Overcoming The Enemy in the Mirror

Overcoming The Enemy in the Mirror

“If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self.”
–Napoleon Hill

If I were only able to impart one brief idea to the world then I think the one above might just be it. As I watch people milling about living their lives as best that they can, I see one universal struggle: people fighting with themselves. Whether these people seek to get ahead, escape from life situations, discover meaning and purpose, achieve weight loss or whatever, their greatest struggles are rarely with their circumstances and the world at large but rather with themselves.

Even those who are disciplined and regimented seem to labour with this matter. Many who seem successful in general still seem to find comeuppance in some area of their lives. Meanwhile, the temptation is quite strong for each of us to externalize the various problems that plague our existence…

-If I had his or her connections then I’d have a better job.

-If I liked vegetable more I’d still have a good body.

-If I had their skills then I could be paid to do that.

-If I lived there then I would have it made.

-If I were lucky then I’d take those chances.

The issue is always our body, our workplace, our society, our situation, our family, our kids, our spouse, our friends and so on, ad nauseam. Heaven forbid that heart of the problem may well lie within our very own heart and soul. That would be unthinkable! Our mantra and fantasy is “Once everything and everyone else changes to what I want then I can finally succeed and be happy.” We remain perplexed by those who just seem to navigate this life with ease and accomplishment. Clearly, they must be special.

I know of no easy cure to this point of view and I believe it to be fatal. If it sounds familiar, this is also the addict’s mindset. A full blown addict sees all their problems as external and themselves as a victim. A struggling addict grudgingly admits they might have a problem but they are always waiting for certain circumstances to allow them to change and overcome them. However, unless an addict slams headlong into his or her problems and is forced to see the cause within then they will never have a chance to recover. Even this realization is only the first step in a life-long battle to overcome themselves.

So if we see ourselves as the problem then the question becomes, “How do we prevail in this struggle with ourselves?” Realizing that you have an enemy and that the enemy is within is one thing. Preventing that enemy for overcoming us again and again is quite another matter. Carved on the ancient temple at the Oracle of Delphi are the words “Know thyself.” The wisdom of these words has been recognized for centuries. We are not just a mere intellectual mind and consciousness bobbing along through the universe trapped within a meat cage. That view is simplistic at best.

We are a complex mix of conscious and unconscious reactions, emotions and perceptions. We are creatures of both emotion and thought, mind and body. What we do to our body affects our faculties to think, and what and how we think likewise affects our bodies. To truly know oneself is to understand one’s very heart and soul, the darkness and the light, our nobility and our cowardice… and to truly accept them.

The universe impartially accepts us as we are and has accordingly assigned consequences to teach us about ourselves and our actions. It is the ultimate training program, tailored to respond to our every action. The results we get teach us about ourselves, each other and this incredible time and place in which we live. The problems start for each of us when we want to control the training regime itself and the results that it is giving us.

We literally want to manipulate reality and its principles. We want wealth without work. We want fame without understanding the needs of others. We want fitness without effort. We want love and understanding without offering unconditional acceptance towards others and without confronting our own deeply personal fears. We want our hearts to submit to our minds without acknowledging our soul’s very real and significant needs and desires. Reality keeps responding otherwise and we continue to rage against it.

Like the addicts, we will continue to frustrate ourselves if we see all our problems outside ourselves. The desire to bend existence to meet our expectations will continually generate great grief and exasperation. It is the disharmony between our mind and the enemy in the mirror that sabotages all our efforts inside and outside ourselves.

As Napoleon Hill stated we must conquer our self or we will be conquered by our self. Yet too many would wrongly read this as the mind conquers and controls the body and the emotions by brute force and willpower. That is the rationalistic view. Yet mankind is NOT rational. Mankind is emotional. Before rational thinking, before concepts, before words we each experienced life through perceptions and emotions. That is our base or core operating system.

For our minds to succeed in directing our hearts our minds must begin to learn to think and operate at that primal emotional level. Taoist philosophers and martial artist speak of defeating enemies before they exist. Someone who makes no enemies is indeed a very successful martial artist. This truth exists both within and without. The mind does not overcome our spirit by raw willpower and opposition. Our emotions are patient. They will wait until our rational mind is weakened, tired and inattentive and then they will strike and overcome it.

Instead, we must use our minds to understand that emotions do not grow in vacuums. If we awaken our awareness to our bodies and our heart then they will tell us what frightens them and what they love. The wise mind then uses our loves and passions to fuel constructive behaviours and actions. Only a heart and spirit that is well fed, cared for and secure will gladly and willingly cooperate with logical mind.

It is possible to know ourselves – both our emotions and our thoughts. It is possible to minimize the struggling with ourselves. There are many paths towards that end if we seek them. For some it is meditation. For others it is mindfulness. Some require focused activities like yoga or tai chi. Some read and then quietly contemplate. Still others use prayer. The key is to find out what works for you to get in touch with your inner workings.

Our unconscious or non-verbal selves can communicate with us but we need to create the circumstances that allow them to be heard by our ever-babbling brains. We need to invest time in ourselves to better understand our own personal spiritual, emotional, social, physical and intellectual needs. Fears and worries will dog us and thwart our logical goals if we do not face them, understand them and overcome them.

If you struggle finding a path for yourself then look to those who are graceful and harmonious in their lives. These people have discovered how to peacefully unite their hearts and their minds. They do what they want and they want what they do. Content with themselves they continually strive to improve and grow. They understand their own foolish thoughts and actions and the foolish ideas and actions of others. They express compassion towards themselves and to all those around them. Listening and aware, they properly feed their hearts as well as their minds. They are at peace internally and externally. Seek out such people and their wisdom, as they have subdued their selves and with this new ally they boldly and successfully face their fears and undertake to build their dreams.

When you find your life and your goals and plans are frustrated resist the temptation to blame the world. Gently accept your role in creating your circumstances. Become teachable and let the universe impart to you its often difficult and painful lessons. Find the path to understanding the emotional and non-verbal sides to yourself. Discipline your mind to listen to your body and your spirit. Learn to meet all your personal needs. Discover the ways to harmonize your mind with its internal and external environments. Then will you be able to successfully conquer yourself and overcome your adversary in the mirror by transforming them into a comrade.

©2017 Scott D. Wilson

Seeking Change

Seeking Change
By S.D. Wilson

"What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself."  ― Abraham H. Maslow

So you want to be successful?  You need to change and improve things in your life?  Anyone who has ventured down this path knows that self-improvement is difficult.  Changing habits and behaviours that we have lived with up to now often proves challenging.  Abraham Maslow knew this too, as he had studied many people who were successful in changing themselves.  He realized that when embarking on personal change that one of the first things we must change is our awareness of ourselves. 

Each of us walks around with an image of ourselves in our heads.  This image has formed over time and it is an accumulation of views that were given to us by family, friends and society as we grew up.  In addition to their views we have formed our own ideas about ourselves based on life experience in general.  Unfortunately, all of these views have a measure of error in them.  Unless they are significantly challenged then we treat these images as if they were fact.  It reminds me of the words of American philosopher William James:

"Whenever two people meet, there are really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man as the other person sees him, and each man as he really is." 

James used the image of two people meeting to illustrate the difficulties of interacting with our world based on erroneous perceptions of ourselves and others.  This is the root the trouble when we seek self-improvement.  Who is it that we are changing?  How do they think?  How do they feel?  What makes them tick?  If our answers to these questions contain errors and assumptions then our efforts will meet with frustration and ultimately failure.  

You cannot change what you do not understand.  Most of us do not understand ourselves very well. We are somewhat unconscious or unaware of our own make-up.  We have emotions but we do not understand them.  We have thoughts but we do not know what to do with them.  We perceive things and we do not comprehend them and their context.  It is no wonder that most spiritual practices pursue enlightenment, awakening, wisdom, illumination or transcendence.   So valuable is this understanding of oneself and one's environment that people have used every method imaginable to obtain it:  mediation, contemplation, exercise, physical deprivation, dangerous exertion, long journeys, psychedelic drugs, tests of pain and endurance and much more.

Many would mock these people for their efforts.  They would question the payout of their labours.  Yet the value of any success has spurred many people onward in these pursuits for thousands of years.  To succeed in a better understanding of ourselves makes the task of self-improvement so much simpler.  To know who we are and who we are not is powerful.   To understand our strengths and weaknesses, our virtues and our vices, allows one to see and avoid many pitfalls.  By changing our awareness of ourselves we are able to focus our energies where they are most effective and we are less prone to being blindsided.

When you realize that you are naturally impatient then it does not surprise or upset you when you catch yourself being impatient; you can laugh and say "Hello, old friend." When you recognize that you deeply enjoy helping others then you can craft your life so that it fulfills this pleasure more often.  When you come to understand that you respond to boredom and fatigue by seeking the comfort of foods then you can learn to address these stresses with healthier options.  You can uncover your fears and face them.  You can discover your true joys and pursue them.  In short, if your self-awareness changes then you are able to truly make positive changes in yourself.

So if you are seeking improvement and change in your life don't neglect yourself.  Know that changing your self-awareness will make your path to improvement smoother.  Pay attention to your heart, your emotions, your thoughts and your senses.  They will teach you more about yourself than about the people and things that surround you.  Invest the time to get better acquainted with yourself by whatever means work best for you.  Walk, sit, meditate, dance, pray, laugh, sing. find your personal classroom of self-discovery.  Take heed of the wise observations of a man who studied successful people and change how you look at that person on the mirror before you embark on a project to change them.

"One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again." ― Abraham H. Maslow

©2017 Scott D. Wilson

Critics for Breakfast

Critics for Breakfast

 “There is only one way to avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing and be nothing.” –Aristotle

Criticism, it comes from many sources:  friends, family, strangers and even ourselves.  Rarely a day goes by where I do not see posts on here where someone has not been stung in some way by a judgmental thought.  Noble Aristotle makes a very wise point here.  We seem to face criticism for what we do, what we say, what think and what we are.   So we can avoid criticism.  We can largely avoid the slings and arrows of our fellow man and woman: do nothing, say nothing and be nothing. They can’t critique a target that isn’t there.

Or we can accept that there is a cost to becoming something more than we are today.  We can acknowledge that there will always be a source of disparaging thoughts and comments that will be sent in our way as long as we strive for to be better.  We can understand that everyone who advanced was met with detractors and naysayers.  We can know in our hearts and our spirits that mere negative words will be part of the price that we gladly pay to become far more than nothing! Then turn the negatives around with your resolve. Let their “No, you can’t.” be the fuel for your “Oh yes, I can!”

Here’s to a day filled with our potential, bring on the critics…I’m hungry!

©2017 S.D. Wilson

Shedding Disbelief

Shedding Disbelief

By Scott Wilson

 

“Close your eyes and imagine the best version of you possible.That’s who you are, let go of any part of you that doesn’t believe it.” –Chris Assaad

 

Virtually every successful person that I have ever studied operated by the principle in the words above.  They had a vision for themselves and who they intended to become.  Every day they would wake up and bring to mind a vision of the person into which they planned to transform themselves.  Yes, they might not be there yet.  Yes, there may still be a long way to go.  However, they used this vision to direct their actions, decisions and interactions so that they would keep moving closer to that version of themselves.

They could see themselves at the endpoint.  The envisioned how they would be and behave in that successful state.  They acted as is if they were already there. These people needed to let go of the parts of themselves that did not harmonize with their planned goal for who they were becoming.  They needed to believe in themselves.  I imagine that this belief was the truly the heart of their battles more so than any of the external struggles that they faced.

No matter what our goals may be, the difficulties that we face in the real world will pale in comparison to the battles waged inside of us.  We love to blame external factors for our troubles.  Our friends, families, colleagues and people in general thwart our efforts to reach our goals.  Circumstances beyond our control turn against us without warning.  Even our own bodies and health can betray us.  However, if we are truly honest with ourselves then in the end we will see that these are just mere excuses.

They are excuses to give up on ourselves and our dreams.  

They are the siren song of mediocrity and disillusion.  So many say “Life handed me crappy cards so I am just going to fold.” They actually die long before death takes them.  So many who succeeded before us overcame life situations that would make our lives look luxurious in comparison.  They did not succeed because they were lucky or blessed or special.  They overcame because they chose to continue believing in themselves.  They fought hard and stopped disbelieving themselves.  They fought hard against their own excuses.

If you see a successful person today I guarantee that they succeeded in their heart and their mind long before they overcame all the difficulties that you and I can see.  They practiced the words of Chris Assaad.  If we are serious about pursuing our own dreams then we too must work to shed the disbelieving parts of ourselves.  We must see our excuses for the deadly and dangerous things that they are and let them go.  Let us instead imagine that best version of ourselves and start believing and being it.

Cheers!

P.S.  As I read this quote and write this, I confess, I am struggling it.  I want to be the best version of myself.  I want that vision to be my core.  As much as my head can agree with this, my emotions are brutally fighting it and they are strong.  Yet fight I will!  If I can wrestle with these demons then so can you!  William Ross Wallace said “Every man dies.  Not everyone really lives.” I don’t know about you but I intend to LIVE before I die!

 

Huzzah!

©2017S.D.Wilson