to mind a vision of the person into which they planned to transform themselves.  Yes, they might not be there yet.  Yes, there may still be a long way to go.  However, they used this vision to direct their actions, decisions and interactions so that they would keep moving closer to that version of themselves.

They could see themselves at the endpoint.  The envisioned how they would be and behave in that successful state.  They acted as is if they were already there. These people needed to let go of the parts of themselves that did not harmonize with their planned goal for who they were becoming.  They needed to believe in themselves.  I imagine that this belief was the truly the heart of their battles more so than any of the external struggles that they faced.

No matter what our goals may be, the difficulties that we face in the real world will pale in comparison to the battles waged inside of us.  We love to blame external factors for our troubles.  Our friends, families, colleagues and people in general thwart our efforts to reach our goals.  Circumstances beyond our control turn against us without warning.  Even our own bodies and health can betray us.  However, if we are truly honest with ourselves then in the end we will see that these are just mere excuses.

They are excuses to give up on ourselves and our dreams.  

They are the siren song of mediocrity and disillusion.  So many say “Life handed me crappy cards so I am just going to fold.” They actually die long before death takes them.  So many who succeeded before us overcame life situations that would make our lives look luxurious in comparison.  They did not succeed because they were lucky or blessed or special.  They overcame because they chose to continue believing in themselves.  They fought hard and stopped disbelieving themselves.  They fought hard against their own excuses.

If you see a successful person today I guarantee that they succeeded in their heart and their mind long before they overcame all the difficulties that you and I can see.  They practiced the words of Chris Assaad.  If we are serious about pursuing our own dreams then we too must work to shed the disbelieving parts of ourselves.  We must see our excuses for the deadly and dangerous things that they are and let them go.  Let us instead imagine that best version of ourselves and start believing and being it.

Cheers!

P.S.  As I read this quote and write this, I confess, I am struggling it.  I want to be the best version of myself.  I want that vision to be my core.  As much as my head can agree with this, my emotions are brutally fighting it and they are strong.  Yet fight I will!  If I can wrestle with these demons then so can you!  William Ross Wallace said “Every man dies.  Not everyone really lives.” I don’t know about you but I intend to LIVE before I die!

 

Huzzah!

©2017S.D.Wilson

Successful Mistakes

Successful Mistakes

By Scott Wilson

“Don’t be too hard on yourself.There are plenty of people willing to do that for you.Love yourself and be proud of everything that you do.Even mistakes mean you’re trying.”  –Susan Gale

There is really not much that needs to go with these words.  The first part addresses something that I see all too frequently.  We truly are our own worst enemy.  Many folks are so quick to flog and beat themselves up over various mistakes and failings.  They do to themselves what they would never allow someone to do to another.

From personal experience I think that most people believe that if they are harsh enough on themselves that they will change and take a better path.  Sadly, this behaviour generally has the exact opposite effect.  We scar our egos and shred our self-esteem and then we feel even less able to overcome the difficulties that assail us.  Instead, we need to accept our mistakes and genuinely use them to learn about ourselves and our weak spots.  It’s ok to have flaws and weaknesses.  All they are is opportunities to learn, grow and improve.  Like the wise Zig Ziglar once said:

“Make failure your teacher, not your undertaker.”

The second part of Gale’s quote is so equally important.  It is a bookend to the first, don’t be too hard on yourself and love yourself and be proud of your efforts, capped off with “mistakes mean you’re trying.”  I’d amend that statement to “mistakes mean that you are doing!”  You aren’t thinking about your goals, you are doing something about them!!!  Mistakes mean that you working, putting in the sweat equity, and learning what works and what doesn’t work.  That is progress in and of itself, and it is worth celebrating!

Now go back to the top and read Susan Gale’s words again. Burn them into you spirit for this week.  Make them a shining beacon of encouragement as you move forward into the challenges that stand between you and your goals!

“The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried.” ―Stephen McCranie

©2017 S.D. Wilson